A Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster to the Cranium
Just when I think I have a handle on what Being Erica is going to dish out, it blows everything wide open. I don't even know what to think. I am going to go lie down quietly and think about it, before watching again.
I sit here, anxiously awaiting this week's Being Erica, more so than usual because of how we ended last week. Particularly, Dr. Tom's parting words: “I'll see you in Group.” Setting aside why I think that's a weird thing for him to say, and indicative of his rattled state, I want to see what happens in Group. Because while they can push off developments with Sarah, and back off on Erica/Dr. Tom, what they can NOT do is bring us back to Group and not show some sort of reaction to Dr. Tom “losing it.”
While I'm waiting: I was browsing through a book on Tarot, and found a passage on III - The Empress, that resonated strongly:
“Interestingly enough, Venus, the power of love, appears in the card independently by herself. That is not an accident. According to psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, when you cling to another person because you aren't able to stand on your own two feet, the other person might be saving your life, but the relationship is not love. Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is a prerequisite for loving.” - Tarot Basics, Evelin Burger and Johannes Fiebig
For me, this is at the core of Dr. Tom and Erica's relationship. I'm always wanting greater signs of intimacy, the mythical “hug” being the Holy Grail. But the show never quite gets there, and every tentatively extended hand is only nodded at before the moment brushes past - most obviously in the final scene of the last episode, where Dr. Tom shares the information about Sarah, but no details, and Erica offers support, but doesn't go after him when he walks away.
While a hug would be satisfying in the moment, at this stage it would still be a sign of need - the relationship between these two characters is not an instant clicking, it is a higher order respect and caring that is fundamentally based on the potential in each of these characters to stand alone. For Erica, this struggle is ongoing, and highlighted this season by her newfound 'single' status. Yet the goal of therapy is to get her to 'do all this on [her] own;' that is, to reach a state of self-actualization where she is self-sufficient. It is only then that she will be able to truly see Dr. Tom for who he is, and love him. For Dr. Tom, his struggle is of the opposite type: rather than clinging to everyone, he pushes everyone away, a problem we have just seen come to a head as life and relationships are finding him where he has been hidden in his work. It is only when he learns to open himself up that he will be able to recognize Erica as an equal, and love her for who she is, and not merely -what- she is and does.
The beauty in this argument is that it necessitates distance between Dr. Tom and Erica now, exactly the distance we continually see. If Erica pushed through his walls, if Dr. Tom was too ready to open up to her, then they would be relying on each other for growth, and this co-dependence would infinitely complicate their potential for the end game, which I think is the true definition of 'disinterested love,' - lacking agenda.
Also notable: this theme was at the heart of the dissolution of Erica's friendship with Jenny. Love is a huge component in true friendship, and the fact that Jenny was unable to stand without Erica's support marked the poison in the relationship.
W00t! The Show!
The Previouslies put us back in the calm world of “The Purple Door” and Judith's marriage troubles and whatever strangeness is going on between Julianne and Ivan. After the emotional sledgehammer that was last week, this is exactly what I expected. But then they snap us a bit of Sarah, and the Sarah/Erica parallels as regards Dr. Tom's treatment (which I think is less seeing Erica as a daughter and more his behavior patterns with those he cares about - we've learned next to nothing about his relationship with Margerie, but I presume the same parallels would crop up there as well.)
And we zip directly into Group? OMG! I was certain that we'd have a low key 15 minutes of real world fun before stumbling into Group. I don't recognize that scuffy blue door though. Camilla's, I suppose? Because it looks like a stoplight, sorta, and I know a tidbit of spoiler about her previous life?
We also learn that Camilla's book of regrets is a little flippy thing with leather cover. Are the books chosen to reflect the personality of the individual involved? I will be thinking on this more than is healthy, because I once spent a long time choosing journals for several characters for a play I was stage managing, and now it's compulsive.
Nothing about Dr. Tom's last appearance in Group. Is it possible we won't get one? Instead, Erica displays knowledge about the Jewish religion and has a 'look' with Adam that shows they are still not okay. I'm sure I'll be more interested in them next go round, as is, they're on a fairly transparent trajectory and I would so much rather know more about Dr. Tom!
Camilla has an rather mundane regret about allowing embezzlement, but we learn she is/was a single mother. Then Dr. Tom lets her CHOOSE a partner for her trip, which is likely unusual, given Erica's expression, and Camilla's surprised “really?” Is this Dr. Tom feeling badly about his previous outburst, and apologizing by allowing greater leeway than usual? Or just him giving up measures of control, which he usually holds on to so tightly?
It could also be a purposeful allowance. Her choice, especially because of it's rarity, becomes a popularity contest. Which I sort of assume Erica will win given that she's our lead character and while I have no idea what interesting results would come about if Erica were in Camilla's past, this is the season of new and different. Plus, on a more pragmatic note, Erica's religious affiliation would make it more natural for her to be hanging around a wig shop catering to a mostly Jewish demographic.
And she does! Citing first the similarity of 'friend going off the rails,' though Erica is quick to point out the Jewish connection as well. Each of them justifying the choice to hide deeper preferences and relief. During this exchange Camilla is SO VERY ADORABLE. She's just so unsure about this, and grateful Erica said yes so readily. I get the impression that Camilla likes and respects Erica more than they've ever had the chance to explore, as Erica's time and energy is so much occupied by Adam, forming a little clique of two - not only for the characters, but for us as an audience. ANOTHER time my reactions show up in the show! I've been longing to spend time with the other members, just as the other members may have been longing for a chance to spend time with Erica.
The typical stumble-upon-arrival has Camilla shoving a wig down the face of her client. Who we all know is Erica, but the expression on Camilla's face when she sees Erica... I laughed out loud, and have to watch again and again! I'm even sadder that they haven't used this actress more, up until this point. I guess this also means we'll explore, a bit, Erica being 'engaged,' and maybe how this relates to her current single status. I don't know, actually, where they'd go with this. Unless... OOH! Would Dr. Tom pop up in the role of Erica's fiance? There was a spoiler way back when about Erica and Dr. T exploring what if they were 'more than Doctor/Patient' in a typically twisted Being Erica way - I thought it said it was referring to the premiere, and was disappointed that they were putting such a spin on the fact that Dr. T had a Group of patients. But was that spoiler really referring to THIS episode? After all, this would be a SPIN, and actually ties in to the episode where they went back to the 70s, when Dr. Tom and Erica were playing characters who were presumably partners, though they never went anywhere with that at the time.
This result would also explain whey Dr. Tom let Camilla pick a partner. If his entry into the world would potentially be as fiance (or at least would if it was Erica) then he COULDN'T be the one to chose her, or he would be setting them up as a couple. If Camilla chooses, then Dr. Tom is just popping up, and the fiance angle is less weighted.
Erica is talking to another client. Ooh, poor girl, her non-orthodox status is showing, as well as all the gaps in her knowledge. (Something her father has previously pointed out.) Just fake it! Blend in! Because unless the result is to have Erica interested in Judaism, none of these details are crucial, and the show has never been overtly religious, like Erica herself. Two seconds later the other client has tossed out an entire sentence which is incomprehensible, and Erica is trying to blend. She does it poorly, and is probably wishing she hadn't sold herself as a Jew and thus easy blending.
Camilla's regret is becoming a verbal argument, saving Erica from the uncomfortableness of having no idea what she's talking about. Camilla handles it well, offering the credit card machine as 'fixed' and being calm and friendly with the client around. Man, it just reminds me of all those times in retail stores, when the workers are fighting and as a customer you don't have a lot of options, just have to pretend nothing is wrong and let them help you get out of there. And those times I was one of the workers, and you just have to smile and apologize with your eyes and feel rotten hat the poor customer had to see/hear whatever they had to see/hear.
An Orthodox man is coming in the door and I suspect Dr. Tom! Because he's blurry, and it's been too long since Dr. T was in costume, and because I just spent a couple paragraphs convincing myself it would be so (and we need an appearance to move things along, as the confrontation has taken place and Camilla is about to start seriously floundering.) Randomly, I now wonder what sound a flounder makes. I can imagine what sound it makes when flapping around on land/boat/surface of the water, but like, what sound would it make under water, naturally?
GASPS. Not Dr. Tom, it's Seth! Or someone who looks like Seth. I forgot about the cult references in the previouslies, and thought his part would be in the real world with 50/50 and The Purple Door. Whoa, has Erica fallen into the domain of the cult? Did Dr. Tom want her to know this, but couldn't send her because it has nothing to do with her therapy or regrets, so he set up a situation where he knew Camilla would pick her? Is this Dr. Tom actually 'controlling' events?
Erica is about to run after “Seth,” and is making a spectacle of herself, when she runs through the door into Dr. Tom's office. Whoo! Now we get to find out how intentional this all was! What's he going to say? What will he tell her to do? Is it a situation where now that she's found out, she gets to pursue it? But he can't officially sanction it so he'll pull her out of the immediate situation and tell her to back off?
Oh WOW. Dr. Tom's expression when he turns towards her, it's just, it's amazing. I can't even figure out what all is in it but it's a lot like “Oh, this is not so good” with a bit of fright in there and some horror tinged with loss of control.
Erica tries to bolt back out, because come on, that expression signals things going off the rails even more than ending up in Dr. Tom's office in the middle of action. This. Is. Big. Omgomgomg.
I also flip out when Erica says “You have to open the door” and Dr. Tom just says “No.” Because the way he says that word falls in line with all the time's he's said No, and how differently they each come out. From simple statement to shouting rage. This time is firm but friendly and he asks her to sit and I'm squeeing like mad on the inside because they're alone and they're together and their going to be talking about something that isn't about either one of them which is exactly where they are most equal and no one is threatened and they can explore the boundaries of their relationship through the way they interact. And in the way he stutters his c you can hear that he's unbalanced, whether it's from the situation or left over from the last time we saw them see each other.
So I was thinking it was a Jewish cult, and I DID think that was odd, but Dr. Tom is going with “that shouldn't have happened” and we're in Oprah territory with the memoir being made up! Which, personally, I don't have a lot of trouble with because the delineation of fact and fiction is too strict as the line isn't as clear cut as society would like to believe, but eh. Rules are just getting broken all over, wherever Erica goes, and this is fantastic, though I still suspect of Dr. Tom manipulating the situation and now lying through his teeth, because I think he knew (despite that look when he turned around) and letting Camilla chose was to step away from actively making this moment happen. A moment which, actually, puts Erica back into their old relationship, where they have a secret and have to deal with it together. Though before, this was about Kai and Dr. T didn't want to talk about Kai, but even that time must be fondly remembered now that Erica is off in Group and out of one-on-one.
Dr. T is doing some crazy things with his eyes, and not looking at Erica much as she figures out that Seth is a liar. And then Erica pops up with my question - asking Dr. T if he sent her back to find this out. Another 'no.' He could still be lying. But Dr. T doesn't deny that he sent her back, he just calls it a 'mistake. My mistake.' He's doing that thing with his jaw. I'm confused, but I'm almost actually believing him here.
Instead, “I should have checked, and I didn't.” Whoa. So, normally therapists do scout the ground out ahead of time, only Dr. T didn't this time because he's distracted by his “real life.” ? Is he now going to be breaking down as he starts making mistakes now that 100% of his energies aren't dedicated to therapy?
BTW, I like that Erica hasn't sat down. Once again Dr. T tries to take them to the familiar chairs, out of habit and comfort, but Erica under stress forces him to stand and talk to her in the moment and iwthout convention.
He's apologizing again. So many apologies from Dr. T recently, to Erica. This is just a super crazy mistake though, since he only falls apart with Erica, only ever harms Erica. Yet whereas before we could always pin it down as a reaction to something Erica did or the fact that it was Erica and he's comfortable with her, this would be entirely a coincidence, which makes it difficult to believe as on the level.
I can see how it would not be good for 50/50 if their first non-fiction publication turned out to be fiction.
Dr. T is being so... different here. Bookended on the one side by his sketchy behavior, which we can charitably put down to him feeling guilty over not checking the lay of the land, and on the other side by his response that 'I don't know [what you should do.]' Dr. T at a loss? And he lets her leave. I heard the music signaling the scene ending, but I hope we're staying with Dr. T for a moment because I need answers! From his side! We'll find out where Erica walked back to and what she'll do next later.
And we do for a second, watching him turn around with what is either a slight twisted smile or grimace before staring out the window. Is this just one more thing going out of control in his life?
The break for credits transitions us back to the real world, Erica late to a televised interview Seth is about to have. Well, I lied. Now I'm curious whatever happened with Camilla. And it's looking like we won't be going back there. Phoo.
Oh! Julainne mentioned Erica's 'disappearing act' and the 'poof!' as Erica was no longer there. Adding this to the time Erica walked out a different door at Goblins and scared Ivan to death, and the time she ran into Adam, this is the third time we've gotten a hint of it's like to 'witness' the effects of being pulled off to therapy. So Erica was on her way to this interview when she was pulled into Group? That is just... too convenient (or inconvenient, depending on your perspective) for words.
The Point of No Return. Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow.
Off to Judith and her ex boyfriend. Her hair looks better now than it did lat time, because it's a bit messier and less like she shaved the edges. The way that guy is staring at her, it looks like he knew he didn't have a case and is there merely to spent time with Judith, which means he's technically wasting both of their time. And Judith has suspected nothing, because she is a good lawyer. Of course, because she is MORE than a good lawyer, she reads people even better than paper, once she stops looking at the contract/case/file thing, and starts talking about Godzilla, for which I love her. I can totally picture her and Erica, as high schoolers, watching monster movies late at night with a bowl of popcorn. Happily, she finds the fact that he's not listening to her at all cute, because he's always managed to completely blank out, or else he might find himself under review for mental retardation and/or creepiness.
I was going to let the high school flirting and face touching pass as cute, but now that it has escalated to near kissing I am protesting that I am shocked and horrified, though in a way in which I am also vastly entertained. This guy is class A creepy. He's married, she's married, what's he thinking? More to the point, what is JUDITH thinking, kissing him? That is not at all like her - not to actually act on an impulse, though I completely understand her enjoying a slip back into the carefree memories of her teenage years far enough to smile and flirt and enjoy the attention.
Uh, is her kid really old enough to draw like that? I have no sense of what kids are capable of before the age of 3.
Oh Julianne, throwing yourself at cute men. I would facepalm, except you are so freaking adorable it works for you. I want you to find someone soon, but not Ivan because that's wrong and not this guy, because he isn't appreciating your cuteness, given how uncomfortable he is and how he flees. At least Julianne doesn't notice and can go off to be her happy self, until she runs into Ivan who actually does like her, and I DO facepalm, because men should be throwing themselves at her.
There's Ivan! In perfect place to appreciate Julianne because seriously? Dave spent $1600 on a comic book and didn't consult Ivan first? That's just... unexpected. We know Dave is generous, but this is very selfish and immature.
I was pwned. NOT a comic book, because Dave IS way cooler than that! He bought wedding rings! :D:D:D And Julianne knows, which means Ivan can't do something stupid with her while in a funk over Dave apparently being a dufus.
I also love that Dave shares this information with Julianne and only Julianne. I love seeing that she has her own relationships with people, and it's not all about Erica or Drama all the time.
I would feel more badly for Sam except that she has a bed at home where no one would be knocking on the door, and this isn't the sort of show where we're meant to believe she never gets to go home to avail herself and her boyfriend of that private bed.
I would think Sam the type to reserve the call room. So she's acting spontaneously, is distracted, and thus failing to be the detail oriented geek she normally is? Paralleling Dr. Tom's earlier gaff?
Now we find out that Erica and Julianne really are on the precipice of no return with The Purple Door. They're going for a print edition, which was initially dismissed as way out of their budget range.
Julianne. Ivan. And the boobie point. CUTENESS.
Erica pulls Seth back into their offices for a private word. Uh oh. This isn't going to end well. Don't confront him, don't confront him! Pull the 'I'm helpless' card and force a Group to help figure this one out because no one should expect you to be able to deal solo with the impossible issue raised by therapy itself, especially when you don't know all the rules!
Harsh words, Erica. Harsh words. There was probably a better way to deal with that, though by 'Seth's' reaction, it's pretty certain that he really is a big lying fake. On the other hand, I believe that he is also a decent guy, and isn't actively out to screw them over or hurt them.
Erica's googling 'Seth' and honestly, I can't tell if that picture's him or not. I think it IS, yes? And Dr. Tom drops her into his office because she's pursuing it. Only now I'm concerned about Camilla because no regret is as simple as what she had time to do, and if nothing else, she didn't actually stop the embezzling or tell the boss or etc etc. Is she okay? If Erica didn't go back to help her, did someone else drop in for support?
Dr. Tom's suggestion to 'not panic, but clearly and calmly examine the options' would be more persuasive if his own confrontation with the unexpected hadn't just let him to freak out in Group and follow Erica home to yell at her. This is a point where his reserve is backfiring, and if he placed himself to help her figure out what to do, she'd likely respond better. Because right now she's cranky, and has every right to be cranky. Her option three is pushing the boundaries, challenging therapy and Dr. T's control. Very last year's dynamic, I love it! Dr. T is pushed further into his old therapist role, with all the power, and because Erica is really asking for help here, and reads his denial as him refusing to help her, she gets whiny and Dr. Tom is getting that old edge at being challenged. See! There goes his jaw!
“Everyone keeps breaking the rules and I'm the one who's paying the price.” Aside from that time she saved Leo, this is a very, very good point. Except Dr. T doesn't break rules either, except the once, to find Erica in 2019, and he could say the same thing. All these things that happen to Erica, they're things that happen to Dr. T as well, though of course the effects on him aren't quite the same.
Ooh, Dr. T now has the half-lowered lids that often signal building rage.
OMG. Erica is finally, finally ranting out all that anger she's been burying under understanding and maturity. Throwing it all out there because she's terrified about her company and thus her life and future. And will probably say something mean to Dr. T which will require the same forgiveness and understanding from him, which she showed him last week. Okay, not ALL her anger, just that last bit with 2019, thus pointing a finger at Dr. T and his own reaction to that circumstance.
So... Dr. T can't fix THIS situation like she wants. But... Will he be induced to settle her remaining fears on the 'you might be dead in 10 years' front? Because that would be... Just... OMG.
The thing is, he really CAN'T let her add The Purple Door as a regret, because it would change everything, and therapy can't do that. But he sounds so upset, you know he WOULD, if he could. He doesn't break rules, but he did, for Erica. And he would again.
Erica storms out. And DR. T CHUCKS A BOOK ACROSS THE ROOM! O.O He WAS building anger behind the lidded eyes and working jaw, not at Erica but at the situation, and himself and how he can't do anything. So now, what's he going to do to fix her problem? Save her company? Appeal to higher authority? Because he KNOWS she was calling in all her favours and he still had to say no, and he also knows that she took his answer as him not wanting to help.
Seriously, I wasn't expecting much Dr. Tom in this episode, and certainly nothing that had him in this much turmoil. I heart this show so hard I can barely breath.
At least Julianne and Erica are now on the same page and in this together. Because together, they can survive anything, right?
“Silver Slug” “Silver Snail?” “Eh? Whatever.” Oh Ivan, you are so adorable. This is so totally the right moment to propose, go Dave, go! (Please don't let anything interrupt them!) Except Ivan is feeling guilty and Dave notices and this could go so wrong! Oh no! But that bit about Ivan eating a wedding cake BEFORE the wedding is too funny, I'm still giggling, we can't go to a sad place now or my emotions will be alarmed and befuddled.
They went to a sad place, which looked more like a righteously upset place. I still think Dave might be overreacting a bit, but it's his relationship, so I feel for him. :(
Seth's agent is a moron. He doesn't have to be in contact with anyone in his old life for one of them to see a picture and recognize him. A better tactic would be to reframe the book as a metaphor, though it's actually way too late for that one.
It IS true that sales would only increase if/when the truth came out. But reputation is reputation, and if it ever came out that they KNEW and kept quiet they ARE screwed, even if they manage to keep the company afloat. But any other books they publish in the meanwhile would come under scrutiny, and they open themselves up to lawsuits from their other authors.
Oh hai thar Judith! You are a complete surprise, but this is a completely natural point for you to enter into the situation, and I am ashamed for not having forseen it. Now, kindly save 50/50's butt. Her skirt is doing something weird though, which is distracting, I keep wanting to reach in and yoink it down and smooth it out.
Bench time! With Erica and Julianne, which is almost as good as if Dr. Tom were there. They are reaching the resigned-guilt and acceptance phase, because they are out of options and out of hope. Whereupon we jump to Dr. Tom, in his office, rubbing his hands like he's about to do something and save them. I'm still reeling from all the screentime we're spending on Dr. Tom without Erica around (remember when we almost NEVER saw him but for when Erica was there?) Watching him have secret emotional outbursts and commit secret rule-breaking is like that last shot of tequila before you're out of your mind drunk.
Dr. T goes for the phone. Dr. T's phone deserves an essay, at some point. But he can't quite get it to his ear, and put's it back down with a sigh. Internal battle! I just want to know who he'd be calling or what he'd be planning to do. Dr. N? Dr. A? Solicit help in kind from Dr. Fred? Reaching out to someone he knows in the real world? Now he's made up his mind and is walking, with purpose, though not exactly conviction, for the door. Who's he going to go see? Who who who? -Bouncing up and down-
I did not expect him to end up in Goblins. Maybe he didn't either, given his expression, though it's also possible he's changing his mind again. Indecisive and along Dr. Tom is disconcerting, please give him someone to talk to, preferably Erica.
Wait, what is he doing?
He meanders through the tables, and all I'm thinking is a) but Erica isn't there, she's outside on a bench and b) how are all those people managing not to look up and stare as Michael Riley walks past them? He sits at an empty table and why is he there, is he waiting or something? This is all strange and odd because we don't see him in the real world unless he's talking to Erica or waiting for Erica. The closest we get are those moments where he's waiting on a bench and staring into nothing, clearly thinking deeply on something not happy. And now, he's lost and wondering his office and now wandering the city and when he sits at this empty table he closes his eyes and WHAT IS HE DOING? Especially as he's there in his office clothes, no matter how toned down they might be, and not in his greys.
Oh. My. God. That was so awesome I started to cry. He closes his eyes and for a long beat nothing happens. Then time starts to rewind, in this amazing effect we've never seen before. He opens his eyes while around him time spins backwards and this moment is so amazingly heavy and we know it narratively and we can see it in his eyes as he stares, sad but decided, then looking around as if he's never seen this before, and it is marked so strongly with this rewind visual that this becomes a more pivotal moment even than Sarah coming back and I neither thought that was possible, or ever had any chance of happening on the heels of that. It's just, so much changes with this moment. It was begun, of course, when he went to 2019 but because we never saw that it was never as real, we never saw how much of a transgression it was and everything went to show that it was a minor infraction. Now, he's breaking the rules completely and he knows it and he's opening himself to the consequences which include us, the viewers being able to watch.
Oh gosh, Dr. N is totally going to deserve an “I told you so” moment at Dr. A because this is Dr. T DOING SOMETHING.
While I get my head on strait to hit play, I have to point out that while Dr. T was walking I was distracted by the girl(s) who walked in the door after him. My attention was scattered because I was looking for a familiar face, someone he would talk to or who would recognize him or be watching him. Like in those moments he was just a guy in a coffee shop, not worthy of a notice even though when he sits down the world literally spins around him.
Hit play and OMGOMGOMG. Dr. T is coming off a little creepy and it's easy to imagine how strange this must seem to Seth and Dr. T is claiming he's there to Help Seth which is totally a lie but it's scary how easily that comes out of his mouth. And then he betrays his motivation by noting that the series of events will “destroy Erica” which isn't strictly true but that's how he sees it and why he's doing this. For her. And with lowered eyes and only a slight pause, he adds Julianne like he always meant to, so I believe he did, and his emotions led to the emphasis of Erica with those pauses.
Which isn't like him, it's more like Erica. To risk everything to go out and solve someone else's problem. I can't even speculate on his motivations at this moment, any further than I've done, in a general way, before.
And he even throws in an appropriate quote! Whoa. He throws out his name and a quasi threat and he's dead calm but this feels in a way even more violent than kicking the crap out of that college kid back in the day. If I were Seth, I'd be running away looking scared too.
Dr. N!!!!! With another patient, who has their finger digging in their ear, to emphasize just how ordinary a moment this is. Except that it's also the moment where Dr. T just changed the past. The hits just keep on coming!
Gasp and Flail, GASP AND FLAIL! Another insight into how therapy works, as Dr. N misses her cue to send off her patient when an echoing rushing whooshing distracts her, and signals something is wrong. Like a bat call.
Dr. N grabs up her phone (wireless, but not a cell phone) and is on the phone with Dr. A in a heartbeat. She didn't just hear the sound cue, she knows something.
And suddenly Dr. T is in Dr. A's office, looking like the kid in the principals office who knows he did wrong and is in trouble, but isn't going to apologize.
With two Dr. T-heavy episodes in a row, I'm almost scared to ponder what next week will bring. No Dr. T at all? Or... escalation?
Dr. A is there too, acting very much like the wise old principal indeed. Dr. N is looking crankier than we've ever seen her. And Dr. T is acting exactly like that child, only not as apparently defiant because he has his displayed emotions under better control. Except for little hints about the intonation and the working of the jaw.
And Dr. N attacks by bringing up Erica. Nice move. He may not regret it, he might be unpersuadable on the act, but Erica is his weak spot, now as before. What's her new life like? Are they still in trouble, since they didn't have a golden book?
What does Dr. N mean, “Have you told her.” Is he supposed to tell her? Does Dr. N think he WOULD have told her? Is she just pointing out that Dr. T is causing more problems than he's fixing and is now hiding more and more things from Erica which will likely piss her off when she finds out? He can't even answer her. This is awesome.
What Erica said earlier about Dr. F and Kai did hit him, because now he's comparing himself with Dr. F and how they've each impacted Erica. So here, Dr. T is not so much trying to save Erica, as he is trying to not hurt her. Which is fabulous, because there's vulnerability in hurting someone you love unintentionally (like we're seeing with Ivan and Dave) and you have to work through that, not wipe it away, to move forwards. He's protecting Erica from himself. (PS, I now believe it was a complete accident, though still a HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS ACCIDENT.)
Are we now going to see an alternate present that Erica will never know about? My mind is spinning just contemplating the possibility. Time travel has seemed so neat up until now, when all the messiness is hitting and everyone who thinks this is sci fi raise your hand!
Alternate Present:
They're doing as well with “The Fixer Upper” as they were with “The Purpose Door.” Oh lord, this is going to go so wrong, isn't it. Especially for Brent, who is going to get punted over “The Purpose Door” and probably sue 50/50 for not telling him it was a fake.
Except that's not how it's playing out, because Brent got fired. And Erica/Julianne are gloaty over him AND our poor agent who is looking a little foolish and less knowledgeable than our dynamic duo.
Is this where Agent Lady notes that someone confronted Seth and Erica figures out it was Dr. Tom? I have no idea how that would happen but Erica has to find out some way, yes? That or something has to go terribly terribly wrong? The whole “Universe righting itself” thing? But it has to bite Dr. Tom on the butt, not necessarily Erica.
And Dr. N sneaks in the door like she's now intervening? She's stalking around like the Therapist of Death here. Has Julianne really not seen a woman walk in? Are they not in their offices? Because if they're in their offices it's weird, and if they're not in their offices they shouldn't be talking about gossipy things.
I squee at Erica directly asking after Dr. Tom. Because, of course that's what she would think when Dr. N shows up, and in fact, Dr. Tom is NOT okay and that IS why Dr. N has shown up. And then she's all “No Erica, he isn't.” Because he ISN'T! And it makes me so incredibly happy that this is they way the conversation goes, instead of protesting that this is about Erica, that I flail and squee and retrieve teddy!Ivan for a squishing session of joy!
I also feel a little bad for Dr. Tom, because all he's trying to do is keep a wall between him and Erica and every time he loses it Dr. N immediately lets Erica know all about it. This reliance on Erica to help Dr. Tom adds interesting complication to my Empress theory, which I will ponder later. Now I just need to know what happens next.
Dr. N is tattling! (This is like a Being Erica In Grade School episode.) And she's framing it a little crudely. Dr. T made a decision, but after Erica begged him to effect the same end, so it's not nearly as controlling as Dr. N made it seem. However, it DOES open the lines of communication.
Erica storms into Dr. T's office and Dr. T is looking mighty guilty. And slumpy. They're totally going to have to have a real conversation, once Erica calms down because this is not going to be very productive if she keeps on with the aggressive attitude. I think he's feeling guilty enough to take it, rather than respond in kind, but that's almost worse, to watch him take the hits.
Erica makes a very fair point that Dr. T was actually acting very selfishly to stop feeling guilty. That was insightful. Erica really does know how to get through to Dr. T and tell him the harsh truths.
Whoops! Um, NO! He called her Sarah and I'm sorry, but it feels a bit forced and inorganic. The only reason I can believe it at all is because of reflex, he's had this sort of argument with Sarah so many times it comes out rote, because I still do not believe he sees Erica as a daughter figure. And I also wonder where all his releasing responsibility from last episode went. Was it displaced onto Erica when he let off Sarah?
That moment, when they both realize what he said, is WOW. We fade of a note, into silence, just the quiet, barely there ticking of the clock reminding us that time is still going by as they are frozen in shock.
She asks, he complies, and how much does she remember about Alt!Verse? From her expression, enough. And there's still 10 minutes of episode left, are they going to get another scene? I love that it's only now that Erica actually knows what she was mad about before, what mistake Dr. T did and what he was trying to get off his conscience. Is she less mad? More mad? Going to look for him later? Will he look for her?
Um, that guy is scary huge. And the fact that he can make his pecs do that is just scary. I gasped, but it was more of an OMG WTF YIKES than anything.
The other thing is that while Dave and that giant man seem to have had an understanding, he is technically molesting him by grabbing him like that.
Ivan's face on “It IS out of my system” is so cute. I basically want to squish him all the time.
So Ivan finds out about the wedding rings and now feels like a fool, and we skip off to the hospital. Really? NOW? Sam and Lenin need some some sort of resolution to this micro sex arc, let's hope it's over quick so we can zip back to Erica and Dr. T. I'll even take Dr. N and Dr. A, as they will be talking about Erica and Dr. T.
That was a very reasonable chastisement for Sam. But they FIRED Lenin? This is coming way sooner than I expected, because he'll be ready to move on now, I guess? Or just get a better job, which works even better, so yay! This is probably a positive thing!
And now Judith and Will. And I am so exhausted. I wasn't prepared for this episode to be as complicated and heavy as it was, and on top of that there's all these subplots. Will has a really nice smile though. But it is still really, really presumptuous for him to be trying to make decisions for Judith.
Oh proposal! Yay! Though it's a little odd to be offering Dave the rings he bought. Mission accomplished, I, like Erica and Julianne, temporarily feel a little better and have our thoughts diverted from all the uh ohs.
They reached a decision, The Purple Door is being Shredded but... No Erica/Dr. T. How is this possible? How am are they in an even worse place than last week? Last week I was looking forwards to incidental fallout, which this episode did not resolve. But this week... I NEED next week to answer not just what comes next for Erica and Dr. T, but where are they at? Because this is big. This is huge. This is potentially game changing and it's unclear where exactly they have been at and thus who knows where they're going?
Did Dr. N break any rules by telling Erica about what Tom did? What is Dr. A's game plan? Am I going to be able to keep myself from spoilers? Because this is just so much so fast so breathtakingly amazing.
I sit here, anxiously awaiting this week's Being Erica, more so than usual because of how we ended last week. Particularly, Dr. Tom's parting words: “I'll see you in Group.” Setting aside why I think that's a weird thing for him to say, and indicative of his rattled state, I want to see what happens in Group. Because while they can push off developments with Sarah, and back off on Erica/Dr. Tom, what they can NOT do is bring us back to Group and not show some sort of reaction to Dr. Tom “losing it.”
While I'm waiting: I was browsing through a book on Tarot, and found a passage on III - The Empress, that resonated strongly:
“Interestingly enough, Venus, the power of love, appears in the card independently by herself. That is not an accident. According to psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, when you cling to another person because you aren't able to stand on your own two feet, the other person might be saving your life, but the relationship is not love. Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is a prerequisite for loving.” - Tarot Basics, Evelin Burger and Johannes Fiebig
For me, this is at the core of Dr. Tom and Erica's relationship. I'm always wanting greater signs of intimacy, the mythical “hug” being the Holy Grail. But the show never quite gets there, and every tentatively extended hand is only nodded at before the moment brushes past - most obviously in the final scene of the last episode, where Dr. Tom shares the information about Sarah, but no details, and Erica offers support, but doesn't go after him when he walks away.
While a hug would be satisfying in the moment, at this stage it would still be a sign of need - the relationship between these two characters is not an instant clicking, it is a higher order respect and caring that is fundamentally based on the potential in each of these characters to stand alone. For Erica, this struggle is ongoing, and highlighted this season by her newfound 'single' status. Yet the goal of therapy is to get her to 'do all this on [her] own;' that is, to reach a state of self-actualization where she is self-sufficient. It is only then that she will be able to truly see Dr. Tom for who he is, and love him. For Dr. Tom, his struggle is of the opposite type: rather than clinging to everyone, he pushes everyone away, a problem we have just seen come to a head as life and relationships are finding him where he has been hidden in his work. It is only when he learns to open himself up that he will be able to recognize Erica as an equal, and love her for who she is, and not merely -what- she is and does.
The beauty in this argument is that it necessitates distance between Dr. Tom and Erica now, exactly the distance we continually see. If Erica pushed through his walls, if Dr. Tom was too ready to open up to her, then they would be relying on each other for growth, and this co-dependence would infinitely complicate their potential for the end game, which I think is the true definition of 'disinterested love,' - lacking agenda.
Also notable: this theme was at the heart of the dissolution of Erica's friendship with Jenny. Love is a huge component in true friendship, and the fact that Jenny was unable to stand without Erica's support marked the poison in the relationship.
W00t! The Show!
The Previouslies put us back in the calm world of “The Purple Door” and Judith's marriage troubles and whatever strangeness is going on between Julianne and Ivan. After the emotional sledgehammer that was last week, this is exactly what I expected. But then they snap us a bit of Sarah, and the Sarah/Erica parallels as regards Dr. Tom's treatment (which I think is less seeing Erica as a daughter and more his behavior patterns with those he cares about - we've learned next to nothing about his relationship with Margerie, but I presume the same parallels would crop up there as well.)
And we zip directly into Group? OMG! I was certain that we'd have a low key 15 minutes of real world fun before stumbling into Group. I don't recognize that scuffy blue door though. Camilla's, I suppose? Because it looks like a stoplight, sorta, and I know a tidbit of spoiler about her previous life?
We also learn that Camilla's book of regrets is a little flippy thing with leather cover. Are the books chosen to reflect the personality of the individual involved? I will be thinking on this more than is healthy, because I once spent a long time choosing journals for several characters for a play I was stage managing, and now it's compulsive.
Nothing about Dr. Tom's last appearance in Group. Is it possible we won't get one? Instead, Erica displays knowledge about the Jewish religion and has a 'look' with Adam that shows they are still not okay. I'm sure I'll be more interested in them next go round, as is, they're on a fairly transparent trajectory and I would so much rather know more about Dr. Tom!
Camilla has an rather mundane regret about allowing embezzlement, but we learn she is/was a single mother. Then Dr. Tom lets her CHOOSE a partner for her trip, which is likely unusual, given Erica's expression, and Camilla's surprised “really?” Is this Dr. Tom feeling badly about his previous outburst, and apologizing by allowing greater leeway than usual? Or just him giving up measures of control, which he usually holds on to so tightly?
It could also be a purposeful allowance. Her choice, especially because of it's rarity, becomes a popularity contest. Which I sort of assume Erica will win given that she's our lead character and while I have no idea what interesting results would come about if Erica were in Camilla's past, this is the season of new and different. Plus, on a more pragmatic note, Erica's religious affiliation would make it more natural for her to be hanging around a wig shop catering to a mostly Jewish demographic.
And she does! Citing first the similarity of 'friend going off the rails,' though Erica is quick to point out the Jewish connection as well. Each of them justifying the choice to hide deeper preferences and relief. During this exchange Camilla is SO VERY ADORABLE. She's just so unsure about this, and grateful Erica said yes so readily. I get the impression that Camilla likes and respects Erica more than they've ever had the chance to explore, as Erica's time and energy is so much occupied by Adam, forming a little clique of two - not only for the characters, but for us as an audience. ANOTHER time my reactions show up in the show! I've been longing to spend time with the other members, just as the other members may have been longing for a chance to spend time with Erica.
The typical stumble-upon-arrival has Camilla shoving a wig down the face of her client. Who we all know is Erica, but the expression on Camilla's face when she sees Erica... I laughed out loud, and have to watch again and again! I'm even sadder that they haven't used this actress more, up until this point. I guess this also means we'll explore, a bit, Erica being 'engaged,' and maybe how this relates to her current single status. I don't know, actually, where they'd go with this. Unless... OOH! Would Dr. Tom pop up in the role of Erica's fiance? There was a spoiler way back when about Erica and Dr. T exploring what if they were 'more than Doctor/Patient' in a typically twisted Being Erica way - I thought it said it was referring to the premiere, and was disappointed that they were putting such a spin on the fact that Dr. T had a Group of patients. But was that spoiler really referring to THIS episode? After all, this would be a SPIN, and actually ties in to the episode where they went back to the 70s, when Dr. Tom and Erica were playing characters who were presumably partners, though they never went anywhere with that at the time.
This result would also explain whey Dr. Tom let Camilla pick a partner. If his entry into the world would potentially be as fiance (or at least would if it was Erica) then he COULDN'T be the one to chose her, or he would be setting them up as a couple. If Camilla chooses, then Dr. Tom is just popping up, and the fiance angle is less weighted.
Erica is talking to another client. Ooh, poor girl, her non-orthodox status is showing, as well as all the gaps in her knowledge. (Something her father has previously pointed out.) Just fake it! Blend in! Because unless the result is to have Erica interested in Judaism, none of these details are crucial, and the show has never been overtly religious, like Erica herself. Two seconds later the other client has tossed out an entire sentence which is incomprehensible, and Erica is trying to blend. She does it poorly, and is probably wishing she hadn't sold herself as a Jew and thus easy blending.
Camilla's regret is becoming a verbal argument, saving Erica from the uncomfortableness of having no idea what she's talking about. Camilla handles it well, offering the credit card machine as 'fixed' and being calm and friendly with the client around. Man, it just reminds me of all those times in retail stores, when the workers are fighting and as a customer you don't have a lot of options, just have to pretend nothing is wrong and let them help you get out of there. And those times I was one of the workers, and you just have to smile and apologize with your eyes and feel rotten hat the poor customer had to see/hear whatever they had to see/hear.
An Orthodox man is coming in the door and I suspect Dr. Tom! Because he's blurry, and it's been too long since Dr. T was in costume, and because I just spent a couple paragraphs convincing myself it would be so (and we need an appearance to move things along, as the confrontation has taken place and Camilla is about to start seriously floundering.) Randomly, I now wonder what sound a flounder makes. I can imagine what sound it makes when flapping around on land/boat/surface of the water, but like, what sound would it make under water, naturally?
GASPS. Not Dr. Tom, it's Seth! Or someone who looks like Seth. I forgot about the cult references in the previouslies, and thought his part would be in the real world with 50/50 and The Purple Door. Whoa, has Erica fallen into the domain of the cult? Did Dr. Tom want her to know this, but couldn't send her because it has nothing to do with her therapy or regrets, so he set up a situation where he knew Camilla would pick her? Is this Dr. Tom actually 'controlling' events?
Erica is about to run after “Seth,” and is making a spectacle of herself, when she runs through the door into Dr. Tom's office. Whoo! Now we get to find out how intentional this all was! What's he going to say? What will he tell her to do? Is it a situation where now that she's found out, she gets to pursue it? But he can't officially sanction it so he'll pull her out of the immediate situation and tell her to back off?
Oh WOW. Dr. Tom's expression when he turns towards her, it's just, it's amazing. I can't even figure out what all is in it but it's a lot like “Oh, this is not so good” with a bit of fright in there and some horror tinged with loss of control.
Erica tries to bolt back out, because come on, that expression signals things going off the rails even more than ending up in Dr. Tom's office in the middle of action. This. Is. Big. Omgomgomg.
I also flip out when Erica says “You have to open the door” and Dr. Tom just says “No.” Because the way he says that word falls in line with all the time's he's said No, and how differently they each come out. From simple statement to shouting rage. This time is firm but friendly and he asks her to sit and I'm squeeing like mad on the inside because they're alone and they're together and their going to be talking about something that isn't about either one of them which is exactly where they are most equal and no one is threatened and they can explore the boundaries of their relationship through the way they interact. And in the way he stutters his c you can hear that he's unbalanced, whether it's from the situation or left over from the last time we saw them see each other.
So I was thinking it was a Jewish cult, and I DID think that was odd, but Dr. Tom is going with “that shouldn't have happened” and we're in Oprah territory with the memoir being made up! Which, personally, I don't have a lot of trouble with because the delineation of fact and fiction is too strict as the line isn't as clear cut as society would like to believe, but eh. Rules are just getting broken all over, wherever Erica goes, and this is fantastic, though I still suspect of Dr. Tom manipulating the situation and now lying through his teeth, because I think he knew (despite that look when he turned around) and letting Camilla chose was to step away from actively making this moment happen. A moment which, actually, puts Erica back into their old relationship, where they have a secret and have to deal with it together. Though before, this was about Kai and Dr. T didn't want to talk about Kai, but even that time must be fondly remembered now that Erica is off in Group and out of one-on-one.
Dr. T is doing some crazy things with his eyes, and not looking at Erica much as she figures out that Seth is a liar. And then Erica pops up with my question - asking Dr. T if he sent her back to find this out. Another 'no.' He could still be lying. But Dr. T doesn't deny that he sent her back, he just calls it a 'mistake. My mistake.' He's doing that thing with his jaw. I'm confused, but I'm almost actually believing him here.
Instead, “I should have checked, and I didn't.” Whoa. So, normally therapists do scout the ground out ahead of time, only Dr. T didn't this time because he's distracted by his “real life.” ? Is he now going to be breaking down as he starts making mistakes now that 100% of his energies aren't dedicated to therapy?
BTW, I like that Erica hasn't sat down. Once again Dr. T tries to take them to the familiar chairs, out of habit and comfort, but Erica under stress forces him to stand and talk to her in the moment and iwthout convention.
He's apologizing again. So many apologies from Dr. T recently, to Erica. This is just a super crazy mistake though, since he only falls apart with Erica, only ever harms Erica. Yet whereas before we could always pin it down as a reaction to something Erica did or the fact that it was Erica and he's comfortable with her, this would be entirely a coincidence, which makes it difficult to believe as on the level.
I can see how it would not be good for 50/50 if their first non-fiction publication turned out to be fiction.
Dr. T is being so... different here. Bookended on the one side by his sketchy behavior, which we can charitably put down to him feeling guilty over not checking the lay of the land, and on the other side by his response that 'I don't know [what you should do.]' Dr. T at a loss? And he lets her leave. I heard the music signaling the scene ending, but I hope we're staying with Dr. T for a moment because I need answers! From his side! We'll find out where Erica walked back to and what she'll do next later.
And we do for a second, watching him turn around with what is either a slight twisted smile or grimace before staring out the window. Is this just one more thing going out of control in his life?
The break for credits transitions us back to the real world, Erica late to a televised interview Seth is about to have. Well, I lied. Now I'm curious whatever happened with Camilla. And it's looking like we won't be going back there. Phoo.
Oh! Julainne mentioned Erica's 'disappearing act' and the 'poof!' as Erica was no longer there. Adding this to the time Erica walked out a different door at Goblins and scared Ivan to death, and the time she ran into Adam, this is the third time we've gotten a hint of it's like to 'witness' the effects of being pulled off to therapy. So Erica was on her way to this interview when she was pulled into Group? That is just... too convenient (or inconvenient, depending on your perspective) for words.
The Point of No Return. Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow.
Off to Judith and her ex boyfriend. Her hair looks better now than it did lat time, because it's a bit messier and less like she shaved the edges. The way that guy is staring at her, it looks like he knew he didn't have a case and is there merely to spent time with Judith, which means he's technically wasting both of their time. And Judith has suspected nothing, because she is a good lawyer. Of course, because she is MORE than a good lawyer, she reads people even better than paper, once she stops looking at the contract/case/file thing, and starts talking about Godzilla, for which I love her. I can totally picture her and Erica, as high schoolers, watching monster movies late at night with a bowl of popcorn. Happily, she finds the fact that he's not listening to her at all cute, because he's always managed to completely blank out, or else he might find himself under review for mental retardation and/or creepiness.
I was going to let the high school flirting and face touching pass as cute, but now that it has escalated to near kissing I am protesting that I am shocked and horrified, though in a way in which I am also vastly entertained. This guy is class A creepy. He's married, she's married, what's he thinking? More to the point, what is JUDITH thinking, kissing him? That is not at all like her - not to actually act on an impulse, though I completely understand her enjoying a slip back into the carefree memories of her teenage years far enough to smile and flirt and enjoy the attention.
Uh, is her kid really old enough to draw like that? I have no sense of what kids are capable of before the age of 3.
Oh Julianne, throwing yourself at cute men. I would facepalm, except you are so freaking adorable it works for you. I want you to find someone soon, but not Ivan because that's wrong and not this guy, because he isn't appreciating your cuteness, given how uncomfortable he is and how he flees. At least Julianne doesn't notice and can go off to be her happy self, until she runs into Ivan who actually does like her, and I DO facepalm, because men should be throwing themselves at her.
There's Ivan! In perfect place to appreciate Julianne because seriously? Dave spent $1600 on a comic book and didn't consult Ivan first? That's just... unexpected. We know Dave is generous, but this is very selfish and immature.
I was pwned. NOT a comic book, because Dave IS way cooler than that! He bought wedding rings! :D:D:D And Julianne knows, which means Ivan can't do something stupid with her while in a funk over Dave apparently being a dufus.
I also love that Dave shares this information with Julianne and only Julianne. I love seeing that she has her own relationships with people, and it's not all about Erica or Drama all the time.
I would feel more badly for Sam except that she has a bed at home where no one would be knocking on the door, and this isn't the sort of show where we're meant to believe she never gets to go home to avail herself and her boyfriend of that private bed.
I would think Sam the type to reserve the call room. So she's acting spontaneously, is distracted, and thus failing to be the detail oriented geek she normally is? Paralleling Dr. Tom's earlier gaff?
Now we find out that Erica and Julianne really are on the precipice of no return with The Purple Door. They're going for a print edition, which was initially dismissed as way out of their budget range.
Julianne. Ivan. And the boobie point. CUTENESS.
Erica pulls Seth back into their offices for a private word. Uh oh. This isn't going to end well. Don't confront him, don't confront him! Pull the 'I'm helpless' card and force a Group to help figure this one out because no one should expect you to be able to deal solo with the impossible issue raised by therapy itself, especially when you don't know all the rules!
Harsh words, Erica. Harsh words. There was probably a better way to deal with that, though by 'Seth's' reaction, it's pretty certain that he really is a big lying fake. On the other hand, I believe that he is also a decent guy, and isn't actively out to screw them over or hurt them.
Erica's googling 'Seth' and honestly, I can't tell if that picture's him or not. I think it IS, yes? And Dr. Tom drops her into his office because she's pursuing it. Only now I'm concerned about Camilla because no regret is as simple as what she had time to do, and if nothing else, she didn't actually stop the embezzling or tell the boss or etc etc. Is she okay? If Erica didn't go back to help her, did someone else drop in for support?
Dr. Tom's suggestion to 'not panic, but clearly and calmly examine the options' would be more persuasive if his own confrontation with the unexpected hadn't just let him to freak out in Group and follow Erica home to yell at her. This is a point where his reserve is backfiring, and if he placed himself to help her figure out what to do, she'd likely respond better. Because right now she's cranky, and has every right to be cranky. Her option three is pushing the boundaries, challenging therapy and Dr. T's control. Very last year's dynamic, I love it! Dr. T is pushed further into his old therapist role, with all the power, and because Erica is really asking for help here, and reads his denial as him refusing to help her, she gets whiny and Dr. Tom is getting that old edge at being challenged. See! There goes his jaw!
“Everyone keeps breaking the rules and I'm the one who's paying the price.” Aside from that time she saved Leo, this is a very, very good point. Except Dr. T doesn't break rules either, except the once, to find Erica in 2019, and he could say the same thing. All these things that happen to Erica, they're things that happen to Dr. T as well, though of course the effects on him aren't quite the same.
Ooh, Dr. T now has the half-lowered lids that often signal building rage.
OMG. Erica is finally, finally ranting out all that anger she's been burying under understanding and maturity. Throwing it all out there because she's terrified about her company and thus her life and future. And will probably say something mean to Dr. T which will require the same forgiveness and understanding from him, which she showed him last week. Okay, not ALL her anger, just that last bit with 2019, thus pointing a finger at Dr. T and his own reaction to that circumstance.
So... Dr. T can't fix THIS situation like she wants. But... Will he be induced to settle her remaining fears on the 'you might be dead in 10 years' front? Because that would be... Just... OMG.
The thing is, he really CAN'T let her add The Purple Door as a regret, because it would change everything, and therapy can't do that. But he sounds so upset, you know he WOULD, if he could. He doesn't break rules, but he did, for Erica. And he would again.
Erica storms out. And DR. T CHUCKS A BOOK ACROSS THE ROOM! O.O He WAS building anger behind the lidded eyes and working jaw, not at Erica but at the situation, and himself and how he can't do anything. So now, what's he going to do to fix her problem? Save her company? Appeal to higher authority? Because he KNOWS she was calling in all her favours and he still had to say no, and he also knows that she took his answer as him not wanting to help.
Seriously, I wasn't expecting much Dr. Tom in this episode, and certainly nothing that had him in this much turmoil. I heart this show so hard I can barely breath.
At least Julianne and Erica are now on the same page and in this together. Because together, they can survive anything, right?
“Silver Slug” “Silver Snail?” “Eh? Whatever.” Oh Ivan, you are so adorable. This is so totally the right moment to propose, go Dave, go! (Please don't let anything interrupt them!) Except Ivan is feeling guilty and Dave notices and this could go so wrong! Oh no! But that bit about Ivan eating a wedding cake BEFORE the wedding is too funny, I'm still giggling, we can't go to a sad place now or my emotions will be alarmed and befuddled.
They went to a sad place, which looked more like a righteously upset place. I still think Dave might be overreacting a bit, but it's his relationship, so I feel for him. :(
Seth's agent is a moron. He doesn't have to be in contact with anyone in his old life for one of them to see a picture and recognize him. A better tactic would be to reframe the book as a metaphor, though it's actually way too late for that one.
It IS true that sales would only increase if/when the truth came out. But reputation is reputation, and if it ever came out that they KNEW and kept quiet they ARE screwed, even if they manage to keep the company afloat. But any other books they publish in the meanwhile would come under scrutiny, and they open themselves up to lawsuits from their other authors.
Oh hai thar Judith! You are a complete surprise, but this is a completely natural point for you to enter into the situation, and I am ashamed for not having forseen it. Now, kindly save 50/50's butt. Her skirt is doing something weird though, which is distracting, I keep wanting to reach in and yoink it down and smooth it out.
Bench time! With Erica and Julianne, which is almost as good as if Dr. Tom were there. They are reaching the resigned-guilt and acceptance phase, because they are out of options and out of hope. Whereupon we jump to Dr. Tom, in his office, rubbing his hands like he's about to do something and save them. I'm still reeling from all the screentime we're spending on Dr. Tom without Erica around (remember when we almost NEVER saw him but for when Erica was there?) Watching him have secret emotional outbursts and commit secret rule-breaking is like that last shot of tequila before you're out of your mind drunk.
Dr. T goes for the phone. Dr. T's phone deserves an essay, at some point. But he can't quite get it to his ear, and put's it back down with a sigh. Internal battle! I just want to know who he'd be calling or what he'd be planning to do. Dr. N? Dr. A? Solicit help in kind from Dr. Fred? Reaching out to someone he knows in the real world? Now he's made up his mind and is walking, with purpose, though not exactly conviction, for the door. Who's he going to go see? Who who who? -Bouncing up and down-
I did not expect him to end up in Goblins. Maybe he didn't either, given his expression, though it's also possible he's changing his mind again. Indecisive and along Dr. Tom is disconcerting, please give him someone to talk to, preferably Erica.
Wait, what is he doing?
He meanders through the tables, and all I'm thinking is a) but Erica isn't there, she's outside on a bench and b) how are all those people managing not to look up and stare as Michael Riley walks past them? He sits at an empty table and why is he there, is he waiting or something? This is all strange and odd because we don't see him in the real world unless he's talking to Erica or waiting for Erica. The closest we get are those moments where he's waiting on a bench and staring into nothing, clearly thinking deeply on something not happy. And now, he's lost and wondering his office and now wandering the city and when he sits at this empty table he closes his eyes and WHAT IS HE DOING? Especially as he's there in his office clothes, no matter how toned down they might be, and not in his greys.
Oh. My. God. That was so awesome I started to cry. He closes his eyes and for a long beat nothing happens. Then time starts to rewind, in this amazing effect we've never seen before. He opens his eyes while around him time spins backwards and this moment is so amazingly heavy and we know it narratively and we can see it in his eyes as he stares, sad but decided, then looking around as if he's never seen this before, and it is marked so strongly with this rewind visual that this becomes a more pivotal moment even than Sarah coming back and I neither thought that was possible, or ever had any chance of happening on the heels of that. It's just, so much changes with this moment. It was begun, of course, when he went to 2019 but because we never saw that it was never as real, we never saw how much of a transgression it was and everything went to show that it was a minor infraction. Now, he's breaking the rules completely and he knows it and he's opening himself to the consequences which include us, the viewers being able to watch.
Oh gosh, Dr. N is totally going to deserve an “I told you so” moment at Dr. A because this is Dr. T DOING SOMETHING.
While I get my head on strait to hit play, I have to point out that while Dr. T was walking I was distracted by the girl(s) who walked in the door after him. My attention was scattered because I was looking for a familiar face, someone he would talk to or who would recognize him or be watching him. Like in those moments he was just a guy in a coffee shop, not worthy of a notice even though when he sits down the world literally spins around him.
Hit play and OMGOMGOMG. Dr. T is coming off a little creepy and it's easy to imagine how strange this must seem to Seth and Dr. T is claiming he's there to Help Seth which is totally a lie but it's scary how easily that comes out of his mouth. And then he betrays his motivation by noting that the series of events will “destroy Erica” which isn't strictly true but that's how he sees it and why he's doing this. For her. And with lowered eyes and only a slight pause, he adds Julianne like he always meant to, so I believe he did, and his emotions led to the emphasis of Erica with those pauses.
Which isn't like him, it's more like Erica. To risk everything to go out and solve someone else's problem. I can't even speculate on his motivations at this moment, any further than I've done, in a general way, before.
And he even throws in an appropriate quote! Whoa. He throws out his name and a quasi threat and he's dead calm but this feels in a way even more violent than kicking the crap out of that college kid back in the day. If I were Seth, I'd be running away looking scared too.
Dr. N!!!!! With another patient, who has their finger digging in their ear, to emphasize just how ordinary a moment this is. Except that it's also the moment where Dr. T just changed the past. The hits just keep on coming!
Gasp and Flail, GASP AND FLAIL! Another insight into how therapy works, as Dr. N misses her cue to send off her patient when an echoing rushing whooshing distracts her, and signals something is wrong. Like a bat call.
Dr. N grabs up her phone (wireless, but not a cell phone) and is on the phone with Dr. A in a heartbeat. She didn't just hear the sound cue, she knows something.
And suddenly Dr. T is in Dr. A's office, looking like the kid in the principals office who knows he did wrong and is in trouble, but isn't going to apologize.
With two Dr. T-heavy episodes in a row, I'm almost scared to ponder what next week will bring. No Dr. T at all? Or... escalation?
Dr. A is there too, acting very much like the wise old principal indeed. Dr. N is looking crankier than we've ever seen her. And Dr. T is acting exactly like that child, only not as apparently defiant because he has his displayed emotions under better control. Except for little hints about the intonation and the working of the jaw.
And Dr. N attacks by bringing up Erica. Nice move. He may not regret it, he might be unpersuadable on the act, but Erica is his weak spot, now as before. What's her new life like? Are they still in trouble, since they didn't have a golden book?
What does Dr. N mean, “Have you told her.” Is he supposed to tell her? Does Dr. N think he WOULD have told her? Is she just pointing out that Dr. T is causing more problems than he's fixing and is now hiding more and more things from Erica which will likely piss her off when she finds out? He can't even answer her. This is awesome.
What Erica said earlier about Dr. F and Kai did hit him, because now he's comparing himself with Dr. F and how they've each impacted Erica. So here, Dr. T is not so much trying to save Erica, as he is trying to not hurt her. Which is fabulous, because there's vulnerability in hurting someone you love unintentionally (like we're seeing with Ivan and Dave) and you have to work through that, not wipe it away, to move forwards. He's protecting Erica from himself. (PS, I now believe it was a complete accident, though still a HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS ACCIDENT.)
Are we now going to see an alternate present that Erica will never know about? My mind is spinning just contemplating the possibility. Time travel has seemed so neat up until now, when all the messiness is hitting and everyone who thinks this is sci fi raise your hand!
Alternate Present:
They're doing as well with “The Fixer Upper” as they were with “The Purpose Door.” Oh lord, this is going to go so wrong, isn't it. Especially for Brent, who is going to get punted over “The Purpose Door” and probably sue 50/50 for not telling him it was a fake.
Except that's not how it's playing out, because Brent got fired. And Erica/Julianne are gloaty over him AND our poor agent who is looking a little foolish and less knowledgeable than our dynamic duo.
Is this where Agent Lady notes that someone confronted Seth and Erica figures out it was Dr. Tom? I have no idea how that would happen but Erica has to find out some way, yes? That or something has to go terribly terribly wrong? The whole “Universe righting itself” thing? But it has to bite Dr. Tom on the butt, not necessarily Erica.
And Dr. N sneaks in the door like she's now intervening? She's stalking around like the Therapist of Death here. Has Julianne really not seen a woman walk in? Are they not in their offices? Because if they're in their offices it's weird, and if they're not in their offices they shouldn't be talking about gossipy things.
I squee at Erica directly asking after Dr. Tom. Because, of course that's what she would think when Dr. N shows up, and in fact, Dr. Tom is NOT okay and that IS why Dr. N has shown up. And then she's all “No Erica, he isn't.” Because he ISN'T! And it makes me so incredibly happy that this is they way the conversation goes, instead of protesting that this is about Erica, that I flail and squee and retrieve teddy!Ivan for a squishing session of joy!
I also feel a little bad for Dr. Tom, because all he's trying to do is keep a wall between him and Erica and every time he loses it Dr. N immediately lets Erica know all about it. This reliance on Erica to help Dr. Tom adds interesting complication to my Empress theory, which I will ponder later. Now I just need to know what happens next.
Dr. N is tattling! (This is like a Being Erica In Grade School episode.) And she's framing it a little crudely. Dr. T made a decision, but after Erica begged him to effect the same end, so it's not nearly as controlling as Dr. N made it seem. However, it DOES open the lines of communication.
Erica storms into Dr. T's office and Dr. T is looking mighty guilty. And slumpy. They're totally going to have to have a real conversation, once Erica calms down because this is not going to be very productive if she keeps on with the aggressive attitude. I think he's feeling guilty enough to take it, rather than respond in kind, but that's almost worse, to watch him take the hits.
Erica makes a very fair point that Dr. T was actually acting very selfishly to stop feeling guilty. That was insightful. Erica really does know how to get through to Dr. T and tell him the harsh truths.
Whoops! Um, NO! He called her Sarah and I'm sorry, but it feels a bit forced and inorganic. The only reason I can believe it at all is because of reflex, he's had this sort of argument with Sarah so many times it comes out rote, because I still do not believe he sees Erica as a daughter figure. And I also wonder where all his releasing responsibility from last episode went. Was it displaced onto Erica when he let off Sarah?
That moment, when they both realize what he said, is WOW. We fade of a note, into silence, just the quiet, barely there ticking of the clock reminding us that time is still going by as they are frozen in shock.
She asks, he complies, and how much does she remember about Alt!Verse? From her expression, enough. And there's still 10 minutes of episode left, are they going to get another scene? I love that it's only now that Erica actually knows what she was mad about before, what mistake Dr. T did and what he was trying to get off his conscience. Is she less mad? More mad? Going to look for him later? Will he look for her?
Um, that guy is scary huge. And the fact that he can make his pecs do that is just scary. I gasped, but it was more of an OMG WTF YIKES than anything.
The other thing is that while Dave and that giant man seem to have had an understanding, he is technically molesting him by grabbing him like that.
Ivan's face on “It IS out of my system” is so cute. I basically want to squish him all the time.
So Ivan finds out about the wedding rings and now feels like a fool, and we skip off to the hospital. Really? NOW? Sam and Lenin need some some sort of resolution to this micro sex arc, let's hope it's over quick so we can zip back to Erica and Dr. T. I'll even take Dr. N and Dr. A, as they will be talking about Erica and Dr. T.
That was a very reasonable chastisement for Sam. But they FIRED Lenin? This is coming way sooner than I expected, because he'll be ready to move on now, I guess? Or just get a better job, which works even better, so yay! This is probably a positive thing!
And now Judith and Will. And I am so exhausted. I wasn't prepared for this episode to be as complicated and heavy as it was, and on top of that there's all these subplots. Will has a really nice smile though. But it is still really, really presumptuous for him to be trying to make decisions for Judith.
Oh proposal! Yay! Though it's a little odd to be offering Dave the rings he bought. Mission accomplished, I, like Erica and Julianne, temporarily feel a little better and have our thoughts diverted from all the uh ohs.
They reached a decision, The Purple Door is being Shredded but... No Erica/Dr. T. How is this possible? How am are they in an even worse place than last week? Last week I was looking forwards to incidental fallout, which this episode did not resolve. But this week... I NEED next week to answer not just what comes next for Erica and Dr. T, but where are they at? Because this is big. This is huge. This is potentially game changing and it's unclear where exactly they have been at and thus who knows where they're going?
Did Dr. N break any rules by telling Erica about what Tom did? What is Dr. A's game plan? Am I going to be able to keep myself from spoilers? Because this is just so much so fast so breathtakingly amazing.