im melting
i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant sleep, and havent since yesterday morning, i cant eat, i didnt even hardly eat thanksgiving dinner, and i cant get her out of my head. i wish i was still someone to her. i wish i sitll had a place in her life. i wish i MEANT something to her. HALF as much as she means to me. just half. that would make me happy. she would make me happy. i hate not meaning shit to her. i never intended to fall for her this hard, but i did and i have no control over that. i just want last week back. i want things back to how they were. i know that your gonna read this, and i dont want you reading my livejournal anymore. im trying to be your friend and fix things, even tho i know i wont fix anything, and my lj is my place where i let shit out. i try to be happy when i talk to you like i used to be when i talked to you. but im not. im miserable and i miss you more than anything ive ever missed before. fucking shit i hate all this. i REALLY really hate this. no one who talks to me can make me happy. the only person who has come close is holly and thats because she talked about fixing things between me and heather. thats not gonna happen, but even the thought of it makes me happy. i wish i knew what i did wrong, i wish i would fix the mistake that i made that pushed you away from me. im trying SO hard to keep my cool and wait out some time, but its so hard. time moves too fucking slow for me in this situation. why cant it just hurry up. i want to be home. i want to either have this all fixed or be done with it, and i cannot accomplish any of that without time. i really do feel more alone now than ever and its like no one gives a damn. no one cares. im just the kid who got too emotionally attatched to a girl...and dumped. no one seems to see that i want that girl back more than anything. i dont know what the purpose of all this happening was...but i hope i realize it soon, because i cant take a whole lot more of this.