suddenly i see this is what i want to be
I really want Wii. Like...actually, I don't, not really. But I know that I'll be feeling obsessive by next Friday.
Like...actually, I haven't played video games in a long time. Ever since I lost my beautiful red SP...and ever since Calculus and roleplaying. But...but but but, I still love video games...and I still really want to design video games one day. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite. I suppose even hypocrites can have dreams.
There's one special idea that I really want to elaborate on - still - L!ng, which takes place in the world of Masse. Yes...yes, I really want to do that. And I have no idea how...how I can prepare for a career like this, or if I can even do it, because I'm not that great at computer programming...not even artistry. Because my story ideas are unpopular, and the things that I like in general in video games are not widely shared. (I still want Pokemon. O goodness - the other night I had a dream about Pokemon. My Venusaur was really stinky and I had to clean out its centerbud by dipping a soup ladle into it and just spooning everything out. XD XD Pokemon will always have an extra special place in my heart.)
I had fun talking avidly with Stephanie during Sarong's party about all of this. You know - you know - there really are a lot of references to Riku/Sora in Kingdom Hearts, my goodness. I thought it was just a lot of random far-fetched fangirling, but...but I was watching the final cutscenes and seeing it all. (Then again...maybe I might have been looking out for it myself. XD Just because of all this fanart I keep seeing on DA...)
And...and I want to draw. I want to be able to draw so well that I won't have to feel embarrassed giving my DA username to people in that Studio Art class, and so that I can make the Llyr/Grae roleplay into a manga. (Yes! Love.)
...though the truth is, I'm a little afraid of Grae now - like - I tried so hard to make her unlikable, and now, now that I want her to be likable to give substance to her relationship with Llyr - I think that it's too ingrained. Like, maybe the audience hates her too much to like her at all now. I guess I won't know for certain until I get an audience member's opinion on it.
And man, man, I h - am disinclined to those times when you really like a song that you're hearing on the radio and all of a sudden the driver switches stations. D:
In any case, I also attended a piano lesson today - it had been rescheduled, which I was informed of about an hour before I had to leave for it, which was also when I woke up officially for the day. I felt bad for having not worked on the song that I started writing about sometime last year...a theme for my anthro-story. Since then I've been playing around with sounds for a theme for the video game idea I was talking about earlier, though the truth is, I really want to hunt down Max in AZ, introduce myself, and beg him to compose for it, because his music is amazing and just listening to it blows ideas for levels and environments into my head, it's amazing, he's amazing. Maybe the only reason why I would have wanted to be in band and orchestra - to have a chance for more social contact.
Oh well.
What else, what else? I finally sent in my application for UW, and finally finally finished the "letter of recommendation" sheet that I had to give to the teacher from which I wanted the letter from - it took forever - because I don't like answering things about myself, things like Describe what makes you unique and How would you assure your college that you would be a good student? And then I felt guilty because Mr. P is constantly harrassed by students asking for rec letters from him. But he took my request anyway, and we talked. It soothes me, a little, that I actually have a pretty good relationship with an HS teacher...because I always feel like such a two-dimensional student. I'm almost nothing but good grades and a shadow of a voice asking questions just as the board is erased...when I'm teased, I'm too busy laughing or being embarrassed to respond with something witty. But...but you know?
No...I don't even know.
What else...what else? I finally finished that soldering project I had in Jewelrymaking...it turned out very, very well, though there were some strange imperfections on the wings - little bubbles or something in the brass. When I get the project back I'll take a picture and upload it. I still want to make a Klak-earring, but with the material that we've been given recently, I don't know how...the project I'm supposed to be working on now is with wires - to make a matching necklace-bracelet set with brass and copper wires. I don't really like working with wires much, except to make spirals, though I've seen some of the really beautiful stuff that can be made with them...mmm. I want to do it, I want to do it all. Even though I've hardly even been wearing jewelry lately, except for my usual.
Meanwhile, my room is currently in a state of chaos. Someone rather saw fit to disembowel my closet, put half of it in a waist-high box, and leave the rest of it on the floor. Among the objects on the floor was the bag in which I'd cunningly hidden Elisu's doujin between decade-old installments of Zoobooks. Eeek...
Like...actually, I haven't played video games in a long time. Ever since I lost my beautiful red SP...and ever since Calculus and roleplaying. But...but but but, I still love video games...and I still really want to design video games one day. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite. I suppose even hypocrites can have dreams.
There's one special idea that I really want to elaborate on - still - L!ng, which takes place in the world of Masse. Yes...yes, I really want to do that. And I have no idea how...how I can prepare for a career like this, or if I can even do it, because I'm not that great at computer programming...not even artistry. Because my story ideas are unpopular, and the things that I like in general in video games are not widely shared. (I still want Pokemon. O goodness - the other night I had a dream about Pokemon. My Venusaur was really stinky and I had to clean out its centerbud by dipping a soup ladle into it and just spooning everything out. XD XD Pokemon will always have an extra special place in my heart.)
I had fun talking avidly with Stephanie during Sarong's party about all of this. You know - you know - there really are a lot of references to Riku/Sora in Kingdom Hearts, my goodness. I thought it was just a lot of random far-fetched fangirling, but...but I was watching the final cutscenes and seeing it all. (Then again...maybe I might have been looking out for it myself. XD Just because of all this fanart I keep seeing on DA...)
And...and I want to draw. I want to be able to draw so well that I won't have to feel embarrassed giving my DA username to people in that Studio Art class, and so that I can make the Llyr/Grae roleplay into a manga. (Yes! Love.)
...though the truth is, I'm a little afraid of Grae now - like - I tried so hard to make her unlikable, and now, now that I want her to be likable to give substance to her relationship with Llyr - I think that it's too ingrained. Like, maybe the audience hates her too much to like her at all now. I guess I won't know for certain until I get an audience member's opinion on it.
And man, man, I h - am disinclined to those times when you really like a song that you're hearing on the radio and all of a sudden the driver switches stations. D:
In any case, I also attended a piano lesson today - it had been rescheduled, which I was informed of about an hour before I had to leave for it, which was also when I woke up officially for the day. I felt bad for having not worked on the song that I started writing about sometime last year...a theme for my anthro-story. Since then I've been playing around with sounds for a theme for the video game idea I was talking about earlier, though the truth is, I really want to hunt down Max in AZ, introduce myself, and beg him to compose for it, because his music is amazing and just listening to it blows ideas for levels and environments into my head, it's amazing, he's amazing. Maybe the only reason why I would have wanted to be in band and orchestra - to have a chance for more social contact.
Oh well.
What else, what else? I finally sent in my application for UW, and finally finally finished the "letter of recommendation" sheet that I had to give to the teacher from which I wanted the letter from - it took forever - because I don't like answering things about myself, things like Describe what makes you unique and How would you assure your college that you would be a good student? And then I felt guilty because Mr. P is constantly harrassed by students asking for rec letters from him. But he took my request anyway, and we talked. It soothes me, a little, that I actually have a pretty good relationship with an HS teacher...because I always feel like such a two-dimensional student. I'm almost nothing but good grades and a shadow of a voice asking questions just as the board is erased...when I'm teased, I'm too busy laughing or being embarrassed to respond with something witty. But...but you know?
No...I don't even know.
What else...what else? I finally finished that soldering project I had in Jewelrymaking...it turned out very, very well, though there were some strange imperfections on the wings - little bubbles or something in the brass. When I get the project back I'll take a picture and upload it. I still want to make a Klak-earring, but with the material that we've been given recently, I don't know how...the project I'm supposed to be working on now is with wires - to make a matching necklace-bracelet set with brass and copper wires. I don't really like working with wires much, except to make spirals, though I've seen some of the really beautiful stuff that can be made with them...mmm. I want to do it, I want to do it all. Even though I've hardly even been wearing jewelry lately, except for my usual.
Meanwhile, my room is currently in a state of chaos. Someone rather saw fit to disembowel my closet, put half of it in a waist-high box, and leave the rest of it on the floor. Among the objects on the floor was the bag in which I'd cunningly hidden Elisu's doujin between decade-old installments of Zoobooks. Eeek...