I TOLD You I Had A Job!
On Thursday of last week, I had my first regular-session sub call-out. I Substitute taught three blocks of English at Santa Maria High. Two freshmen and one junior, without a single stabbing or even a snide remark. I showed videos all three sections. I gotta tell you, for $82 a throw, it beats working.
And then, on Friday, I had my second call-out. My first warning should have been when the dispatcher offered me my choice of assignments. First, she suggested four periods of Drivers' Ed and two of PE. I laughed out loud at her. Next was an entire day of band. I had to announce myself unqualified for that one too. And the winner: One block of Freshman English and one shortened block of Journalism at Pioneer, the new school. I gotta tell you, those Pioneer freshmen really gave me a run for my money. The little bastards would not be quiet for the life of them. Even when I befriended them, when I humiliated them, and when I threatened them. But I made it through, and the journalism class was completely hands-off. I think I might be able to handle this substitute teaching gig.
If this doesn't pan out, I have a line on a brilliant business opportunity. Eating veal is completely morally repugnant these days, right? Well, what if it wasn't? My idea, in conjunction with a guy in "The Underpants" with me, is to genetically engineer cattle with muscular dystrophy. That way, the won't physically be able to develop any muscle tone throughout their lifetimes, AND killing them early in life would be an act of mercy. It's win-win! We call our new venture Mercy Meat. We also have plans to breed swine with scoliosis, so we can make suckling pig popular again. We also fully expect to be condemned to hell by every conscientious god there is.
And then, on Friday, I had my second call-out. My first warning should have been when the dispatcher offered me my choice of assignments. First, she suggested four periods of Drivers' Ed and two of PE. I laughed out loud at her. Next was an entire day of band. I had to announce myself unqualified for that one too. And the winner: One block of Freshman English and one shortened block of Journalism at Pioneer, the new school. I gotta tell you, those Pioneer freshmen really gave me a run for my money. The little bastards would not be quiet for the life of them. Even when I befriended them, when I humiliated them, and when I threatened them. But I made it through, and the journalism class was completely hands-off. I think I might be able to handle this substitute teaching gig.
If this doesn't pan out, I have a line on a brilliant business opportunity. Eating veal is completely morally repugnant these days, right? Well, what if it wasn't? My idea, in conjunction with a guy in "The Underpants" with me, is to genetically engineer cattle with muscular dystrophy. That way, the won't physically be able to develop any muscle tone throughout their lifetimes, AND killing them early in life would be an act of mercy. It's win-win! We call our new venture Mercy Meat. We also have plans to breed swine with scoliosis, so we can make suckling pig popular again. We also fully expect to be condemned to hell by every conscientious god there is.