(no subject)
Its been 2 years, 2 years since the worst, 2 years since death, 2 years of change, 2 years of truth. Its been a gloomy day. I havent felt right and to be honest I had no realization of the significance of the day. The weather is telling us everything. Its been stressful with complications of others, work, school, my home life. I just want to run away from all of that. I have never expirenced life as it is right now. Its coming at full speed and I am only running half as fast it seems. Even things that bring me happiness and even simpler things that make me happy arent pleasing me as they usually do. This is me seeing things independently for the first time. Living up to the pressure and anxiety is wearing me down. Optimism is soon to run out and no one is there right now. I dont know where to turn, where I am headed, or what I want to even achieve anymore. Being honest I am going through the motions and everything is upside down. I want to hide. I want someone to shed hope. This should be the best year of my life but after months of optimism and hope it slowly goes downhill as it always seems to do. Is there someone to listen? I need to do something. I need revitalization and to only give hope for some brighter months. What if that doesnt happen and I am left behind only wondering what went wrong. Graduation is only a month or so away. I feel the anxiety but not the excitement. I just want to be done with it all. I want summer to go well but its all coming so fast its overwhelming. I feel like I have just shed myself away from all my problems rather than confront the issue. Its making me depressed. This day makes it even more depressing feeling. Friends are not my comfort, I am unsure really of what brings me comfort right now besides work and sleep. My priorities are disassembled and I am desperately grabbing on for something, all these realizations are hard to take in. I want this feeling to leave but it wont, I thought itd be over real soon but its just getting deeper and deeper.