Ardhanarishvara Part Twenty-Seven
Previously: Sheppard and McKay were held hostage after being captured on a mission without Teyla or Ronon along (that'll teach 'em to go off on their own), rescued themselves in true Sheppard and McKay fashion and left a large hole in the ground behind them as well as an enemy that was probably but not positively dead. Elizabeth was afraid of lice, Teyla choked, Ronon glowered, and Lorne was threatened with KP and cold showers. Rodney proved he could be a good boyfriend, the dreaded R word was considered, and Sheppard gave her first (but definitely not last) blowjob. The end was nigh and, now, months later, is here.
Parts 1-20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
~*~
"You all look happy," Kate observes as the team settles themselves on the couches.
Teyla smiles back at her. "We are all looking forward to our next mission."
"Ronon, Colonel? You feel the same?"
Ronon just shrugs, but Sheppard smiles blindingly at her, making Kate blink. She doubts she's ever seen such unguarded emotion from the Colonel before.
"What do you think?"
Rodney rolls his eyes. "If she hasn't figured out you want your dick back, she hasn't been paying attention. Zelenka wants to check you for an antigravity device, you've been bouncing around so much the last couple of days."
"I'm sorry. Does my happiness offend you?" Sheppard retorts. Then she kicks Rodney. Rodney kicks back.
Kate desperately, desperately wants to ask if they are sleeping together again, but even if she could ask, she couldn't do so in the presence of Ronon and Teyla. She's already skirted the edges of being too involved, too personal, too pushy and far too curious by making her 'house call' to the gym after the Hekan debacle. But all four of them appear so relaxed and happy, functioning as a team again, that she knows better than to prod at any possibly sore spots. Her job is to help and evaluate, not to satisfy her own curiosity.
But she can admit to herself, at least, that she is very curious. Plus, informed self-interest; Atlantis operates well with the Colonel and Rodney supporting Elizabeth as the primary power structure. Where went the first team so, in many senses, went Atlantis' mood and morale. That too had been why she had gone to find Sheppard the night Cadman radioed, because she knew the Colonel wouldn't come to her, even if in need. She wouldn't have searched out one of the marines or the average scientist, but they had the support of their social networks. The command staff were far more isolated, with only each other to rely on.
They have established a new equilibrium since the Hekan fiasco. Some of it is unity in the face of the IOA's decisions. The rest she can't quite pin down. It's fascinating, though, to watch the four of them. No matter what one does, the other three compensate as naturally as they breathe, consciously and unconsciously. They've closed ranks, and now she can't tell what is happening within the team, only that they seem happy, so it must be healthy.
Sheppard's pleasure at the prospect of returning to being a man is obvious, but it isn't in contrast to previous depression. Shortly after the mission that had her and Rodney held captive, something changed again. She and Rodney have been conspicuously in good spirits since then.
Kate is sure that it is more than the satisfaction of rescuing themselves.
When she looks up, Sheppard's grinning at her as if she can read Kate's mind.
Again, Kate wishes she knew more, not just the bare bones of the events themselves but the team's view. Unfortunately, after one last post-Heka team session, Elizabeth released them from the mandatory sessions. They did seem all right, but Kate suspects it was a sop to them in exchange for not protesting the Hekan agenda too vocally. The IOA's decision had to have been particularly bitter after losing Sergeant Reyes.
They were furious after the new orders came from Earth. Not with each other, though. The sniping and bitterness were all aimed at Earth and the authorities there. If she didn't believe in confidentiality quite so much, she might have told Elizabeth exactly how disillusioned the four of them were with her. Sheppard and McKay were literally finishing each other's sentences. "I can't believe she...sold out the Hekans like they mean nothing just because...they aren't from Earth. I swear I'm going to be...sick." It's better for their working relationships that she can't, because Elizabeth needs to be confident that they will follow her orders.
"No, but your incessant cheer is enough to give me hives," Rodney tells Sheppard.
Sheppard casually punches Rodney's biceps. "I promise to be nasty and bad tempered just as soon as we come home."
Rodney rubs his arm and scowls but doesn't complain. Kate wants to make a note. Now she's sure they're sleeping together again, though the dynamic is much more like it was between them before the change. That thought makes her head spin a little. Were they...? No, she's sure Rodney would have spilled something in his therapy sessions. Though he never openly admitted it, might have been in denial, even, he had let slip a few more than a few, albeit grudging, admiring comments, before, and his conversation was full of Sheppard this and Sheppard that. None of it with even a hint of sexual congress between them, until the Hermean change.
"So, Colonel, let me ask the typical question regarding your upcoming reversal."
Sheppard makes a face as if she's bitten into a lemon. "How I feel about it?" Kate suppresses a smile. Oh, no, not the 'talk about my feelings' question, she can see Sheppard thinking. It's funny.
Kate leans forward. "Yes. You must be...nervous? Looking forward to it? Something."
Rodney, to her right, close enough that their legs are almost, but not quite, touching, snorts. "Don't they teach you to ask less leading questions? Also, there are other ways to find that out: Ask how often she's cleaned her gun in the last few days - "
"And you, Rodney?" Kate asks.
"- or whether she has done her paperwork on time -"
"Hey, all my paperwork is up to date!" Sheppard protests.
Rodney points at her. "Exactly!"
Rodney blinks, finally registering Kate's question. Beside him, Sheppard crosses her arms over her chest and pouts dramatically, not quite hiding a trademark smirk. "I'm fine."
"Really, Rodney?"
Sheppard kicks Rodney's ankle.
"Ow!" Rodney glares at Sheppard, props his foot on his knee and ostentatiously rubs his ankle. "What's with the physical assaults?"
Sheppard blinks at him innocently. "I must be suffering from a lack of impulse control."
"My point exactly." Rodney gives her a long look.
Kate waits patiently. She doesn't avert her eyes from Rodney.
Ronon slumps back on the couch and yawns. The session is obviously not engaging her.
"Rodney...." Sheppard whines with a smile.
"Come on, you've been like the Energizer Bunny the last couple of days," Rodney says. Then he blushes. Kate's sure of it: they are sleeping together again. Energizer...she didn't need to know that about either of them. Though, God, she wanted to, not the details (well, those too, but only to, through them, see the whole picture of their interaction). Plus, she is human. Honi soit qui mal y pense.
"The only one more jittery than you is Teyla." He looks at Kate. "Do you know those two have completely restocked the jumper three times?"
"Three times?" Kate asks mildly.
"Some of that stuff gets too old and has to be replaced if you don't use it," Sheppard says sulkily.
"Three. Times," Rodney repeats.
"They'd have done it a fourth time," mumbles Ronon, still splayed loosely on the couch, eyes half-closed, "if I hadn't dragged them both off to spar."
Teyla raises an eyebrow. "There was no dragging involved. Rodney merely mentioned 'obviously excessive energy' and 'compensation' and such."
"Like you don't miss your dick," Sheppard tells Ronon.
Who just shrugs. "Not like my pussy doesn't -"
Rodney holds up a hand. "TMI! TMI!"
Kate finds that interesting. Usually, she'd assume it's a downplayed reaction, not in the least to counter the agitation the Colonel and Rodney are displaying, but Ronon's actions, like her words, read true and clear, as usual. Ronon has, in fact, been the least affected by this process, accepting it and moving forward without difficulty. All Kate has had to talk about with her was not the change but everything in Ronon's past: Sateda and the death of his betrothed.
And most of all, Running.
She's sure there must have been a period of depression after Rodney and Sheppard reunited, but for that, Ronon didn't come to her. She seems relaxed with them now, in any case, so the team must have shored up their ties to each other. Ronon was never pushed out of the circle; that obviously made it easier.
Kate wishes she could ask about how Ronon dealt with it, but some balances should not be disturbed with words. Ronon would likely just frown and answer that there was no use crying over it, that she knew Sheppard and Rodney were her friends, her team.
"More to love than sex," she'd said in one of their private sessions.
So, Kate shifts her attention to Teyla. "Teyla? How do you feel?"
"I will be most relieved."
Kate nods. This is not a surprise. Teyla has calmed down considerably since these first few sessions, but tolerance is not the same thing as acceptance. Nor is acceptance equal to approval or contentment.
Teyla tips his head and adds, "I have learned much from this experience, but I am ready to become myself again."
Sheppard nods at that. The movement is probably unconscious.
Rodney twitches and spreads his fingers wide, then remarks quietly, "Yeah. Even though I didn't...I've still learned some stuff."
"Stuff, Rodney?" Sheppard teases.
It is interesting to see Sheppard mimic Rodney because, in Kate's eyes, the colonel has settled into her female body in a way that's astounding, not to mention different from Teyla's more grudging behavior.
But Kate's also come to realize that Sheppard is by nature a chameleon and has always adapted to present a façade that is acceptable to those around her while concealing the more vulnerable parts of herself. Kate suspects it is something learned in childhood and only reaffirmed in the military.
There's no heat in Rodney's words, though. He lifts his chin, crosses his arms in front of his chest, and continues, "Yes. Colonel Erudite, stuff!"
Kate hides a smile.
"What kind of stuff, Rodney?"
"That gender isn't irrelevant to human interactions, and, no, I don't mean your run-of-the-mill crazy hillbillies but your very own own Atlantis population."
"Really?" Sheppard drawls. "So...?" She's gone a little tense, eyes narrowed and intent on Rodney.
"Oh, please, do I have to remind you of Captain Whatshisname?"
"Harper. You're not starting that again, are you?"
"Just my point: He was hot for your body but not you, because he sure as hell never hit on you as a guy." A beat, and Rodney's eyes widen. "He didn't, did he?"
John huffs out a laugh. "Not ever."
Ronon leans forward. "McKay's right about that. Plenty of guys approached me, too."
The team's heads turn as one.
"What happened?"
"Did you take any of them, oh, God, up on that?"
"Ronon! I was not aware of this."
Ronon shrugs. "I like sex."
"Who with?" Rodney demands, leaning forward to stare at Ronon eagerly, while automatically intercepting the finger Sheppard starts to poke into his ribs. He doesn't let go of her hand for a moment...and Sheppard doesn't jerk away.
"Concepcion de la Cruz."
"An anthropologist!?" Rodney squawks, as if they were the third gender no one dare speak of. "Admittedly, she's hot - wait, she? I had no idea she was a lesbian. No wonder she shot me down when I tried to ask for a date."
Sheppard doesn't go for the unkind retort that immediately pops into Kate's mind. Instead - "When did you try to date de la Cruz?" Sheppard hisses at Rodney. Her hand twists in Rodney's, and now she's squeezing his fingers, hard.
"Ages ago! When she first arrived! Maybe back at the SGC, even," Rodney replies hurriedly.
"I tried sex with Hopgood, too," Ronon offers.
Even through her amusement, Kate thinks Ronon made a very understandable choice. Alonzo Hopgood's resemblance to a certain young actor is a frequent topic of discussion during Poker Night. Any night, in fact.
Rodney and Sheppard both stare at her. Teyla has his hands over his face. "Ronon," Teyla says, "how could you?" He doesn't sound outraged or upset, not even reproachful. Kate has seen all of these emotions before. She just hasn't ever seen Teyla confused.
Ronon looks at them as if they were slightly slow. "I needed to know which was better for me."
"So?" Rodney asks. "Which did you like better?" He extracts his hand from Sheppard's and flexes it.
"Concepcion," Ronon says with a pleased smile. "I like women's bodies."
Kate itches to make notes. Ronon's orientation didn't change with the body? Or she's truly bisexual? Or Concepcion de la Cruz is just better in bed than Alonzo Hopgood? Catty as that may be, it wouldn't surprise her. Where does Sheppard fall in this curve?
"I like this body. It's like...being new."
A dozen expressions flit over Sheppard's features. Her eyes widen and her lips part. Something just clicked with her. Kate would give all of her lingerie to be able to peek into her thought processes and know what.
"If you still want girls, why do you want to stay a girl?" Sheppard blurts, then winces, obviously wishing she'd said nothing.
Ronon gives her a look that makes Sheppard flush and glance away. "You want McKay, but you still want your dick back."
Kate feels like she's trying to watch a four way tennis match and needs extra eyes to watch all of their reactions. Rodney's gone pale and is clutching his hands into fists on his thighs. Teyla is pinching the bridge of his nose. Sheppard is even paler than Rodney, but sits up straighter and says, "I guess."
After a dirty look toward Sheppard, Rodney asks, "So, you're a lesbian now?" Something seems to occur to him. "Oh, God, I made you a lesbian!"
Ronon snorts out a laugh. "It wasn't that bad."
Rodney looks torn between relief and indignation while Sheppard looks intrigued, brow furrowing thoughtfully. Teyla is looking at the ceiling pointedly enough that Kate has to fight the urge to take a look upwards as well.
Rodney's eyes are still bulging slightly. Ronon leans past Sheppard and jabs him in the shoulder, playfully. "Kidding, McKay. It was good. I just - women are pretty. And smell great." She shrugs again. "I get that you have rules about sex, but they aren't my rules. On Sateda, we didn't care. Women with women, men with men, whatever."
"Whatever," Sheppard echoes, looking at Ronon; Kate cannot quite figure out if her tone indicates wistfulness or confusion.
Rodney, in turn, watches her with narrowed eyes before switching to Ronon. "Well, for some individuals it might make sense, for psychological values of sense, not scientific ones, of course , to stay with one gender, despite a temporarily different body. If they have no trouble getting dates that way, too, I mean."
Kate's pretty sure she doesn't imagine the resigned awe in Rodney's voice. If pressed, she thinks, he'd readily and honestly agree that his love life is fine now, that Sheppard is everything he wants. But a lifetime of being less than perfectly successful with the opposite sex is hard to shake.
"No trouble with that." Ronon's grin is wolfish still, and, for once, that's not just directed at Rodney. "And who said ‘temporarily?'"
It takes them all a moment to process that last word.
"You...cannot be serious," Teyla says.
"Don't know," Ronon admits. "I've got time to make up my mind. Might not be a choice. Maybe we have to go back." She grins. "Maybe I'm just messing with you."
"Jerk," Rodney mutters.
Sheppard studies Ronon for another minute, obviously trying to gauge how serious her teammate is, but Ronon just smiles, giving nothing more away. Raised eyebrows garner only a shrug, but apparently that's enough. The subject is dropped if not forgotten.
Sheppard relaxes, and they start bickering over a movie they watched together the night before.
No more revelations are going to be made, so Kate lets them go. It's been fascinating to watch, though; she hopes they'll talk to her again after they come back from Hermea, too. She feels like she's learned a lot and maybe helped a little. Not as much as she would have liked, especially in Teyla's case, but it's possible that for Teyla, this was as good as the situation allowed. One of the things she's always had difficulty with, herself, is the inability to go back and make everything right, though her whole practice is about helping people learn to deal with reality and not what they wish it might be.
Though all four of them are good at that already, maybe too good. Everyone has wounds, but they each in their way hide them so well, sometimes they must forget themselves that the pain is there. These four heal fast on the surface and hide if their scars still hurt with a quip or a complaint, a serene smile or a menacing growl. They have their masks to keep themselves safe, and good luck to anyone who tries to pry beneath.
They don't thank each other, either, and so she takes a chance as Sheppard and McKay exit, happily debating who is tougher: Martin Riggs or John McClane.
"Ronon," she asks, "was there something else you wanted to talk about?"
Ronon glances at the door, sliding closed behind her teammates. "Maybe."
Kate waits, wondering if this will be about Sheppard after all, considering the expression on Ronon's features. Or maybe about Rodney?
"You figure anyone would care if I didn't...." Ronon stops, her mouth twisting unhappily.
Kate gets it, though; she's watched Ronon, even talked to her on occasion. Not with her, exactly. And yet.
"Turn back?"
She's exercised more patience with her patients in Pegasus than ever before. Except for Rodney, not one of them wants to talk to her. And Rodney still wants to talk about vastly different things than she needs him to communicate about. But she has an answer for Ronon this time.
"I think everyone who matters to you would accept your decision."
"Teyla? Because...."
Kate nods. "Teyla has been very unhappy, but will always want you to be happy."
Ronon looks up at that, and the smile that spreads slowly but surely on her face is breathtaking. "Yeah, you're right."
"Have you decided to stay a woman?" Kate asks, choosing bluntness because that's what Ronon prefers, unlike Sheppard, who has to be subtly maneuvered into an ambush before she'll admit anything, or Rodney, who will spill an ocean's worth of words, hiding the truth in it like a little darting fish.
"Not yet." Ronon shrugs. "Still thinking."
Kate leans forward. Still thinking and testing out the idea with the team during the session. To a relatively good reaction. None of them had been horrified or rejected the idea.
"I think that you and your team can handle almost anything. Whatever you choose."
Ronon rises from the couch and tips her head, considering that, before nodding.
"Figure that's right."
~*~
Elizabeth and Lorne follow the team into the jumper bay, both of them hiding smiles. Rodney is dawdling, trying to straighten a strap on his tac vest where it has been customized to hold his laptop. Teyla has already slipped inside the jumper. Ronon is at the hatch ramp, looking both bored and amused, while John is virtually vibrating in place. Her foot has started an impatient tap, and she's glaring at Rodney.
"Could you get a move on, McKay?" she snaps.
"What? This is...You could help me, you know. This is cutting into my shoulder," Rodney whines.
With a loud, put-upon sigh, John takes over, smoothing out the strap with expert fingers. Her gaze is cast down, focused on the webbing, and she doesn't see the expression, the mixture of affection and apprehension, that Rodney's face betrays as he looks at her. Elizabeth does. She starts to say something distracting, something that will save Rodney from betraying himself to John, because no matter how acceptable an attraction to her female form might seem on the surface, it's utterly doomed. After all, in a few hours, John and Teyla and Ronon will all be back as they were before and she doesn't want to think of the implosion that could result from John finding out that Rodney lusted after him as her. She starts to speak, her mouth opens, but no words come out as John pats the strap into place with a touch that would be a caress if it were skin on skin.
"There," she says, her head coming up, voice gentle yet serious as she adds, "It's going to be fine, Rodney."
"Of course it is," Rodney huffs. "Besides, for once, I'm not the one undergoing the bizarre alien ritual."
"Stop worrying," John tells him. Her hand still rests on Rodney's tac vest. Lorne can't see her hands from where he's standing, and if Rodney hadn't moved, Elizabeth wouldn't either.
"We going sometime today?" Ronon calls.
"Right, right," Rodney mutters. John's hand falls away as Rodney turns and boards the jumper. Ronon slaps Rodney on the back as he passes, staggering him, and a litany of complaints float back into the bay.
John turns back to Elizabeth and Lorne with a brilliant smile. "I guess we're a go," she says.
Elizabeth is still too stunned to say anything. She snaps her mouth shut and nods, still thinking, How did I not see this?
"Lorne, take care of things. From what I understood, this may be an overnight trip," Sheppard tells her second-in-command.
"You got it, sir. No loud parties, no toilet papering the control tower, no loud explosions."
"I'll settle for no explosions." A pause. "Do we have enough toilet paper to do the control tower?"
"I'd have to check inventory. We could always use that moss from PXC-883."
Elizabeth winces, and John grins. "Better for that than as toilet paper, right, Elizabeth?" She nods. They both remember that first year. They made do with...well, anything after their supplies ran out.
"I think so," Elizabeth manages to say. She gives in to impulse and touches John's shoulder. It's strange, but she's been less easy with hugging John as a woman than she was before. It isn't just because there was always a small pleasure in wrapping her arms around a handsome man, before; it's that she realizes now he never liked it much, just hid it better. There's always an instant of stillness when someone touches John. It's there, as she squeezes her shoulder. "Good luck, John."
She means it.
"It's going to be fine," John says, "like I told McKay. And we're coming back with the cloak, remember? Capable of hiding a whole planet."
"Just come back all right."
"We'll do that, too."
With a wave, she goes.
Elizabeth watches as the jumper closes up and then is maneuvered to the opening in the bay floor that takes it down to the gate room. It gleams bronze and steely gray under the sun shining through the open bay roof.
"They'll be fine, ma'am," Lorne says from beside her.
"I hope so."
"Ma'am, those four always take care of each other."
Elizabeth glances at him sidelong, wondering if she is the first or the last to figure out John and Rodney. Something in Lorne's smile makes her think it's the latter. But he's right. The team looks out for itself; Kate's careful reports, censored of any personal detail, confirm that.
I really don't do anything for them, just get them in the same room. They do everything else themselves. Gate teams either gel or they don't, and if they do, they take care of each other better than I or anyone else ever could.
~*~
Part 28
Parts 1-20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
~*~
"You all look happy," Kate observes as the team settles themselves on the couches.
Teyla smiles back at her. "We are all looking forward to our next mission."
"Ronon, Colonel? You feel the same?"
Ronon just shrugs, but Sheppard smiles blindingly at her, making Kate blink. She doubts she's ever seen such unguarded emotion from the Colonel before.
"What do you think?"
Rodney rolls his eyes. "If she hasn't figured out you want your dick back, she hasn't been paying attention. Zelenka wants to check you for an antigravity device, you've been bouncing around so much the last couple of days."
"I'm sorry. Does my happiness offend you?" Sheppard retorts. Then she kicks Rodney. Rodney kicks back.
Kate desperately, desperately wants to ask if they are sleeping together again, but even if she could ask, she couldn't do so in the presence of Ronon and Teyla. She's already skirted the edges of being too involved, too personal, too pushy and far too curious by making her 'house call' to the gym after the Hekan debacle. But all four of them appear so relaxed and happy, functioning as a team again, that she knows better than to prod at any possibly sore spots. Her job is to help and evaluate, not to satisfy her own curiosity.
But she can admit to herself, at least, that she is very curious. Plus, informed self-interest; Atlantis operates well with the Colonel and Rodney supporting Elizabeth as the primary power structure. Where went the first team so, in many senses, went Atlantis' mood and morale. That too had been why she had gone to find Sheppard the night Cadman radioed, because she knew the Colonel wouldn't come to her, even if in need. She wouldn't have searched out one of the marines or the average scientist, but they had the support of their social networks. The command staff were far more isolated, with only each other to rely on.
They have established a new equilibrium since the Hekan fiasco. Some of it is unity in the face of the IOA's decisions. The rest she can't quite pin down. It's fascinating, though, to watch the four of them. No matter what one does, the other three compensate as naturally as they breathe, consciously and unconsciously. They've closed ranks, and now she can't tell what is happening within the team, only that they seem happy, so it must be healthy.
Sheppard's pleasure at the prospect of returning to being a man is obvious, but it isn't in contrast to previous depression. Shortly after the mission that had her and Rodney held captive, something changed again. She and Rodney have been conspicuously in good spirits since then.
Kate is sure that it is more than the satisfaction of rescuing themselves.
When she looks up, Sheppard's grinning at her as if she can read Kate's mind.
Again, Kate wishes she knew more, not just the bare bones of the events themselves but the team's view. Unfortunately, after one last post-Heka team session, Elizabeth released them from the mandatory sessions. They did seem all right, but Kate suspects it was a sop to them in exchange for not protesting the Hekan agenda too vocally. The IOA's decision had to have been particularly bitter after losing Sergeant Reyes.
They were furious after the new orders came from Earth. Not with each other, though. The sniping and bitterness were all aimed at Earth and the authorities there. If she didn't believe in confidentiality quite so much, she might have told Elizabeth exactly how disillusioned the four of them were with her. Sheppard and McKay were literally finishing each other's sentences. "I can't believe she...sold out the Hekans like they mean nothing just because...they aren't from Earth. I swear I'm going to be...sick." It's better for their working relationships that she can't, because Elizabeth needs to be confident that they will follow her orders.
"No, but your incessant cheer is enough to give me hives," Rodney tells Sheppard.
Sheppard casually punches Rodney's biceps. "I promise to be nasty and bad tempered just as soon as we come home."
Rodney rubs his arm and scowls but doesn't complain. Kate wants to make a note. Now she's sure they're sleeping together again, though the dynamic is much more like it was between them before the change. That thought makes her head spin a little. Were they...? No, she's sure Rodney would have spilled something in his therapy sessions. Though he never openly admitted it, might have been in denial, even, he had let slip a few more than a few, albeit grudging, admiring comments, before, and his conversation was full of Sheppard this and Sheppard that. None of it with even a hint of sexual congress between them, until the Hermean change.
"So, Colonel, let me ask the typical question regarding your upcoming reversal."
Sheppard makes a face as if she's bitten into a lemon. "How I feel about it?" Kate suppresses a smile. Oh, no, not the 'talk about my feelings' question, she can see Sheppard thinking. It's funny.
Kate leans forward. "Yes. You must be...nervous? Looking forward to it? Something."
Rodney, to her right, close enough that their legs are almost, but not quite, touching, snorts. "Don't they teach you to ask less leading questions? Also, there are other ways to find that out: Ask how often she's cleaned her gun in the last few days - "
"And you, Rodney?" Kate asks.
"- or whether she has done her paperwork on time -"
"Hey, all my paperwork is up to date!" Sheppard protests.
Rodney points at her. "Exactly!"
Rodney blinks, finally registering Kate's question. Beside him, Sheppard crosses her arms over her chest and pouts dramatically, not quite hiding a trademark smirk. "I'm fine."
"Really, Rodney?"
Sheppard kicks Rodney's ankle.
"Ow!" Rodney glares at Sheppard, props his foot on his knee and ostentatiously rubs his ankle. "What's with the physical assaults?"
Sheppard blinks at him innocently. "I must be suffering from a lack of impulse control."
"My point exactly." Rodney gives her a long look.
Kate waits patiently. She doesn't avert her eyes from Rodney.
Ronon slumps back on the couch and yawns. The session is obviously not engaging her.
"Rodney...." Sheppard whines with a smile.
"Come on, you've been like the Energizer Bunny the last couple of days," Rodney says. Then he blushes. Kate's sure of it: they are sleeping together again. Energizer...she didn't need to know that about either of them. Though, God, she wanted to, not the details (well, those too, but only to, through them, see the whole picture of their interaction). Plus, she is human. Honi soit qui mal y pense.
"The only one more jittery than you is Teyla." He looks at Kate. "Do you know those two have completely restocked the jumper three times?"
"Three times?" Kate asks mildly.
"Some of that stuff gets too old and has to be replaced if you don't use it," Sheppard says sulkily.
"Three. Times," Rodney repeats.
"They'd have done it a fourth time," mumbles Ronon, still splayed loosely on the couch, eyes half-closed, "if I hadn't dragged them both off to spar."
Teyla raises an eyebrow. "There was no dragging involved. Rodney merely mentioned 'obviously excessive energy' and 'compensation' and such."
"Like you don't miss your dick," Sheppard tells Ronon.
Who just shrugs. "Not like my pussy doesn't -"
Rodney holds up a hand. "TMI! TMI!"
Kate finds that interesting. Usually, she'd assume it's a downplayed reaction, not in the least to counter the agitation the Colonel and Rodney are displaying, but Ronon's actions, like her words, read true and clear, as usual. Ronon has, in fact, been the least affected by this process, accepting it and moving forward without difficulty. All Kate has had to talk about with her was not the change but everything in Ronon's past: Sateda and the death of his betrothed.
And most of all, Running.
She's sure there must have been a period of depression after Rodney and Sheppard reunited, but for that, Ronon didn't come to her. She seems relaxed with them now, in any case, so the team must have shored up their ties to each other. Ronon was never pushed out of the circle; that obviously made it easier.
Kate wishes she could ask about how Ronon dealt with it, but some balances should not be disturbed with words. Ronon would likely just frown and answer that there was no use crying over it, that she knew Sheppard and Rodney were her friends, her team.
"More to love than sex," she'd said in one of their private sessions.
So, Kate shifts her attention to Teyla. "Teyla? How do you feel?"
"I will be most relieved."
Kate nods. This is not a surprise. Teyla has calmed down considerably since these first few sessions, but tolerance is not the same thing as acceptance. Nor is acceptance equal to approval or contentment.
Teyla tips his head and adds, "I have learned much from this experience, but I am ready to become myself again."
Sheppard nods at that. The movement is probably unconscious.
Rodney twitches and spreads his fingers wide, then remarks quietly, "Yeah. Even though I didn't...I've still learned some stuff."
"Stuff, Rodney?" Sheppard teases.
It is interesting to see Sheppard mimic Rodney because, in Kate's eyes, the colonel has settled into her female body in a way that's astounding, not to mention different from Teyla's more grudging behavior.
But Kate's also come to realize that Sheppard is by nature a chameleon and has always adapted to present a façade that is acceptable to those around her while concealing the more vulnerable parts of herself. Kate suspects it is something learned in childhood and only reaffirmed in the military.
There's no heat in Rodney's words, though. He lifts his chin, crosses his arms in front of his chest, and continues, "Yes. Colonel Erudite, stuff!"
Kate hides a smile.
"What kind of stuff, Rodney?"
"That gender isn't irrelevant to human interactions, and, no, I don't mean your run-of-the-mill crazy hillbillies but your very own own Atlantis population."
"Really?" Sheppard drawls. "So...?" She's gone a little tense, eyes narrowed and intent on Rodney.
"Oh, please, do I have to remind you of Captain Whatshisname?"
"Harper. You're not starting that again, are you?"
"Just my point: He was hot for your body but not you, because he sure as hell never hit on you as a guy." A beat, and Rodney's eyes widen. "He didn't, did he?"
John huffs out a laugh. "Not ever."
Ronon leans forward. "McKay's right about that. Plenty of guys approached me, too."
The team's heads turn as one.
"What happened?"
"Did you take any of them, oh, God, up on that?"
"Ronon! I was not aware of this."
Ronon shrugs. "I like sex."
"Who with?" Rodney demands, leaning forward to stare at Ronon eagerly, while automatically intercepting the finger Sheppard starts to poke into his ribs. He doesn't let go of her hand for a moment...and Sheppard doesn't jerk away.
"Concepcion de la Cruz."
"An anthropologist!?" Rodney squawks, as if they were the third gender no one dare speak of. "Admittedly, she's hot - wait, she? I had no idea she was a lesbian. No wonder she shot me down when I tried to ask for a date."
Sheppard doesn't go for the unkind retort that immediately pops into Kate's mind. Instead - "When did you try to date de la Cruz?" Sheppard hisses at Rodney. Her hand twists in Rodney's, and now she's squeezing his fingers, hard.
"Ages ago! When she first arrived! Maybe back at the SGC, even," Rodney replies hurriedly.
"I tried sex with Hopgood, too," Ronon offers.
Even through her amusement, Kate thinks Ronon made a very understandable choice. Alonzo Hopgood's resemblance to a certain young actor is a frequent topic of discussion during Poker Night. Any night, in fact.
Rodney and Sheppard both stare at her. Teyla has his hands over his face. "Ronon," Teyla says, "how could you?" He doesn't sound outraged or upset, not even reproachful. Kate has seen all of these emotions before. She just hasn't ever seen Teyla confused.
Ronon looks at them as if they were slightly slow. "I needed to know which was better for me."
"So?" Rodney asks. "Which did you like better?" He extracts his hand from Sheppard's and flexes it.
"Concepcion," Ronon says with a pleased smile. "I like women's bodies."
Kate itches to make notes. Ronon's orientation didn't change with the body? Or she's truly bisexual? Or Concepcion de la Cruz is just better in bed than Alonzo Hopgood? Catty as that may be, it wouldn't surprise her. Where does Sheppard fall in this curve?
"I like this body. It's like...being new."
A dozen expressions flit over Sheppard's features. Her eyes widen and her lips part. Something just clicked with her. Kate would give all of her lingerie to be able to peek into her thought processes and know what.
"If you still want girls, why do you want to stay a girl?" Sheppard blurts, then winces, obviously wishing she'd said nothing.
Ronon gives her a look that makes Sheppard flush and glance away. "You want McKay, but you still want your dick back."
Kate feels like she's trying to watch a four way tennis match and needs extra eyes to watch all of their reactions. Rodney's gone pale and is clutching his hands into fists on his thighs. Teyla is pinching the bridge of his nose. Sheppard is even paler than Rodney, but sits up straighter and says, "I guess."
After a dirty look toward Sheppard, Rodney asks, "So, you're a lesbian now?" Something seems to occur to him. "Oh, God, I made you a lesbian!"
Ronon snorts out a laugh. "It wasn't that bad."
Rodney looks torn between relief and indignation while Sheppard looks intrigued, brow furrowing thoughtfully. Teyla is looking at the ceiling pointedly enough that Kate has to fight the urge to take a look upwards as well.
Rodney's eyes are still bulging slightly. Ronon leans past Sheppard and jabs him in the shoulder, playfully. "Kidding, McKay. It was good. I just - women are pretty. And smell great." She shrugs again. "I get that you have rules about sex, but they aren't my rules. On Sateda, we didn't care. Women with women, men with men, whatever."
"Whatever," Sheppard echoes, looking at Ronon; Kate cannot quite figure out if her tone indicates wistfulness or confusion.
Rodney, in turn, watches her with narrowed eyes before switching to Ronon. "Well, for some individuals it might make sense, for psychological values of sense, not scientific ones, of course , to stay with one gender, despite a temporarily different body. If they have no trouble getting dates that way, too, I mean."
Kate's pretty sure she doesn't imagine the resigned awe in Rodney's voice. If pressed, she thinks, he'd readily and honestly agree that his love life is fine now, that Sheppard is everything he wants. But a lifetime of being less than perfectly successful with the opposite sex is hard to shake.
"No trouble with that." Ronon's grin is wolfish still, and, for once, that's not just directed at Rodney. "And who said ‘temporarily?'"
It takes them all a moment to process that last word.
"You...cannot be serious," Teyla says.
"Don't know," Ronon admits. "I've got time to make up my mind. Might not be a choice. Maybe we have to go back." She grins. "Maybe I'm just messing with you."
"Jerk," Rodney mutters.
Sheppard studies Ronon for another minute, obviously trying to gauge how serious her teammate is, but Ronon just smiles, giving nothing more away. Raised eyebrows garner only a shrug, but apparently that's enough. The subject is dropped if not forgotten.
Sheppard relaxes, and they start bickering over a movie they watched together the night before.
No more revelations are going to be made, so Kate lets them go. It's been fascinating to watch, though; she hopes they'll talk to her again after they come back from Hermea, too. She feels like she's learned a lot and maybe helped a little. Not as much as she would have liked, especially in Teyla's case, but it's possible that for Teyla, this was as good as the situation allowed. One of the things she's always had difficulty with, herself, is the inability to go back and make everything right, though her whole practice is about helping people learn to deal with reality and not what they wish it might be.
Though all four of them are good at that already, maybe too good. Everyone has wounds, but they each in their way hide them so well, sometimes they must forget themselves that the pain is there. These four heal fast on the surface and hide if their scars still hurt with a quip or a complaint, a serene smile or a menacing growl. They have their masks to keep themselves safe, and good luck to anyone who tries to pry beneath.
They don't thank each other, either, and so she takes a chance as Sheppard and McKay exit, happily debating who is tougher: Martin Riggs or John McClane.
"Ronon," she asks, "was there something else you wanted to talk about?"
Ronon glances at the door, sliding closed behind her teammates. "Maybe."
Kate waits, wondering if this will be about Sheppard after all, considering the expression on Ronon's features. Or maybe about Rodney?
"You figure anyone would care if I didn't...." Ronon stops, her mouth twisting unhappily.
Kate gets it, though; she's watched Ronon, even talked to her on occasion. Not with her, exactly. And yet.
"Turn back?"
She's exercised more patience with her patients in Pegasus than ever before. Except for Rodney, not one of them wants to talk to her. And Rodney still wants to talk about vastly different things than she needs him to communicate about. But she has an answer for Ronon this time.
"I think everyone who matters to you would accept your decision."
"Teyla? Because...."
Kate nods. "Teyla has been very unhappy, but will always want you to be happy."
Ronon looks up at that, and the smile that spreads slowly but surely on her face is breathtaking. "Yeah, you're right."
"Have you decided to stay a woman?" Kate asks, choosing bluntness because that's what Ronon prefers, unlike Sheppard, who has to be subtly maneuvered into an ambush before she'll admit anything, or Rodney, who will spill an ocean's worth of words, hiding the truth in it like a little darting fish.
"Not yet." Ronon shrugs. "Still thinking."
Kate leans forward. Still thinking and testing out the idea with the team during the session. To a relatively good reaction. None of them had been horrified or rejected the idea.
"I think that you and your team can handle almost anything. Whatever you choose."
Ronon rises from the couch and tips her head, considering that, before nodding.
"Figure that's right."
~*~
Elizabeth and Lorne follow the team into the jumper bay, both of them hiding smiles. Rodney is dawdling, trying to straighten a strap on his tac vest where it has been customized to hold his laptop. Teyla has already slipped inside the jumper. Ronon is at the hatch ramp, looking both bored and amused, while John is virtually vibrating in place. Her foot has started an impatient tap, and she's glaring at Rodney.
"Could you get a move on, McKay?" she snaps.
"What? This is...You could help me, you know. This is cutting into my shoulder," Rodney whines.
With a loud, put-upon sigh, John takes over, smoothing out the strap with expert fingers. Her gaze is cast down, focused on the webbing, and she doesn't see the expression, the mixture of affection and apprehension, that Rodney's face betrays as he looks at her. Elizabeth does. She starts to say something distracting, something that will save Rodney from betraying himself to John, because no matter how acceptable an attraction to her female form might seem on the surface, it's utterly doomed. After all, in a few hours, John and Teyla and Ronon will all be back as they were before and she doesn't want to think of the implosion that could result from John finding out that Rodney lusted after him as her. She starts to speak, her mouth opens, but no words come out as John pats the strap into place with a touch that would be a caress if it were skin on skin.
"There," she says, her head coming up, voice gentle yet serious as she adds, "It's going to be fine, Rodney."
"Of course it is," Rodney huffs. "Besides, for once, I'm not the one undergoing the bizarre alien ritual."
"Stop worrying," John tells him. Her hand still rests on Rodney's tac vest. Lorne can't see her hands from where he's standing, and if Rodney hadn't moved, Elizabeth wouldn't either.
"We going sometime today?" Ronon calls.
"Right, right," Rodney mutters. John's hand falls away as Rodney turns and boards the jumper. Ronon slaps Rodney on the back as he passes, staggering him, and a litany of complaints float back into the bay.
John turns back to Elizabeth and Lorne with a brilliant smile. "I guess we're a go," she says.
Elizabeth is still too stunned to say anything. She snaps her mouth shut and nods, still thinking, How did I not see this?
"Lorne, take care of things. From what I understood, this may be an overnight trip," Sheppard tells her second-in-command.
"You got it, sir. No loud parties, no toilet papering the control tower, no loud explosions."
"I'll settle for no explosions." A pause. "Do we have enough toilet paper to do the control tower?"
"I'd have to check inventory. We could always use that moss from PXC-883."
Elizabeth winces, and John grins. "Better for that than as toilet paper, right, Elizabeth?" She nods. They both remember that first year. They made do with...well, anything after their supplies ran out.
"I think so," Elizabeth manages to say. She gives in to impulse and touches John's shoulder. It's strange, but she's been less easy with hugging John as a woman than she was before. It isn't just because there was always a small pleasure in wrapping her arms around a handsome man, before; it's that she realizes now he never liked it much, just hid it better. There's always an instant of stillness when someone touches John. It's there, as she squeezes her shoulder. "Good luck, John."
She means it.
"It's going to be fine," John says, "like I told McKay. And we're coming back with the cloak, remember? Capable of hiding a whole planet."
"Just come back all right."
"We'll do that, too."
With a wave, she goes.
Elizabeth watches as the jumper closes up and then is maneuvered to the opening in the bay floor that takes it down to the gate room. It gleams bronze and steely gray under the sun shining through the open bay roof.
"They'll be fine, ma'am," Lorne says from beside her.
"I hope so."
"Ma'am, those four always take care of each other."
Elizabeth glances at him sidelong, wondering if she is the first or the last to figure out John and Rodney. Something in Lorne's smile makes her think it's the latter. But he's right. The team looks out for itself; Kate's careful reports, censored of any personal detail, confirm that.
I really don't do anything for them, just get them in the same room. They do everything else themselves. Gate teams either gel or they don't, and if they do, they take care of each other better than I or anyone else ever could.
~*~
Part 28