Is Different Wrong?
When I was four years old
They tried to test my I.Q.
They showed me a picture of 3 oranges and a pear
They said, "which one is different?"
"It does not belong."
They taught me different is wrong.
-Ani Difranco, "My I.Q."
I have always been a weird person. An imperfect person. I'm extremely self-centered, I love music that nobody has ever heard of, most of my writing doesn't make sense, I want tons of tattoos and piercings, I'm a total tomboy, I love to read and I know every lyric to most songs ever written.
And it saddens me because, people have hated me for my difference. i dress funny, I wear skulls and black but I'm not goth. I love rock music, but it doesnt make me emo. I love Starbucks and glitter and say "like" in every sentence, but that doesn't make me a prep.
In my old school, I was a popular person. And I know I sound extremely snobbish for saying that, but it's the truth. It sucked because everyone liked me because I was different. They never knew me for me. I grew up in a very conservative school and just because I listened to Indie music and got piercings at a very young age, it made the kids adore me. But, it also made the teachers suspect me. Soon the school revolted and some students got in trouble just for being creative and their was no one left to blame except....you guessed it, me. I couldn't wear my skull earrings anymore and my iPod and CD player were taken away on multiple occasions, without warning. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. My music didn't swear. I didn't swear. I didn't watch bad things on my iPod. Skulls weren't necessarily a bad sign. Why was I being treated like such an infidel?
Soon, I realized that my Mom left the PTA board and stopped going to church services with certain people in them. I never pressed for details but apparently, "Bad things went down." I assumed they were about me and left it alone.
So, I cleaned up my act. For one whole year I ditched my iPod when I went to school, i didn't read any outside materials [which means it was my Bible time at school, which wasn't a bad thing], I didn't wear earrings, I quit talking about wanting to take up the guitar and get tattoos, hoping to please those stupid people. But nothing did. My friends still couldn't hang out with me as much as they used to, and some parents even gave me dirty glances.
Nothing pleased them. And even today I have this nagging urge to please everyone I meet, to make them like me. It's why I stopped wearing outfits like this:
It's why i started to listen to pop music, to date and get more piercings. To learn to love Starbucks, to tan more often and shop at Victoria's Secret. I just wanted to be popular at my first public school and I let it take me over. I did a complete 180 and now the only thing about me that hasn't changed is my style of music, which is one thing I never discuss around my friends because they never love the same type of stuff I like.
I'm trying nowadays to not be so influenced by everyone around me, and to just be who i am. The problem is, I don't know who I am anymore.
Am I the rebeller or the popular girl? Am I shy or outgoing? I dont know anymore.
So if you read this please tell me your story of change. how it wrecked or helped your life, and how you still were able to decide who you were on the inside.
The Bible says, in Romans 12:2 (NLT), "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let
God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know
God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."
And one fun thing I would love you to do is comment on this blog or send me a message and tell me what stereotype people accuse you of being.
I get accused of being an "Indie Nerd" a lot.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Indie%20Kids
So what do people call you? And is it fair? Do you believe in labels?