Self-Pity
I'm having a tough, self-pitying day. Tom left for China yesterday morning. Mom went down to the desert on her own, after having planned to go with Tai and I. So I ended up missing therapy, and Tai was awake for much of Women's Night, which meant it was hard for me to fully participate in the conversation. But that's not a deal. Unfortunately, though, last night around 3, he woke up with a fever. It made him gag, and he threw up in bed, which really bothered him. It only happened the once, but it freaked me out. I didn't show him, though, just quietly had an anxiety attack while he tried to doze. Neither of us got much sleep.
He finally slept at 8, when his fever went down. We had a hang around the house day. He played a bit, while the fever was low, but after a late afternoon nap and a little playing it went back up and he spent most of the evening on the couch or in bed. Finally he seemed so miserable that I gave him some Motrin. Then he wanted to get up and play again, but it was almost 9:30pm. Instead we both had a little to eat - he had no problem with the rice, but he wanted some Triscuits and those made him gag and throw up again. (Probably too dry on his throat - he said his throat has been hurting.) So now it's 10:30, he's asleep and I'm freaking out again.
I wish I weren't such a freak about the throwing up thing. I wish there were someone else here to help me take care of him - or to help take care of me. But neither of those things are possible, so I'm just muddling my way through. Trying to be there for Tai and reminding myself that this is going to be a time-limited thing. He won't be sick forever... Tom will be back next Friday, Mom will be back sometime around then, too. I know that if there were an emergency, there are a couple of people I could call for help.
It's just not an emergency that I want to curl up on someone's lap and have them rub my head while I cry. I hate feeling so vulnerable.
He finally slept at 8, when his fever went down. We had a hang around the house day. He played a bit, while the fever was low, but after a late afternoon nap and a little playing it went back up and he spent most of the evening on the couch or in bed. Finally he seemed so miserable that I gave him some Motrin. Then he wanted to get up and play again, but it was almost 9:30pm. Instead we both had a little to eat - he had no problem with the rice, but he wanted some Triscuits and those made him gag and throw up again. (Probably too dry on his throat - he said his throat has been hurting.) So now it's 10:30, he's asleep and I'm freaking out again.
I wish I weren't such a freak about the throwing up thing. I wish there were someone else here to help me take care of him - or to help take care of me. But neither of those things are possible, so I'm just muddling my way through. Trying to be there for Tai and reminding myself that this is going to be a time-limited thing. He won't be sick forever... Tom will be back next Friday, Mom will be back sometime around then, too. I know that if there were an emergency, there are a couple of people I could call for help.
It's just not an emergency that I want to curl up on someone's lap and have them rub my head while I cry. I hate feeling so vulnerable.