(no subject)
so i think part of my destiny is to never be happy. at least not for long periods of time. not gonna lie, i'm pretty fucking miserable. i mean, i'm happy for the most part with my relationship and all but still there's things that bother me a lot. like how i think she still partially has feelings for him. it normally wouldn't be weird but they live in the same house and he also reminds me so much of ben that it's not funny. i really hate it because no matter what girls are always attracted to that. that asshole douchebag personality and i can't be that. i have this complex with being nice. i can't help it and never could. i'm unfortunately stuck a nice guy. so here i am falling head over heels but trying to stop myself because i don't want to get to extremely attached while i feel it still present. if this ends up getting me hurt i'm done for good. was so hesitant to get into this in the first place because of that. i'll gladly go back to being single if that be the case and i'll stay that way. it doesn't help that i've put restrictions on myself. no drugs (which isn't a problem), no pointless sex, no cutting, and no more drinking. that last one's a killer cause i'm still getting urges to drink. i haven't taken a sip of alcohol since april 20th though and that won't change. getting fired doesn't help either. i guess it's a good thing since i hated it there anyway but finding a job right now isn't the easiest thing in the world and i can only last so long with the money i've got. i'd still be getting paid if it wasn't for berkshire bank being a bunch of discriminating bastards. if you wanna work there as a teller, don't have a dick. they hate guy tellers for some reason