strange dream
last night i had strange dreams. i only remember part of it. basically, i kept meeting boys while going about my dream life (which was very busy) and while they were all different boys, they were all the same boy somehow, too. and, of course, this boy who they all were was the boy i love.
so, anyway, at one point the boy is simon tam from firefly and we are on the spaceship and we are arguing and i say something like "god, that is so like you jim", of which i INSTANTLY knew i had fucked up. he looks at me and says "i'm not him. aren't you ever going to realize that? aren't you ever going to get over that?". i, of course, instantly repent and swear it was a one time slip of the tounge, but the moment made it seem that it was something i'd done more than once before and definintely needed to work harder on t make things work.
then the next part i remember, i was near the ocean. i'm walking down the beach and boardwalk, and i see a boy (the stranger/love of my life boy) and i think "i want him to notice me" so i walk by. he does notice, and starts to follow me, but i refuse to look back and see him, and let him know i want him following me. as i'm walking down the boardwalk, i ralize it's covered in a blue velux blanket material. really soft ans squishy and kind of unfirm to walk on. it felt good under my feet, but i knew it shouldn't have been there, and i couldn't tell what things were like under the blanket. which is what led to my problems at the end of the dock. the board i had been walking on had rotted out, and i fell into a sort of crevice between the boards, but i was still supported by the tension in the blanket. so i kept walking. and i knew the ocean was coming but i didn't want to stop. and then i was falling into the ocean. and as i was falling at first i was REALLY afraid, knowing i'd be swept away to never return, and that i'd never see the boy again. but then i felt really good about it, really relaxed and accepting. i just let myself fall in and be pulled out to sea. but when i came up to the surface i saw the boy standing on the edge of the dock, and i could see he wanted me to come back and i didn't want to leave him sad and alone on the dock. so i tried to make my way back, but with every stroke forward i made, i was pulled furhter away. i called to him to help me, but he couldn't, he just told me to swim harder and come back to him, to not give up.
so, i did. and i got back to the dock and he pulled me out of the water and we spent the rest of the night sitting on the dock watching the stars and talking.
make of that what you will.
quizzed tonite. got 3rd place. we were called four squares.
inga's birthday today! yay inga!
total fuck uppery with the radio show. skottie needs to leave and it's totally fucking everything up. don't know how i can get in to the studio to record with all the work i have this week.
meeting with eriko to discuss the play. need to figure out what i want to be movement theatre, what i want to be dance, and so on. need t actually start planning this! craziness.
work. work. work is two classes of 45+ screaming 2nd graders.
oh, yeah.
but, my assistant is cute and holds my hand while we walk, and keeps me from going mad in class. it's ok, so far.