skinamerinki dinki dink
this is the first post of the year, and i know when i get to it nezt year during that yearly review i'll wish i'd made it more interesting or cooler or something, but it's not - it's just this
haven't updated in a long time. x-mas was good. gifts were lovely. family was suprisingly copasetic. left puppy with my dad, which really hit me last night as i was trying to fall asleep and had no ball of fur purring at my feet and knew one wouldn't be there any time soon.
nyc with my sister is wonderful. her boy is sweet, if not a bit quiet and very white. not sure how chrissy fit in the pic and never got around to asking, which makes me feel lame.
i love my boy and love that he came for the weekend. he makes me cry from anger and sadness, but also the most profound feeling of love i've ever known.
it is the first time in my life i've ever truly believed i was loved. this is odd given my extended history with boys and that emotion.
the moments where i have him there and everything is perfect (be it in bed, on the train or dinner with friends...that moment of perfection can come anywhere at any time) i just feel superhuman. and the knowledge that he will leave again in a day comes rushing immediately after and makes me feel much less superhuman. lots of highs and lows there.
made an ass of myself on nye, and probably ruined the night for my sister, her friends and schmitty, if not everyone i know who tried to associate with me sunday night. too much too drink, too much stress and emotional rollercoastering, too much pms. way to ring in the new year with regrets. at least i'm pretty gauranteed the year will only get better.
talked with schmitty about grown up things like living together one day. he's not so into the idea right now, which makes sense. right now it is a big dialogue about "being raised southern" and modesty and such (plausible) but i think really it's just that these are things he has never done, and doesn't know how to do, and he barely knows where he's going in the world, let alone whether i'll fit there. it's ok. it helps calm that constant screaming in the back of my head to move to dc, and allows me to refocus on being functional here in nyc.
also discussed crazy things like getting houses, whether we'd have nanny's (if we ever accidentally had kids), who would be the breadwinner, his future career paths, my goals for the next few years, whether we're slowly killing each other, and all sorts of great things. he brings tears to my eyes while i'm smiling :) if only the jagger didn't let me think hysterical fits on street corners was a good idea he'd have an easier time of negotiating being my man.
i just wish it was more than 5 furtive, overstressed days per month
haven't updated in a long time. x-mas was good. gifts were lovely. family was suprisingly copasetic. left puppy with my dad, which really hit me last night as i was trying to fall asleep and had no ball of fur purring at my feet and knew one wouldn't be there any time soon.
nyc with my sister is wonderful. her boy is sweet, if not a bit quiet and very white. not sure how chrissy fit in the pic and never got around to asking, which makes me feel lame.
i love my boy and love that he came for the weekend. he makes me cry from anger and sadness, but also the most profound feeling of love i've ever known.
it is the first time in my life i've ever truly believed i was loved. this is odd given my extended history with boys and that emotion.
the moments where i have him there and everything is perfect (be it in bed, on the train or dinner with friends...that moment of perfection can come anywhere at any time) i just feel superhuman. and the knowledge that he will leave again in a day comes rushing immediately after and makes me feel much less superhuman. lots of highs and lows there.
made an ass of myself on nye, and probably ruined the night for my sister, her friends and schmitty, if not everyone i know who tried to associate with me sunday night. too much too drink, too much stress and emotional rollercoastering, too much pms. way to ring in the new year with regrets. at least i'm pretty gauranteed the year will only get better.
talked with schmitty about grown up things like living together one day. he's not so into the idea right now, which makes sense. right now it is a big dialogue about "being raised southern" and modesty and such (plausible) but i think really it's just that these are things he has never done, and doesn't know how to do, and he barely knows where he's going in the world, let alone whether i'll fit there. it's ok. it helps calm that constant screaming in the back of my head to move to dc, and allows me to refocus on being functional here in nyc.
also discussed crazy things like getting houses, whether we'd have nanny's (if we ever accidentally had kids), who would be the breadwinner, his future career paths, my goals for the next few years, whether we're slowly killing each other, and all sorts of great things. he brings tears to my eyes while i'm smiling :) if only the jagger didn't let me think hysterical fits on street corners was a good idea he'd have an easier time of negotiating being my man.
i just wish it was more than 5 furtive, overstressed days per month