this was not part of the agreement body
this post is incredibly self indulgent
so, one of the things i haven't been writing about is the fact that i have been seeing some spectacular weightloss recently. i have lost 5 kilos/11lbs this month (altho i am still 7 kilos/15lbs from where i would be willing to settle, and 13 kilos/29lbs from where i would LOVE to be). i'm BEYOND giddy about this. i fit into my white cord pedal pushers again. i've gone down two notches on my belt and have been noticing some slimming in my arms and definition of my muscles. and OBVIOUSLY my belly pooch has been going down, which makes me happy, and my boobs haven't suffered too much (i've been making efforts to do lots of light weightlifting to keep them full and perky)
and just now i was lying in bed, and i stretched my arms and happened to look over at my arm as i did, and what did i see?
a stretch mark.
actually, there are quite a few little ones, but they aren't even really noticeable. but on my left inner bicep there is one stretch mark and it doesn't matter what position my arm is in, i can see it.
i have stretch marks on my thighs, inside and outside. i'm TERRIFIED of getting them on my inner knees. i have them on my hips and light ones on my lower back.
but my arms? they are always exposed!
this is like a slap in the face. i'm doing all this work (today i ran for half an hour on level 5 out of 8 on the elliptical and burned 440 calories), and am trying to match it with reduced eating, and better eating, and am doing lots of weight room work to make sure i'm building up muscle and keeping fit while losing the weight....and what do i get as a result? stretch marks.
seriously - 5 reps of 10 on light/mid weight alternating legs one day, arms the other (bench press, tricep curls, situps and pushups are done every day i gym, regardless of whether it's an arm or leg day). i'm doing it right.
i know this happens. 5 kilos is alot to drop. and losing weight in general will cause stretch marks. but it just seems like i'm doing something good for me and my body, and am getting uglier as a result. bah!!!!!
it's a double edged sword. on the one hand i am happy dancing over lost weight, on the other i am terrified to keep losing lest i get MORE stretch marks.
of course i will, but it's a bitter victory now.
also: now that i think in kilos, i don't often realize how much progress i'm making. 11 pounds! hot diggity! i don't think i should hope to lose more than 11 pounds a month. maybe i should get stomach misery more often....
i have been starving to death recently. today i had 3 scrambled eggs, two pancakes and a piece of toast for breakfast with tea and apple juice. for lunch i had a grilled cheese, small fries and a small chocolate shake. dinner was a HUGE bowl of cereal (three of those little self serve bags) and half a liter of milk.
yesterday i ate a peanutbutter sandwich and 3 chinese egg tarts with a bottle of orange juice for breakfast. at lunch i munched on a bag of m&m's, and dinner was 12 egg&carrot dumplings and 6 tofu dumplings, along with cucumbers slices for starters. not to mention the roughly 6 pots of tea and three bottle of water i had.
and saturday i had, like, 5 pancakes and a huge glass of milk, and fruit, and then still ate a big dinner of rice and and noodles.
i do not understand why i am eating so much. i stepped on the scale today and it said i had gained a kilo. i'm inclined to think it's not true, but it could be by the end of the week if i don't get my stuff back under control.
blargh.
rehearsed at lush this morning. i can't believe i woke up at 6am. it wasn't terrible. i'm still terrified for the show. i want to tell my friends not to bother coming. i'm just terrified it will be horrible.
work was great. alex's friend tristan, that i mentioned in the last post, turns out to be one of my new co-workers. that's a nifty coincidence.
when i walked into my classes today my kids were nearly beside themselves shouting my name and being beyond happy to see me. that was weird. and julia, despite being a regular brat for half the lesson, was still clinging to my legs and giving me her best crocodile tears asking me not to go at the end.
kids like me?
stooped with the renda kids tonight. that felt awesome. i miss my friends (here in china). i'm so close and yet i NEVER see them i'm so busy with everything else. i only have a 50 more days with them, i want to enjoy them while i can.
my body is exhausted. i need to start getting MORE than 4 hours of sleep a night.
lets start tonite.
so, one of the things i haven't been writing about is the fact that i have been seeing some spectacular weightloss recently. i have lost 5 kilos/11lbs this month (altho i am still 7 kilos/15lbs from where i would be willing to settle, and 13 kilos/29lbs from where i would LOVE to be). i'm BEYOND giddy about this. i fit into my white cord pedal pushers again. i've gone down two notches on my belt and have been noticing some slimming in my arms and definition of my muscles. and OBVIOUSLY my belly pooch has been going down, which makes me happy, and my boobs haven't suffered too much (i've been making efforts to do lots of light weightlifting to keep them full and perky)
and just now i was lying in bed, and i stretched my arms and happened to look over at my arm as i did, and what did i see?
a stretch mark.
actually, there are quite a few little ones, but they aren't even really noticeable. but on my left inner bicep there is one stretch mark and it doesn't matter what position my arm is in, i can see it.
i have stretch marks on my thighs, inside and outside. i'm TERRIFIED of getting them on my inner knees. i have them on my hips and light ones on my lower back.
but my arms? they are always exposed!
this is like a slap in the face. i'm doing all this work (today i ran for half an hour on level 5 out of 8 on the elliptical and burned 440 calories), and am trying to match it with reduced eating, and better eating, and am doing lots of weight room work to make sure i'm building up muscle and keeping fit while losing the weight....and what do i get as a result? stretch marks.
seriously - 5 reps of 10 on light/mid weight alternating legs one day, arms the other (bench press, tricep curls, situps and pushups are done every day i gym, regardless of whether it's an arm or leg day). i'm doing it right.
i know this happens. 5 kilos is alot to drop. and losing weight in general will cause stretch marks. but it just seems like i'm doing something good for me and my body, and am getting uglier as a result. bah!!!!!
it's a double edged sword. on the one hand i am happy dancing over lost weight, on the other i am terrified to keep losing lest i get MORE stretch marks.
of course i will, but it's a bitter victory now.
also: now that i think in kilos, i don't often realize how much progress i'm making. 11 pounds! hot diggity! i don't think i should hope to lose more than 11 pounds a month. maybe i should get stomach misery more often....
i have been starving to death recently. today i had 3 scrambled eggs, two pancakes and a piece of toast for breakfast with tea and apple juice. for lunch i had a grilled cheese, small fries and a small chocolate shake. dinner was a HUGE bowl of cereal (three of those little self serve bags) and half a liter of milk.
yesterday i ate a peanutbutter sandwich and 3 chinese egg tarts with a bottle of orange juice for breakfast. at lunch i munched on a bag of m&m's, and dinner was 12 egg&carrot dumplings and 6 tofu dumplings, along with cucumbers slices for starters. not to mention the roughly 6 pots of tea and three bottle of water i had.
and saturday i had, like, 5 pancakes and a huge glass of milk, and fruit, and then still ate a big dinner of rice and and noodles.
i do not understand why i am eating so much. i stepped on the scale today and it said i had gained a kilo. i'm inclined to think it's not true, but it could be by the end of the week if i don't get my stuff back under control.
blargh.
rehearsed at lush this morning. i can't believe i woke up at 6am. it wasn't terrible. i'm still terrified for the show. i want to tell my friends not to bother coming. i'm just terrified it will be horrible.
work was great. alex's friend tristan, that i mentioned in the last post, turns out to be one of my new co-workers. that's a nifty coincidence.
when i walked into my classes today my kids were nearly beside themselves shouting my name and being beyond happy to see me. that was weird. and julia, despite being a regular brat for half the lesson, was still clinging to my legs and giving me her best crocodile tears asking me not to go at the end.
kids like me?
stooped with the renda kids tonight. that felt awesome. i miss my friends (here in china). i'm so close and yet i NEVER see them i'm so busy with everything else. i only have a 50 more days with them, i want to enjoy them while i can.
my body is exhausted. i need to start getting MORE than 4 hours of sleep a night.
lets start tonite.