(no subject)

Oct 07, 2009 00:44

People come. People go. I considered making several updates to the network on this matter, but I keep finding myself waiting. Will someone come back? Will another go? I always thought it was considerate to let others know that you checked the hall for them, but I've even grown tired of returning there. A lot of important people have left, at least on the Sunnydale side of things, and someone important has returned. In a way, it's almost like the trades the deities must do here. Usually, I have a marked feeling on all this, but I've found myself thinking about it. There have been other things on my mind, and they're somewhat related.

I should maybe consider making this a private note to the employees of X-Factor, but I don't think that's a good idea, either. There are some people who were thinking of seeking work with them, and now that Jamie's gone, there was the recommendation that I should take everyone under my wing. It's not that I wouldn't want to continue working with everyone, but I've realized my mission, my idea of how things should be, is a little different from Jamie's. I've made my mistakes, both at home and even here, but I'd rather not do that again. X-Factor was good for what it was. A job. People worked together. But we didn't do the things that I'd do with my own investigative service, and I'd rather not stick to such rigid ideas and organization again. Organization has always made me restless, in a way. And I end up taking on little side jobs. Better to make the side jobs ... my job, right?

So, you can dislike my decision or ... think less of me for it. You can even be mad because you're out of a job, but I won't be continuing X-Factor. I am considering restarting my own service here, but the way we do things, it doesn't work the same way. And I'm not sure yet. I mean, it's been a while, but X-Factor isn't mine, and the brief time I worked as the head, while sharing it with Wesley, showed me that its employees are Jamie's people, not mine. It was great working with everyone, but these things come to an end. And ... before he left, my time there was likely coming to an end. It just changed the results. It just changed the time.

I want to help the helpless, be there for people, but I have to do it my way. I've never seen being here in the City as a burden. Even being away from my son, even knowing what he'd have to return and face before he came back here, I've always thought I was here for a reason. The deities, right now, they're just dangling it before our faces. I won't step down from that. I became lax. I thought I had the means. I didn't. I'm changing that now. And with what's recently happened, it seems that someone has to. But ... I also set on this path in a specific way. I do what's comfortable.

So, I give you my apologies, and good luck to anyone who worked there and to anyone who considered working there. If you want to group together and do things without me, that's fine. I'm just afraid I can't be involved.
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