Ardhanarishvara Part Twenty-Five

[auburnnotlisa]

Parts 1 - 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24



(continued from Part 24)

Teyla nods to Elizabeth and takes a seat at the conference table. The panel doors that open onto the control room level are all closed for privacy, but the doors out onto the balcony are open, allowing the midday sun to light the otherwise dim room. There's a bright patch of light on the floor near two empty seats. Everyone else except for Rodney and the Colonel has arrived. Major Lorne smiles. Teyla smiles back. Doctor Beckett is frowning at a laptop, while Doctor Zelenka is staring out at the horizon, where ocean meets sky. Ronon is flipping one of her smaller knives between her fingers in a dexterity exercise.

"See?" she says to Lorne, who nods. "You have to know your knife before you can throw it."

Rodney and the Colonel are the last two to filter into the conference room. Rodney follows the Colonel in and his mouth is turned down.

"Sorry we're late, Elizabeth," the Colonel tells her and sits down. Teyla feels a little hope at the implication that she was with Rodney, but it dies away. Rodney takes the seat next to the Colonel, who somehow manages to move away without shifting an inch.

"Yes, yes, sorry," Rodney mutters. "Can we get on with this?"

Elizabeth raises an eyebrow, but only says patiently, "Of course, Rodney." She leans forward, red turtleneck stretching over her shoulders in a way that unfortunately emphasizes the sharp bones beneath. "As you know, the SGC sent a classified databurst through during fourth shift. I've gone through it and copied a summary to all of you. John, Rodney, Carson, you'll also get the complete IOA finding. I hope you'll all go over it, but the gist is that the we've been ordered to discontinue all operations through the Hekan stargate."

"What?" Rodney and the Colonel chorus, abruptly united.

Teyla sits up straighter, frowning at Elizabeth. A quick check shows Dr. Beckett looking worried, Major Lorne like he has tasted something unpleasant, Ronon practically growling, and Dr. Zelenka nodding to himself, his expression regretful. None of the Earthers look particularly surprised. Not even Rodney or the Colonel, Teyla realizes. Outraged and disgusted, but not surprised, so that Rodney leans forward and the Colonel slouches lower into her chair, jaw set.

Elizabeth's expression gives nothing away. She sits straight and her hands are loose, not folded together or clenched to fists. Her body says she is not worried, until you look closer and see the tension in her shoulders, the tiny lines at the corners of her eyes, the size of her pupils. "I'd like a revised mission schedule on my desk by fifteen hundred today."

Sheppard nods at Lorne. "Major?"

Lorne gets up. "I'm on it, ma'am." He heads for the door with a glance back at Rodney, who is visibly fuming but hasn't blown yet. The flicker of relief in his eyes is unmistakable. Teyla doesn't blame him. Rodney is drumming his fingers against the tabletop in rhythm all too reminiscent of a countdown. The door opens for him and closes with an almost inaudible shush.

Carson pushes his seat back, flashing glances from Elizabeth to the Colonel to Rodney and back. The tension in the conference room is rising despite the near silence. "I think I'll get back to the infirmary, check over the girls one last time, if you don't object, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth waves a hand at him, while staring at Rodney, who is scowling.

"Go."

Teyla watches Carson gather up his laptop and rush out of the room without looking back. The colonel murmurs, very low, "Don't look back, they might be gaining on you," and Rodney snorts, telling Teyla this is another of their cultural references. Sheppard slouches even lower in her seat, mimicking a relaxation Teyla is sure she doesn't feel. Apparently her spine has suddenly melted.

Zelenka is twitching. He slants a quick glance at Rodney.

Rodney snaps at him. "Get out. Go get the crap off the jumpers."

Zelenka pushes his glasses up his nose and mumbles something that could be an affirmative or a Czech curse; either way, he's out of his seat and on his way to the door with amazing agility.

Sheppard drawls, "Let me know when they're working again, Doctor Z."

"Yes, yes, I will email you," Zelenka blurts. And he's gone, nothing but an afterimage of flyaway hair left behind.

"Well, I guess it's just us," Sheppard says, drawing it out, in the quiet that follows the door closing again. Ronon grunts, making Elizabeth flinch. A flash of white teeth in a feral smile lets Teyla know Ronon did that on purpose.

"Yes," Elizabeth replies, recovering fast. She smiles, but it is strained and she appears braced. "Do you have any questions? I know this -"

"They can't do that," Rodney declares.

"The orders that came with the finding are explicit."

"And you're going to go along with this?" Colonel Sheppard demands.

"We have no choice in the matter." Elizabeth does not, in fact, look upset by this, Teyla notes.

"And no conscience either," Rodney says, low, but not so low that anyone doesn't hear it. Elizabeth's face flushes then tightens into an angry mask. Everyone else carefully does not look at her.

"Don't you dare sit in judgment of me, Rodney McKay," Elizabeth raps out.

The Colonel is already reaching for Rodney's wrist, catching it in her hand, saying at the same time, "Rodney -"

"Come on!" Rodney starts to jerk away, looks at Sheppard's slim hand on his wrist and stills, but goes on, still angry and growing loud again, "You know! You know that we have to do something and, now, after Reyes is dead, they're telling us to stop!"

"What about the kids?" Ronon asks. She put away the knife when Elizabeth began the meeting, which is probably a good thing, considering this new tone to her voice.

"We have been authorized to relocate the refugees currently on Atlantis to any suitable planetary culture willing to take them," Elizabeth replies. "Lt. Cadman's team returned from Xa with news that they are amenable, so we will turn their care over as soon as possible."

"Hustle out any reminder of just what we're abandoning the rest of the Hekan population to, you mean," Rodney comments.

"That is enough, Doctor McKay," Elizabeth snaps.

"Oh, I don't think so -"

"I do and if you can't control yourself, I will have you removed from this meeting." The steel in Elizabeth's tone impresses Teyla.

"By whom? The Colonel? Maybe Ronon or Teyla?" Rodney demands. "Oh, wait, I know! You'll radio Lorne and have some strapping big marines do it."

The Colonel's hand on Rodney's wrist is white-knuckled and her face has gone completely blank. Teyla is abruptly frightened that Rodney will force the issue. Elizabeth will command the Colonel to remove Rodney, and she will obey...and destroy forever not just the friendship between her and Rodney but their entire team. Or the Colonel will refuse, the result of which would be just as devastating. Elizabeth will be faced with either backing down, forever weakening her authority, or removing the Colonel from command of Atlantis' military. Teyla can only hope that Rodney won't force the issue. Teyla determines to drag Rodney out before Colonel Sheppard is forced into a no-win choice. Rodney may forgive Teyla what he wouldn't the Colonel.

"Rodney." The Colonel only says his name, no more.

Rodney does look at her, though. His mouth thins, but something seems to pass between them. The hand on his wrist releases it. Rodney's shoulders relax a fraction of an inch. A thousand subtle muscular cues tell Teyla that he is no longer about to throw himself to his feet, shouting and pointing. And it wasn't Elizabeth's threat that made the difference. Quite likely that only exacerbated Rodney's temper.

He pushes his chair back, though, and Ronon tenses. Teyla winces in anticipation, but Rodney's voice is quiet, with only a slight crack at the end. "You know, I think I will leave, because nothing I say will make any difference, will it?"

"I am sorry," Elizabeth says.

"Really, Elizabeth?" Rodney asks. "Tell us, what did you advise the IOA about the situation?"

"Complete withdrawal."

Teyla is shocked and has to work to keep the feeling from showing.

One sharp jerk of a nod is Rodney's response. In this case, he read and anticipated Elizabeth better than any of the rest of them, it appears. He heads for the doors and pauses there as the Colonel speaks.

"I'll read the finding later, but there really isn't anything more to say, is there?" she says. She crosses her arms. "I'll have Lorne release all the personnel tasked to the Hekan missions to other duties, pending new mission parameters, which I'm sure Stargate Command and the IOA have already or will provide." Her expression isn't one Teyla has ever seen aimed at Elizabeth before: disgust.

"John."

The Colonel waits.

"I know you have strong feelings about the situation."

The Colonel shrugs. "Yes, I do."

"I appreciate your support."

Another shrug. "Don't mistake obedience for agreement," she tells Elizabeth, her voice flat.

Teyla finally finds some words. "Elizabeth, you truly counseled complete withdrawal? What of the children remaining on Heka? The women there...." A shake of the head is the only way Teyla can keep from shouting the way Rodney did. "It isn't acceptable. As human beings we have a obligation to them."

"I'm sorry, Teyla, but the IOA feels that any more action would be interfering in the rights of a sovereign planet. No one wants to attempt to restructure an entire society from the religion up." Elizabeth looks pained. "We've had disastrous results on our own world, attempting something - anything like this."

"We discussed the possibility of removing the children, so that they might be raised outside the influence of the Hekan religion and beliefs," Teyla offers. The Colonel shakes her head.

Elizabeth is shaking her head, too. "No, no. That would effectively deny them their own culture and society -"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," the Colonel interjects.

"Teyla. Ronon." Elizabeth pauses and seems to martial her arguments, her determination. "In our history, we have done something similar out of a belief that our own ways are superior. If Rodney was still here, I would remind him, too, but John, you do realize that if we remove the Hekans' children, it is far too much like the actions white settlers took against Native Americans and the Australian aborigines, don't you?"

"It's not," the Colonel replies, voice quiet but steady, all hints of her playful drawl wiped away. "Those kids were taken because they were considered...lesser humans, somehow. We want to save the Hekan children from just that."

"The IOA doesn't see it that way."

"The IOA doesn't see it at all, only what you tell them."

"Are you implying I've slanted my reports?"

The Colonel cocks her head, then shakes it. She licks her lips, just a fast flick of the tongue betraying her nervousness. "Not intentionally. But you're biased - hey, everyone is - and you lean toward the politically correct. You won't commit so you won't make a mistake, and it all goes down while you still debate."

"I hadn't realized you'd analyzed me quite so closely, Colonel." Teyla does not think she has heard that tone of voice on Elizabeth before, certainly not when she is speaking to Sheppard, whom she cherishes.

"No more than you have me. Part of the job."

Ronon pushes her chair back and stands. She still has the same height and looms over Elizabeth - looms over most people in the expedition, frankly, except for Dr. Tsetante. "I don't like this," she interrupts.

"Ronon."

Ronon glares at Elizabeth. "I don't like people who aren't here making the decisions."

Teyla picks up the argument immediately. Ronon really is smarter than she shows most of the time. "Elizabeth, did you not say your people had done this before? Out of a belief that your way was better? Is that not exactly what the IOA is doing by telling us what to do?"

Elizabeth presses her lips together in a thin line. Teyla has observed before how little she likes having her own words turned on her. Perhaps it is part of being a diplomat who prides herself on her skill with words and argument, to resent when those tools, her tools, are used on her in turn. Presently, Teyla doesn't care. This order from Earth is insulting as well as wrong. To stand by and do nothing to change Heka is no better than to stand by in safety while the Wraith cull other worlds.

Teyla resents being made part of it.

"The decision is out of my hands," Elizabeth says, and Teyla can see that she knows how weak that excuse is.

The decision is always one's own to make, Teyla knows. As she once chose to make her life in Atlantis, to become Lantean at the expense of her place and duties to Athos, Elizabeth must choose. The Colonel is watching Teyla with approval in her eyes. Teyla knows that the Colonel made her choice early and has tried to honor it without abandoning any oaths made before coming to Atlantis. Even Rodney - especially Rodney - has committed to Atlantis. It seems that Elizabeth perhaps has not, not completely. But then again, Teyla thinks she might be judging Elizabeth harshly: If it were about Atlantis, her city, Elizabeth would readily go against the SGC. But this about another planet, one she has no allegiance to, has never even seen. And yet, aren't the team her eyes?

"This is the Pegasus Galaxy, as you call it," Teyla says. "Not your Milky Way. What is right there is not necessarily right here."

"Teyla."

"We have different priorities," Teyla finishes.

The Xa, Teyla has already decided, must be informed of all of the circumstances of the refugee girls. There is little doubt that the Xa will do what Atlantis' Earthers are not willing to do. They understand, as Teyla does, that some things cannot be justified, that there is no right that precludes choice. If that were so, they would all lie down and accept the Wraith's right to feed.

~*~

Rodney has been taking so many deep breaths he wouldn't be surprised if he developed a sudden bout of tachypnea.

He does feel a bit calmer now, though. He lingers outside the conference room, leaning over Chuck's shoulder and pretending he's monitoring the standing power usage of the gate dialing mechanism when it's not actually active. He mutters a few words about power conservation and new algorithms for diagnostics when Chuck frowns at him and even manages to glean some interesting data while he's waiting. He isn't even sure why he's waiting, except the rest of his team is still in there and something tells him he should stick around.

Everything is quiet on the gateroom floor. For a second, he frowns, because there are a couple of muddy scuff marks and bit of scruff, pocket litter, on the floor. People need to be neater. Atlantis doesn't clean itself (or maybe it does but he and Zelenka haven't found that subroutine, because he has a hard time imagining any of the Ancients down on hands and knees scrubbing the floor). He'll have to speak to Elizabeth about maintenance, including someone sweeping up after the gate teams. The marines on guard look slightly bored, though their eyes still track everyone who crosses from the transporter bank to the stairs and back.

Ronon stalks out first when the doors finally open, followed by a stone-faced Teyla.

Sheppard follows a long breath later, her face set and her shoulders tight, striding not ambling.

Teyla's hand is going to the radio earpiece they all wear when he spots Rodney. A gesture has him abandoning the gate console and Chuck, approaching warily, and hearing Teyla say, "Ronon. John."

Ronon stops and turns. So does Sheppard, who raises an eyebrow.

Teyla holds out his hand to draw Rodney nearer. Presumably so he won't have to raise his voice.

"Yes, Teyla?" Sheppard says.

"Could you and Doctor McKay join Ronon and myself, later?"

Sheppard looks harassed and wary. Rodney wonders if Teyla is trying to get them to all play nice together or wants to throw a private fit over Elizabeth's news. But fit-throwing isn't Teyla's way. So it's probably the former; no wonder Sheppard looks cautious.

"Why?"

"I wish to discuss the next mission to Hermea in private."

He'd actually managed to forget, probably because the last mission had involved so much soul-searching. Not enough to stop him from doing something stupid, obviously, but enough that he can look at his recent actions, turning to Ronon, and see they were self-centered and short-sighted. He can imagine what they looked like from Sheppard's viewpoint, too. He also can see something else: Sheppard wasn't rejecting Rodney before - she was freaking out. Doing it her uniquely quiet Sheppard way, calling it quits because that put her back in control, exactly what Sheppard's been holding onto at all times. He'd only made things worse for her, trying to push her past that control. It makes him wince now.

"Please," Teyla says, simple and sincere.

Rodney rolls his eyes. "Oh, for God's sake - count me in."

Sheppard frowns. "All right."

Teyla smiles slightly, forcing it. "Thank you. I am worried about that our team will not be prepared properly."

"What time?" Ronon asks.

"After dinner?" Teyla replies.

"We'll be there, Teyla," Sheppard promises. She gives Rodney a familiar, cockeyed look that means she'll show up and drag him from the lab if he's still there at the appointed time. It's a good sign, Rodney knows - a sign that maybe his apology earlier has been accepted.

Whatever happens, at least he'll manage to salvage their friendship from the mess they've made of it.

Teyla lets out a breath. "Good. I will see you then."

"Fine, fine," Rodney says. He glances at his watch. He really should get back to the lab. Leaving Zelenka in charge is fine: he's more than competent, but he's also running a series of important simulations and there isn't anyone else in Atlantis capable of really following the theory they're trying to prove. He owes it to Zelenka to give him back some of the help he's received. Something else he's realized. "I have to get back to the lab now. Zelenka is finishing the simulation analysis on the effect of exotic particles on wormhole stability," Rodney adds. "It's - when he publishes, they'll call it the Zelenka Proof. It's that important. I need to go over it with him."

"You don't mean get your grabby mitts on it, do you, McKay?" Sheppard murmurs.

"What? No!" He can feel himself flush in a mixture of aggrieved embarrassment and anger. He's never sunk to the level of stealing someone else's ideas. But Sheppard, especially, has seen him at his less than professional best. Something neither of them will ever forget. Which is why - "I really owe him. And it's a brilliant theory."

"Huh." Sheppard raises an eyebrow but nods. "Good for you. Both of you."

Just thinking about the beauty of it makes Rodney happy. "It'll make the dolts back on Earth eat their words, papers and all."

"Why, Rodney, I think you've grown as a human being."

"What? Oh, I suppose. I can't wait to see Breyerstein's face when his life's work is ruined."

Teyla's smile is anything but subtle. Ronon chuckles. Sheppard smirks. "What?" Rodney demands in response to the three of them.

"Rodney?"

"Yeah?"

"Run, before you get the Peace Nobel instead of the Physics one."

Now that's just the sort of wrong that would make him paranoid that he'd landed in a parallel dimension. "Laugh, but Breyerstein is an idiot. Really, do you know he once questioned the math in my first thesis?" Rodney snorts. "Like he could balance a checkbook with a Cray computer."

"No, Rodney, I never had any idea," Sheppard drawls. "Why don't you explain it to me?"

That's.... "Really?"

"Sure. Over, say, a nice game of chess?" Sheppard's smirk deepens.

"Yes! Of course. Tomorrow?" Rodney asks eagerly. "I really do have to get back to the lab."

Sheppard shrugs. "Why not?"

Rodney practically bounces. "I'll, ah, I'll see you later then, at Teyla's. And tomorrow...for, um, chess."

~*~

Teyla looks like hell, Rodney decides. Atlantis' artificial lights aren't kind to the tired, especially not late at night. After the conference earlier, he looked tense and disillusioned, but now he's gray and somehow exhausted in a way that seems more mental than physical. He hasn't appeared this bad since the first day after they were switched. It makes Rodney's stomach do barrel rolls.

He peers past Teyla's shoulder into the room, looking around. Teyla's quarters don't appear any different than ever before. Lots of color, lots of pillows and fabrics with textures, nothing frou-frou - that's not Teyla - somehow organic and comforting in ways the angles and decorations of the city don't provide. He's spent more time in Sheppard's quarters than Teyla's, but for sheer comfort, Rodney prefers Teyla's.

"Am I the first to get here?" Usually he's the last, forgetting appointments and meetings unless Zelenka reminds him or Sheppard comes and drags him out of the lab.

"Yes," Teyla says and steps aside, gesturing for him to come inside.

"Oh, ah, thanks."

The scent of Athosian stout tea hits him, warm and tangy, as soon as he's inside. It's mixed with the scent of the candles Teyla uses and regularly gives to him, Sheppard and Ronon. He'll never admit it, anymore than Sheppard will admit liking the curtains Teyla put up in his quarters, but Rodney appreciates having something to smell beyond sweaty socks and burnt-out crystals at the end of the day.

"Please, Rodney, sit," Teyla says, gesturing to one of the low couches. He ambles over as the door chime rings.

Ronon seats herself opposite Rodney after giving him a look like he took away her gun, used it to shoot her puppy and then stole her pudding. The scowl and the folded arms go with the dark look. Rodney wants to yell, What? What did I do? Only there's probably a list. There always is.

Sheppard shows up just when Teyla is starting to look annoyed and looks tired enough herself that being late gets brushed off. The seating choice seems to be either Teyla's bed or next to Rodney on the couch. There's a hitch in her stride, but then she's folding herself down beside him as though there had never been any question. Not looking at him, but not acting like he has something contagious, either, which Rodney thinks is a vast improvement.

"Teyla," she says, "Sorry. Lorne made me read reports before signing off on them." She frowns. "I went back and read your report on Xa, too."

"Thank you," Teyla replies. He's pouring tea into four cups and hands them out with the same grave, ceremonial gestures as always.

Rodney folds his hands around the warm cup, a delicate ceramic the Athosians trade for on a world he's never been to. There are so many, many worlds with stargates and their team only ever goes where they think they may find something of benefit to Atlantis. It bothers him sometimes, because he believes in research for the sake of knowledge, exploration. He knows how many great discoveries have been serendipitous. For all they know, the secret of creating ZPMs and defeating the Wraith or the Ori might lie on a quiet little planet where they specialize in making china.

Okay, maybe not china.

"John," Teyla begins, once they all have the tea and are settled. "As you know, neither the SGC nor your IOA -'

"Not mine," Sheppard mutters then offers a smile of apology for interrupting.

Teyla just nods. "Neither of them have seen fit to acknowledge my place on your team in terms of authority over anyone else in the expedition."

"Elizabeth has left you in charge, though, more than once," Rodney points out.

"Unofficially only," Sheppard says while frowning. "I don't think it was ever raised before the IOA." The frown gets darker. "Or they would have nixed it."

Teyla is nodding. "That is close to what Eliz- Dr. Weir explained."

"Same goes for me, right?" Ronon asks.

"Civilian contractor," Sheppard replies. "Supplemental expedition security. O'Neill wrangled it for you, using the pay grades and paperwork they use for that guy Teal'c, I think."

"Why not Teyla then?"

"Yes, why not me as well?" Teyla echoes Ronon.

"Because the SGC is still dominated by the US military and its outdated, narrow-minded prejudices and codes," Rodney explains when Sheppard is silent.

Teyla looks at Sheppard, who nods helplessly.

Teyla's expression is unreadable. It makes Rodney want to do something ridiculous like reach out and pat his shoulder or something. A glance at Sheppard shows she's just as uncomfortable. They both know the morons back on Earth see Teyla as an alien and a woman and neither of those is much appreciated in a position of authority. Of course, for a month or so more, Teyla is a guy, but somehow that probably wouldn't make much difference to the hidebound power-players trying to hold onto their national importance and agendas in the face of a universe much bigger and meaner than they ever conceived. Not that the report seems to have made it back to Earth anyway.

The reason Elizabeth is in charge of Atlantis isn't because she was the best choice to lead the expedition or because she'd been brilliant and respected. Elizabeth got sent to Pegasus for the same reason Rodney and every other square peg and misfit was chosen: out of sight, out of mind. The SGC wanted Elizabeth gone too. She'd been...awkward: too talented and knowledgeable to dismiss, but an unpleasant reminder of Kinsey's machinations. But if they hadn't been so desperate to send her off, they'd never have put a woman in command of the expedition.

Sheppard...well, the SGC and the brass couldn't dislike Sheppard more now that's she's a woman than they did before, Rodney suspects.

But, leaving aside the gender issues, there is the fact that to Earth authorities, Teyla will always be alien. Don't confuse them with logic, don't point out that anyone from Earth or even the Milky Way is the alien in Atlantis and Pegasus at large. They know what they know and aren't about to change their minds for any facts.

"I find myself relieved in this instance, however," Teyla tells them. Sheppard's eyebrows go up, Ronon looks interested, and Rodney feels the first frisson of apprehension. Whenever something bad makes someone happy, in his experience it means trouble looms. "I have made a decision, one I hope Ronon will agree to help me with." Teyla pauses, then sets down the tea cup. "One I hope you and Rodney will understand."

"I'm sure we will," Sheppard replies, spacing the words out, and Rodney can feel her tense, even without being in contact.

"Just ask," Ronon adds. No hesitation. Ronon's not much for analyzing everything to death before making a decision, but that's pretty sweeping, even so. Rodney knows that if it had been him Teyla had asked for a favor, he would still be blithering and questioning, even though in the end his answer would be as sure as Ronon's. Sheppard, he doesn't know, because Sheppard is cautious about things that aren't physical and weighs everything against the responsibility of being military commander. She's only reckless with her own life.

Teyla's shoulders shift and straighten.

"Since I have no official standing as part of this expedition, or even the gate team," Teyla states, "I find myself in the position of obeying the orders Dr. Weir has relayed from Earth by choice rather than obligation."

Rodney sucks in a breath.

"Or not," Teyla finishes.

"Oh," Sheppard breathes out.

"You aren't leaving us?" Rodney blurts out. "Because, because - you should at least stay until we go back to Hermea and you can get changed back and I-we'd miss you, besides your people have been absolute dolts about this, and I like to think we've been a little better - "

"I had not intended to leave the team or Atlantis," Teyla interrupts gently. A faint smile lifts his mouth.

"Good," Sheppard says.

"But I would rather do that than turn my face from Heka." Teyla sighs. "Though, in this body I am not one the Xa would listen to willingly." A glance at Ronon follows.

Ronon gets it too and puffs out a breath.

"Ronon, I am asking you to return to Xa when the children are taken there and to tell them of Heka," Teyla states. "Urge them to do what Dr. Weir's orders refuse us the freedom to do."

Sheppard leans forward. "Teyla...."

"John, of you, I only ask that you allow Ronon to join Lt. Cadman's team. No more."

Sheppard shakes her head. "But I know," she says. "That makes me complicit."

"I did not wish to lie to you, even by omission."

Sheppard laces her fingers together, flexing them and staring down. "You figure the Xa would take all the kids, send the boys to that planet they foster their boys to - Yan? You mentioned it in the after action report I read this afternoon."

Teyla inclines his head. The light slides over his hair, pulled back in a neat ponytail that doesn't look any different than before, unless neater, maybe. "I do not understand why Elizabeth would not accept even a discussion of this solution."

Sheppard keeps lacing and unlacing her fingers. "Elizabeth's between a rock and hard place, you know."

"I do understand that she must weigh her loyalty to Atlantis and Earth against the good of the Hekans," Teyla acknowledges. "But the day must come when all of you choose between the good of this galaxy's people and where you came from. If Atlantis is truly your home now, our home, then...remember we are here, not there."

Sheppard's head comes up and she shares a long look with Rodney. They'd never talked about it, but after the siege, after they'd gone back to Earth and come back to Atlantis, something had settled inside them. Coming back had been choosing Atlantis. Rodney'd thought Elizabeth felt the same way, but maybe she was still trying to straddle that fence.

"Elizabeth's trying to say all the right things," Sheppard says at last. "She's got to answer to the IOA. Either that or she's playing devil's advocate, because dealing with Earth is a nightmare when it comes to something like this. Taking people's kids away just isn't something anyone can do lightly."

"You wanted to do just that," Rodney points out.

Sheppard nods jerkily. "I did. Because I was so damned mad. And I still am. But Elizabeth has a cool head. I want to tell her that sometimes we repeat the same mistakes because there aren't any better solutions, but she won't-can't believe that."

"Teyla's right," Ronon declares. "I'll do it."

"Thank you, Ronon."

Teyla turns to face Rodney and Sheppard. Rodney holds his hands up. "I won't say anything."

"John?"

Sheppard stares back at Teyla, folding her arms under her breasts, then nods. "We may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb; we crossed the line a long time ago. Ronon, you're a go with Cadman's team."

"Thank you, John."

Sheppard's mouth quirks up. "Everyone does what they have to do, I guess."

"We will not speak of this again," Teyla declares.

"Fine with me," Rodney says and starts to get up.

"Are you okay? I mean, was this it?" Sheppard asks Teyla and Rodney freezes. He should have realized Sheppard would spot something off with Teyla if even he did, since Sheppard's a lot more observant about people. Though that isn't exactly saying much, Rodney acknowledges. Sheppard's actually pretty inept when it comes to anything more than surface charm, but her team's a different matter. The latter gives Rodney a sweet burst of happiness, not to mention a decidedly less sweet burst of smugness.

"There's something," Rodney says, lowering himself back to the couch. "Come on. Love life gone to hell? Welcome to the club - "

"I -" Teyla's voice fades away. He turns his face away, then faces them, smiling a fake smile. "I am well. There is nothing else of importance."

Rodney narrows his eyes, trying to think of what could be bothering Teyla yet not involve the team, that Teyla would chose to withhold from them. What someone as private as Teyla would chose to keep inside - "Oh, crap."

Sheppard and Ronon catch it too, almost simultaneously. Ronon growls, and Sheppard murmurs, "Leitmann."

"What did he do?" Rodney asks, thinking sourly of the blue-eyed, blond, cookie-cutter-handsome chaplain. He's disliked the man on principle from the beginning...on two principles. First, the entire religion thing seemed utterly ridiculous to Rodney even before he joined the Stargate Program and heard about Goa'uld masquerading as gods. Second, Leitmann was just too good-looking. All surface and no depth. He'd had his run-ins with women like that and figured men were just as bad.

"Nothing," Teyla answers.

"Right," he mocks. "Captain Leitmann would never have smiled one wrong smile, even."

He waits for Teyla to patiently - with that tiny smile - explain to him that Captain Leitmann is a fine and gentle man who indeed shows respect and courtesy at all times, but when he glances at him, the corners of Teyla's mouth are twitching, and not in mirth exactly. Rodney looks closer.

Something in the air of the room has Sheppard sitting up straighter too.

"Rodney," Sheppard says, stopping him. Not that Rodney was going to say anything more, anyway. He's not that oblivious and, despite what people think, seldom deliberately cruel.

Sheppard's on her feet and hovering by Teyla, not quite touching and looking uncomfortable and awkward and more than a little freaked out, because, oh shit, Teyla's eyes are cast down; he doesn't meet their eyes. Ronon is wrapping her arms around Teyla before Sheppard can even nerve herself up to touch, and it's a sad commentary that Rodney hasn't even made it across the room.

"Teyla?"

Teyla disentangles himself a little from Ronon without pushing her back, shakes his head.

Ronon gets right to the point. "What did he do?"

Teyla frowns and still does not look any of them in the eye. "It does not matter here and now."

Sheppard mutters, "It matters, believe me."

Rodney is already listing the ways he can make Captain Leitmann's life on Atlantis a living hell. There are many of them. Very many. And Sheppard won't stop him, either. It's been a while since he had to teach anyone a lesson in respecting either him or his scientists or Sheppard, but he hasn't lost his touch. He just never thought he'd need to look out for Teyla.

"Always does," Ronon says.

Teyla presses his lips together, but eventually decides to speak. "I may have...approached him."

"And?" Rodney says impatiently.

Sheppard glares at him.

"After our success with the Hekan children. This evening had just been the most fruitful of many pleasant meetings, so I had thought...." just the flicker of a frown. "We seemed to have gotten along rather well."

Understatement of the century, Rodney thinks, unamused, but he manages - barely - to keep that to himself.

"You two looked thick as thieves the other night," Sheppard adds. She casts an unreadable glance at Rodney, then looks away, too. The other night.... Oh. That night again. Did everything happen then?

"So we seemed." A curl of his lips, expressive as ever, with a touch of a disappointment Rodney has never before associated with Teyla. If Leitmann has managed to hurt Teyla, even just fractionally, who has endured Pegasus, the Wraith, the loss of her world and now rejection by the Athosians on the mainland with grace and decency, Rodney isn't going to bother with revenge. He's going to kill him. Not that Teyla's exactly falling apart here, of course. Teyla's tougher than all of them.

He clamps down on his own flare of emotion and listens intently as Teyla goes on: "I felt that was the case, too. But when I asked Levi, he did not only react...unfavorably to my present state of body, he also denied there was any chance of...some kind of union in the future."

"He strung you along and dumped you?" Rodney exclaims.

Ronon tightens her arms around Teyla and glares at him. Sheppard glares at him. Teyla just shakes his head. "No, he meant no harm. He meant nothing but to be kind. I was a fool."

"The hell you were," Sheppard says immediately.

"I did not understand. You explained that he is a...chaplain, but I did not grasp that Captain Leitmann had deep and binding religious beliefs." Teyla gives out a hiccuping laugh. "His care toward what he eats, toward this 'kosher'...I had thought he suffered allergies as you do, Rodney."

Sheppard shoves her hands through her hair. "He's Jewish, Teyla."

"Yes, so he told me early on, but I did not properly understand. You and Rodney, Dr. Weir, even Dr. Beckett, none of you seem to believe in any higher power in the way my people have revered the Ancestors and tried to follow their ways. Captain Leitmann explained that he was not interested in a relationship with someone not of his faith."

Rodney and Sheppard share a sheepish look. Sheppard crosses her arms. Rodney shoves his hands in his pockets. He's starting to get it. Teyla's based everything he thinks he knows about Earthers on the Expedition first wave. "Um, we're sort of atypical, really," Rodney says.

"Yeah," Sheppard agrees. "A lot of people on Earth sincerely believe in their religions and live their lives according to their faiths. We're just not...you know, big believers. Knowing stuff, like about the stargate...."

"Makes it hard," Rodney finishes for her. "For us."

"I see," Teyla says. He reaches out and catches Sheppard's hand. Sheppard gives it a squeeze then retreats back to the couch, picking up the empty cup she'd set on the table before it. "Got any more of this tea?"

"Smooth, Colonel," Rodney gibes.

"Of course," Teyla tells them. Ronon lets go and they all end up with another cup of nearly cold tea, wedged together on the couch. Sheppard's thigh is pressed against Rodney's and their elbows keep hitting each other. Rodney starts telling Teyla how he's going to make Leitmann's life so miserable he'll beg to be transferred back to Earth - or even sent to evangelize the Wraith - each scheme more outrageous, until Teyla stops telling him that, "Rodney, you will not do that," and starts smiling. Ronon chimes in, mentioning which of Leitmann's bones she could 'accidentally' snap in training, apparently completely serious, until Sheppard grumbles, "What have I told you about breaking the marines?" and Ronon flashes a toothy grin and answers, "You break 'em, you bought 'em?"

Sheppard just snorts, inelegant, unladylike, and relaxed, not very concerned about Captain Leitmann's impending doom at all.

Rodney's sure Ronon isn't actually joking about snapping Leitmann like a twig.

Pretty sure, anyway.

With the tea gone, Teyla breaks out the last two bottles of gera left in Atlantis.

Some time after that, Sheppard's head is resting against Rodney's shoulder. He thinks blearily that she has a very heavy head. Ronon is on the floor, on one of Teyla's pretty rugs, curled around one of Teyla's pillows, letting out little snores and puffs of breath that flutter the tassels edging it. It's cute. Sheppard's hair tickles Rodney's nose and makes him want to sneeze and really, she has a very heavy head, but Rodney wouldn't shift her off him for anything.

Teyla's slumped against the other end of the couch, still clutching a cup half-filled with gera, eyes heavy-lidded and watching them. "I think I do not understand you Earthers at all," Teyla murmurs.

"Yeah," Rodney says, not sure if he's agreeing or just being agreeable.

Sheppard slumps a little closer, warm and pliant, and - Rodney snorts to himself - obviously asleep. He blows a little of her hair away from his nose and slides down, thrilled when Sheppard comes with him, leaning closer and letting Rodney slip his arm around her waist.

"Lightweight," he whispers, but he can't even pretend to himself that he isn't thrilled. Sheppard sleeping on him, in front of Teyla and Ronon - even if Ronon is out like a light - is a big sign of trust and trust only comes after forgiveness.

He closes his eyes.

~*~

That indescribable sense of someone watching him - and Teyla's feet sliding off the couch and thumping onto the floor - wake Rodney. He's sweating under his shirt where a heavy, hot weight is plastered against him. A breath and he identifies the weight - sleeping Sheppard - the scent of her hair exactly the same as ever, familiar and comforting. Rodney therefore knows he is safe even before he opens his eyes to find Ronon sitting up, cross-legged, and staring at him.

Or them.

Or maybe just at Sheppard.

Rodney isn't utterly sure of which until Ronon meets his gaze.

"McKay," she whispers.

"Ye - yeah?"

"Are we done?"

"Uhm." Rodney's brain isn't kicking in. Ask him how to tune up a naquadah generator and he'll recite it in his sleep. But discerning exactly what Ronon means is a dozen orders more complex even when his brain isn't pickled in gera. "If by done, you mean, drinking, then most definitely. The bottle's empty and I can't feel my toes or my arm, though the arm is just asleep, and -" he stops and gulps hard, feeling his stomach clench, because Ronon is still staring at him, "if, if, by chance, you were referring to anything - aside from, ah, I guess, friendship? &ndash well, anything between us...."

"I figured," Ronon interrupts. She gets up and carefully lifts Teyla's leg back onto the couch, onto Sheppard's lap with the other one.

"Is that - you aren't hurt? Please tell me you aren't hurt?" Rodney whispers intensely. "I so sorry. I am so very, very sorry. I never thought I could hurt anyone, that it would matter to anyone but me."

Sheppard shifts and Rodney automatically tightens his arm around her, and now that his mouth's engaged, it just keeps running without any apparent input from his brain. "I mean, this is totally not about you, because you are incredibly hot...." Ronon quirks an eyebrow. "....and surprisingly smart, even educated, which is also really, really attractive, at least to me...."

"But?" Ronon prompts, and she sounds gentle, resigned.

He feels Sheppard wake up, the change in muscle tension before she moves, and Rodney stutters a little, wondering how much she's already heard. "I just, well, there's Sheppard and I - I, um, it's, you know, you -"

Sheppard twists her body - an almost impossible movement, if you have bones - pulls back enough to look at him and stares. Rodney's mouth keeps going despite his brain's desperate messages to shut it. "Not that in other circumstances I wouldn't want to continue, but, you see, I know you really want someone else too -"

Sheppard puts her hand over his mouth. "Rodney, stop. This hurts just to listen to."

Ronon just snorts. "Yeah."

Rodney picks Sheppard's hand off his mouth. "Thank you, I can speak for myself, Colonel." Feeling more than a little lost, still holding Sheppard's hand in his, he finishes, "I just - I don't want to screw this up."

"More," Sheppard says dryly.

"More," Rodney agrees.

Ronon is just looking at them both, her eyes lowering to rest on Sheppard's hand resting in Rodney's, then up to her face. Rodney draws in a breath, seeing what she's seeing, the shadow of a smile on Sheppard's mouth.

He forces himself to ask Ronon, "Are you - are we okay?"

Ronon nods. "Sure."

Sheppard leans forward at that, studying Ronon. Ronon gazes back at her, brow furrowed in slight doubt. "What about you, Sheppard? Are we okay?"

Sheppard coughs and looks away.

"Sure."

Rodney tightens his hand on Sheppard's. He counts it as a major victory when she doesn't pull away.

"Okay, then, we're all...okay."

Sheppard doesn't acknowledge it - no googly eyes, no big doofy smile, no sigh of relief. But she leaves her hand where it is.

Ronon nods and says, "I'm going back to my quarters."

"Yeah, we should too," Sheppard says. She finally lets go of Rodney's hand and they awkwardly crawl off the couch in an effort not to wake Teyla.

"Should we just leave - " Rodney murmurs, gesturing to Teyla.

"Yeah," Ronon answers.

Sheppard stretches and then shrugs. After a second, Rodney nods. Teyla's okay on the couch, the room is warm, and waking him up would just be awkward. With a sigh, he follows the other two out into the corridor.

Sheppard rubs the back of her neck. "I've got some paperwork to finish."

"I guess, um, good night, then," Rodney offers.

"I'll be in the gate room in the morning," Ronon says and walks away.

"Yeah, I'll let Cadman know you're going along," Sheppard calls out.

That leaves Rodney alone with her once Ronon has disappeared into a transporter.

"Right," he says. "I'll just - I'll go now. To bed. To sleep. You know. Alone."

"I know," Sheppard tells him kindly.

"You could come down to the labs tomorrow," he offers. "Zelenka and I have a theory about the machine in Lab D8G. We need someone to operate it while we monitor the energy usage."

"Sure, it's a date." Sheppard smiles, and Rodney smiles back. He's missed just hanging out with Sheppard, playing with the Ancient technology lying all over Atlantis, mocking the stupid and baiting each other.

"Good, good," he says and backs away, still smiling stupidly and even giving a little wave before finally getting into the transporter.

Sheppard just stands in the corridor, watching him, head cocked, a little smirk lifting the corner of her mouth.

Rodney ducks his head and taps the destination coordinates into the city map.

Good

~*~

Part 26