For a phantom

[atragicthing]

I will never forget how it all ended.
Mid December
during the worst storm of the winter.
The telephone conversation where she listened in.
The coldest heart
The thinnest skin
And you let me go without saying goodbye.
And you let me go out into the night.
You let me go.
Alone.

The black bags I've packed a thousand times
but this time around, I'm gone for good.
You'll spend every holiday alone.
Birthday's will go unnoticed
Phone calls
always recieved,
never returned
The pictures of me years younger
have all been taken down I'm sure

And I will never once think to drown myself in the sink
I will never again want to see the pearl color of a wrist bone

I swear that you will regret this
I hope that you regret this

Because I am the first
and you let me go
I am your daughter,
but you were never my father
because you let me go.
You let me slip away
and I was only able to take with me
the memories of who we both used to be
when you were my favorite rockstar
and I was clutching onto mismatched shoes
and tiny summer dresses made of flowers and gold

I used to be your daughter,
but you have NEVER been my father
because you let me go.
Years ago and now again,
you have let me go.
You let me slip into the night
and walk out that door
alone.
x

{you were never there for me. looking back the time has come, it was you i believed in, look what you've done to me. realize what you've done to me...}