(no subject)
The events of the past year have taken a toll on me, so much that I am now looking into counseling. According to my research, I may be dealing with depression and anxiety. While I thought that things were finally turning around for me, it seems that they might not be after all.
Work
In January, I finally landed a media job as a sales associate for a business-to-business magazine for the telecommunications industry. The team I work with is a great team, my salary is good, plus I get to travel twice a year (I went to Las Vegas last month for our spring expo and I'm going to Chicago in August for the fall expo).
However, as I'm approaching my 90 day review, I'm beginning to think I'm not a good fit for the position. The position calls for me to support media and event sales efforts, qualify and follow up on leads, and close new business. While I have media sales experience, it wasn't the core of my experience.
I took the position because, at the time, I thought I wanted to take my career in a new direction, since I was going nowhere with writing/editing. However, I haven't closed on anything in weeks. I'm struggling to grasp my sales duties and our products. Today, I had to work with our publisher for almost two hours because my proposals for a new product were not up to par.
I'm dealing with an incredible amount of anxiety, but trying to focus on the positive, that I finally have a real job and a supportive (albeit overbearing sometimes) boss. My administrative support has been called an asset and even drew the praise of our chief executive officer and chief financial officer at the spring expo last month.
But I'm not a good salesman and I feel guilty about letting the team down. I just don't know what to do. Grin and bear it? Lay out my concerns during the review to determine my future with the magazine?
Dating
On a different subject, the guy that was the subject of my last entry turned out to be a colossal douchebag. He stood me up one night, and seeing as nothing was exclusive, I met another guy for drinks instead of going home.
Drinks Guy ended up meeting someone at the bar more interesting, and while he was ignoring me, the douchebag texted me, saying he was taking himself out of the scene to "center himself." I called him out (it was clear that he met someone else) and dusted my hands of the situation, which was rough because I thought he had great potential.
Believing that the third one's the charm, I met another guy for a drink the following night. I should've known better when he told me he was a hairstylist. It was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life, 45 minutes that felt more like two hours.
Strike one, strike two, strike three; I'm out. I'm done dating and looking for love. If it wants to find me, then so be it, but I'm not holding my breath, especially the way things have been going.
Alcohol
Trying to ignore the above situations and the associated depression and anxiety, I've been turning to the bottle a lot lately. Friends have pointed out to me that all my Foursquare check-ins and a majority of my Facebook updates have involved bars, clubs and/or alcohol. I've put myself in dangerous situations, getting behind the wheel drunk several times in recent weeks.
Tonight, my father confronted me about my drinking. He struggled with alcoholism since he was a teenager, but due to a blessing in disguise, he has been sober for nine years this July. His alcoholism cost him a lot and he told me he would hate to see me have to pay the same price he did.
In an effort to change my direction, I'm cutting back on my drinking and going out. I'll still have fun from time to time, but it's time for me to grow the fuck up.
So there they are, all my cards are out on the table. I'm reaching out for help and I hope I find it, along with the inner-peace that I haven't had in a long time.
Work
In January, I finally landed a media job as a sales associate for a business-to-business magazine for the telecommunications industry. The team I work with is a great team, my salary is good, plus I get to travel twice a year (I went to Las Vegas last month for our spring expo and I'm going to Chicago in August for the fall expo).
However, as I'm approaching my 90 day review, I'm beginning to think I'm not a good fit for the position. The position calls for me to support media and event sales efforts, qualify and follow up on leads, and close new business. While I have media sales experience, it wasn't the core of my experience.
I took the position because, at the time, I thought I wanted to take my career in a new direction, since I was going nowhere with writing/editing. However, I haven't closed on anything in weeks. I'm struggling to grasp my sales duties and our products. Today, I had to work with our publisher for almost two hours because my proposals for a new product were not up to par.
I'm dealing with an incredible amount of anxiety, but trying to focus on the positive, that I finally have a real job and a supportive (albeit overbearing sometimes) boss. My administrative support has been called an asset and even drew the praise of our chief executive officer and chief financial officer at the spring expo last month.
But I'm not a good salesman and I feel guilty about letting the team down. I just don't know what to do. Grin and bear it? Lay out my concerns during the review to determine my future with the magazine?
Dating
On a different subject, the guy that was the subject of my last entry turned out to be a colossal douchebag. He stood me up one night, and seeing as nothing was exclusive, I met another guy for drinks instead of going home.
Drinks Guy ended up meeting someone at the bar more interesting, and while he was ignoring me, the douchebag texted me, saying he was taking himself out of the scene to "center himself." I called him out (it was clear that he met someone else) and dusted my hands of the situation, which was rough because I thought he had great potential.
Believing that the third one's the charm, I met another guy for a drink the following night. I should've known better when he told me he was a hairstylist. It was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life, 45 minutes that felt more like two hours.
Strike one, strike two, strike three; I'm out. I'm done dating and looking for love. If it wants to find me, then so be it, but I'm not holding my breath, especially the way things have been going.
Alcohol
Trying to ignore the above situations and the associated depression and anxiety, I've been turning to the bottle a lot lately. Friends have pointed out to me that all my Foursquare check-ins and a majority of my Facebook updates have involved bars, clubs and/or alcohol. I've put myself in dangerous situations, getting behind the wheel drunk several times in recent weeks.
Tonight, my father confronted me about my drinking. He struggled with alcoholism since he was a teenager, but due to a blessing in disguise, he has been sober for nine years this July. His alcoholism cost him a lot and he told me he would hate to see me have to pay the same price he did.
In an effort to change my direction, I'm cutting back on my drinking and going out. I'll still have fun from time to time, but it's time for me to grow the fuck up.
So there they are, all my cards are out on the table. I'm reaching out for help and I hope I find it, along with the inner-peace that I haven't had in a long time.