Fangirl Infidelity...fact or fiction?
OMG A POST! It's been awhile (as usual) since I've checked in with the flist so I thought I would say hello and discuss/diagnose my fangirl problem.
I feel like I'm in a weird place with BSG. I still love it like the gorgeous first love that it was. I have such fond memories of waiting every Friday night for our date to begin. I still get so happy thinking about my favorite Colonials and that rusty bucket of a Battlestar. I still (and will always) love the cast and all the characters they brought to life. Lastly...I still LOVE pilots like WHOA. They remain my ultimate OTP, the stick to which all other ships are measured and I'll never get over what could have been.
Here's my dilemma though. I still feel all the feelings but I feel like I've lost the will or ability to discuss them (at least in a written/meta form). Fangirl weekend in Vegas was a non-stop pilots fest and it was brilliant. I came home from Vegas with a re-energized sense of pilots love. I love talking about them. I love thinking of what if's or my thoughts on episodes. I love talking about fanfic and new stories for them. I just wish that same sense of excitement transferred back online where it all began. Sometimes I skim through fanfic or it takes me weeks to read things when I used to rip through new stuff like it was my life's blood. What is wrong with me?!
This is kind of a stupid question because I know what happened to me. I fell in love with another ship. A ship that had a happy ending (depending on your interpretation of the ending...YMMV). Oh Doctor Who...did you ruin me for BSG? Do I avoid BSG now because I feel like it didn't give me all the things I thought I needed? You guys I actually feel guilty because of the DW feelings I have. I kid you not, I feel like I'm cheating on my OG fandom. Which is silly because the only reason I fell in love with DW is because of some of you peeps in the BSG fandom. But still, I can't help but feel a bit guilty to have found something I love just as much and that burns in my heart just as fierce.
These are the questions that I spend asking myself like a crazy person. BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT FANGIRL BUSINESS.
So I wonder, can there be room in your heart for two ultimate OTP's? Am I cheating on BSG and Pilots if I say I love Doctor/Rose just as intensely ? Am I clinging to D/R because they got the happy ending I wanted for Lee/Kara? AM I A JEALOUS FANGIRL?
Let's think about it... (DW SPOILERS TO FOLLOW, SWEETIE)
The Metacrisis happens and we get the duplicate Doctor (10.5) and he gets to go off and have the life the real Doctor never could because of his - let's call it - "destiny" to travel alone and poof regenerate throughout all time. The universe, you see is a frakked up place and through time and space civilizations will continue to do awful things to each other, people will always need to be saved, and someone will always need to be the one to do it over and over. So in a sense, for the Doctor his whole life is a big ball of timey-wimey "all of this has happened before and will happen again" stuff. AM I RIGHT OR AM I REACHING?
Now I know I've read mixed feelings about 10.5/Rose and that there is some unhappiness with the fact that they had no choice in the matter. They were dumped together on Bad Wolf Bay and were just expected to live happily ever after. Personally, I'm totally ok with this. He IS the Doctor (and part Donna...MY HEART). Rose was always going to love him and seeing as how she was mortal this really was the perfect solution. At the end of the day if the real Doctor had died and only 10.5 was left, would it really have mattered the way he came to be? No, Rose was going to love him and she deserved that bit of happiness as well, she fought it, she fought for him and even when he left her and broke her heart she still loved him.
If your can't see what I'm doing here, in my head and heart I can't help but draw some vague parallels. Kara = Doctor, Rose = Lee. I think I'm jealous that one ship who had similar issues were given (not a completely) perfect happy ending but one that at least let them continue on and have a rewarding life together. Yes, this is how my brain works.
So f-list, what are you thoughts? Do you have ships that make you jealous of other ships? If you love of BSG (or any first show love) dimmed a little after finding a second love did it come back? Did it burn just as bright or did your second love show you all the flaws your first love had?
Disclaimer: I hope this doesn't need to be said but this is definitely all SHOW related fannish thoughts. I absolutely adore every member of the BSG Fangirl/Shipper nation and none of my feelings about the show are reflected on wanting to interact with any of you. You are all the best and tbh what keeps me firmly planted in the BSG camp. I don't comment/participate as much as I used to but I always know to come home when the urge hits me. So FYI. I LOVE YOU ALL. <3
If this whole post means a whole lot of nothing to you just say hi and tell me what you've been up to lately in life. Share with me TV shows I should be watching (old or new). I'm always looking for recs.
I feel like I'm in a weird place with BSG. I still love it like the gorgeous first love that it was. I have such fond memories of waiting every Friday night for our date to begin. I still get so happy thinking about my favorite Colonials and that rusty bucket of a Battlestar. I still (and will always) love the cast and all the characters they brought to life. Lastly...I still LOVE pilots like WHOA. They remain my ultimate OTP, the stick to which all other ships are measured and I'll never get over what could have been.
Here's my dilemma though. I still feel all the feelings but I feel like I've lost the will or ability to discuss them (at least in a written/meta form). Fangirl weekend in Vegas was a non-stop pilots fest and it was brilliant. I came home from Vegas with a re-energized sense of pilots love. I love talking about them. I love thinking of what if's or my thoughts on episodes. I love talking about fanfic and new stories for them. I just wish that same sense of excitement transferred back online where it all began. Sometimes I skim through fanfic or it takes me weeks to read things when I used to rip through new stuff like it was my life's blood. What is wrong with me?!
This is kind of a stupid question because I know what happened to me. I fell in love with another ship. A ship that had a happy ending (depending on your interpretation of the ending...YMMV). Oh Doctor Who...did you ruin me for BSG? Do I avoid BSG now because I feel like it didn't give me all the things I thought I needed? You guys I actually feel guilty because of the DW feelings I have. I kid you not, I feel like I'm cheating on my OG fandom. Which is silly because the only reason I fell in love with DW is because of some of you peeps in the BSG fandom. But still, I can't help but feel a bit guilty to have found something I love just as much and that burns in my heart just as fierce.
These are the questions that I spend asking myself like a crazy person. BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT FANGIRL BUSINESS.
So I wonder, can there be room in your heart for two ultimate OTP's? Am I cheating on BSG and Pilots if I say I love Doctor/Rose just as intensely ? Am I clinging to D/R because they got the happy ending I wanted for Lee/Kara? AM I A JEALOUS FANGIRL?
Let's think about it... (DW SPOILERS TO FOLLOW, SWEETIE)
The Metacrisis happens and we get the duplicate Doctor (10.5) and he gets to go off and have the life the real Doctor never could because of his - let's call it - "destiny" to travel alone and poof regenerate throughout all time. The universe, you see is a frakked up place and through time and space civilizations will continue to do awful things to each other, people will always need to be saved, and someone will always need to be the one to do it over and over. So in a sense, for the Doctor his whole life is a big ball of timey-wimey "all of this has happened before and will happen again" stuff. AM I RIGHT OR AM I REACHING?
Now I know I've read mixed feelings about 10.5/Rose and that there is some unhappiness with the fact that they had no choice in the matter. They were dumped together on Bad Wolf Bay and were just expected to live happily ever after. Personally, I'm totally ok with this. He IS the Doctor (and part Donna...MY HEART). Rose was always going to love him and seeing as how she was mortal this really was the perfect solution. At the end of the day if the real Doctor had died and only 10.5 was left, would it really have mattered the way he came to be? No, Rose was going to love him and she deserved that bit of happiness as well, she fought it, she fought for him and even when he left her and broke her heart she still loved him.
If your can't see what I'm doing here, in my head and heart I can't help but draw some vague parallels. Kara = Doctor, Rose = Lee. I think I'm jealous that one ship who had similar issues were given (not a completely) perfect happy ending but one that at least let them continue on and have a rewarding life together. Yes, this is how my brain works.
So f-list, what are you thoughts? Do you have ships that make you jealous of other ships? If you love of BSG (or any first show love) dimmed a little after finding a second love did it come back? Did it burn just as bright or did your second love show you all the flaws your first love had?
Disclaimer: I hope this doesn't need to be said but this is definitely all SHOW related fannish thoughts. I absolutely adore every member of the BSG Fangirl/Shipper nation and none of my feelings about the show are reflected on wanting to interact with any of you. You are all the best and tbh what keeps me firmly planted in the BSG camp. I don't comment/participate as much as I used to but I always know to come home when the urge hits me. So FYI. I LOVE YOU ALL. <3
If this whole post means a whole lot of nothing to you just say hi and tell me what you've been up to lately in life. Share with me TV shows I should be watching (old or new). I'm always looking for recs.