A sense Of Belonging
The subject of Josiah's wish to drop the name Jojo didn't come up again until later that evening. We were all watching a DVD just before the boys' bedtime when Rebecca quite naturally said it causing him to look to me for help.
It was a tough decision for me, my natural instinct was to explain that he no longer wished to be called Jojo, that he considered it to be a baby's name but I also saw this as his opportunity to prove that he really wasn't, as much as I would have liked him to stay one for quite a while longer.
"Your brother has something he needs to tell you all." I said.
"No, I don't." Rory said.
I smiled at him, "No darling, your brother, Josiah. He wants to tell you all something."
"What is it?" Rebecca asked and I was relieved that she hadn't used it again.
"I don't want to be Jojo anymore." he said and I couldn't help but notice his voice growing stronger with each word.
"Who do you want to be then?" Sarah said blinking in surprise when I laughed.
"That's what I said", I explained, "when he told me."
"Do you still want to be my twin?" Rory said looking a little concerned that he might be about to join the ranks of the singletons.
"Yes! But I want to be Josiah, not Jojo."
"Why?" Rebecca said, "What's wrong with Jojo?"
"It's a baby's name."
"But you are...." Rebecca started to say glancing at me as she did. My face must reveal more than I realise because she paused before saying, "...n't a baby so, I think we can all manage to remember that."
"I'm sure we all can." Sarah said, "although we might forget sometimes."
"I hope I remember." Rory said, "I'll try."
Josiah seemed happy with that and turned back to watch the DVD which was one of his favourites. It made me smile that he was quite happy to snuggle up close to Rebecca as he watched, luckily he didn't consider he was too big for that.
The film had just finished when the phone rang and everyone clambered to answer it certain it would be Tony. It was and he spoke to each one of them making them all smile and laugh and reminding them how much he loved and missed them. Josiah was adorable as he explained his wish to not be called Jojo anymore and I could well imagine Tony's face as he listened on the other end. Nicknames came as naturally as breathing to him and were often a strong term of endearment.
Whatever he said certainly satisfied our young son and he quite happily handed the phone to me for my turn.
As I sat down to talk to Tony the girls quite naturally took over and prepared their little brothers for bed. I appreciated that and them so much, it meant we could talk without fear of little ears hearing something I sensed Tony needed to do.
"I might be here longer than I expected, Arn." Tony said.
"She is worse, isn't she?" I said blinking back tears.
"No...well yes but it's not just that. So is the house. It needs a lot of work doing to it and I need to be here to help with that."
"Do you think it's time we all came back?" I asked and as i said it I wasn't at all sure how I felt about that or how ready I was to commit to that.
Tony chuckled, "Rita said you'd say that. But no, and if you all do it will just be for a while. I love New Zealand but it doesn't feel like home anymore. I never thought I'd feel that way."
I laughed, "I never thought you would either, to be honest."
"The truth is, baby." he said, "my home is wherever you and the kids are, wherever we go being together makes it our home."
"I feel the same way." I said.
"So.." He said, "It seems one of our boys has become a man."
"No!" I said laughing, "Not that, not yet, he's just a slightly bigger boy than he was."
"Happens quickly doesn't it." He said.
"Shame, isn't it." I said, "Although I do know what I want to happen quickly."
"Yeah, me too. We're working as quickly as we can, but it could be a while."
"Take all the time you need, remember an important job like that is worth doing well."
"I love you." he said.
"I love you too, tell the whanau we love them all, too."
"I will, and Arn.."
"Tone..."
"Don't worry too much about the Jojo thing, he'll still be our little guy for quite a while yet, they both will no matter what we call them."
I smiled, "I know", I said, "but thanks, it's still nice to hear."
I sat and looked at the phone for a few moments after we both hung up, we probably would all have to make the trip back for a little while although it would have been better to have a nicer reason for doing so. The question that floated around in my mind was, if New Zealand was no longer home, where was? And in which world did I belong, I wasn't entirely sure but Tony's explanation seemed best, wherever all of my loved ones were, I just needed to be sure of where and how exactly I fit in.
I decided to go to bed myself but before doing so said 'goodnight' to the girls and slipped into the boys' room to kiss them.
I was about to tiptoe out when a very sleepy Rory whispered to me, "Mummy", he said, "If Josiah doesn't want to be called Jojo you can call me Ror-ror if you like."
I grinned, despite the seriousness in his voice that I could feel and hear, "That's okay darling", I said, "but it's a very sweet and kind offer."
"Let me know if you change your mind." he said slipping back to sleep.
I stopped at the doorway and looked at them both in the dim glow of their dinosaur nightlight. I couldn't help but think with the beautiful nature of my sweet little boy that we'd picked the exact right person to name him after.
It was a tough decision for me, my natural instinct was to explain that he no longer wished to be called Jojo, that he considered it to be a baby's name but I also saw this as his opportunity to prove that he really wasn't, as much as I would have liked him to stay one for quite a while longer.
"Your brother has something he needs to tell you all." I said.
"No, I don't." Rory said.
I smiled at him, "No darling, your brother, Josiah. He wants to tell you all something."
"What is it?" Rebecca asked and I was relieved that she hadn't used it again.
"I don't want to be Jojo anymore." he said and I couldn't help but notice his voice growing stronger with each word.
"Who do you want to be then?" Sarah said blinking in surprise when I laughed.
"That's what I said", I explained, "when he told me."
"Do you still want to be my twin?" Rory said looking a little concerned that he might be about to join the ranks of the singletons.
"Yes! But I want to be Josiah, not Jojo."
"Why?" Rebecca said, "What's wrong with Jojo?"
"It's a baby's name."
"But you are...." Rebecca started to say glancing at me as she did. My face must reveal more than I realise because she paused before saying, "...n't a baby so, I think we can all manage to remember that."
"I'm sure we all can." Sarah said, "although we might forget sometimes."
"I hope I remember." Rory said, "I'll try."
Josiah seemed happy with that and turned back to watch the DVD which was one of his favourites. It made me smile that he was quite happy to snuggle up close to Rebecca as he watched, luckily he didn't consider he was too big for that.
The film had just finished when the phone rang and everyone clambered to answer it certain it would be Tony. It was and he spoke to each one of them making them all smile and laugh and reminding them how much he loved and missed them. Josiah was adorable as he explained his wish to not be called Jojo anymore and I could well imagine Tony's face as he listened on the other end. Nicknames came as naturally as breathing to him and were often a strong term of endearment.
Whatever he said certainly satisfied our young son and he quite happily handed the phone to me for my turn.
As I sat down to talk to Tony the girls quite naturally took over and prepared their little brothers for bed. I appreciated that and them so much, it meant we could talk without fear of little ears hearing something I sensed Tony needed to do.
"I might be here longer than I expected, Arn." Tony said.
"She is worse, isn't she?" I said blinking back tears.
"No...well yes but it's not just that. So is the house. It needs a lot of work doing to it and I need to be here to help with that."
"Do you think it's time we all came back?" I asked and as i said it I wasn't at all sure how I felt about that or how ready I was to commit to that.
Tony chuckled, "Rita said you'd say that. But no, and if you all do it will just be for a while. I love New Zealand but it doesn't feel like home anymore. I never thought I'd feel that way."
I laughed, "I never thought you would either, to be honest."
"The truth is, baby." he said, "my home is wherever you and the kids are, wherever we go being together makes it our home."
"I feel the same way." I said.
"So.." He said, "It seems one of our boys has become a man."
"No!" I said laughing, "Not that, not yet, he's just a slightly bigger boy than he was."
"Happens quickly doesn't it." He said.
"Shame, isn't it." I said, "Although I do know what I want to happen quickly."
"Yeah, me too. We're working as quickly as we can, but it could be a while."
"Take all the time you need, remember an important job like that is worth doing well."
"I love you." he said.
"I love you too, tell the whanau we love them all, too."
"I will, and Arn.."
"Tone..."
"Don't worry too much about the Jojo thing, he'll still be our little guy for quite a while yet, they both will no matter what we call them."
I smiled, "I know", I said, "but thanks, it's still nice to hear."
I sat and looked at the phone for a few moments after we both hung up, we probably would all have to make the trip back for a little while although it would have been better to have a nicer reason for doing so. The question that floated around in my mind was, if New Zealand was no longer home, where was? And in which world did I belong, I wasn't entirely sure but Tony's explanation seemed best, wherever all of my loved ones were, I just needed to be sure of where and how exactly I fit in.
I decided to go to bed myself but before doing so said 'goodnight' to the girls and slipped into the boys' room to kiss them.
I was about to tiptoe out when a very sleepy Rory whispered to me, "Mummy", he said, "If Josiah doesn't want to be called Jojo you can call me Ror-ror if you like."
I grinned, despite the seriousness in his voice that I could feel and hear, "That's okay darling", I said, "but it's a very sweet and kind offer."
"Let me know if you change your mind." he said slipping back to sleep.
I stopped at the doorway and looked at them both in the dim glow of their dinosaur nightlight. I couldn't help but think with the beautiful nature of my sweet little boy that we'd picked the exact right person to name him after.