empress (of the lost)

[brainpanned]

who: river and doctor
what: forgiveness?
when: aug. 8
where: Bluebird
rating: G?
status: incomplete

Comments

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

The Doctor has been pacing the control room, waiting for River. He'd known things weren't right, but he'd hoped she'd just been angry with him. But it was more than that, and he desperately wanted to fix it.

At the sound of River's voice, he turned and hurried to the door. "There you are," he said softly, dipping his head until River looked at him. "It's alright," he said, reaching out his hand to take hers. "I've got you now," he said, gently pulling River against his chest, but not tightening his hold if she wanted to back away.

[brainpanned]

She released the breath she'd been holding with a shudder, sounding halfway between a sigh and a sob. River had wanted so desperately to stay mad at him, for him to stop trying, but the Doctor seemed even more stubborn than Simon.

Eyes shut tight, she returned the embrace, sending wave after wave of scrambled apology.

never meant hurt -
! sorrysososorry
wanted some-thing norm*
.. .incomprehensible

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

The Doctor made soothing sounds, his hand brushing down the back of her hair and he tightened his hold with the other.

"Shh, it's alright, I'm fine, see," he said, pulling back to look at her. "Just waiting for you to come by and make me smile," he teased, wrapping her up in a hug again.

He reached out with his mind, putting a quieting shell around the two of them, blocking out some of the noise for River, but not all of it. He knew she'd be completely lost if her mind went suddenly silent.

You're alright, River, I've got you. You're safe. Just breathe.

[brainpanned]

"We're all lost in the woods." Her voice came shakily when she exhaled, trembling on the inhale as she tried to make the two actions even. "Waiting for daddy to come find us. Make us smile. 'cept he's not coming this time." Images of Mal and Serenity's family surfaced somehow in the tangled mess. River began to cry.

take me home Doctor I want to go home Bluebird

[brainpanned]

"Kaylee can do that," River answered, not sounding very impressed by his grandiose claim. "Kept Serenity flying when she shouldn't have been." Her hand lovingly moved over the railing as she turned her gaze towards the console. "She's been here too. Kept bluebird flying..."

Her own words hypnotized her until she realized the Doctor had offered his help once again. One of the few Doctors that could do anything to fix her.

"I know what is needed," she spoke rapidly, hands dancing in the air as they wrote out imagined equations, "Devised it. The parts, our solution was fallacious because the entire sys-system was wrong. Doesn't have to be remedied or silenced. Instead organized; file cabinets-data cards two by four square." Her fingers froze and she stared at the space like there were real numbers occupying it. "Do you comprehend?"

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"A place for everything and everything in its place?" the Doctor asked, thinking. "Alright, how about you show me where everything goes and I'll try and you organize that brilliant mind of yours. What do you think?"

[brainpanned]

"That is - if - if you do not mind." River felt terrible asking him to do these things for her, help her when she couldn't give him anything in return, and it showed in her eyes.

"Then I can go to the library?" she asked, biting her lip hopefully. She had not yet ventured past the console room out of fear of the Master, but that prospect didn't seem to bother her now.

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"Of course I don't mind," the Doctor cried, jumping to his feet and looking incredulous. "Why would I mind! It's like putting together a puzzle and I love a good puzzle. And, I rather like you," he added, grinning from ear to ear.

The Doctor studied her face. "The Master is here. I can ban him from the library while you're in there if you'd like," he offered softly.

[brainpanned]

"Promise!" River hopped to her feet with a gaiety that seemed improper considering the mood of their conversation. She gathered the books in hand, adding the book about ships in with them. Smiling, she stroked the spine of it, adding quietly, "Kaylee will like this."

She was about to brush past the Doctor again when a thought stopped her. Halting in front of him, she lifted a hand in retrospect, pressing the backs of her fingers to his cheek.

"Tired face. M'not the only one who..." she stopped and let her hand fall away like a sigh, not wanting to say any more for fear of him.

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"Not the only one who what, River?" he asked softly, not wanting to scare her anymore than he had. "It's alright, you can say," he encouraged gently. "Not the only one who what?"

[brainpanned]

She wouldn't look at him as she spoke, her voice suddenly exhausted.

"Feels all alone. So tired of it."

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

The Doctor reached out, pulling River into a gentle hug. "I know," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "But it's going to get better. We'll find a way to make it better, alright?" he asked, pulling back to look at her.