I Know That You Need Him, Baby Take It Easy. {Chapter 6}
Title: I Know That You Need Him, Baby Take It Easy. [Chapter 6]
Rating: PG-ish again
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine, but the plot...
Travis
What the hell is he doing out at two in the godamn morning? For coffee? He coulda just made some here. I am fuming when he walks in the door.
“What the hell William?” I jump up and meet him half way.
“What? You’re aloud to take off across the country; I can’t be out cause its to late? How is that fair?”
“Will, I’m sorry. You had me worried.” I wrap him in a hug. “I just missed you, and I wanted to see you when I got ho- Will… What’s that, on your neck?” I run my thumb on a fresh bruise under his jaw. His face goes blank. “I uh… I burnt my neck when I tried to straighten my hair…”
“Don’t lie to me William… you don’t have a straightener…”
“I swear! I was at -” he was cut off when my hand connects with his face
“I said don’t fucking lie to me!” Oh fuck what did I just do? I immediately feel eternal remorse for what has taken place. Why am I this pissed? I would never hit him, but here he is collapsed at my feet. Crying. Because I hit him.
“Travis…”
I drop down beside him. “William I am so sorry…” I try to wrap my arms around him, but he stops me.
“Please don’t touch me Travis.” He raises his head, and I can see the tears spilling from his eyes. “I just want to know why. What would make you want to act out like that.”
“I… I… don’t know… baby let me…” I try again to hold him. He just shakes his and loosens my grip and stands up. “I am going to take a shower now, and go to bed. I’d prefer you to leave me alone tonight; Travis.” The way he said my name so coolly gave me chills.
There was nothing I could do while he walked into the bathroom. I knew what he was planning, and I was completely helpless to stop him. All I want is be close to him again, like it was in the beginning. How he would giggle constantly when I called him, or run to me and leap in my arms when we saw each other after long separations. His nickname for me - “Travie baby”, and the way his smile would brighten my day.
Now I am curled in a fetal position on the living room floor while I listen to William in the bathroom. It is almost as if I can see his movements to match the noise he makes; I see him reach into the medicine cabinet when I hear the rustling, I hear a clink and see the razor blade hit the counter, then the cabinet is closed and the shower door is opened. The routine is as much comforting as it is sickening. I want to run to him; scream and yell at him - anything to stop him, but I physically can’t will myself to move. It wouldn’t stop him anyways, fighting him just made the cuts deeper. Tonight isn’t a good night to take him to the ER for stitches, again. Knowing that I cause this man so much pain is killing me. I almost feel that I should leave, just let him move on. I contemplate how much his life would be better without me as I cry myself to sleep once more.
William
I step in to the shower and let the water run. I enjoy the feeling of the water and the way it sprays on my face. The shower is my ultimate escape. I’m not sure how long I spend sitting under the shower, but when I get out and get dressed again; Travis is sleeping on the floor. Nice. Well at least he was respecting my wishes. He could have gotten in bed I think as I walk back into the bed room; I don’t plan staying in the same house as him tonight. Granted I should give him credit. He has never assaulted me, and I do have a hicky, and he knows that is what it is. I hurts knowing the doubts he must have about me and my sanity. But he’ll learn not to hit me again
When I walk over to him and see how he is curled up, my heart pains a little. I do love this man. I grab a blanket and crouch down be side him. By pushing the hair from his face, I can see tearstains. This digs at me a little more. “Oh Travie” escapes my mouth. He looks up, his eyes are lost and sad. He hadn’t been sleeping the whole time like I thought, just laying on the floor crying.
“William, I do love you-” there was pause and a deep breath, “I can’t lose you, I wont”.
He is choking on his words; trying his damnedest to string them together. But between the sobs he was barely audible.
“I …. I love.. you so much Will… please.. don’t... just don’t tell me it’s … over…” he raises his eyes to meet mine again; and I look into the chocolate gaze that I have fallen in love with. I swear my heart skips a beat. To see such a strong individual lying crestfallen on the floor is moving if nothing else. I sit down and slide next to him, working my way slowly into a reclining position.
“Travis…” I grab his hand and interlace my fingers between his. Secretly I have always loved they way our hands look together; the milky white contrasting with a rich caramel. I know it seems stupid but small things like this mean the world to me. “… did I ever tell you that I love to hold your hand?” I hear him stifle the tears and mumble what I can assume to be a ‘no’. “I like how it looks, the way our complexions complement each other. I also love the way you make me feel special, like I’m your prince, your everything.” His face softens, and he raises my hand to meet his lips and gives a delicate kiss. This make me smile, but just as quick it fades. “But Travie, this is killing me. Hiding all this wonderfulness from everyone. I don’t think that we can be together anymore if you are this ashamed of yourself, or of us.” He enfolds me into his arms, and I can feel his body tremor from the whimpers he lets out.
“Will… I am never going to let you go. The one thing I fear most is losing you. For you to come home with a hickey” I tense and he feels it “yes, Will. I’m not stupid. I didn’t know how to react. I can feel that I am losing you, and can’t. I just can’t. I know that you can have and man or woman of your choosing. Now I know that if… now I just know what you are actually capable of.”
“Travie… I do love you. I just want to feel like you love me - all of me - back. Sometimes even when we… ya know… make love…” I feel my face grow hot. Sex is not my favorite discussion topic… “it feels like its not even me that you are thinking of. That in your mind you are picturing someone else, a female. It hurts. Every time it hurts, and I don’t know what to do with my self after; I always feel used. I feel like a whore.” The sensation of a tear rolls down my face. “It is supposed to be the most intimate times in a relationship, but it is when you are most distant from me.”
Travis looks blank, stunned actually. I lean in and place a chaste kiss on his lips. “Lets go lay down in bed. Not on the floor. We can fall asleep together, but in the morning I won’t be here. In fact I will be gone all day to leave you to your thoughts. I’ll be back in the evening and we can talk about us. And figure out if… if we have a future together.” He looks at me crushed, and I feel horrible at the thought of what I said. But he just nods. I stand, and then help him to his feet. I grab both his hands and walk backwards and lead him into our bed. I giggle as we fall and he smiles. Nostalgia washes over me as I remember the first night I moved in. I wish desperately that I could be that happy with this man again.
“I love you Travie, baby.”
“I love you too my little Will bug.”
“Will bug? Well that’s new” I giggle again, and he kisses my forehead.
Rating: PG-ish again
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine, but the plot...
Travis
What the hell is he doing out at two in the godamn morning? For coffee? He coulda just made some here. I am fuming when he walks in the door.
“What the hell William?” I jump up and meet him half way.
“What? You’re aloud to take off across the country; I can’t be out cause its to late? How is that fair?”
“Will, I’m sorry. You had me worried.” I wrap him in a hug. “I just missed you, and I wanted to see you when I got ho- Will… What’s that, on your neck?” I run my thumb on a fresh bruise under his jaw. His face goes blank. “I uh… I burnt my neck when I tried to straighten my hair…”
“Don’t lie to me William… you don’t have a straightener…”
“I swear! I was at -” he was cut off when my hand connects with his face
“I said don’t fucking lie to me!” Oh fuck what did I just do? I immediately feel eternal remorse for what has taken place. Why am I this pissed? I would never hit him, but here he is collapsed at my feet. Crying. Because I hit him.
“Travis…”
I drop down beside him. “William I am so sorry…” I try to wrap my arms around him, but he stops me.
“Please don’t touch me Travis.” He raises his head, and I can see the tears spilling from his eyes. “I just want to know why. What would make you want to act out like that.”
“I… I… don’t know… baby let me…” I try again to hold him. He just shakes his and loosens my grip and stands up. “I am going to take a shower now, and go to bed. I’d prefer you to leave me alone tonight; Travis.” The way he said my name so coolly gave me chills.
There was nothing I could do while he walked into the bathroom. I knew what he was planning, and I was completely helpless to stop him. All I want is be close to him again, like it was in the beginning. How he would giggle constantly when I called him, or run to me and leap in my arms when we saw each other after long separations. His nickname for me - “Travie baby”, and the way his smile would brighten my day.
Now I am curled in a fetal position on the living room floor while I listen to William in the bathroom. It is almost as if I can see his movements to match the noise he makes; I see him reach into the medicine cabinet when I hear the rustling, I hear a clink and see the razor blade hit the counter, then the cabinet is closed and the shower door is opened. The routine is as much comforting as it is sickening. I want to run to him; scream and yell at him - anything to stop him, but I physically can’t will myself to move. It wouldn’t stop him anyways, fighting him just made the cuts deeper. Tonight isn’t a good night to take him to the ER for stitches, again. Knowing that I cause this man so much pain is killing me. I almost feel that I should leave, just let him move on. I contemplate how much his life would be better without me as I cry myself to sleep once more.
William
I step in to the shower and let the water run. I enjoy the feeling of the water and the way it sprays on my face. The shower is my ultimate escape. I’m not sure how long I spend sitting under the shower, but when I get out and get dressed again; Travis is sleeping on the floor. Nice. Well at least he was respecting my wishes. He could have gotten in bed I think as I walk back into the bed room; I don’t plan staying in the same house as him tonight. Granted I should give him credit. He has never assaulted me, and I do have a hicky, and he knows that is what it is. I hurts knowing the doubts he must have about me and my sanity. But he’ll learn not to hit me again
When I walk over to him and see how he is curled up, my heart pains a little. I do love this man. I grab a blanket and crouch down be side him. By pushing the hair from his face, I can see tearstains. This digs at me a little more. “Oh Travie” escapes my mouth. He looks up, his eyes are lost and sad. He hadn’t been sleeping the whole time like I thought, just laying on the floor crying.
“William, I do love you-” there was pause and a deep breath, “I can’t lose you, I wont”.
He is choking on his words; trying his damnedest to string them together. But between the sobs he was barely audible.
“I …. I love.. you so much Will… please.. don’t... just don’t tell me it’s … over…” he raises his eyes to meet mine again; and I look into the chocolate gaze that I have fallen in love with. I swear my heart skips a beat. To see such a strong individual lying crestfallen on the floor is moving if nothing else. I sit down and slide next to him, working my way slowly into a reclining position.
“Travis…” I grab his hand and interlace my fingers between his. Secretly I have always loved they way our hands look together; the milky white contrasting with a rich caramel. I know it seems stupid but small things like this mean the world to me. “… did I ever tell you that I love to hold your hand?” I hear him stifle the tears and mumble what I can assume to be a ‘no’. “I like how it looks, the way our complexions complement each other. I also love the way you make me feel special, like I’m your prince, your everything.” His face softens, and he raises my hand to meet his lips and gives a delicate kiss. This make me smile, but just as quick it fades. “But Travie, this is killing me. Hiding all this wonderfulness from everyone. I don’t think that we can be together anymore if you are this ashamed of yourself, or of us.” He enfolds me into his arms, and I can feel his body tremor from the whimpers he lets out.
“Will… I am never going to let you go. The one thing I fear most is losing you. For you to come home with a hickey” I tense and he feels it “yes, Will. I’m not stupid. I didn’t know how to react. I can feel that I am losing you, and can’t. I just can’t. I know that you can have and man or woman of your choosing. Now I know that if… now I just know what you are actually capable of.”
“Travie… I do love you. I just want to feel like you love me - all of me - back. Sometimes even when we… ya know… make love…” I feel my face grow hot. Sex is not my favorite discussion topic… “it feels like its not even me that you are thinking of. That in your mind you are picturing someone else, a female. It hurts. Every time it hurts, and I don’t know what to do with my self after; I always feel used. I feel like a whore.” The sensation of a tear rolls down my face. “It is supposed to be the most intimate times in a relationship, but it is when you are most distant from me.”
Travis looks blank, stunned actually. I lean in and place a chaste kiss on his lips. “Lets go lay down in bed. Not on the floor. We can fall asleep together, but in the morning I won’t be here. In fact I will be gone all day to leave you to your thoughts. I’ll be back in the evening and we can talk about us. And figure out if… if we have a future together.” He looks at me crushed, and I feel horrible at the thought of what I said. But he just nods. I stand, and then help him to his feet. I grab both his hands and walk backwards and lead him into our bed. I giggle as we fall and he smiles. Nostalgia washes over me as I remember the first night I moved in. I wish desperately that I could be that happy with this man again.
“I love you Travie, baby.”
“I love you too my little Will bug.”
“Will bug? Well that’s new” I giggle again, and he kisses my forehead.