Fanfic: Pitch Black [Chapter 13]
Title: Pitch Black
Author:audcline
Genres:Romance, Drama ,Angst, Slice of Life
Pairings: YamaChii[main], Tadaiki,Daichi,YamaJima [side pairing]
Rating:rated G
Summary: Yuri lost his reasons to open new doors after an incident during his last year in the University. After that incident he changed. Ever since then, he lived his life in shadows and distance his self from people. Until an unexpected encounter made him take a step out of his shell once again, but what if stepping out of his shell means facing those people who made him feel worthless? What if stepping out of his shell means acceptance of the things that he already closes his eyes for? and what if stepping out of his shell means falling inlove to a person he didn't expect was once became a part of his past life?
"W-why all of a sudden? I made sure I filed my leave one week before today. You must be kidding me right?" Ryosuke raised his voice while feeling over all uptight about his leave haven't been counted.
"I think there's a clinch with the system. "
"W-what?! This is insane!" Ryosuke face palmed.
"I feel sorry about that but you have to be here for an interview. You must be here in an hour. It's a very important client so don't you dare disappoint me. And if you really have something scheduled today after the interview you can go as you please. Okay?" the director from the publishing company he's working at assured.
"Fine." and hanged up the phone.
Ryosuke touch the curtain from his window and slide it on the side. And the first thing that caught his attention is the gray sky and the rain shower. It feels a little strange but didn't let it bother him anyway. He quickly dialed Yuri's phone number and called. However, nobody is answering the call that's why he chose to leave a short message. After that, he get dressed up and leave the apartment without saying goodbye to his bestfriend Arioka who seem to be in his dreamland yet.
The ichigo lover start up the car and check his watch. While inside the car he locked up a gaze to the side mirror while the rain pours continuously. "I'm feeling strange." then he shake that strange feeling away and smile like he always does. "Maybe I'm just overwhelmed for this opportunity he got." and drive the car heading to the company office. On the other hand, Takaki is currently in the modeling agency trying to reach out to Yuri's phone. He's trying to call him since last night but nobody is answering his call. He also have a hectic schedule today that is why he just can't get away from it. He called his parents from Barcelona to call Yuri for him. After that he hanged up the phone and carry on with his work even though he's obviously very worried for his little brother.
"Yuri are you there?" - "My cute little brother are you home?" -"Konbanwa Yuri. Call me once you received this. Bye." - "I'm worried call me up." - " Yuri is there any problem?" - " Yuri?"
"Hello my dear, this is mommy, how are you? Please call us back or your brother Takaki we are so worried about you. If there's something bothering you and you want to share something don't hesitate to call us back. Daddy is also worried. Remember that we are always here for you. I love you my son."
"Yuri this is daddy. Your brother Takaki remained possessive as always. He didn't stopped calling us in the middle of the night to know your condition." - "If you need us back there just tell us. We will book a flight to Japan as soon as possible."
Those are the calls Yuri received from his phone which he just heard this morning. Takaki has been calling him since last night while his parents called him just recently. But hearing his family member's voices didn't make any difference. He curled his self more into a ball and didn't even care.
"Ohayou Baa-chan!"
And that voice turned on his consciousness." I am sure you haven't sleep very well last night. Feeling nervous? You should not. I know you did you're very best for this output and about the interview no worries they won't eat you." that was Ryosuke speaking optimistically. "I'm sorry. I know I made a promise that I will be there for moral support but it's saddening that I won't make it "
Hearing his voice just made him feel worst. He doesn't want to talk to anybody not especially to Ryosuke. He doesn't even want to see his face because remembering him is remembering also the person who unravel his whole being. Covered in a thick and warm blanket with his body feeling the pain shattering him slowly he couldn't pull his self to wake up. Drained and unmotivated, Yuri cried his self again.
Yuri's POV:
"Yuri!" somebody called out with a little giggly tone from her voice.
"Come here. Someone special is waiting for you." a classmate of mine said in a teasing manner.
Then a guy with a fair skin, perfectly round eyes, sharp nose and innocently cute smile came out from the side of the door. I instantly turned bright red the moment I saw him flashed a smile at me. This guy even scratch his head feeling a little embarrassed but still looking cool as always. My classmates were all giddy and happy seeing the two of us as a perfect couple.
"I'll walk you home today." Ryutaro smiled and pick up my remaining books on the table.
"O-ok." I said.
He is the kind of guy I never thought would fall for me. He is pretty popular with the girls in the campus and they were so shocked knowing that he is a homo. I am in third year in college that time and he is my kouhai. Who would expect that an average guy like me and a campus heartthrob like him would actually become a couple. I have no idea. What I know is that I love him more than anything. He always put me into good mood and I just love seeing him smiling too. My feelings for Ryutaro grow more each day and I hope and pray that this will last a lifetime. But this relationship is actually facing treats. Some people in the campus find our relationship disturbing and they just want to play with it and eventually break it. Most of the time their attention is always favors on me. They throw my things in the most unpleasant places and hide them in such a place that hardly to be seen. Finding my things take me until classes end. Sometimes they would just throw out foul words about me and Ryutaro. But we just try to shake them off.
Until one day while walking on my way to my course building for my next class, someone pushed me from behind. That shut me in a little and found myself on my knees. Every students and Professors caught my attention and so I looked back, there…I saw a guy looking directly at me. I don't have the slightest idea of what happened until I stare at the broken pot on the ground just beside the guy I was in a shock when I saw his head is bleeding. I caught him in my arms before he collapse completely on the ground.
"W-who are you?" I asked him and I know at that very moment I was crying.
"I-I'm your-" he whispered to my ears but then lost his consciousness before completing what he needs to say.
Looking at that guy while being rush to the ambulance, I couldn't relax at all, I am so tense thinking what will happen to him. I just close my eyes and pray that nothing bad will happen. I found myself worrying too much which I doesn't normally feel. But with this guy I found myself feeling too much- as if he is a part of me.
~**~
1 o'clock in the afternoon that's the scheduled time for the most awaited job interview. Wearing his usual clothes and wearing his usual self, Yuri didn't put any effort to look Professional rather he just wear his casual clothes and bring the output he and his friends worked so hard to finish on time. Walking under the rain with his umbrella, he couldn't hide how anxious and feeling troubled he is at the moment. Clenching unto that envelope with the thought that he will never make it, thinking that he will eventually disappoint them and make his self feel worthless. He can't conceal that fear in his heart. Just few more blocks until he get to the main office, he pause in that certain spot and didn't move. He's being suffocated by his thoughts to the extent that he couldn't make another few steps.
His dark past suddenly engulfed him and dragged him back to the dark aisle. And the fear he have in his heart burst out. Little Yuri felt terrified, he face the ground low like it's the end of the world and wondered why everything happens now, just when he thought he's doing very well with his little tiny step. How can he deal with it while feeling completely broken. Fate doesn't really play fair.
"Everytime we feel like we're gonna make it, that's when it falls apart."
Yuri's POV continuation:
Not long after the accident happened I formally introduced myself and thanked him for what he have done. It was actually hard seeing him bearing the pain instead of me. However, talking to him feels like I've talked to him in the same manner long time ago it's as though I've already had a connection with him.
"Yamada Ryosuke."
"Huh?"
"My name is Yamada Ryosuke. It's nice meeting you Yuri." and he take my hands and hold them as if he is protecting something fragile. I can see the spark in his eyes. Looking at his eyes is seeing through his soul. Such a pretty soul he have. And I smiled. Everyday I pay a visit to Ryosuke at the hospital, to compromise with the misfortune which I should be dealing with instead of him. But more than that, talking to him and hearing his stories just make me feel at ease. His deep tone voice echoes inside my head while the sound of his joyous laugh makes life a tad bit different from how I look at it before.
"I'm a happier person when I'm with him."
~**~
Exactly 5 o' clock in the afternoon, Ryosuke's work were all settled and ready to call it a day at work. He bid see you later with his co-workers and immediately take the elevator and went down to the parking area. He's a little excited since he wanted to see Yuri as soon as possible. The elder one didn't bother to check his phone and focused on driving. After a 20 minute drive from his office he is now infront of Yuri's apartment. It's still raining but he didn't let it ruin his excitement. He take the stairs and went up to the 5th floor. A little bit drenched due to the unstoppable rain it doesn't even bother him, he's about to knock when he started wondering why the main door is slightly open. He thought that Yuri might have forgot to lock it due to extreme happiness that's why he entered the apartment room with a smile.
"Yuri are you there?" he asked.
Walking slowly he managed to see a figure on the side of the working table. His excitement sky rocketed the moment he saw the younger one standing there with his output on his hands.
"Yuri what happened? how did the meeting with the Starlight publishing goes? Are you now a new writer of the company? Tell me... Tell me". Ryosuke was undeniably very excited.
Yuri took a heap of deep sigh, " I didn't go." he answered.
"H-huh? W-what did you say?" Ryosuke wondered.
"I said I didn't attend the interview." Yuri hate to repeat what he already said but for this guy's sake he did.
Ryosuke grab Yuri's shoulder and force him to face him. "You're kidding right? You can't do that." he was frantic.. "That's a one life opportunity. I can assure you that Starlight publishing company is a well known company that publish exceptionally wonderful novels. You will never regret being in their team." Ryosuke re-assured..
" It was hard for me." said Yuri while trying his best not to feel affected though he is…he is very disappointed with his self.
" Hard? What is hard about it? You are already there Yuri. You should have embrace it." Ryosuke felt the urge to say what is running through his head. "What was all the hard work you gave for? how about the time and the effort? are you not feeling like you've been refusing everything that is coming to you? you need to stand up for your own... but before that you need to believe in yourself that you can do it. " Ryosuke started lecturing the little one.
Yuri curled his fist into a ball and tears started to build up at the corner of his eyes. He was stabbed by Ryosuke's words. He was hurt by his words because he knew that he is right and knowing that he is just trying to contradict that fact inside his head, he feel extremely frustrated for what he has become. He knew it and hearing it over and over again it just made him feel worst.
"If you let your present self get ruined by your past isn't that the same with actually running but not really moving? You're still stuck to that one specific place, into that one specific memory." Ryosuke started scraping the past which is a sensitive part of Yuri's life.
" Y-you don't know anything." Yuri's voice broke.
"So what now? Are you gonna cry and feel bad about it? Are you gonna carry the blame and pity yourself again? Are you going to lie and pretend again? Ryosuke bursted out and didn't hesitate to throw those words feeling all dismayed.
"Stop it." Yuri feel like breaking apart.
"Don't you want to hear what are you trying to do with yourself? Things that you're trying to run away from? What you're doing is a suicide. Acting phlegmatically and being reserved but deep down your soul is crying out in pain, tormented and in morbid hell. I can hear you calling for help. You're trying to heal others but you can't heal yourself. You're trying to help other people but you can't even help yourself. You're so selfless -it's killing you."
" I know that… but I don't want to hear it - not especially when it's coming from you- Because it'll just make me even more depressed. " Yuri shrugged off Ryosuke's hands from his shoulder and step back.
The silence after Yuri blurted those words feels heavy. And the atmosphere feel a lot different, seems like something that is not there before suddenly converted the whole place into a new dimension. The heavy atmosphere Yuri is carrying around him makes Ryosuke feel strange. Something is wrong with Yuri and he wanted to know what's behind it.
"Yuri… what happened?" Ryosuke asked without any second thought.
But silence is what he received from the little one.
"Answer me."
Yuri clenched his fist on the side and gained the courage to look directly towards Ryosuke.
"You lied to me." Yuri said while looking directly at Ryosuke.
"Y-Yuri?" the elder ones mind goes completely blank after hearing that from Yuri.
"All this time you played it well I didn't even doubted you. Just like how your brother -Ryutaro- owned me and then abandoned me." the little one said. " I even told myself I'll take my revenge once I get to meet him again but now that's impossible. He is dead and again he left me without saying anything." then Ryosuke remembered the time he went to visit Ryutaro, the sneezed he heard was actually Yuri's.
"Could it be-"
"I secretly followed you." Yuri said while trying to show a strong façade of his self. "I trusted you." he cried which made Ryosuke feel guilty. "I trusted you with all my heart and yet you hide everything to me." the little one couldn't keep it in anymore, "-You're unfair Ryosuke." and his soul roared in pain. "All this time… I just allow myself to pretend…for I can no longer bear myself without hurting."
"Yuri stop it. You need to stop that now!" Ryosuke shouted at Yuri, distracting him from saying morbid. Stopping him to think negatively. "I understand that Ryutaro did something stupid but it's not his intention to hurt you. Not ever!" Ryosuke protected his late brother because he know exactly what happened during that time, yet at this very crucial moment he can't find his self to explain what really happened. He can't say a word about it because right now…Yuri is at it's weakest and every little things he may say would just cause harm.
"People who died, people who left, people who forgets and people who reject you in their lives… those people doesn't have the slightest idea of what the left ones felt in their heart. That's why… don't tell me that you understand!"
Ryosuke's emotions were sucked into a massive whirlpool and was constantly trapped inside due to the words Yuri used against him. Yuri said things as if he's the only one hurting. He didn't even thought that Ryosuke felt the same way. The little one doesn't have any idea what Ryosuke is going through, He may be showing that completely insane attitude but deep inside he is bottling it up because it's his way of coping up. And even how many times Yuri define it.… Ryosuke is hurt just like everybody. The ichigo lover's eyes started to sting for suppressing his bottled feelings too much, he curled his fist trying to control his self not because he is mad or angry but because he can't bear the feelings trying to destroy them. Ryosuke smirked with such a painful expression.
"Reminds me of a book I've read long time ago, ""Those who have repressive personalities, who look calm but hold in a cauldron of painful emotions, are more prone to depression." Ryosuke blurted out of the blue which strike Yuri like a lightning electrocuted his ego.
"What did you say?! Do you think by just reading psychology books or whatsoever book is that you'll get to understand the feelings of people?! Yuri exclaimed while his tears started to drip down at the corner of his eyes, "Leave now." he said while looking at Ryosuke's eyes in rage.. It was the first time the two of them confronted each other and it's a confrontation that both parties caused fatal harm.
Yuri was blinded by his envious self, he brought too much harm in his words and he doesn't know how to fix this. Ryosuke thought that he is making a big change to Yuri's life well in fact nothing has changed he just wasted his time for nothing while Yuri felt as though he is being crushed by his self unwilling to change. After all the harsh words thrown at him he reflected.. Maybe his feelings for Ryosuke was just infatuation not love. " Just leave!" he shouted bearing all the pain..
The elder one stare at Yuri a little longer as tears started to filled up his eyes, he shunned that stare and grab his luggage on the side and said, " If this is what i get from trying..." he walked slowly and then pause for a while, deep down he is dying to look back but his alter ego is telling him to go away and don't even bother. He passed through the door carrying that heavy feeling inside his chest and didn't turned back.
And in that four corner, a deep silence of despair resonated, Yuri break down on his knees and embraced his self - and let the monster out.
"I just wish none of it ever happened."
(I would like you guys to listen to this song after reading the whole chapter... HERE... enjoy!)
To be continued…
______________________
Author's Afterwords: Hey minna! how are you guys this past few days? I hope you're all feeling good. I dropped the bomb in this chapter. All the bottled up emotions Yuri kept for so long exploded and it felt good to be able to update this fic now. Thank God. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, if so it'll really make me very happy. Thank you guys. *hugs and kisses* My apologies for any error in this chapter no proof reading. >w<