Stretched to the point of no turning back
Ataxia finds and approaches Lupe once more.
The Mind Electric
You're inside The Mind Electric, a brainsurfer bar that offers a wide
variety of designer psychoactives. It's just a single long, boxy
room, and one that's seen a lot of hard use, but in keeping with the
nature of the place, the decor is at once extravagant and bizarre.
The walls are gigantic video screens dancing with the most garish,
hallucinogenic image soup imaginable; abstract patterns of glowing
primary color, pop icons, nuclear tests, atrocity stills, ancient
b&w film, in one surreal jump-cut after the next, forming a gigantic,
ever-changing mural filtered by occasional bands of static and color
distortion. To accentuate the effect, all the tables are lucite
disks, filmed with scratches and rimmed by neon that shifts through
every color of the rainbow, and the chairs are plastic bags of gel
lit from within by similarly ever-changing light sources.
The video screens and lit furniture are the only illumination.
There's a bar at one end of the room, a slab of scarred obsidian
outlined in neon with a fabricator and a menu interface, but no
bartender. Whatever you want can be had, but you'll have to get it
yourself. As sonic icing for this disorienting visual surround, the
audio system pumps out a wall of distorted bleepy-thumpy techno-
industrial beats, the bass so deep that you can feel it resonating
through the dirty antiskid plastic of the floor.
Contents:
Schizzy
Lupe
Jini
Schizzy waves over to Ataxia. "Feeling better?"
Lupe hmmms... "Now there's an intriguing idea. Very functional."
Jini laughs. "Oh! It must be beautiful, bright-colored chaos," she says. She takes another sip of her drink, maybe a swig, and erupts into giggles. Again.
Schizzy is sitting at a booth with Lupe and Jini.
Schizzy says, "Yeah, it's one of the few places in that area I liked. Most of it was Architect dominated, and really pretty blah."
Jini's eyes widen a little. "Hi, miss Ataxia! I hope you're feeling better now! We're trying to cheer up miss Lupe."
Ataxia brushes off her top quietly, closing the door behind her slowly, almost afraid to look up at first. She relaxed in talking with Lexia, though, and even invited her along, but she seemed intent on serving something else. So, she looks up, and slowly sways her tail after a moment, her arms crossing behind her slowly as she stands too straight. Her eyes are still darkened below, blackness still lulling in her fur.. "I suppose.." she nods to Schizzy, and closes her eyes for a moment. "I'm just worn now.." she murmurs.
"Pull up a gel-chair," Jini urges "and get something wonderful in your system..."
Ataxia walks forward when she looks out again, and approaches Jini, and Lupe. She sits on the chair, which creaks lightly under her.. "I can't." she responds.
Lupe waves to the re-appearance of Ataxia, though with a look of trepidation that even her drink won't overcome. Still, the jackal does seem to be in a marginal state of control, which is why the 'yena holds out her glass; it's still half-full of some red concoction that she can't readily identify. "Oh, nonsense, Ataxia. It'll do wonders for you."
Jini says, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Not even projections?" The rabbit slips about a little, stretching out to kiss Ataxia softly. "There's a lot of ways..."
Ataxia looks a little down.. "No, you don't understand.. It can't do _anything_ for me.." she responds. "Literally.." she continues, and blinks out quietly.. "What do you mean, projections?.." she asks.. "Drugs break down on contact with me, or are cycled out almost instantly, as they're not a part of my internal order.. so I've never gotten drunk or high. I've tried.. and I've asked Diafeara to help me.. She might find some way to make it a prevailing order instead of an interruption.."
Ataxia's ears rest vaguely reddened on top of her head, from the faint kiss earlier.
"Broadcast mind-states," Jini giggles. "Like if we took a little of what this wonderful, wonderful, amazing bluespiral flare is doing to me, and shoved an antenna up in me, and put a receptor on you, and..." She drifts into giggles. "Stuff."
Jini drifts under the table, trackable by the giggles and the long, swaying ears. Oh, look, there's Lupe's legs. She wonders how they taste. They look very nibblable.
Ataxia cants her head, brushing her hands softly against her arms as she looks a little up.. "I don't know.. if an antenna can work on me without much interference?.. I tend to make computers and the like unhappy.."
Ataxia blinks, and looks down again when Jini disappears below the table. Her ears curve back and up, the canid growing distantly quiet.
Jini is getting too splattered.
Lupe smiles a trifle more at Ataxia, but flags her ears out to either side over the refusal of her drink. Granted, she can understand a very valid point, but that doesn't make her offer look any less silly upon reflection. So while the 'yena tries not to giggle at being snacked upon by a lapine, she forces her attenion onto the jackal, to whom she nods. "Are you feeling better now? Seriously?"
Jini catches something in the drift of Ataxia's voice, though. Her head pops up again. "Ask around about tasps, for starters... not from Dia, she had a bad experience, she won't even let them work in the Heliquary." She sits up again and contemplates the dregs of her drink.
Ataxia watches Lupe, her ears back further when she sees the hyena's fold as well. She smiles faintly.. "Strong things at least I can taste, Lupe.." she murmurs.. "That's why I always drink ginger beer.. it lasts just long enough for me to get a good taste of it.." she nods softly.. "It won't.. do anything to me otherwise, though.." she sighs softly.. "I kind of just wanted to experience it before.. but they say it makes the kind of things I'm thinking go away, for a little while.. I want to breathe again, and its hard.." she continues, reaching out a hand to place it on her knee. "I'm not angry.. I don't think I've ever been angry.. I don't know how not to be hurt anymore, though.. how does it go away?" she asks, her ears rising a little.
Ataxia murmurs to Jini curiously.. "Tasps?" she asks..
Jini, the oldest one here in experience, answers. "It takes time, miss Ataxia," she says. "Unless you just dispel like we Dolls do."
Lupe shakes her head slowly at Ataxia; some of the things she's talking about the 'yena has no background or frame of reference upon, so she couldn't even begin to offer an informed opinion about it all. But what she can do, though, is lightly rub at Jini's thigh with a paw below the edge of the table, and thump her tail against the booth for the jackal's aural benefit. "It goes away by feeling better. You're either hurting, or you're not."
Ataxia cants her head.. "What are Tasps that they take so much time?" she asks, confused looking, her dull blue eyes blinking.
Jini says, "Pain takes time to go."
Ataxia looks back to Lupe, and nods softly, sighing out slowly with a curl to her tongue.. "I've only really known happiness and curiosity.. Nothing extreme even in those.." she murmurs, her teeth clicking together. She nods to Jini.. "But.. what makes it go away?.. Time doesn't steal it.. itself.. does it?"
Jini says, "Tasps tickle nervous systems and minds. Especially pleasure. With targeted electromagnetic waves. They're really very nice!"
Onya wanders in..
Onya has arrived.
Jini softly touches Lupe and Ataxia, a calm, cool hand. "Some hurts go with time, some hurts do not. Some go with forgiveness and friendship."
Schizzy waves over to Onya.
Ataxia nods a bit to Jini, hrring softly.. "Its possible that could work, as perhaps its not entirely physical.." she considers.. "I don't know.." she offers, cupping her hand over Jini's. While her body feels almost cold, her hand makes the held hand quite warm, quite quickly. "So it only can be negated by an opposite, you think?.."
Onya chuckles quietly, though over the noise it's unlikely anyone can tell. She slinks in, nodding to everyone as she does so, and slips into a corner, sitting motionless and watching.
Lupe readily agrees with Jini's words, which would be why she flashes a sincere sort of smile at Ataxia, and nods once. "I'm sorry if I gave you cause to worry, hon, and I forgive you for what you did in turn."
Jini just directs the jackal's gaze to the hyena at those words, and smiles.
Ataxia's eyes remain blacked below, though as she looks up to Lupe, she smiles slowly at the sincerity pleasant.. I'm so sorry.. I've never had to be forgiven for anything.." she whispers, and looks down to Jini a moment.. then, back up.. "I.. am not so good at any of this.. Happiness and curiosity came when I was born without a blink, they were just so easy and natural.. This is anything but.." she continues, a soft shiver passing through her.
Schizzy nods, and says, "So goes life. The things difficult are often those most necessary."
Lupe glances back at Jini for a moment, since she sees the gesture - She would've given the point to her for speaking it, but still... For the shadow-jackal, she gives a blown kiss from her free paw. "So you've grown, then; congratulations are in order."
Ataxia is, of course, in solid physical form at present.. Not a shadow. Quite entirely biological.. She reaches out with a hand, and touches Lupe's lips.. "I don't know if I'm any better for having done all this.." she responds.
Jini grins. "You are. You've learnt a little, I hope!"
Ataxia rolls her shoulders lightly.. "Yes, but.." she trails a moment.. "Is it a good thing?"
Lupe makes reference ot the shadow simply because of the darkness beneath her eyes. But ohwell. Her own lips pout slightly, then kiss the tip of that trailing finger. "You've gained emotions you didn't know you had, and I'd hope you've learned a bit of caution over jumping to conclusions."
Schizzy says, "Learning's *always* a good thing, Ataxia. By learning about things you don't like, you learn how to avoid them."
Ataxia's dull claw curls in on the lip as she looks back to Lupe.. "Yes.. and I don't know if that's a real gain.." she responds. "That was the point." she murmurs.. She flicks her ears back, and sighs.. "How am I to do anything if I have to fear feeling that.." she continues.. "There's not been anything to avoid, until now, Schizzy." she offers, nodding softly. "Is no knowledge dangerous?.." she asks..
Jini nods. "And find ever better ways to find what pleases you, and minimize the suffering."
Ataxia nods faintly to Jini, looking distant again for the moment..
Schizzy snorts. "Just because you hadn't experienced it doesn't mean it wasn't there, dear jackal. That'd be a matter of losing sight of the city for the buildings."
Ataxia frowns softly at Schizzy.. "It doesn't mean I want to see it anyhow.." she huffs.
Jini says, "Some part of you has to."
Ataxia's tongue curls between her canines a moment, then withdraws.. "Yes.." she responds, not sounding quite resigned, but still accepting of it..
Jini says, "People think 'Dolls, like myself, and like Lupe was experimenting with being, don't see it. But properly programmed, our systems see it for us."
Lupe nods quietly; she's not joining in on the debate, simply because Jini and Schizzy are much better advocates than herself. Besides, she's studying Ataxia's face and wincing at the unhappy expression she sees there.
Ataxia shakes her head.. "What are dolls that they're different from any other fashion statement?.." she asks. "They just try not to see pain?.." she asks, canting her head to Jini, and then Lupe.. She blinks quietly, and looks down, her ears flushing slowly.
Jini says, "And 'normal' people (you can hear the gentle quotes in her voice, there) don't always have to completely see it all the time. Or worry about it constantly. Perhaps for a little while, until you've learnt its signs!"
Schizzy says, "Dolls are conditioned so they don't feel anything negative, Ataxia."
Ataxia considers quietly.. "Who is normal?.." she asks, smiling faintly. She cants her head to Schizzy, and nods softly.. "That's sort of the way I was, except I wasn't conditioned.. I just was.."
Jini smiles, and nods. "No pain, no hate, no worry, no regret. Not the same way it used to be - there's an awareness of a problem, if it comes, and we know the concept, but it's just a fading, weird memory now."
Jini says, "And we trust everyone, and love everyone."
Ataxia nods softly, curiously.. "I think I almost felt.. hate? I really did not want any of you to be there.. I would have lashed out if I thought it would have made a difference, and not hurt things more at that point.. No, I wouldn't have, actually, I couldn't have focused enough to do that. But, part of me wanted to.." she whispers softly, her fingers dropping from Lupe's muzzle to rest on the hyena's knee.
Ataxia bites her lower lip, the darkness below her eyes growing deeper.. "How can you trust everyone, if there are people like me, Jini?.."
Jini laughs. "You made a mistake, and you're here to apologize for it, and try to learn not to do it again! Of course I'll trust you."
Lupe takes a light hold of Ataxia's paw, influence be damned and if her fur falls out, then so be it. "But you didn't." And that's really all that matters to the 'yena, who'll try to bring that held paw back up for another kiss.
Ataxia shakes her head, her ears back, "But you couldn't have trusted me then..! There were others, too.. I don't even know if I can be trusted now.." she responds, slowing, pausing.. and curling her paw against Lupe's as she looks back to her.. She lifts the paw slowly, her eyes closing, little black wisps falling through her fur from her eyes, but fading.. "Before, I never would have found a fault in it, never would have considered forgiveness needed from action.. I would have not even taken offense.. But now, I don't know if I can forgive either.. I've never had to, it wasn't even a thought.. Is pain strong enough to preclude forgiveness, sometimes?.. It seems like it might be a terribly hard thing to do.. Her fingers curl a little tighter around Lupe's.. "I'm sorry I don't understand all of this.. Maybe if I had let Besax rape me, instead of shifting to shadow.. maybe I could have always known pain, and then it wouldn't be anything unusual.." she rambles, obscurely now.
Jini nods. "Sometimes pain has to pass before forgiveness can flower."
"D" wanders in..
"D" has arrived.
Schizzy waves to D.
Onya sits in a corner, and silently nods to D.
Jini waves brightly, though quietly, at D; in fact, she lifts a blue finger to her lips, gesturing at Ataxia and Lupe and the serious conversation they're clearly having.
"D" raises a gloved fist into the air, and begins, in her characteristically careless way, "Oi--" She quickly bites down on the exclamation, though, cutting it off quickly at Jini's gesture.
Zedda wanders in..
Zedda has arrived.
Zedda wanders in; wander seems to be the word for it, too.
"D" glances at Zedda, and tilts her head back briefly in an acknowledging reverse-nod.
Zedda half-smiles, and meanders through the surrounding din to get to 'D'. "Hey, it's good to see you again. Actually, are you busy, currently?"
Ataxia's fingers might even break one of Lupe's bones, if she's not careful.. She might not, though, but its very warm feeling at the least, after holding so long and now so firmly.. She blinks out quietly, the blackness wisping below her eyes slowly retreating.. "When a fox is caught in a trap.." she trails, looking thoughtful as some of the metaphors she's programmed with take a bit of thinking - they're alien here.. ".. They are known to gnaw off their own leg, Lupe.." she whispers.. "They survive because of it.. or have a chance, don't they?" she asks. She reaches out slowly, and touches the hyena's cheek with a finger tip.. "I understand.. but I don't.. Its that plain, dry understanding.. I know the words, but I need to fill it out.. its still so hollow for me.. No logic has been able to withstand the emotion yet for me.."
"D" cocks her head very slightly, regarding Zedda thoughtfully for a moment, then flicking her mismatched eyes in the direction of Ataxia and Lupe. Her gaze then eases back toward Zedda, and she wrfs quietly, "Likewise, and...aah, you need me for somethin'? Maybe it oughta wait a little bit, if it's no emergency." Her voice is cool, with a more polite, reserved tone than one usually hears from the collie.
Lupe frowns at the metaphor used... it implies a sort of lethality to having emotions that she finds distinctly uncomfortable. So while she holds onto that warming paw, she kisses the backs of fingers. "They have a chance, but they also leave something behind that was a part of themselves. What they should do is open the trap, remove their paw, and learn."
Zedda blinks, and also looks quizzically over to Ataxia. "Well, no, it's not an emergency... er... if I'm in the way, I can return later." Zie seems concerned, now.
"D" shakes her head. "S'awright," she replies, a little more gently. Stepping forward quietly, or rather as quietly as possible on those hefty boots, she has a quiet word with Zedda.
Jini watches, with a soft smile.
Ataxia's tongue lulls behind her teeth.. "Then they are left crippled, dragging a mangled limb, a shadow of its original being, even if they know what to avoid then." she continues, her eyes quietly narrowed. "I would say it would be better if I could be restored to an earlier point.. but now that I know what I was doing then, I cannot think of doing that.." she sighs slowly.. Her hand relaxes on Lupe's, and slowly strokes, her thumb trailing along the backside, as her other hand, slides down her cheek and comes to rest on her shoulder. "This is all.. because I am still afraid, Lupe.. I don't know how I cannot be, now.." she whispers. "If I wasn't, then none of this would matter.."
Zedda nods lightly to "D", and motions with a hand.
Ataxia continues, looking back up to her eyes.. "But I've lost my indifference.."
"D" actually smiles a bit at the datacat.
Lupe allows that point to be made, dropping both her paw and Ataxia's back to resting on the 'yena's knee. "Perhaps, but that just means that now you'll have to be aware of your emotions. It's little different than a ship being steered by auto-pilot and a ship being steered by someone at the helm."
Zedda nods to "D" and makes zir way back over to the exit, watching Ataxia and Lupe peripherally as zie does.
Zedda wanders out the hatch.
Zedda has left.
Ataxia nods softly to Lupe. The jackal appears strangely in perfect order for all of this.. Every strand of fur on her. The disorder she's displacing, though, pours out scaldingly into all she touches, much stronger than her normal touch. One might imagine she'd be sick to her stomach, or otherwise ill were it not for her body's perfection. However, the darkness below her eyes remains, a bled through well of chaos that surfaces rather than expels through her body to others.. and that makes her look distressed, despite her order.. "Autopilot still has something at the helm.. Maybe not all of yourself, but you still set the course.. Its not so bad sometimes, to not need to make the decisions of avoidance and those fine details of the travel.." she offers, smiling faintly.. "I know I'm.. capable.. of being just like everyone else.. To have those layers of cynicism and obfuscation.. I don't want to hide a thing, though.. Never.. I vowed I wouldn't.. Or, no, I didn't vow.. that's literally how I am.. And I think i
.. And I think its going to open me up to a lot of pain, now.."
"D", the business with Zedda concluded for now, makes her way to the bar, and seats herself at it. She gets herself something from the replicator, something bright gold that comes in what looks just like any other beer mug, except that it seems to be formed from some kind of clear circuit-board shot through with traces. Visible pulses of gleaming data zigzag through the mug as the collie sips from it, her posture superficially slouchy, though one adept at reading body language wouldn't miss the underlying alertness.
Schizzy just drinks her beverage, clearly not having anything to add, at the moment.
Lupe has to restrain her own sense of guilt at the whole situation, since in an indirect matter the blame for Ataxia's hurt could be traced squarely back to the 'yena. But it's a mild sense of self-blame, hardly of the nature which would obstruct her from functioning. That's why with her paw absorbing every erg of that displacement, she merely smiles once more, a thin veneer, but meant both for the jackal's sensibilities as well as for herself. "Hiding things, is often a nicety that one does for another when they wish to help the other be happy, and unburdened." Which she is getting a first-paw lesson in, apparently.
Ataxia's tail curls against the arm of her chair as she nods faintly.. "Yes.. and.." she trails a moment.. "I don't want to be like that, though.." she nods softly.. "I want to be able to be honest.. and not hurt anyone, too.. I know its not necessarily possible.." she sighs softly.. "I'm supposed to be.. I want to be.. I want to have something pure, something true.. Not muddled.. I want interaction to be exciting, but yet at the same time I want the same perfection one can only find in mathematics, and even then none of that can ultimately be proved.. I know I can't have it.. but I have to admit to wanting it.. I hope its not hollow, though, to admit it now.. if nothing can be so perfect and plain as I want it to be, including this.. Should I give up, and close up, and make it all a game, unknown and never so beautiful?"
"D", listening to the conversation as subtly as possible, becomes very still as Ataxia speaks, not touching her drink for a long time. She remains so for a long time, and about a minute after the jackal voices her final (for the moment) question, her circuit-mug makes a soft rattle against the bar, and she resumes nursing it.
Lupe thinks through that for a moment before she tugs on Ataxia's paw; her own is starting to hurt from the heat it's absorbing, but she doesn't pay that the least bit of mind. Instead, she seems to be trying to prompt the jackal over into sitting on her lap. "No, you shouldn't," she murrls. "What you have is an ideal situation, and ideals are suppoesed to be aspired to, longed for even... even if they might never come true. They're a compass, by which one can guide themselves."
Ataxia's hand comes forward with the tug.. and all at once, her fingers loosen, and fall as she speaks.. She doesn't quite simply slide over onto Lupe's lap.. she lurches forward, her arms both curling under hers, wrapping around slowly, carefully, her head sliding up to the hyena's shoulder as she turns, and rubs her eyes against the spotted fur, leaving steaks of blackness from her eyes which wisp away into the air in slow undiffused plumes, retaining the utter void of light that its composed of.. She breathes slowly, and for a moment, the jackal is tense enough that a tremble can be seen through her ordered self. Then, quiet, for a long moment, inturupted by her soft words as she slides from her chair, and holds the other girl in a hug, as best she can.. "I can't talk about this anymore right now.. but I don't want to hide again.. If you could just be with me.. just.. until I can pass out.." she whispers.. "I will not have to cry, then.."
Jini slips out, pausing to instantiate another of the far-too-strong drinks she got earlier. She smiles on her way out.
Jini has left.
Lupe really has no response to that, save to hold the jackal in a quiet repose, absently stroking at headfur with her paw and feeling that darkness wisp out of her fur. Her muzzle dips down, nuzzling between jackal ears, but not a sound comes from her.
Schizzy floats backwards, passing through the booth she's sitting in, then getting up from the one that was behind her, and stretching.
Regardless of the damage she does to Lupe, the jackal holds her tightly, slowly bleeding out all of her emotion by proxy, as if converting a the flow of a river into electricity, something not plainly convertible on a one to one basis. Ataxia curls her tongue out softly, matting down the hyena's neckfur slowly at the side, curling away all of the darkness she's left, her eyes never really clearing up, though they do get better. It wouldn't be so noticeable if here eyes weren't otherwise so dim - when there's black around them, they finally show up in a way they don't otherwise. Her ears rest back, and she slowly breathes, the simplicity of relaxation in comforting arms after a long exertion, the slow give of tension, wordless, almost thoughtless except for an aura of benign indifference to all the world except for what she has in her arms right now. Left like this, her eyes begin to lid, and it won't be terribly long before she simply passes out.
Onya yawns widely, standing up and stretching cattishly. She glances at Lupe and Ataxia for a moment, then slips off of the table she's been sitting on, and makes her way outside.
Onya has left.
Lupe is content to be the part of silent sounding board for all of the pent-up emotions that are spilling out of the jackal; if she helped in producing them, then it's also her responsibility to help deal with the aftermath of them as well. So while she may be quiet, she's also just trying to soothe the little firebrand with strokes of her paw along her back and worrying teeth at her headfur. Certainly she can be an ample repository for things both known and unknown, as she doesn't understand Ataxia's influence, and yet feels it nonetheless - she's starting to lose some sensation in that overwarmed paw, but won't pay that any mind as of now. Just the steady rise and fall of her chest from breathing may disturb the one she's snuggling to.
Ataxia's body slowly slumps, and leans further and further.. She's a light thing. She doesn't exert to much literal physical force, for all her height. Her body just crumples and slumps below her dress, her chest nestled in below Lupe's, her muzzle ending up simply buried on her shoulder as she looses consciousness. Where to put the sleeping jackal is the only question now that the body seems to be asking. In her rest, the blackness around her eyes fades and grows, ebbing and flowing without reason one way or another, but stuck with her even in unconscious.
Lupe supposes the simplest thing to do would be to turn slightly, to that the jackal can sleep on the booth next to her, most likely slumped up against her shoulder. Inwardly, she's a little concerned about how long her paw (and even her lap) are going to be hurting from that touch, but it's nothing that she'll rouse anyone about. Rather, she'll merely reach out for the drink long abandoned upon the table before her, and take another sip of it to calm herself again.
Ataxia is more or less deadweight.. She'll remain on Lupe's lap so long as she's allowed, but she's spent more than she can support, and is loathe to stir. Ultimately, she ends up on the bench or booth, and will remain asleep there until someone rouses her again.
The Mind Electric
You're inside The Mind Electric, a brainsurfer bar that offers a wide
variety of designer psychoactives. It's just a single long, boxy
room, and one that's seen a lot of hard use, but in keeping with the
nature of the place, the decor is at once extravagant and bizarre.
The walls are gigantic video screens dancing with the most garish,
hallucinogenic image soup imaginable; abstract patterns of glowing
primary color, pop icons, nuclear tests, atrocity stills, ancient
b&w film, in one surreal jump-cut after the next, forming a gigantic,
ever-changing mural filtered by occasional bands of static and color
distortion. To accentuate the effect, all the tables are lucite
disks, filmed with scratches and rimmed by neon that shifts through
every color of the rainbow, and the chairs are plastic bags of gel
lit from within by similarly ever-changing light sources.
The video screens and lit furniture are the only illumination.
There's a bar at one end of the room, a slab of scarred obsidian
outlined in neon with a fabricator and a menu interface, but no
bartender. Whatever you want can be had, but you'll have to get it
yourself. As sonic icing for this disorienting visual surround, the
audio system pumps out a wall of distorted bleepy-thumpy techno-
industrial beats, the bass so deep that you can feel it resonating
through the dirty antiskid plastic of the floor.
Contents:
Schizzy
Lupe
Jini
Schizzy waves over to Ataxia. "Feeling better?"
Lupe hmmms... "Now there's an intriguing idea. Very functional."
Jini laughs. "Oh! It must be beautiful, bright-colored chaos," she says. She takes another sip of her drink, maybe a swig, and erupts into giggles. Again.
Schizzy is sitting at a booth with Lupe and Jini.
Schizzy says, "Yeah, it's one of the few places in that area I liked. Most of it was Architect dominated, and really pretty blah."
Jini's eyes widen a little. "Hi, miss Ataxia! I hope you're feeling better now! We're trying to cheer up miss Lupe."
Ataxia brushes off her top quietly, closing the door behind her slowly, almost afraid to look up at first. She relaxed in talking with Lexia, though, and even invited her along, but she seemed intent on serving something else. So, she looks up, and slowly sways her tail after a moment, her arms crossing behind her slowly as she stands too straight. Her eyes are still darkened below, blackness still lulling in her fur.. "I suppose.." she nods to Schizzy, and closes her eyes for a moment. "I'm just worn now.." she murmurs.
"Pull up a gel-chair," Jini urges "and get something wonderful in your system..."
Ataxia walks forward when she looks out again, and approaches Jini, and Lupe. She sits on the chair, which creaks lightly under her.. "I can't." she responds.
Lupe waves to the re-appearance of Ataxia, though with a look of trepidation that even her drink won't overcome. Still, the jackal does seem to be in a marginal state of control, which is why the 'yena holds out her glass; it's still half-full of some red concoction that she can't readily identify. "Oh, nonsense, Ataxia. It'll do wonders for you."
Jini says, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Not even projections?" The rabbit slips about a little, stretching out to kiss Ataxia softly. "There's a lot of ways..."
Ataxia looks a little down.. "No, you don't understand.. It can't do _anything_ for me.." she responds. "Literally.." she continues, and blinks out quietly.. "What do you mean, projections?.." she asks.. "Drugs break down on contact with me, or are cycled out almost instantly, as they're not a part of my internal order.. so I've never gotten drunk or high. I've tried.. and I've asked Diafeara to help me.. She might find some way to make it a prevailing order instead of an interruption.."
Ataxia's ears rest vaguely reddened on top of her head, from the faint kiss earlier.
"Broadcast mind-states," Jini giggles. "Like if we took a little of what this wonderful, wonderful, amazing bluespiral flare is doing to me, and shoved an antenna up in me, and put a receptor on you, and..." She drifts into giggles. "Stuff."
Jini drifts under the table, trackable by the giggles and the long, swaying ears. Oh, look, there's Lupe's legs. She wonders how they taste. They look very nibblable.
Ataxia cants her head, brushing her hands softly against her arms as she looks a little up.. "I don't know.. if an antenna can work on me without much interference?.. I tend to make computers and the like unhappy.."
Ataxia blinks, and looks down again when Jini disappears below the table. Her ears curve back and up, the canid growing distantly quiet.
Jini is getting too splattered.
Lupe smiles a trifle more at Ataxia, but flags her ears out to either side over the refusal of her drink. Granted, she can understand a very valid point, but that doesn't make her offer look any less silly upon reflection. So while the 'yena tries not to giggle at being snacked upon by a lapine, she forces her attenion onto the jackal, to whom she nods. "Are you feeling better now? Seriously?"
Jini catches something in the drift of Ataxia's voice, though. Her head pops up again. "Ask around about tasps, for starters... not from Dia, she had a bad experience, she won't even let them work in the Heliquary." She sits up again and contemplates the dregs of her drink.
Ataxia watches Lupe, her ears back further when she sees the hyena's fold as well. She smiles faintly.. "Strong things at least I can taste, Lupe.." she murmurs.. "That's why I always drink ginger beer.. it lasts just long enough for me to get a good taste of it.." she nods softly.. "It won't.. do anything to me otherwise, though.." she sighs softly.. "I kind of just wanted to experience it before.. but they say it makes the kind of things I'm thinking go away, for a little while.. I want to breathe again, and its hard.." she continues, reaching out a hand to place it on her knee. "I'm not angry.. I don't think I've ever been angry.. I don't know how not to be hurt anymore, though.. how does it go away?" she asks, her ears rising a little.
Ataxia murmurs to Jini curiously.. "Tasps?" she asks..
Jini, the oldest one here in experience, answers. "It takes time, miss Ataxia," she says. "Unless you just dispel like we Dolls do."
Lupe shakes her head slowly at Ataxia; some of the things she's talking about the 'yena has no background or frame of reference upon, so she couldn't even begin to offer an informed opinion about it all. But what she can do, though, is lightly rub at Jini's thigh with a paw below the edge of the table, and thump her tail against the booth for the jackal's aural benefit. "It goes away by feeling better. You're either hurting, or you're not."
Ataxia cants her head.. "What are Tasps that they take so much time?" she asks, confused looking, her dull blue eyes blinking.
Jini says, "Pain takes time to go."
Ataxia looks back to Lupe, and nods softly, sighing out slowly with a curl to her tongue.. "I've only really known happiness and curiosity.. Nothing extreme even in those.." she murmurs, her teeth clicking together. She nods to Jini.. "But.. what makes it go away?.. Time doesn't steal it.. itself.. does it?"
Jini says, "Tasps tickle nervous systems and minds. Especially pleasure. With targeted electromagnetic waves. They're really very nice!"
Onya wanders in..
Onya has arrived.
Jini softly touches Lupe and Ataxia, a calm, cool hand. "Some hurts go with time, some hurts do not. Some go with forgiveness and friendship."
Schizzy waves over to Onya.
Ataxia nods a bit to Jini, hrring softly.. "Its possible that could work, as perhaps its not entirely physical.." she considers.. "I don't know.." she offers, cupping her hand over Jini's. While her body feels almost cold, her hand makes the held hand quite warm, quite quickly. "So it only can be negated by an opposite, you think?.."
Onya chuckles quietly, though over the noise it's unlikely anyone can tell. She slinks in, nodding to everyone as she does so, and slips into a corner, sitting motionless and watching.
Lupe readily agrees with Jini's words, which would be why she flashes a sincere sort of smile at Ataxia, and nods once. "I'm sorry if I gave you cause to worry, hon, and I forgive you for what you did in turn."
Jini just directs the jackal's gaze to the hyena at those words, and smiles.
Ataxia's eyes remain blacked below, though as she looks up to Lupe, she smiles slowly at the sincerity pleasant.. I'm so sorry.. I've never had to be forgiven for anything.." she whispers, and looks down to Jini a moment.. then, back up.. "I.. am not so good at any of this.. Happiness and curiosity came when I was born without a blink, they were just so easy and natural.. This is anything but.." she continues, a soft shiver passing through her.
Schizzy nods, and says, "So goes life. The things difficult are often those most necessary."
Lupe glances back at Jini for a moment, since she sees the gesture - She would've given the point to her for speaking it, but still... For the shadow-jackal, she gives a blown kiss from her free paw. "So you've grown, then; congratulations are in order."
Ataxia is, of course, in solid physical form at present.. Not a shadow. Quite entirely biological.. She reaches out with a hand, and touches Lupe's lips.. "I don't know if I'm any better for having done all this.." she responds.
Jini grins. "You are. You've learnt a little, I hope!"
Ataxia rolls her shoulders lightly.. "Yes, but.." she trails a moment.. "Is it a good thing?"
Lupe makes reference ot the shadow simply because of the darkness beneath her eyes. But ohwell. Her own lips pout slightly, then kiss the tip of that trailing finger. "You've gained emotions you didn't know you had, and I'd hope you've learned a bit of caution over jumping to conclusions."
Schizzy says, "Learning's *always* a good thing, Ataxia. By learning about things you don't like, you learn how to avoid them."
Ataxia's dull claw curls in on the lip as she looks back to Lupe.. "Yes.. and I don't know if that's a real gain.." she responds. "That was the point." she murmurs.. She flicks her ears back, and sighs.. "How am I to do anything if I have to fear feeling that.." she continues.. "There's not been anything to avoid, until now, Schizzy." she offers, nodding softly. "Is no knowledge dangerous?.." she asks..
Jini nods. "And find ever better ways to find what pleases you, and minimize the suffering."
Ataxia nods faintly to Jini, looking distant again for the moment..
Schizzy snorts. "Just because you hadn't experienced it doesn't mean it wasn't there, dear jackal. That'd be a matter of losing sight of the city for the buildings."
Ataxia frowns softly at Schizzy.. "It doesn't mean I want to see it anyhow.." she huffs.
Jini says, "Some part of you has to."
Ataxia's tongue curls between her canines a moment, then withdraws.. "Yes.." she responds, not sounding quite resigned, but still accepting of it..
Jini says, "People think 'Dolls, like myself, and like Lupe was experimenting with being, don't see it. But properly programmed, our systems see it for us."
Lupe nods quietly; she's not joining in on the debate, simply because Jini and Schizzy are much better advocates than herself. Besides, she's studying Ataxia's face and wincing at the unhappy expression she sees there.
Ataxia shakes her head.. "What are dolls that they're different from any other fashion statement?.." she asks. "They just try not to see pain?.." she asks, canting her head to Jini, and then Lupe.. She blinks quietly, and looks down, her ears flushing slowly.
Jini says, "And 'normal' people (you can hear the gentle quotes in her voice, there) don't always have to completely see it all the time. Or worry about it constantly. Perhaps for a little while, until you've learnt its signs!"
Schizzy says, "Dolls are conditioned so they don't feel anything negative, Ataxia."
Ataxia considers quietly.. "Who is normal?.." she asks, smiling faintly. She cants her head to Schizzy, and nods softly.. "That's sort of the way I was, except I wasn't conditioned.. I just was.."
Jini smiles, and nods. "No pain, no hate, no worry, no regret. Not the same way it used to be - there's an awareness of a problem, if it comes, and we know the concept, but it's just a fading, weird memory now."
Jini says, "And we trust everyone, and love everyone."
Ataxia nods softly, curiously.. "I think I almost felt.. hate? I really did not want any of you to be there.. I would have lashed out if I thought it would have made a difference, and not hurt things more at that point.. No, I wouldn't have, actually, I couldn't have focused enough to do that. But, part of me wanted to.." she whispers softly, her fingers dropping from Lupe's muzzle to rest on the hyena's knee.
Ataxia bites her lower lip, the darkness below her eyes growing deeper.. "How can you trust everyone, if there are people like me, Jini?.."
Jini laughs. "You made a mistake, and you're here to apologize for it, and try to learn not to do it again! Of course I'll trust you."
Lupe takes a light hold of Ataxia's paw, influence be damned and if her fur falls out, then so be it. "But you didn't." And that's really all that matters to the 'yena, who'll try to bring that held paw back up for another kiss.
Ataxia shakes her head, her ears back, "But you couldn't have trusted me then..! There were others, too.. I don't even know if I can be trusted now.." she responds, slowing, pausing.. and curling her paw against Lupe's as she looks back to her.. She lifts the paw slowly, her eyes closing, little black wisps falling through her fur from her eyes, but fading.. "Before, I never would have found a fault in it, never would have considered forgiveness needed from action.. I would have not even taken offense.. But now, I don't know if I can forgive either.. I've never had to, it wasn't even a thought.. Is pain strong enough to preclude forgiveness, sometimes?.. It seems like it might be a terribly hard thing to do.. Her fingers curl a little tighter around Lupe's.. "I'm sorry I don't understand all of this.. Maybe if I had let Besax rape me, instead of shifting to shadow.. maybe I could have always known pain, and then it wouldn't be anything unusual.." she rambles, obscurely now.
Jini nods. "Sometimes pain has to pass before forgiveness can flower."
"D" wanders in..
"D" has arrived.
Schizzy waves to D.
Onya sits in a corner, and silently nods to D.
Jini waves brightly, though quietly, at D; in fact, she lifts a blue finger to her lips, gesturing at Ataxia and Lupe and the serious conversation they're clearly having.
"D" raises a gloved fist into the air, and begins, in her characteristically careless way, "Oi--" She quickly bites down on the exclamation, though, cutting it off quickly at Jini's gesture.
Zedda wanders in..
Zedda has arrived.
Zedda wanders in; wander seems to be the word for it, too.
"D" glances at Zedda, and tilts her head back briefly in an acknowledging reverse-nod.
Zedda half-smiles, and meanders through the surrounding din to get to 'D'. "Hey, it's good to see you again. Actually, are you busy, currently?"
Ataxia's fingers might even break one of Lupe's bones, if she's not careful.. She might not, though, but its very warm feeling at the least, after holding so long and now so firmly.. She blinks out quietly, the blackness wisping below her eyes slowly retreating.. "When a fox is caught in a trap.." she trails, looking thoughtful as some of the metaphors she's programmed with take a bit of thinking - they're alien here.. ".. They are known to gnaw off their own leg, Lupe.." she whispers.. "They survive because of it.. or have a chance, don't they?" she asks. She reaches out slowly, and touches the hyena's cheek with a finger tip.. "I understand.. but I don't.. Its that plain, dry understanding.. I know the words, but I need to fill it out.. its still so hollow for me.. No logic has been able to withstand the emotion yet for me.."
"D" cocks her head very slightly, regarding Zedda thoughtfully for a moment, then flicking her mismatched eyes in the direction of Ataxia and Lupe. Her gaze then eases back toward Zedda, and she wrfs quietly, "Likewise, and...aah, you need me for somethin'? Maybe it oughta wait a little bit, if it's no emergency." Her voice is cool, with a more polite, reserved tone than one usually hears from the collie.
Lupe frowns at the metaphor used... it implies a sort of lethality to having emotions that she finds distinctly uncomfortable. So while she holds onto that warming paw, she kisses the backs of fingers. "They have a chance, but they also leave something behind that was a part of themselves. What they should do is open the trap, remove their paw, and learn."
Zedda blinks, and also looks quizzically over to Ataxia. "Well, no, it's not an emergency... er... if I'm in the way, I can return later." Zie seems concerned, now.
"D" shakes her head. "S'awright," she replies, a little more gently. Stepping forward quietly, or rather as quietly as possible on those hefty boots, she has a quiet word with Zedda.
Jini watches, with a soft smile.
Ataxia's tongue lulls behind her teeth.. "Then they are left crippled, dragging a mangled limb, a shadow of its original being, even if they know what to avoid then." she continues, her eyes quietly narrowed. "I would say it would be better if I could be restored to an earlier point.. but now that I know what I was doing then, I cannot think of doing that.." she sighs slowly.. Her hand relaxes on Lupe's, and slowly strokes, her thumb trailing along the backside, as her other hand, slides down her cheek and comes to rest on her shoulder. "This is all.. because I am still afraid, Lupe.. I don't know how I cannot be, now.." she whispers. "If I wasn't, then none of this would matter.."
Zedda nods lightly to "D", and motions with a hand.
Ataxia continues, looking back up to her eyes.. "But I've lost my indifference.."
"D" actually smiles a bit at the datacat.
Lupe allows that point to be made, dropping both her paw and Ataxia's back to resting on the 'yena's knee. "Perhaps, but that just means that now you'll have to be aware of your emotions. It's little different than a ship being steered by auto-pilot and a ship being steered by someone at the helm."
Zedda nods to "D" and makes zir way back over to the exit, watching Ataxia and Lupe peripherally as zie does.
Zedda wanders out the hatch.
Zedda has left.
Ataxia nods softly to Lupe. The jackal appears strangely in perfect order for all of this.. Every strand of fur on her. The disorder she's displacing, though, pours out scaldingly into all she touches, much stronger than her normal touch. One might imagine she'd be sick to her stomach, or otherwise ill were it not for her body's perfection. However, the darkness below her eyes remains, a bled through well of chaos that surfaces rather than expels through her body to others.. and that makes her look distressed, despite her order.. "Autopilot still has something at the helm.. Maybe not all of yourself, but you still set the course.. Its not so bad sometimes, to not need to make the decisions of avoidance and those fine details of the travel.." she offers, smiling faintly.. "I know I'm.. capable.. of being just like everyone else.. To have those layers of cynicism and obfuscation.. I don't want to hide a thing, though.. Never.. I vowed I wouldn't.. Or, no, I didn't vow.. that's literally how I am.. And I think i
.. And I think its going to open me up to a lot of pain, now.."
"D", the business with Zedda concluded for now, makes her way to the bar, and seats herself at it. She gets herself something from the replicator, something bright gold that comes in what looks just like any other beer mug, except that it seems to be formed from some kind of clear circuit-board shot through with traces. Visible pulses of gleaming data zigzag through the mug as the collie sips from it, her posture superficially slouchy, though one adept at reading body language wouldn't miss the underlying alertness.
Schizzy just drinks her beverage, clearly not having anything to add, at the moment.
Lupe has to restrain her own sense of guilt at the whole situation, since in an indirect matter the blame for Ataxia's hurt could be traced squarely back to the 'yena. But it's a mild sense of self-blame, hardly of the nature which would obstruct her from functioning. That's why with her paw absorbing every erg of that displacement, she merely smiles once more, a thin veneer, but meant both for the jackal's sensibilities as well as for herself. "Hiding things, is often a nicety that one does for another when they wish to help the other be happy, and unburdened." Which she is getting a first-paw lesson in, apparently.
Ataxia's tail curls against the arm of her chair as she nods faintly.. "Yes.. and.." she trails a moment.. "I don't want to be like that, though.." she nods softly.. "I want to be able to be honest.. and not hurt anyone, too.. I know its not necessarily possible.." she sighs softly.. "I'm supposed to be.. I want to be.. I want to have something pure, something true.. Not muddled.. I want interaction to be exciting, but yet at the same time I want the same perfection one can only find in mathematics, and even then none of that can ultimately be proved.. I know I can't have it.. but I have to admit to wanting it.. I hope its not hollow, though, to admit it now.. if nothing can be so perfect and plain as I want it to be, including this.. Should I give up, and close up, and make it all a game, unknown and never so beautiful?"
"D", listening to the conversation as subtly as possible, becomes very still as Ataxia speaks, not touching her drink for a long time. She remains so for a long time, and about a minute after the jackal voices her final (for the moment) question, her circuit-mug makes a soft rattle against the bar, and she resumes nursing it.
Lupe thinks through that for a moment before she tugs on Ataxia's paw; her own is starting to hurt from the heat it's absorbing, but she doesn't pay that the least bit of mind. Instead, she seems to be trying to prompt the jackal over into sitting on her lap. "No, you shouldn't," she murrls. "What you have is an ideal situation, and ideals are suppoesed to be aspired to, longed for even... even if they might never come true. They're a compass, by which one can guide themselves."
Ataxia's hand comes forward with the tug.. and all at once, her fingers loosen, and fall as she speaks.. She doesn't quite simply slide over onto Lupe's lap.. she lurches forward, her arms both curling under hers, wrapping around slowly, carefully, her head sliding up to the hyena's shoulder as she turns, and rubs her eyes against the spotted fur, leaving steaks of blackness from her eyes which wisp away into the air in slow undiffused plumes, retaining the utter void of light that its composed of.. She breathes slowly, and for a moment, the jackal is tense enough that a tremble can be seen through her ordered self. Then, quiet, for a long moment, inturupted by her soft words as she slides from her chair, and holds the other girl in a hug, as best she can.. "I can't talk about this anymore right now.. but I don't want to hide again.. If you could just be with me.. just.. until I can pass out.." she whispers.. "I will not have to cry, then.."
Jini slips out, pausing to instantiate another of the far-too-strong drinks she got earlier. She smiles on her way out.
Jini has left.
Lupe really has no response to that, save to hold the jackal in a quiet repose, absently stroking at headfur with her paw and feeling that darkness wisp out of her fur. Her muzzle dips down, nuzzling between jackal ears, but not a sound comes from her.
Schizzy floats backwards, passing through the booth she's sitting in, then getting up from the one that was behind her, and stretching.
Regardless of the damage she does to Lupe, the jackal holds her tightly, slowly bleeding out all of her emotion by proxy, as if converting a the flow of a river into electricity, something not plainly convertible on a one to one basis. Ataxia curls her tongue out softly, matting down the hyena's neckfur slowly at the side, curling away all of the darkness she's left, her eyes never really clearing up, though they do get better. It wouldn't be so noticeable if here eyes weren't otherwise so dim - when there's black around them, they finally show up in a way they don't otherwise. Her ears rest back, and she slowly breathes, the simplicity of relaxation in comforting arms after a long exertion, the slow give of tension, wordless, almost thoughtless except for an aura of benign indifference to all the world except for what she has in her arms right now. Left like this, her eyes begin to lid, and it won't be terribly long before she simply passes out.
Onya yawns widely, standing up and stretching cattishly. She glances at Lupe and Ataxia for a moment, then slips off of the table she's been sitting on, and makes her way outside.
Onya has left.
Lupe is content to be the part of silent sounding board for all of the pent-up emotions that are spilling out of the jackal; if she helped in producing them, then it's also her responsibility to help deal with the aftermath of them as well. So while she may be quiet, she's also just trying to soothe the little firebrand with strokes of her paw along her back and worrying teeth at her headfur. Certainly she can be an ample repository for things both known and unknown, as she doesn't understand Ataxia's influence, and yet feels it nonetheless - she's starting to lose some sensation in that overwarmed paw, but won't pay that any mind as of now. Just the steady rise and fall of her chest from breathing may disturb the one she's snuggling to.
Ataxia's body slowly slumps, and leans further and further.. She's a light thing. She doesn't exert to much literal physical force, for all her height. Her body just crumples and slumps below her dress, her chest nestled in below Lupe's, her muzzle ending up simply buried on her shoulder as she looses consciousness. Where to put the sleeping jackal is the only question now that the body seems to be asking. In her rest, the blackness around her eyes fades and grows, ebbing and flowing without reason one way or another, but stuck with her even in unconscious.
Lupe supposes the simplest thing to do would be to turn slightly, to that the jackal can sleep on the booth next to her, most likely slumped up against her shoulder. Inwardly, she's a little concerned about how long her paw (and even her lap) are going to be hurting from that touch, but it's nothing that she'll rouse anyone about. Rather, she'll merely reach out for the drink long abandoned upon the table before her, and take another sip of it to calm herself again.
Ataxia is more or less deadweight.. She'll remain on Lupe's lap so long as she's allowed, but she's spent more than she can support, and is loathe to stir. Ultimately, she ends up on the bench or booth, and will remain asleep there until someone rouses her again.