Job Search Dictionary

[atlpapabear]

From my friend Andy Ducker:

COMPETITIVE SALARY
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors

JOIN OUR FAST PACED COMPANY
We have no time to train you

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
We don't pay you enough to expect you to dress up

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTATED
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the office can boss you around

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control

CAREER MINDED
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way)

APPLY IN PERSON
If you are old, fat, or ugly you will be told the position is filled

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
We've filled the job, our call for CVs is just a legal requirement

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
You will need to replace three people who have just left

PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION
I've used Microsoft Office

I'M HONEST AND HARD WORKING AND DEPENDABLE
I pilfer office supplies

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES ?
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I have had

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK
I blame others for mistakes

I'M PERSONABLE
I give lots of unsolicited advice

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL
I carry a Day Timer

I AM ADAPTABLE
I've changed jobs a lot

I AM ON THE GO
I am never at my desk