FIC: Turning Your Orbit Around [Iron Man ensemble, PG]

[atrata]

Um, okay! So. For Porn Thursday, I apparently wrote this piece of Obie/Tony wrongness, totally out of turn. In theory, there is a cracked-out high school AU, but so far it's just full of Obadiah's skeeze. I have subsequently renamed my journal for the first time ever. It is now called, "OVERCOME BY OBADIAH'S COCK." Subtitle: "your father is a sorry

Comments

[murklins]

*wants corollary fic* *NOW* (and also yankee swap.)

[And I'm kinda glad you did not credit me except in a general sense. Except I see that you managed to sneakily avoid taking the blame for this yourself. NICE!]

[atrata]

I had nothing to do with this story. NOTHING AT ALL. I think the only thing I came up with on my own was "Pumpkin Shell." Also, "come and get it." Seriously, everything else was other people.

NOT MY FAULT.

[murklins]

I like to think Obie is a secret nudist *because* of Tony. He LOVED that first set of flannel PJs. Right up until his regular in Vegas, the one with the clit piercing and the double jointed fingers, started calling him Sugar Shack and leaving his room cackling unattractively. That's when he started doing a thorough visual inspection of all the gifts Tony gave him before wearing them in front of hookers.

[atrata]

I think not only is Obie a secret nudist, he is a secret pimp. I mean, he does wear that giant fucking silver chain on his neck all the time. I am still working out the details of why being a pimp makes him want to kill Tony more than our already sound theory, but it involves Uncle Obie's Stripperhaüs.

[murklins]

The complete ruination (and re-ruination) of cozy pajamas is not enough cause?!?! Oh, OBIE, you are HARDCORE.

Although, Tony does set a really bad example. I mean, he doesn't even go to Uncle Obie's Stripperhaüs, he just picks up sluts for free! WTF, TONY. DIE, TONY, DIE!

[atrata]

And when he DOES come to Das Stripperhaüs, he drinks half the liquour and never pays his fucking tab and the girls end up giving him around-the-world specials at two-for-one discounts and really, Tony is going to drive Obie straight into bankruptcy.

Maybe THAT is why he was in Vegas? He was trying to recruit his favorite, because clit piercings are really hot right now, and he almost had her until that whole Sugar Shack thing.

[murklins]

He finds out later, from Tony of course, that it was all Tony's fault that clit-chick turned on him. They'd crossed paths in the hallway outside Obie's hotel room (he likes to schedule sex before Tony-meetings; Tony's much easier to deal with through a haze of afterglow and a line or two snorted from a taut, tanned stomach). Tony had caught her at the elbow and said three words, bending then toward her ear: "He's into flannel."

She was a pro; she knew a fetish when it was dropped in her lap by a client's cherished, nubile protege. She'd walked in the door and said, "God, you know what gets me so fucking *HOT*?"

And he was laid out on his stomach in full flannel glory before she had time to crack her knuckles and lube up.

[atrata]

And then he heard it. It started out as a soft giggle, but then it got louder and uglier until it could legitimately be called a cackle.

But just as he was about to turn over to find out what the hell was so goddamn funny, her fingers were in his ass and, okay, he wasn't going anywhere. He writhed on the bed, humping into the sheets, as she slowly spread him open, adding finger after finger until she was buried to the forearm.

She giggled the whole time. When she left, she set his PJs on the corner of the bed, ass-up. They said, in bright pink gothic lettering, SUGAR SHACK.

Obadiah never saw her again.

[murklins]

BECAUSE HE HAD HER KILLED.

[atrata]

And then, later, when he's trying to figure out what the hell drugs Tony is taking to even be able to go around the world twice with two different girls in the space of a few hours, Tony says, "hey, whatever happened to that chick you liked in Vegas? Haven't seen her around lately."

Obadiah puffs on his cigar and doesn't say anything. That's okay, though, Tony doesn't actually need another person to carry on a conversation with.

"In fact, I haven't seen her since the time I told her about your flannel fetish. How'd that work out for you, anyway?"

Then Obadiah has Tony killed, too.

[murklins]

AHAHAHAHA, OMG, OBIE SLAYS ME.

Now for the part we are worst at. Are there any songs about flannel? This puppy needs a name to immortalize it.

[atrata]

wait, THIS is the part we are worst at? We just wrote Obie/OFC fisting comment porn. Good god. Um.

WOW OMG OKAY. There is apparently a song by a band called 'Blue Flannel' that goes like this:
I hate drunk people and I hate sober people and I hate all the people today.
And I hate short people and I hate tall people and I hate all the people today.
[...]
I hate porny people and hate corny people and I hate all the people today.
I hate dumb people and I hate smart people and I hate all the people today.

Um. Maybe that does not help us? We could call it "I Hate All The People And Mostly Tony Stark"?

[murklins]

There is a band that plays a song called "I Left My Flannel In Seattle." That band is called...

Butt Trumpet.

I am not making this up.

[atrata]

Wow, I am not going to make it through tonight alive.

"I Left My Flannel in Vegas"? OR WILL PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND OUR CLEVER REFERENCE?

Okay, I remembered how to work Google, and it seems that the lyrics consist entirely of the words "flannel," "Seattle," and... that's pretty much it. Maybe "Do you have some flannel?" THAT IS A GOOD NAME, RIGHT.

oh, god.

[murklins]

/o\

[atrata]

BUTT TRUMPET IT IS.