is this what you imagined your life to be?
the Kerry campaign has been running out of my building. today there is a rally on the lawn outside. there are hundreds and hundreds of people, all passionately declaring the name of Kerry as the savior for this country of ours. A strange feeling comes over me as I think that I'm standing in the midst of history being made. I honestly don't know which way the vote will go, but my guess is that it will be meaningful when i tell my kids about the political fervor i've been witness to in this city the past couple months.
the other day i saw two middle aged men outside my building part ways giving each other the peace sign. i can only imagine these men as hippie youth, embracing woodstock and free love only to find themselves fallen into a nine to five suit job to be laid off by some major corporate merger headed by younger men than themselves at desks they'd never see telling them they were, indeed replaceable, to pour themselves back into a liberal campaign that promises the same ideals they held onto in their 20's from a man promising a new society, where what happened to them, won't happen to their children, as my 21 year old self passes the two wondering if this is how the imagined their life to be, to pass a 21 yr old and inspire that question and the answer "i hope that won't be me." (is it merely tapping into the secret of the cycle of youth?)
from the perspective of these men, i see why kerry is an attractive candidate for president. he is the older bobby kennedy to our generation x and he promises us our camelot back, war free. he is supported largely by the music community. artists like ani difranco are part of the "Vote Damn It!" tour where "Bush must be defeated" is chanted over and over again, and to support Kerry is kool, and anti-conformist and activist and artsy and you too and your formerly hall monitor self can be part of this cool clique if you sign your name onto the deep pomo beatnik dotted line of liberal politics. but i have to wonder that if kerry becomes president, will all our hopes and dreams of this better tomorrow be thwarted?
now maybe all of this sounds like my grove city conservativist education seeping through but i make the disclaimer that as much as i hate to admit it and to the dismay of my roommates, i'm on the fence, so don't any of you go bringing pitchforks and torches to my door, i'm not insulting either party. this artsy cultural youth demographic is one i would plop myself into if categorizing was needed. i can see the need for change. i hate working for The Man and i support grass roots. i want peace. it kills me to see boys younger than me being killed. i love my country. i want to be a part of good change. at the same time i'm a christian and i throw myself into that camp as well, seeing the points of Bush's conservative campaign that match up with values i hold. and let's just add on that a good part of me that doesn't trust my youthful self to make an educated decision or passionately hop onto the bandwagon of one team or the other, which is probably at the root of my "i'm still undecided" response.
so much of the political passion i see around me seems like bullshit. an attempt to feel safe by boxing oneself into an identity and a group so we can confidently say "i'm a republican" "i'm a democrat" without the fear that comes with asking questions, and being unsure, to stand against the other side looking down and receive in return a little bit of an ego boost. do people sincerely care about the issues or is just another case of clawing for an identity? and don't i do the same thing? i buy fitted t-shirts at salvo and good will and carry an army surplus bag with buttons from a vintage shoppe so i can walk down the street and have people identify me into a stereotype that i'm comfortable with. sure, part of it's that it's cheaper, part of it is to buck the corporate giants of retail, but don't i take a little bit of pride and safety in knowing what group i fall into? sometimes i fear i do the same thing with the emergent church and three nails in particular. in the end i decide that i love three nails and emergent thinking for the vision they hold and the mission they pursue, and not because it makes me cool. what would happen if people gathered on that lawn outside declaring the name of a different Savior? would they get the same reaction? sure there are similarities, some would shy away, in many ways it would feel closed off, only welcome to the people present in the midst of the masses. but isn't this political passion, especially of the liberal persuasion seen as far more acceptable than if a bunch of Christians were out there? Oh, don't mind them, they're just religious fanatics, they're crazy. Granted it's not my method of choice for telling people about my faith but I would think it was pretty sweet if a bunch of people were gathered together in public passionately rallying together behind their faith in Christ (not to be confused with Bush). But somehow, i feel like the message received...and the response, just wouldn't be the same.
Well take a step into the light, and welcome to the secular world. Tray tables in the upright and locked positions. It's a wild ride. What matters is how you're living it. So go.. live... ::insert over used pseudo inspirational phrase here to be edited later::