and then a weekend happened
the most inspiring thing about life is that it will keep going. whether you want it to or not, you will wake up tomorrow and life will continue to be there. when all else has let you done, and you are done with life, it will not return the favor. you will open your eyes and find it waiting for you, same as it ever has.
life is the lover you've been looking for all along.
in other news, i went out this weekend. friday night i hit up 1223 with mike and anthony (and the various women who wander around anthony), and despite my better judgement, allowed mike to join me at the front page, where tina was having her glorious return to a social life. there were many, many, many drinks going around, i think it is needless to say. i will give mike big props, he listened when i mentioned i would like very much for tina to learn to eat food again, and he bought her a burger and fries (which she ate maybe three fries of, but, hey! food!) tine showed up with spencer and jess, as well as a darling boy named adrian, and his lovely young friend jasmine - who proceeded to methodically remove most of my clothes as the night wore on (good thing it's freezing the fuck cold and i had layers). tina wound up wearing my vest home, and jasmine is holding my shirt ransom as a security deposit for hanging out again. it takes a special kind of lady to get me to strip and give away clothes, and she is just that kind of lady. yeah. trouble.
pete joined us halfway through the night, which only made the evening better. we have agreed he is better at girls nights than gentlemen's nights, and he should just give in to it. also, kid is a pimp. i have yet to go out with him and not find him in someone's arms by the time i am going home. i sum it up to him actually being a decent person, but it may be the hats.
i think this habit of NOT going places that remind me of schmitty is working out in my favor. i did not break down in any bathrooms or cabs once this weekend (altho lisa gave me a run for my money saturday). someday i will discuss how it is kind of worriesome i am continuing to exist, but for now we'll sum it up with i think i am too experienced at bad things as well as good.
tina, pete, mike and i wound up in a cab back to my place around 3am for grilled cheese samiches and robot chicken. except by the time i got home i was in passout mode. so, i left teen and and pete to the chicken and gave mike the option of harry potter and my matress of infinite uncomfyness. for some reason, he chose a snuggle (which is good, because teen is harry potter these days, anyway), which is just keeping me from learning to be a grownup and sleep in my bed by myself. but, it was nice to have someone i trust to behave to snuggle with. (i think we all know how hard it is to do that with someone you don't trust)
saturday was a slow wake up day, but eventually i had to get to rockville for my last meeting with elisa. she was pretty disheartened from her last diag, but i hold out hope it'll turn out ok.
saturday night i met up with lisa and her friend ashley at indebleu. i made a new friend, michelle, as well, so yay for me. mike came as well, which was awkward because he had never called lisa back, and they didn't talk to each other while they were there. urgh. pete came around, as did sarah, which made it that much better. ben, as well, which would have been awesome had he drank less. in fact, i think the whole night would have been better had everyone been drinking a little less. but instead, sarah left without even telling anyone, ben got drunk and nearly kicked out a million times, and lisa went off on a rant about hating men and society where the only response i could give was "hunny, if anyone has a claim to pain right now it is me. i'm not bitching, so you shouldn't be. it's the joy of growing up, so deal or i will have a breakdown right here in the street". so...yeah. we left lotus around 1 (pete and jen and michelle and ashley were having a good time at least!) and i got her on her train home then made my way back to my place. it did not leave me in the best mood, and i feel like in some ways i've backpedaled.
so, i took a personal day tday. my lessons were rescheduled anyway, so i woke up, but on my new green sweater, some nice eye makeup, and went to the hirschhorn. they were doing an exhibit on numbers and time, which in some ways i enjoyed, and others didn't. mostly, i recently realized there is a third floor i didn't know about, and i wanted to see that. mike joined up with me, and we made the rounds, then he demanded i go to the national gallery (not that i was reluctant, mind you) because i'd never been to their atrium, their rodin collection, or their super awesome bouncy walkway and lightshow passageway between the east and west halls. so many things in this city i've just never experienced. he's said anytime i want to tourist, he's there for me, which is good because museums are more fun with a person to talk too, and he's a big museum dork, too.
AND, there was not only the standard rembrant-rific dutch and french enlightenment section, there was also a SECOND exhibit on anothe rdutch painter who's name i'm totally blanking on. basically, i was in painting heaven. i want to see a comparitive exhibit, between rembrandt and leiden (i think?). i also want more vermeer, and ANY van eyk (sorry van dyck, it's not the same).
after the museum, we popped into teaism so i could eat before the movie (not that $10 popcorn isn't a delicious dinner). sansan called to let me know milk was sold out, which was pretty darn frustrating, considering the fact i actually mailed schmitty and negotiated this movie for myself. then to not even be able to see it with my friends? urgh.
but, sansan, brian, i and a couple other kids went to see save me, which was pretty good. i really enjoyed it, and it is almost a chick flick, but a smart, sensitive, hopeful one.
after the movie i went in search of a tree stand, because the one i have is missing a leg. turns out i couldn't find one, so instead i filled a plant pot with sidewalk salt, and that's workign well enough. it's a little leany, but at least the living room is decorated. and the icicle lights for outside are almost good to go. i hope to have them done by tomorrow night.
i've been feeling overwhelmed the past few days. rowan is depressed because of his birthday, and i just don't have the patience or energy to take care of him. plus, i am almost resentful that i gave the room away, because now i wish tina could have it. which is a terrible way to think, but there you have it.
and, it's another round of regret, remorse, misery and what-ifs. *sigh* it's a rollercoaster. but, like i say every time someone asks: i'm alive and awake. that's saying something.
pandora gave me this: come what may.....
life is the lover you've been looking for all along.
in other news, i went out this weekend. friday night i hit up 1223 with mike and anthony (and the various women who wander around anthony), and despite my better judgement, allowed mike to join me at the front page, where tina was having her glorious return to a social life. there were many, many, many drinks going around, i think it is needless to say. i will give mike big props, he listened when i mentioned i would like very much for tina to learn to eat food again, and he bought her a burger and fries (which she ate maybe three fries of, but, hey! food!) tine showed up with spencer and jess, as well as a darling boy named adrian, and his lovely young friend jasmine - who proceeded to methodically remove most of my clothes as the night wore on (good thing it's freezing the fuck cold and i had layers). tina wound up wearing my vest home, and jasmine is holding my shirt ransom as a security deposit for hanging out again. it takes a special kind of lady to get me to strip and give away clothes, and she is just that kind of lady. yeah. trouble.
pete joined us halfway through the night, which only made the evening better. we have agreed he is better at girls nights than gentlemen's nights, and he should just give in to it. also, kid is a pimp. i have yet to go out with him and not find him in someone's arms by the time i am going home. i sum it up to him actually being a decent person, but it may be the hats.
i think this habit of NOT going places that remind me of schmitty is working out in my favor. i did not break down in any bathrooms or cabs once this weekend (altho lisa gave me a run for my money saturday). someday i will discuss how it is kind of worriesome i am continuing to exist, but for now we'll sum it up with i think i am too experienced at bad things as well as good.
tina, pete, mike and i wound up in a cab back to my place around 3am for grilled cheese samiches and robot chicken. except by the time i got home i was in passout mode. so, i left teen and and pete to the chicken and gave mike the option of harry potter and my matress of infinite uncomfyness. for some reason, he chose a snuggle (which is good, because teen is harry potter these days, anyway), which is just keeping me from learning to be a grownup and sleep in my bed by myself. but, it was nice to have someone i trust to behave to snuggle with. (i think we all know how hard it is to do that with someone you don't trust)
saturday was a slow wake up day, but eventually i had to get to rockville for my last meeting with elisa. she was pretty disheartened from her last diag, but i hold out hope it'll turn out ok.
saturday night i met up with lisa and her friend ashley at indebleu. i made a new friend, michelle, as well, so yay for me. mike came as well, which was awkward because he had never called lisa back, and they didn't talk to each other while they were there. urgh. pete came around, as did sarah, which made it that much better. ben, as well, which would have been awesome had he drank less. in fact, i think the whole night would have been better had everyone been drinking a little less. but instead, sarah left without even telling anyone, ben got drunk and nearly kicked out a million times, and lisa went off on a rant about hating men and society where the only response i could give was "hunny, if anyone has a claim to pain right now it is me. i'm not bitching, so you shouldn't be. it's the joy of growing up, so deal or i will have a breakdown right here in the street". so...yeah. we left lotus around 1 (pete and jen and michelle and ashley were having a good time at least!) and i got her on her train home then made my way back to my place. it did not leave me in the best mood, and i feel like in some ways i've backpedaled.
so, i took a personal day tday. my lessons were rescheduled anyway, so i woke up, but on my new green sweater, some nice eye makeup, and went to the hirschhorn. they were doing an exhibit on numbers and time, which in some ways i enjoyed, and others didn't. mostly, i recently realized there is a third floor i didn't know about, and i wanted to see that. mike joined up with me, and we made the rounds, then he demanded i go to the national gallery (not that i was reluctant, mind you) because i'd never been to their atrium, their rodin collection, or their super awesome bouncy walkway and lightshow passageway between the east and west halls. so many things in this city i've just never experienced. he's said anytime i want to tourist, he's there for me, which is good because museums are more fun with a person to talk too, and he's a big museum dork, too.
AND, there was not only the standard rembrant-rific dutch and french enlightenment section, there was also a SECOND exhibit on anothe rdutch painter who's name i'm totally blanking on. basically, i was in painting heaven. i want to see a comparitive exhibit, between rembrandt and leiden (i think?). i also want more vermeer, and ANY van eyk (sorry van dyck, it's not the same).
after the museum, we popped into teaism so i could eat before the movie (not that $10 popcorn isn't a delicious dinner). sansan called to let me know milk was sold out, which was pretty darn frustrating, considering the fact i actually mailed schmitty and negotiated this movie for myself. then to not even be able to see it with my friends? urgh.
but, sansan, brian, i and a couple other kids went to see save me, which was pretty good. i really enjoyed it, and it is almost a chick flick, but a smart, sensitive, hopeful one.
after the movie i went in search of a tree stand, because the one i have is missing a leg. turns out i couldn't find one, so instead i filled a plant pot with sidewalk salt, and that's workign well enough. it's a little leany, but at least the living room is decorated. and the icicle lights for outside are almost good to go. i hope to have them done by tomorrow night.
i've been feeling overwhelmed the past few days. rowan is depressed because of his birthday, and i just don't have the patience or energy to take care of him. plus, i am almost resentful that i gave the room away, because now i wish tina could have it. which is a terrible way to think, but there you have it.
and, it's another round of regret, remorse, misery and what-ifs. *sigh* it's a rollercoaster. but, like i say every time someone asks: i'm alive and awake. that's saying something.
pandora gave me this: come what may.....