Fat acceptance is hard even for the fat
So today I was in the mall with my husband waiting for the FYE to open so he could do some trading and a return, and I had a moment I'm not proud of. I'm fat, and I've come to accept it, and I'm fine with it, but I still had one of those moments today. You know, where you look at someone else who is fat and think, "At least I don't look (or are not as big) like that."
And I instantly felt ashamed. I felt ashamed because I couldn't look at this woman walking in the mall directly, and I felt really ashamed because I was letting myself buy into the idea that I was better than she was because she was using a mobility aid called a rollator. Thinking back on it, it was pretty obvious that this woman was using the rollator as part of her exercise regime. She had that loose skin look around her stomach that some fat people get when they lose weight and have a lot of excess skin forms an apron down onto their thighs.
Part of my problem was I really wanted to ask her a bunch of invasive and nosy questions. I've been thinking about investigating in a rollator. A rollator is sort of walker for the mostly mobile. It has a seat if you need to sit because of your back/knees/stamina, and it has wheels on all four of its legs so you can move pretty fast. I've heard some good things about them.
Another part of my problem was that I was kind of jealous. She was walking without pain. Yeah, she looked kind of funny leaning over and into the support the rollator was offering, but she did not grunt with every step or wheezed in pain as everything started to tighten up until you have to sit down or lean against something rather pass out because you can't hurt and breathe at the same time anymore.
She wasn't snapping at her family to hurry up, or having to go out to the car to sit down and breathe through the pain until her head stops spinning.
I can't get over the stigma my mind puts on mobility aids no matter how much I want to use one, and that is all on me.