my mind
I'm feeling pretty deep lately...and I don't know why. Not deep in the sense that I'm like a prophet and have impacting things to say, but more like I've just thought. not about anything in particular, but just thought. You know, where you kind of take a trip into your brain and wander through paying attention to every endless detail, sometimes closely inspecting every inch and other times just looking at something and acknowledging its there. I don't think I've been thinking about anything in particular, but just kind of letting my mind wander. It's weird. I read a book that I throughly enjoyed in school. The Catcher in the Rye. I read it and I thought to myself, "I like Holden, I want to be his friend." And I really did. I learned also that I think a lot like he does. Not in the suicidal sense, no, but more like in the sense that I go off on various tangents and end up completely lost within my own thoughts and conversations. I like thinking like that. I also saw What's Eating Gilbert Grape. A tear jerker, but still really good. If anyone reading this happens to be wandering through blockbuster wondering what to get, you should give it a try. It's slightly depressing, but I think you could really analyze it if you really wanted to. I got a job. I don't know if I mentioned that yet somewhere. Yeah, I got a job at the humane society. eight dollars an hour isn't too bad if I say so myself. I like the people there. Unfortunately I'm the youngest there, so I kind of feel disconnected, you know? But I think I'm good at my job. I don't get yelled at, and I learned really quick people tell me. People always ask me how I coudl possibly work there. I told them its not so bad. I usually assume that they mean because I could probably take home all the animals there. I told them that this would be true if I didn't see the ones that go home all the time. Then I thought, maybe that's not what they meant. Maybe they mean dealing in a place with death. I actually only just thought about this recently. Normally I consider my environment to be really happy, dull, but happy. But then the other day, I realized how, aside from all the cute puppies and kittens and the licks and the fur, the humane society is a bad place that shouldn't exist. I mean, ideally it wouldn't exist. I think it does a great job of finding homes for animals, but in a perfect world, there wouldn't be any homeless animals. There was a stray kitty that came in a couple of weeks ago. Her name was Emma A220560. She was three months old, and had pretty tortie/tabby markings, very cute. She was really funny and would like to bat you with her paw and climb on you and lick your face. I asked my mom if we could get her, and she kept saying no. I didn't really expect her to change her mind, besides, she was a kitten she'd get adopted soon enough. But then, she was getting sick last weekend. She got a kitty cold. It's nothing major, all you need is clavamox, but it can really get worse if it's not treated and it's really contagious to other cats, just like a regular cold. So I came in to work on Monday afternoon and I didn't see her in her kennel. So I looked her up on the computer thinking she got adopted, but when I looked her up, she had been euthhenized for medical reasons at a quarter after ten. I was really crushed when I figured this out. And it was kind of like a wake up call you know? I'd always had this kind of naive view of my work, where I was shielded from the bad stuff. The clinic were the people who dealt with that. And it made me think that people suck. Not all people. Just mostly polititions and murderers. And liars. But even so, most sucky people are just partially horrible, there's some redeeming quality in them. but then there's people who are just mean to be mean. Bad people. I wish there were no bad people. 'cause they suck.