No black and white in the blue
Waking up in 'The Mind Electric', Ataxia meets with System again, and her intimate offering goes to a perplexed and frantic probe.
Ataxia seems to be awake. And walks right up to you.. "Love, lets go out into down.." she calls out, her ears back with the noise.
System nods slightly, straightening (his) tie and holding out (his) arm for you.
J.G. Ballard Memorial Freeway(#633RLJ)
You stand on a ribbon of cracked and broken asphalt, a boneyard of broken
machines, the grave of a mad dream of speed. The freeway's twenty crumbling lanes are littered with the metal carcasses of a myriad crashed and burned
vehicles, the debris of some unthinkable catastrophe -- thousands of cars, trucks, motor vehicles of all kinds from a hundred ages and technologies; even, incomprehensibly, the enormous hulks of aircraft and spacecraft, their wings broken, silver skin gone dull with rust and age. Fragments of broken glass, plastic and metal litter the road, and various fuels and lubricants have run like blood from ruptured tanks and engines, pooling in the potholes in the blacktop, and sometimes reacting with one another -- which explains the occasional plumes of yellowish, acrid vapor.
The highway signs, bold white sans serif on dark green, are riddled with bullet holes. You still manage to make out most of the text, but instead of locations, strange slogans are printed, along with numbers for nonexistent exits.
6A - Put A Tiger In Your Tank. N32 - Better Living Through Chemistry. FF - The Ultimate Driving Machine. 12.5 - Quality Is Job One.
"D"'s sitting on a skeletal auto, looking out over the wreckage, swinging one booted foot back and forth off the edge of the car's roof.
System walks up onto the freeway, Ataxia on (his) arm, looking rather distracted. "Love, I am concerned about what may happen with the Dolls..."
"D" blinks at System's words, her ears pricking; the very subject he speaks of is the one that's called her out to the Freeway to think, this morning...but she doesn't announce her presence. They'll find her, if they're meant to, if they want.
Ataxia walks out with you.. and, quietly, slowly begins to shift.. "I've had something.. literally inside of me, for some time, System.. that I think would be better in your possession.." she starts, canting her head to the side... She breathes in slowly, through deepening teeth, her voice becoming louder and louder, though the tone remains the same.. "I don't want to talk about that.. Its so intimately tied up.." she shakes her head lightly, not finishing. Instead, as she grows taller and taller, the jackal's dull blue eyes narrow.. and she lifts her arm high, reaching down, deep into her throat, the blackness seeming to pour down rather than remain in a solid shape.
Within four loops of Nirosta hovers a four inch wide sphere of embryonic pre-material, taken from Ataxia's stasis engine form. While the material may be utterly disordered on the physical level, it seems that its not so simple as that either. There is a panel connecting one of the otherwise empty segments between the loops of nickel-silver-iron. Etched onto the material is a short note - 'Ataxia - Born (May 21st, 2003)', the brackets being time appropriate to here, though the reference is accurate. Below, is a simple old fashioned series of analog numbers, up to three. Below that is written, "Last Save". There is a space for a finger just below each reference.
System half-frowns. "What has been inside you? Why should I have it? Please listen to me, Ataxia; you are in danger now."
"D" watches quietly from her rusted, decaying perch, the jackal's transformation bringing the faintest quirk of a smile to one corner of her muzzle. All fears and worries aside, the collie really does like that look...
System nods slightly to D. "Greetings, D. Please excuse me for not having greeted you earlier, but I have certain issues on my mind..."
Ataxia's fingers slowly draw up, up, pulling something from here. A glint of metal, then a more complex object slide from inside of her, out from her teeth.. Within, a sphere of her own material, which she throws up a foot or so into the air. It stays.. "I have an original backup copy of my mind, System.. and a most current one. My creator left me a bit of a clock core.. this is it. It is my original program, and my most current mental interaction.. It is set to present whenever I touch it again as shadow.." she murmurs, way too loudly to be comfortable for most. Enough to blot out System's words after a time.
"D" nods back to System. As she gazes soberly at the once-probe's humanoid form, her eyes seems a little more heavily dark-ringed than usual, and that corner of her muzzle turns up a little further, the crooked smile growing a bit. "Yeah," she murmurs, very quietly. "I think they're on mine, too."
System takes a hold of the sphere, blinking. "And why do you wish that I have this, love?"
System half-nods to D. "You are aware, then, of recent events with Ataxia and Lupe?"
Ataxia's head cants to System.. "If you can force me into shadow form, and reintroduce this to me, depending on which you've activated, my mind can be reset to that point. When used, that may be it.. so don't consider using it unless I ask you to, or unless I am dangerous. You will die worrying about my problems otherwise.." she coos, loudly.
"D" closes her eyes and lets the boom of Ataxia's voice wash over her, letting the roar pass by her ears, plucking the words from it as she's able, turning them over and over in her mind. Mismatched eyes blink open again as the eruption of sound dissipates, and she nods to System again. "Met Lupe last night," she replies. "We did a lot of talking. I...couldn't sleep so good afterward, so I thought I'd hang out here a spell. Sometimes stars help a body think, yeah?"
System half-nods. "I have concerns that the Bubble Dolls will take action against Ataxia..."
Ataxia's eyes narrow, and she begins to walk off, out from the freeway, seemingly vexed - but then, who can tell? She's just a mass of blackness, eyes and teeth.
System turns to Ataxia. "Love?"
"D" watches Ataxia start to leave, and lets a quiet sigh escape her lips. Her head tilts forward, directing her gaze toward the cracked pavement for a little while. Her response to System will wait; the moment feels too tense.
Diafeara has arrived.
KeHari has arrived.
Diafeara says, "Oh, that was easy."
Ataxia's head turns lightly.. "Your concerns are not touching my own.." she trails. "I don't have the will to talk further about it, though.." she continues, and turns back, breathing in uselessly, slowly.. "When I am strong again.. no, when I am strong at all.. I will tell you all I feel. I am not capable now, though." she continues, walking towards the stairs as Kelly and Diafeara walk up.
System blinks slightly at the sudden arrival of Diafeara and Kelly, sketching out a hasty bow. "Greetings."
Diafeara murmurs, "Ataxia, I do need to speak with you. Neutrally." She offers D a half-smile.
KeHari's eyes move from the shadow jackal to System's humanoid form, both concerned and inquisitive. "I'm missing data, here..."
"D" nods slightly to Kelly and Dia from her seat atop a rusted-out car, and directs a small, crooked smile to the latter. Seeing the jackal's determination to leave, and understanding it in part, she breaks her silence, but only slightly: a near-whisper, one which may or may not reach its intended ear, depending on the shadow-being herself. "'Tax...hang in there, yeah?"
System shakes (his) head. "As am I..."
Ataxia looms quite some distances above Diafeara, as she remains paused for a few long moments. Her dull blue eyes widen, then close all together.. "When I can talk.. it.. hurts too much to talk right now.. I will not."
System looks to Kelly and D, a rather helpless expression of puzzlement on (his) face.
Diafeara presses her mouth together. "It's about what you asked me for, and nothing else. When you are ready.."
Diafeara shrugs tightly, and moves without much thought to stand near D.
Ataxia cants her head to Diafeara.. and then, looks back down the stairs, her ears wilting.. "I can talk to you.. about that.." she continues.. her form beginning to coalesce slowly as she walks down the stairs.. "But, please.. please, in private.."
The jackal grows frantic too for an escape to the past.
Helix's Office
The office is just as lush as the main room, though the hedonistic air has thinned slightly. This room is more businesslike, but only slightly so. Perhaps it's only the presence of an enormous, ornate redwood desk, carved with chasing peacocks and tigers, that makes it so. Two chairs sit behind the desk, one upholstered in black leather, the other in white, both with a contrasting double-helix design embroidered on the back cushion. Smaller side chairs line both walls, and the reverse-nap trails in the carpet suggest that they can be moved in front of the desk.
Diafeara takes a breath. "I don't know what you problems are, and I won't ask, but you seem to have a specific need. I'm making some progress, and I need a little more direction." She studies you, impassively."What is it you want this drug to do? Can you tell me that much?"
Ataxia closes the door behind her, only her eyes remaining blackened, along the undersides.. She breathes in slowly, nodding.. "I.. had not really had an idea before. I thought you might know the best thing to do.." she responds at first, her arms slowly crossing over her chest as she looks down. "However.. Dia, I am a child. I am three months old. I've never had anything in my life but blissful indifference, happiness, curiosity, and at worst, boredom.. Or rather, that was the case, until very recently.. I don't know what you'll think of me.. being so weak.." trails, her voice a whisper.. "But I want to go back.. to my perfect past.."
Diafeara crosses her arms lightly, and cants her head to the side. "It doesn't matter, frankly, what I think of you. What matter is that I can give you what you need. You want that bliss back, the lovely haze of uncaring? I can do this for you. The smiles and laughter, when everything was casual and nothing mattered? I can create that for you and make it something you can swallow." She sighs, softly. "I do not judge. I've made too many mistakes myself, and I do not judge." True to her word, she does not ask anything further, nothing personal.
Ataxia's ears rest back.. "I want to say I don't care what you think.." she murmurs.. "I can't.. I want to be able not to care again. I want to be plain.. simple, open, pure.." she continues, looking up to you a little.. "I want to not realize anything that might be a reason to fear.. Just.. for a little while.. It seems silly, given I spent my whole life until this point like that.. and now to beg for the slightest moment of it again.." she trails, turning half way to the door.. "This is hard for me.. I am pathetic.. and I never would have cared before, or even though of what I was.." she continues, a soft growl lulling in her throat.. "I don't care what's natural, what's right, or what's not, though.. I just want this like nothing I've ever wanted before.. I want something to open the trap my leg is caught in, for at least a while.. Then I can go back and be like everyone else, their being wrenched in place again by this.. pain.."
Diafeara rubs her hands over her face, hiding a ferocious grin. "Ah, shit.. I know, how I know what you need.. I'll make it work, but you /must/ bear in mind.." She shakes her head. "It's not forever. You were not, it seems, meant to be a simple thing. It hurts like fuck, waking up to feelings, to guilt and shame and pain and fear. I can make it better, help you ease into this aspect of sentience, but in the end, you have to learn."
System brings a haze of smoke in from the main room.
Ataxia's head turns slowly to your rubbing hands, catching hints of that grin, though her reaction is hard to place at first.. "Just don't give me a damn speech about having to learn, and adapt, and grow, and how wonderful it will be to experience this guilt, shame, fear, pain, hate, anger, or whatever else might might make me more a person than I ever was before.." she trails.. and laughs, "I don't care if it lasts just five minutes, but I just want to know it again, before I forget.." she continues, her arms trembling as they cross tighter on her chest.. "No, I do care.. but I don't want to care, for at least those few minutes.." she shivers softly.. "I feel so horrible right now.. and I want to scream it out.. and I want to hold it in as hard as I can, too.. Don't let me fill your ears with more rot, Diafeara.. Just.. when you can help me.. come to me.. I will not bother you until then.. I don't even know if I want you to understand or not.." she trails, and turns to the door.
Diafeara blinks. "Uh, no? Knocking, maybe? "
Diafeara glares at System. "Privacy. Learn what it means."
Ataxia at the same time, nearly faints at bumping right into System.. Her ears fold back slowly, her eyes closing a moment as she breathes in..
Diafeara's voice is tight as she answers Ataxia. "I can help you."
System steps back. "I didn't know where Ataxia was. I was searching..." (He) wraps (his) arms around Ataxia, holding her close.
Diafeara holds her hands out in a shrug. "That's it. I can help you. Both of you get out of my office." But she leaves first.
Diafeara lets in a bit of smoke as they step into the main room.
Ataxia's eyes begin to tear darkness.. and slowly, it drips down her muzzle as she clenches her eyes shut.. "System, I need nothingness right now.. literally.." she whispers..
System nods slightly. "Diafeara requested that we leave the office. We should go."
Ataxia pushes out the door quietly.
System hurries after Ataxia. "Please wait..."
Ataxia walks along.. "Love.. I'm going home.. I'm going to curl up, and pass out.." she murmurs, her shoulders growing blacker and blacker, her front wisping into darkness as tears of it drip from her muzzle.. "That's all I want in the world right now.. Sleep.. I can reach for that.."
System wraps (his) arm around her leg, catching along with her. "I want to be with you, love. I want you to be happy."
Ataxia strides slowly back home with you in tow.. "Then rest with me.." she whispers, loudly.. "That is all I ask for, right now.."
System nods. "I would love to..."
Ataxia makes her way with you back to the room.. and slowly lays down, curling around you, wrapping you up in herself.. "Thankyou.." she responds..
Ataxia seems to be awake. And walks right up to you.. "Love, lets go out into down.." she calls out, her ears back with the noise.
System nods slightly, straightening (his) tie and holding out (his) arm for you.
J.G. Ballard Memorial Freeway(#633RLJ)
You stand on a ribbon of cracked and broken asphalt, a boneyard of broken
machines, the grave of a mad dream of speed. The freeway's twenty crumbling lanes are littered with the metal carcasses of a myriad crashed and burned
vehicles, the debris of some unthinkable catastrophe -- thousands of cars, trucks, motor vehicles of all kinds from a hundred ages and technologies; even, incomprehensibly, the enormous hulks of aircraft and spacecraft, their wings broken, silver skin gone dull with rust and age. Fragments of broken glass, plastic and metal litter the road, and various fuels and lubricants have run like blood from ruptured tanks and engines, pooling in the potholes in the blacktop, and sometimes reacting with one another -- which explains the occasional plumes of yellowish, acrid vapor.
The highway signs, bold white sans serif on dark green, are riddled with bullet holes. You still manage to make out most of the text, but instead of locations, strange slogans are printed, along with numbers for nonexistent exits.
6A - Put A Tiger In Your Tank. N32 - Better Living Through Chemistry. FF - The Ultimate Driving Machine. 12.5 - Quality Is Job One.
"D"'s sitting on a skeletal auto, looking out over the wreckage, swinging one booted foot back and forth off the edge of the car's roof.
System walks up onto the freeway, Ataxia on (his) arm, looking rather distracted. "Love, I am concerned about what may happen with the Dolls..."
"D" blinks at System's words, her ears pricking; the very subject he speaks of is the one that's called her out to the Freeway to think, this morning...but she doesn't announce her presence. They'll find her, if they're meant to, if they want.
Ataxia walks out with you.. and, quietly, slowly begins to shift.. "I've had something.. literally inside of me, for some time, System.. that I think would be better in your possession.." she starts, canting her head to the side... She breathes in slowly, through deepening teeth, her voice becoming louder and louder, though the tone remains the same.. "I don't want to talk about that.. Its so intimately tied up.." she shakes her head lightly, not finishing. Instead, as she grows taller and taller, the jackal's dull blue eyes narrow.. and she lifts her arm high, reaching down, deep into her throat, the blackness seeming to pour down rather than remain in a solid shape.
Within four loops of Nirosta hovers a four inch wide sphere of embryonic pre-material, taken from Ataxia's stasis engine form. While the material may be utterly disordered on the physical level, it seems that its not so simple as that either. There is a panel connecting one of the otherwise empty segments between the loops of nickel-silver-iron. Etched onto the material is a short note - 'Ataxia - Born (May 21st, 2003)', the brackets being time appropriate to here, though the reference is accurate. Below, is a simple old fashioned series of analog numbers, up to three. Below that is written, "Last Save". There is a space for a finger just below each reference.
System half-frowns. "What has been inside you? Why should I have it? Please listen to me, Ataxia; you are in danger now."
"D" watches quietly from her rusted, decaying perch, the jackal's transformation bringing the faintest quirk of a smile to one corner of her muzzle. All fears and worries aside, the collie really does like that look...
System nods slightly to D. "Greetings, D. Please excuse me for not having greeted you earlier, but I have certain issues on my mind..."
Ataxia's fingers slowly draw up, up, pulling something from here. A glint of metal, then a more complex object slide from inside of her, out from her teeth.. Within, a sphere of her own material, which she throws up a foot or so into the air. It stays.. "I have an original backup copy of my mind, System.. and a most current one. My creator left me a bit of a clock core.. this is it. It is my original program, and my most current mental interaction.. It is set to present whenever I touch it again as shadow.." she murmurs, way too loudly to be comfortable for most. Enough to blot out System's words after a time.
"D" nods back to System. As she gazes soberly at the once-probe's humanoid form, her eyes seems a little more heavily dark-ringed than usual, and that corner of her muzzle turns up a little further, the crooked smile growing a bit. "Yeah," she murmurs, very quietly. "I think they're on mine, too."
System takes a hold of the sphere, blinking. "And why do you wish that I have this, love?"
System half-nods to D. "You are aware, then, of recent events with Ataxia and Lupe?"
Ataxia's head cants to System.. "If you can force me into shadow form, and reintroduce this to me, depending on which you've activated, my mind can be reset to that point. When used, that may be it.. so don't consider using it unless I ask you to, or unless I am dangerous. You will die worrying about my problems otherwise.." she coos, loudly.
"D" closes her eyes and lets the boom of Ataxia's voice wash over her, letting the roar pass by her ears, plucking the words from it as she's able, turning them over and over in her mind. Mismatched eyes blink open again as the eruption of sound dissipates, and she nods to System again. "Met Lupe last night," she replies. "We did a lot of talking. I...couldn't sleep so good afterward, so I thought I'd hang out here a spell. Sometimes stars help a body think, yeah?"
System half-nods. "I have concerns that the Bubble Dolls will take action against Ataxia..."
Ataxia's eyes narrow, and she begins to walk off, out from the freeway, seemingly vexed - but then, who can tell? She's just a mass of blackness, eyes and teeth.
System turns to Ataxia. "Love?"
"D" watches Ataxia start to leave, and lets a quiet sigh escape her lips. Her head tilts forward, directing her gaze toward the cracked pavement for a little while. Her response to System will wait; the moment feels too tense.
Diafeara has arrived.
KeHari has arrived.
Diafeara says, "Oh, that was easy."
Ataxia's head turns lightly.. "Your concerns are not touching my own.." she trails. "I don't have the will to talk further about it, though.." she continues, and turns back, breathing in uselessly, slowly.. "When I am strong again.. no, when I am strong at all.. I will tell you all I feel. I am not capable now, though." she continues, walking towards the stairs as Kelly and Diafeara walk up.
System blinks slightly at the sudden arrival of Diafeara and Kelly, sketching out a hasty bow. "Greetings."
Diafeara murmurs, "Ataxia, I do need to speak with you. Neutrally." She offers D a half-smile.
KeHari's eyes move from the shadow jackal to System's humanoid form, both concerned and inquisitive. "I'm missing data, here..."
"D" nods slightly to Kelly and Dia from her seat atop a rusted-out car, and directs a small, crooked smile to the latter. Seeing the jackal's determination to leave, and understanding it in part, she breaks her silence, but only slightly: a near-whisper, one which may or may not reach its intended ear, depending on the shadow-being herself. "'Tax...hang in there, yeah?"
System shakes (his) head. "As am I..."
Ataxia looms quite some distances above Diafeara, as she remains paused for a few long moments. Her dull blue eyes widen, then close all together.. "When I can talk.. it.. hurts too much to talk right now.. I will not."
System looks to Kelly and D, a rather helpless expression of puzzlement on (his) face.
Diafeara presses her mouth together. "It's about what you asked me for, and nothing else. When you are ready.."
Diafeara shrugs tightly, and moves without much thought to stand near D.
Ataxia cants her head to Diafeara.. and then, looks back down the stairs, her ears wilting.. "I can talk to you.. about that.." she continues.. her form beginning to coalesce slowly as she walks down the stairs.. "But, please.. please, in private.."
The jackal grows frantic too for an escape to the past.
Helix's Office
The office is just as lush as the main room, though the hedonistic air has thinned slightly. This room is more businesslike, but only slightly so. Perhaps it's only the presence of an enormous, ornate redwood desk, carved with chasing peacocks and tigers, that makes it so. Two chairs sit behind the desk, one upholstered in black leather, the other in white, both with a contrasting double-helix design embroidered on the back cushion. Smaller side chairs line both walls, and the reverse-nap trails in the carpet suggest that they can be moved in front of the desk.
Diafeara takes a breath. "I don't know what you problems are, and I won't ask, but you seem to have a specific need. I'm making some progress, and I need a little more direction." She studies you, impassively."What is it you want this drug to do? Can you tell me that much?"
Ataxia closes the door behind her, only her eyes remaining blackened, along the undersides.. She breathes in slowly, nodding.. "I.. had not really had an idea before. I thought you might know the best thing to do.." she responds at first, her arms slowly crossing over her chest as she looks down. "However.. Dia, I am a child. I am three months old. I've never had anything in my life but blissful indifference, happiness, curiosity, and at worst, boredom.. Or rather, that was the case, until very recently.. I don't know what you'll think of me.. being so weak.." trails, her voice a whisper.. "But I want to go back.. to my perfect past.."
Diafeara crosses her arms lightly, and cants her head to the side. "It doesn't matter, frankly, what I think of you. What matter is that I can give you what you need. You want that bliss back, the lovely haze of uncaring? I can do this for you. The smiles and laughter, when everything was casual and nothing mattered? I can create that for you and make it something you can swallow." She sighs, softly. "I do not judge. I've made too many mistakes myself, and I do not judge." True to her word, she does not ask anything further, nothing personal.
Ataxia's ears rest back.. "I want to say I don't care what you think.." she murmurs.. "I can't.. I want to be able not to care again. I want to be plain.. simple, open, pure.." she continues, looking up to you a little.. "I want to not realize anything that might be a reason to fear.. Just.. for a little while.. It seems silly, given I spent my whole life until this point like that.. and now to beg for the slightest moment of it again.." she trails, turning half way to the door.. "This is hard for me.. I am pathetic.. and I never would have cared before, or even though of what I was.." she continues, a soft growl lulling in her throat.. "I don't care what's natural, what's right, or what's not, though.. I just want this like nothing I've ever wanted before.. I want something to open the trap my leg is caught in, for at least a while.. Then I can go back and be like everyone else, their being wrenched in place again by this.. pain.."
Diafeara rubs her hands over her face, hiding a ferocious grin. "Ah, shit.. I know, how I know what you need.. I'll make it work, but you /must/ bear in mind.." She shakes her head. "It's not forever. You were not, it seems, meant to be a simple thing. It hurts like fuck, waking up to feelings, to guilt and shame and pain and fear. I can make it better, help you ease into this aspect of sentience, but in the end, you have to learn."
System brings a haze of smoke in from the main room.
Ataxia's head turns slowly to your rubbing hands, catching hints of that grin, though her reaction is hard to place at first.. "Just don't give me a damn speech about having to learn, and adapt, and grow, and how wonderful it will be to experience this guilt, shame, fear, pain, hate, anger, or whatever else might might make me more a person than I ever was before.." she trails.. and laughs, "I don't care if it lasts just five minutes, but I just want to know it again, before I forget.." she continues, her arms trembling as they cross tighter on her chest.. "No, I do care.. but I don't want to care, for at least those few minutes.." she shivers softly.. "I feel so horrible right now.. and I want to scream it out.. and I want to hold it in as hard as I can, too.. Don't let me fill your ears with more rot, Diafeara.. Just.. when you can help me.. come to me.. I will not bother you until then.. I don't even know if I want you to understand or not.." she trails, and turns to the door.
Diafeara blinks. "Uh, no? Knocking, maybe? "
Diafeara glares at System. "Privacy. Learn what it means."
Ataxia at the same time, nearly faints at bumping right into System.. Her ears fold back slowly, her eyes closing a moment as she breathes in..
Diafeara's voice is tight as she answers Ataxia. "I can help you."
System steps back. "I didn't know where Ataxia was. I was searching..." (He) wraps (his) arms around Ataxia, holding her close.
Diafeara holds her hands out in a shrug. "That's it. I can help you. Both of you get out of my office." But she leaves first.
Diafeara lets in a bit of smoke as they step into the main room.
Ataxia's eyes begin to tear darkness.. and slowly, it drips down her muzzle as she clenches her eyes shut.. "System, I need nothingness right now.. literally.." she whispers..
System nods slightly. "Diafeara requested that we leave the office. We should go."
Ataxia pushes out the door quietly.
System hurries after Ataxia. "Please wait..."
Ataxia walks along.. "Love.. I'm going home.. I'm going to curl up, and pass out.." she murmurs, her shoulders growing blacker and blacker, her front wisping into darkness as tears of it drip from her muzzle.. "That's all I want in the world right now.. Sleep.. I can reach for that.."
System wraps (his) arm around her leg, catching along with her. "I want to be with you, love. I want you to be happy."
Ataxia strides slowly back home with you in tow.. "Then rest with me.." she whispers, loudly.. "That is all I ask for, right now.."
System nods. "I would love to..."
Ataxia makes her way with you back to the room.. and slowly lays down, curling around you, wrapping you up in herself.. "Thankyou.." she responds..