(no subject)
God damn, I'm bored.
aaargh, I'm sooo f*ng bored I started watching KT videos on YT again.
and I hate KT, right...
I watched the amount of K8 that I honestly feel my brain's gonna explode.
and I've seen Aiba running like crazy from the kangaroos.
today, I'm killing my brain.
yeah, thats the punishment for too much studying.
oh, sorry, I almost forgot.
I also read one of the worst fics ever. great job. including some ridiculously stupid and naive SakurAiba and some During Sleep Raping.
god what was it about, again?
aaahhh, I'm soooo bored.
and I decided to post one of my babies here. not many people reading this anyway xP sooo. I present to You the kid of my twisted mind.
Italics are flashbacks.
don't expect anything georgeus, I think
.
He was walking in circles, his thumb in his mouth, biting his nail. He was really nervous and he didn’t even try to hide it. The room fell silent some time ago and no one was brave enough to break it. He put a cigarette in his mouth instead of his nail and lit it up. He took a deep breath and finally stopped just to stare at the closed door. He tried to convince himself that this isn’t really happening. Or even if it - it’s not as bad as it looks like. After 5th cigarette the door finally has been opened just to reveal a little, tiny man standing behind them. He took a step forward, his eyes heavy and gloomy. He opened his mouth to speak…
- GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD! - he yelled throwing himself out of the bed. He run to the bathroom started the cold water and stood there for few minutes, without even taking off his pajama. He went back to his room but couldn’t even think about going back to sleep so he just put jeans and some shirt on, took his glasses, cigarettes, phone and keys and left the apartment. He needed to calm himself down and he knew it’s not an easy task. - When the fuck is it going to end? It happened almost 3 years ago - he hissed quietly as he walked down the street.
*
- Kaaazu-chan! - Aiba said smiling while dropping some notebooks on his laps - look what I’ve found! He watched as the other guy was jumping around him in excitement. He wasn’t really interested what was it this time. Aiba tended to bring some weird things at least once a week and make him look at them.
- Oh, don’t make such a face! Just take a look - Aiba moaned sitting on the floor in front of him.
- Ok, ok, I’ll do it - he said opening the first notebook. His eyes opened extremely wide when he started reading the words inside. He remembered them. Each one of them. He could recite the whole notebook even if someone woke him up in the middle of the night.
- It’s not that I don’t won’t to show it You. I don’t want to show them to anyone in this whole world - Nino was waving the blue notebook above his head, shouting at the older man, death in his eyes.
- Why did You even touch them?
- I didn’t really know what are they… I just wanted to move them somewhere else to make more place for those papers - Ohno answered in low voice.
- That doesn’t explain why were you looking through it when I came in!
- I just wanted to check if it’s something important!
- it IS something important. And it’s MINE - Nino hissed in cold voice and left the room leaving shocked Ohno behind.
- Where did You find it? - Nino asked Aiba. He didn’t really remember where he left the notebook. This one and the others. And he didn’t have any urge to read them after what happened. But seeing them now, laying on his laps made him feel a little guilty. They were really important things and he just left them somewhere and forgot.
- Actually it wasn’t me but Sho-chan that found these - Aiba answered pointing at the notebooks - I think they were in that big old wardrobe. You know the one in our apartment that we wanted to get rid of so many times but it never worked - he said smiling lightly. Nino felt a little cold looking at the older man, who was now stuck in his own colorful world, probably thinking about all the times he and Sho were really trying to throw the wardrobe out. Nino knew it was hopeless, cause he actually helped the few times with that one. He stood up taking the notebooks and heading to the door.
- Kazu-chan? What’s wrong? - Aiba asked in worried voice.
- I’m sorry Aiba-chan, I don’t feel good today. I’ll go home for now, I need to rest - he answered with a little smile. Aiba nodded but kept looking at Nino’s back and when he left the room Aiba took out his phone and dialed Sho’s number.
- Shooo-chaaan, something’s wrong! Kazu-chan’s acting weird…
- You know it’s this time of the year - answered the voice in the phone quietly. Aiba wasn’t smiling any more as he remembered what Sho was talking about. He nodded and closed his phone.
*
Nino was sitting on the window smoking one cigarette after another. Notebooks were laying in front of him, untouched. He felt somehow awkward having them again. Now he remembered that after that stupid argument he gave them to Sho and asked him to keep them for a while. It’s been about 4 years now. He haven’t seen them for so long but still remembers everything perfectly. He doesn’t need them anymore, all the important things are now in his head, not there…
- I’ll burn them - he murmured and took the lighter in one hand and one of notebooks to the other. When some pages were already burnt, some only partially that it was hardly possible to read the text and some still left untouched he decided it wasn’t a good idea at all and stopped. He left the half burnt notebook on the floor and decided to go for a walk.
He hated crowded places. All those people rushing somewhere in all possible directions were pitiful to him. And all those young people, who didn’t know anything about life and world were pissing him off. He felt like an old geezer. But they were just so incredibly stupid… And he had some serious reason to have no sympathy for young, teenage girls.
- Don’t say that, you know these people are very important to us - Jun sad in very serious voice.
- But I really hate spending time near them! When we’re in the same building I can’t stand it. They’re so stupid it makes me sick…
- Not all of them are stupid, remember. Well, maybe most of them is. But you are not the one to talk. You act like a spoiled brat, not an adult. Show some responsibility. If you’re not enjoying It just think about it as your work. Well it IS your work and you HAVE to do it, unfortunately - Jun was starting to get pissed.
- I don’t mean they are ALL stupid and can’t use their brains. I mean, those today are stupid. Extremely. And you also know that.
- Kazu-chan - Ohno said in low voice placing his hand on Nino’s shoulder - I know that you hate this kind of people and I really do understand - he smiled softly as he said that - but you need to endure it a little bit. You don’t have to be nice and all smiles but please, just let’s do it and get over with it.
Nino felt stupid for what he said. He knew they were right but he really couldn’t understand why was it happening again.
- Ok, I get it and I’m sorry. But I’ll talk to the manager after that. Another one empty headed guest and I’m going crazy, I swear…
He smiled to himself. For some reason at that moment he didn’t feel hatred towards those people. It wasn’t their fault after all. He felt a little stupid that he blamed all teenage girls for what happened. Those, who were guilty were only part of them, he knew not every single human passing him is as ignorant as they were. But it won’t change anything now, right? Maybe he’s got over blaming everyone? He sighed as he started walking again, no particular place to go in his head. * It was already getting dark as he stopped. He realized he was standing in front of and old iron gate.It wasn’t closed properly, a little opening could be seen. He hesitated. He didn’t even realize where he was going all this time, now how he even end up here. And how he could get in right now? He looked at the open gate. It looked as if it was inviting him. He took one step forward and stopped again. I can’t go barehanded he thought as he turned around with a sigh.
*
The concert ended and all members were heading to their changing room. They were extremely tired as the show lasted for 3 hours but all faces were smiling. They really loved doing it. Meeting their fans on concerts, putting all they had in the performance and somehow sharing their feeling with the audience was what they were waiting for all year. Standing on stage and looking at all those happy people made their hearts warm. They took their shower slightly saying anything to each other, they were tired and sleepy, thinking only about reaching their apartments and getting some rest. They left Tokyo Dome together shouting “gokurosama” to staff members. It was already dark outside, streets rather empty, cool wind blowing felt refreshing to them. They headed to the waiting van hoping to get home quickly.
And there they were.
Waiting.
Dozen of overexcited girls, all holding uchiwas with Ohno’s face on them.
True it happened countless times that some of the fans were waiting in front of the building till they were leaving, just to wave and scream “we love you” or “thank you for today”. But they always kept some distance and were a nice thing to see. But this time it felt different. They stood next to the van in silence, glancing at Riida. They were five adult men but still they felt a little insecure in that situation, not to mention extremely awkward. And they were tired, not in mood for getting rid of some persistent teenagers. One of them stepped forward as they approached them.
- Ohno san, we wanted to ask You something - she said looking straight at him. He didn’t answer, just smiled lightly.
- Wouldn’t You hang out a little with us? Go to eat something, that kind of thing - she asked collecting all her courage.
- I’m really sorry, but I’m exhausted - he replied smiling apologetically.
- Ah, so - she murmured a little down.
And then the other girls rushed forward.
First they were shocked seeing them grabbing Ohno’s hands as they tried to drag him along. But five man quickly woke up and started trying to release they Leader. It was an awful feeling to all of them to do that. It was just so strange, they never experienced something like that. They were pulling each other as the girl who spoke before remained still on the spot. Finally she yelled.
- GOD DAMN IT, STOP THAT! YOU’LL HURT HIM. Girls let go of Ohno’s hands. And then everybody froze. The man fell on the ground, losing his consciousness. A trickle of blood on his head.
*
He left his apartment with black box in his hands. He went straight to the place he hadn’t have enough courage to enter last time. It was his first time there and he felt a little scared. He didn’t tell the other members he was going, he would only make them worry too much. Also they could insist to come with him and he didn’t want that. He needed to do it himself. He went through the gate, which was wide open this time. There weren’t many people inside because of an early hour. He walked around for some time as he couldn’t find the right way but finally stopped near the wooden bench.
*
Ohno fell into coma for few weeks. The doctors couldn’t do anything for him, they could just wait. They said, that if he has enough will, it’s going to be okay. He couldn’t sleep, eat or even function properly. Or band activities were cancelled so he could spend the whole days in hospital holding Ohno’s hand and talking to him. When they told him that nothing can change now and no one can help it he felt completely empty inside. Other guys tried their best to comfort him but he knew they felt as painful as he did. He couldn’t even cry. After few days he wasn’t feeling anything anymore. He was an empty shell and that couldn’t be changed either. He started to avoid people, even the other three. He just existed alone.
*
- Hey, long time no see - he said as he sat down - I brought You something. Not expecting any response he opened the box he was holding and took out the half burned notebook.
- I should have shown it to You earlier - he whispered as he placed the notebook on his laps. He started to read it on some random entrance.
- Ne, Oh-chan, did You know? When You look straight from my apartment window there is a star. It looks a little lonely, other stars seem to avoid her. But when You look closer there is another star behind her. It looks as if they are bound together, you know. I really like to think about them as our guarding stars. They really look like me hiding behind You after making Jun-kun angry. And it’s nice to feel that there is someone, or in this case - something, You can hold onto, something or someone that will always protect You. If that’s the case, I’ll be standing in the front.
He turned few pages and started reading again.
- Oooh-chaaaaaan! Don’t get mad at me like that. I really hate it. I hate it when I can’t talk to You. I hate it when You ignore me. I hate it when You make that sad face and say that nothing happened. I won’t play games so much anymore, I promise, just don’t look so sad!
He felt really bad. His body was heavy and his head started to ache.
- Today was the best day ever! Thank You, Oh-chan. Let’s take there the other guys next time, they’ll definitely love it!
It was harder than he thought it would be.
- Ne, Oh-chan. You’re so far away right now. And You haven’t even called me yet. I want You to come back already, despite You just left this morning.
He felt tears filling his eyes and starting falling down. He covered his face with his hands as he started crying.
- I really should have done that earlier - he whispered.
*
Well, thats it. comments are love, so I could make it better ^^