Who: Nobody Owens and Kurt Hummel
What: ...coping mechanisms?
Where: On a bench outside of the theater building
When: Let's go with Tuesday morning.
Why: ...mmmmostly because it's REALLY entertaining.
Status: in-progress, incomplete
Bod walked out of the theater building and dropped onto the bench outside, barely checking it for ice or snow. It didn't matter, really. He knew he should go back to work, but he'd hardly been able to focus at all, and had caught himself filing all wrong. The 'G's were mixed in with the 'D's, and he was having trouble remembering whether 'I' or 'E' was actually supposed to go first, before or after 'C'.
But Harry would need his help.
But Neil needed his help. What was he going to do? He, Bod, had had his own encounter with Aternaville's oddities before-- but at least he'd kept his own mind, if not his own body. He'd known what was happening to him. Right now... he didn't know if Neil knew what was happening. He was certain Claudio didn't. He was looking for people who simply didn't exist here-- and was probably baffled by technology, the location, snow, and modern... everything. Poor fellow-- he was like any other person who'd been dragged here against his will. Except he was inhabiting Neil's body.
It will probably only last a week, he told himself, as reassuringly as he could. And that was all well and good, but... the last thing Bod wanted was for Neil to look back on this week with any sort of guilt or regret. If he could remember it at all. But it was only a matter of time before he...
He sighed, and shifted a little on the bench. It really was very cold.
As Bod sat, distracted by his own thoughts, he was far too preoccupied to have noticed Kurt near the bench. And once the gray-eyed boy had taken a seat near Kurt, staring at a bank of snow with all the worry Kurt had ever seen someone stare at snow with, the soprano moved to take a seat beside him.
"Hello, Bod," he said softly, trying not to scare his friend. "...Forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds, but... are you alright?"
It was clear to Kurt that he was very much not alright, but just in case Bod wasn't in a talking mood, he figured he should ask.
Bod looked up. "Kurt!" he said, a little surprised. "Hello." He quirked a little bit of a smile, though his eyes were still unhappy. "Sorry, I... I'm a little distracted. Um..." His brow furrowed, thinking. "Kurt, have... have you ever liked someone who... who simply wasn't attracted to you? And it wasn't because you weren't a good person, or- or because the other person didn't like you, they just... didn't look at you that way?"
Kurt was a little floored by that question. It took him a moment to catch his breath as images of Finn Hudson floated back into his brain, escaping from whatever mental cage Kurt had managed to wrangle them all into.
Once he snapped back to reality, Kurt smiled sympathetically, nodding with a soft movement of his hand. "Every day of my High School career up until now," he admitted, before thinking about Bod feeling that way and being caught... concerned. If Bod was just crushing on somebody else, that was simple enough, but what about Neil?
Bod's eyes widened, sympathetically. "Oh, God..." he said. "That's... that's terrible. How did you deal with something like that?" He could tell from the look that Kurt was giving him that what he was asking sounded kind of suspicious. He didn't know how to explain the situation to the other boy, given that he was new and hadn't experienced Aternaville's brand of madness yet. He racked his brain, trying to come up with an explanation that didn't make him look like an utter jerk.
Kurt wasn't used to this level of honesty for the most part. It was difficult talking about Finn to anyone, even though the only person he'd ever really talked to about it was Rachel. But, Bod was startlingly easy to open up to.
"It was... it is hard... when you love somebody and they just... aren't interested," he spoke quietly, but soon let out a short, almost pained laugh. "...I don't know what it is about straight guys. Heaven knows they've left me wishing I was a woman at least a dozen times over."
Bod stared at him for a moment too long, thinking that through. Up until someone had pointed out to him that he had feelings for Neil, he had never realized that he liked people. At least, not in a romantic way. There were so many things he hadn't experienced, that he wasn't aware of. He'd never considered... he'd never wished... and really, what an interesting idea...
"...a woman..." he said aloud. And then he had it. "Kurt! You're a genius! Only..." his face fell again. "I wouldn't know where to start."
Raising a perfectly kept eyebrow, Kurt stared for a moment at Bod's outcry. "...Where to start with what?" he asked, still hesitant. Kurt was thankful he'd managed to give Bod some kind of... idea? But he still had no idea just what Bod was talking about in particular. And he had an inkling in the back of his mind whispering that Bod was trying to seduce someone... someone besides Neil. And Kurt wanted little part in that.
"...maybe Lulu could help me..." he said, to himself. Then he realized that he had to say something to justify himself to Kurt. "I-- this is going to sound really strange," Bod started. And that much was very true. "But--" and then it hit him. Neil might be Claudio for the week-- but Claudio was a character in a play and that was incredibly easy to explain away, all things considered. "But-- Neil is working on a character for class with Geof-- Mr. Tennant. A straight character. And he's having trouble finding proper inspiration, because he's just not attracted to the girl he's been reading scenes with. So... I was trying to think of a way to help him out, and I think you might have just given me the best idea ever." He frowned. "I could be his Hero, I just... need to figure out how to be... female."
At that explanation, Kurt's heart nearly leaped out through his chest and did a drag show of its own, little arteries shaking to Tina Turner's "The Best." All of Kurt's doubts were washed away as he saw Bod with a new pink-tinted lens, even more of a hopeless romantic than he'd expected. And it didn't end there.
With wide, excited eyes, Kurt's lips spread into a grin. "Bod, luckily, you happen to be in the presence of a Queening coach whose talents and poise rival Miss J. Alexander." And as Bod blinked blankly at Kurt's excited ramblings, the young boy let out an exasperated sigh and put an arm around Bod. "...Please, allow me. Give me twenty-four hours, and I promise Neil will be interested in peeking up a skirt for the first time in his life."
Bod stared at Kurt again, his eyes wide, not quite following. And then, he realized what Kurt was saying, and a wondering smile dawned over his features. "...you're kidding. You... you would help me with this?" This... ridiculous... whimsical... spectacular idea made Kurt look like he'd won the lottery. "Really? Because..." he started to laugh. "If I'm going to pull this off, I'm going to need all the help I can get!"
"Oh, please, you'll be a natural. Besides, makeovers are like crack to me. And drag shows are he créme de le créme of crack... Though I'm not quite sure what that would be." Kurt's mind only dawdled on the subject of high-quality cocaine for a moment before springing to his feet, turning and studying Bod's features very carefully.
"...Hmmm... I don't have any foundation in your tone. And what size shoe do you wear?"
"I, uh..." Kurt suddenly started speaking another language. "Um. My shoes are size eleven-- wait, I'm going to need different shoes?" It hadn't even occurred to him. There was apparently a lot he was going to need-- and need to know-- about being a girl. "And what on earth is a foundation?"
Kurt stared blankly at Bod for a moment, his eyes still wide, and his lips still upturned just slightly. But it was only a short moment before Kurt gulped and breathed deep, realizing just how little Bod knew about what was about to happen. "...It's like The Birdcage... only in reverse..." he muttered to himself, extending a hand to Bod. "Alright... let's start with the basics. In order to be a woman, first off, and most importantly for this experiment, you need to look like a woman. Which means that I'm going to need you to trust me when I tell you to do things like put on dresses and makeup and wigs."
Bod's mouth had dropped open at some point, because he slowly became aware that he was gaping at Kurt like some sort of beached fish. "...ah," he said, forcing himself to close his mouth. "Er. That makes sense, I suppose..." He smiled, attempting to shake off the feeling that all the blood was draining away from his head. "Okay. So. We start with... shoes and foundation?" It was a damn good thing Kurt was so understanding about his... ignorance on this subject. He was certain that, had he asked Lulu, she would have been secretly laughing her head off all afternoon. "...and what does a Birdcage have to do with anything?"