oh, that makes sense
ha! the reason i've been feeling so sick and vomity? i have the flu!
duh.
i woke up this morning at 11 to go to work, and couldn't move, could barely talk and thought my head and nose were going to explode.
by 3:30 i was feeling a bit better (cancelled work, needless to say), so i took sarah and inga out for their birthday massages. i figured a massage couldn't hurt.
then johanna, sarah, cigdem, cigdems friend and i went to lush and got some tastey food. which was good, because it was 7pm and i hadn't eaten since 9pm the previous day. oops. i love those lush pancakes and eggs.
we stayed to watch the first hour or so of open mic night. i knew skottie was gone, but i hadn't quite realized that would mean he wasn't doing the open mic night. that kinda sucked. no more jack black or hardcore gangsta life covers.
but, there was a tibetan throat singing group. that was pretty cool.
also, i talked with rich and he's pretty sure we'll be able to put the show up in lush if we'd like. gonna put him contact with eriko so they can cement out details.
still feeling sorta crazy. probably to cold isn't helping. wish my stomach would settle down. wish i didn't have a feeling of foreboding regarding matt and the show. i need to learn how to outsmart him. urgh.
there is a door to nowhere in my bathroom. usually it's closed and locked, but sometimes i walk into the bathroom to find this door slightly ajar. there's something about this door that fills me with foreboding. like a little girl afraid of the monsters living in her closet, this door makes me uncomfortable and nervous of the unknown lurking behind it.
usually i'll just nudge the door shut with my foot and lock it before i get down to the bathroom business, but sometimes i'me feeling especially brave and cheeky and will swing the door wide to see what's behind it. every time i do this, i feel a small doubt in the back of my brain about what will be revealed to me. a vortex? a black pit of spiders? the monster i so long ago feared was lurking in my closet? an axe-murderer?
every time i've done this, the door has swung open to reveal nothing more than a bunch of old dusty pipes, a bag of incense and the hole between the walls they live in. i know there is nothing else behind that door. there isn't even room for a small dog to fit in there, really.
but Every time i see that door, i feel that fear lurking in the very far back part of my brain. every time i expect something to have changed, and the terrifying unkown will be sitting in wait for me behind that door. every time i swing the door open i'm glad i've turned out to be wrong. every time i slam it shut, i'm a little sad i don't have the guts to face what could be potentially frightening.
not only is this pretty revealing for how my brain is not quite right, and how my thought patterns work, it is also a pretty good metaphore for how i approach most things in life. terrified of the unkown, even when i DO know what is there, swinging doors open, expecting the worst to find nothing there, and regretting not opening doors, even when i know nothing is behind them.
duh.
i woke up this morning at 11 to go to work, and couldn't move, could barely talk and thought my head and nose were going to explode.
by 3:30 i was feeling a bit better (cancelled work, needless to say), so i took sarah and inga out for their birthday massages. i figured a massage couldn't hurt.
then johanna, sarah, cigdem, cigdems friend and i went to lush and got some tastey food. which was good, because it was 7pm and i hadn't eaten since 9pm the previous day. oops. i love those lush pancakes and eggs.
we stayed to watch the first hour or so of open mic night. i knew skottie was gone, but i hadn't quite realized that would mean he wasn't doing the open mic night. that kinda sucked. no more jack black or hardcore gangsta life covers.
but, there was a tibetan throat singing group. that was pretty cool.
also, i talked with rich and he's pretty sure we'll be able to put the show up in lush if we'd like. gonna put him contact with eriko so they can cement out details.
still feeling sorta crazy. probably to cold isn't helping. wish my stomach would settle down. wish i didn't have a feeling of foreboding regarding matt and the show. i need to learn how to outsmart him. urgh.
there is a door to nowhere in my bathroom. usually it's closed and locked, but sometimes i walk into the bathroom to find this door slightly ajar. there's something about this door that fills me with foreboding. like a little girl afraid of the monsters living in her closet, this door makes me uncomfortable and nervous of the unknown lurking behind it.
usually i'll just nudge the door shut with my foot and lock it before i get down to the bathroom business, but sometimes i'me feeling especially brave and cheeky and will swing the door wide to see what's behind it. every time i do this, i feel a small doubt in the back of my brain about what will be revealed to me. a vortex? a black pit of spiders? the monster i so long ago feared was lurking in my closet? an axe-murderer?
every time i've done this, the door has swung open to reveal nothing more than a bunch of old dusty pipes, a bag of incense and the hole between the walls they live in. i know there is nothing else behind that door. there isn't even room for a small dog to fit in there, really.
but Every time i see that door, i feel that fear lurking in the very far back part of my brain. every time i expect something to have changed, and the terrifying unkown will be sitting in wait for me behind that door. every time i swing the door open i'm glad i've turned out to be wrong. every time i slam it shut, i'm a little sad i don't have the guts to face what could be potentially frightening.
not only is this pretty revealing for how my brain is not quite right, and how my thought patterns work, it is also a pretty good metaphore for how i approach most things in life. terrified of the unkown, even when i DO know what is there, swinging doors open, expecting the worst to find nothing there, and regretting not opening doors, even when i know nothing is behind them.