Kristen Bell is on Heroes now. Not only is she not playing as Veronica Mars, which would make that show so fucking good I would lick the TV, she's a bad guy. This is all hearsay of course since I can't bring myself to watch the two latest episodes after hearing she was on the show. Call me fucking batshit crazy, but it would be like watching your ( Read more... )

Work is seriously awesome. I work with a lot of really great people and really dig the atmosphere. Plus I get to gouge rich people for ridiculous amounts of money. I mean, sure it's cool that you're spending $145 on 2oz of cognac, it's awesome. However, on top of that you have to tip ME because I am so awesome and you love me. Damn good time, damn ( Read more... )

It's been fucking forever. Lots has happened, things have changed, but I still have to vent and I want to be able to read about it later on and be all "Whoa . . . didn't that suck ( Read more... )

I don't know what it is but whenever I see a movie where there's some sort of robbery, especially a bank robbery, and there's a woman involved, I find it kind of silly. Don't these women actors realize they're playing the absolute failure of the movie? Who is the downfall of all the heists and robberies? That's right. Vaginas. Sex and sex appeal ( Read more... )

I waited in line at the moose today at about 4pm and in front of me was a woman with 7 kids. How do I know they were all hers? Well, the woman in front of them who was old and confused uttered the question "Are all of them yours?" To which the woman replied "Yep, all 7 of them" as her uterus fell out of her body and cried for help. Regardless of ( Read more... )

Snowman punchy pen person. I love him but Sarah uses him to hit me ( Read more... )

"I got a watch that turns into a life boat ( Read more... )

1. Today, I woke up and grabbed a towel preparing myself for a nice hot shower. On the way to the bathroom, I saw a box of pizza me and my friends neglected to finish last night. So, I proceded to take a large slice with me into the bathroom. I hopped in the shower, washed my entire body, face, hair, and q-tipped my ears, all the while enjoying a ( Read more... )

I have to pee really bad so I'll make this short ( Read more... )

So as I write this I'm sitting in my house after a pretty interesting trip to the east coast for my vacation. Went out to PA to hang out with my mom for a few days which was great. I don't get to see her too often so it was nice to just sit on the couch for few days and shoot the shit. However things got pretty retarded for a minute when I nearly ( Read more... )