(no subject)
i haven't met anybody for years. now i have to meet people.
there appears to be a process.
i had yesterday's second coffee at the castro café with jayt and some other people whose names i have forgotten. i consciously decided to care more about the average person, and less about everyone else. i don't know, something about scientific seeming experiments about social interaction. i have to learn how to 'make friends', and the general consensus is that this requires being nice and not writing people off immediately.
which is unfortunate, because i'm quite good at that. writing people off. at some other time, i decided that my life was saturated with people. that everyone reaches a point at which they can take no more, and that everyone's saturation point is different. and mine just happened to be comparatively small.
it occurred to me recently that the people i used to see every day have become the people i avoid. p and b, especially. then i realised that, had i been able to avoid them the past few years, i would have. perhaps i could have, though. why did i care? what happened, that suddenly i don't?
i somehow inherited a car, due to my mother's midlife crisis.
7 weeks until my birthday. i don't remember looking forward to a birthday ever before. i have never counted weeks until a birthday.
fuck, this journal is boring. it's even boring to write. how do people write about their lives without boring themselves to tears? christ.
a change is a-coming, i guess. g-rr.-rr.
there appears to be a process.
i had yesterday's second coffee at the castro café with jayt and some other people whose names i have forgotten. i consciously decided to care more about the average person, and less about everyone else. i don't know, something about scientific seeming experiments about social interaction. i have to learn how to 'make friends', and the general consensus is that this requires being nice and not writing people off immediately.
which is unfortunate, because i'm quite good at that. writing people off. at some other time, i decided that my life was saturated with people. that everyone reaches a point at which they can take no more, and that everyone's saturation point is different. and mine just happened to be comparatively small.
it occurred to me recently that the people i used to see every day have become the people i avoid. p and b, especially. then i realised that, had i been able to avoid them the past few years, i would have. perhaps i could have, though. why did i care? what happened, that suddenly i don't?
i somehow inherited a car, due to my mother's midlife crisis.
7 weeks until my birthday. i don't remember looking forward to a birthday ever before. i have never counted weeks until a birthday.
fuck, this journal is boring. it's even boring to write. how do people write about their lives without boring themselves to tears? christ.
a change is a-coming, i guess. g-rr.-rr.