❀ the little engine that could (for prompt #146)
author: xiumanbun
title: The Little Engine That Could
prompt number: 146
rating: PG-13
length: ~8.3k
summary: Sehun comes to the library every Saturday to read children’s books, all Kyungsoo wants to know is why.
warnings: Off-screen domestic abuse (psychological trauma), homophobia, swearing, alcohol, sexual innuendos ;)
notes: Dear prompter, THANK YOU a million times for leaving this amazing prompt ahhh ;; I'm sorry if I didn't do it justice, but I really tried my best!! I know the max rating was NC-17 but I can't write smut to save my life, so yeah it'll have to stay at PG-13, I hope you're not too disappointed :’(
The Little Engine That Could
Kyungsoo has only worked part-time at the library for two weeks, his job mainly consists of putting turned in books back in place. It was never his ideal job, but his dorm mate Baekhyun had mentioned student loans and Kyungsoo had had to leave the room and count to ten before he could think clearly again. Then Baekhyun talked about how Kyungsoo was a big fan of placing things in order based on alphabetic listing or colours, and in the end Kyungsoo decided to try the job out; after all it could not be worse than begging his parents for money to pay off the loans.
Fortunately, it turned out that a few other university students worked part-time at the library too, the most remarkable ones being the ever arguing Lu Han and Minseok who for some reason stuck together despite never agreeing on anything.
Today is his first weekend shift, he has known about it coming up for over a week, but that obviously does not keep him from getting drunk with Baekhyun on Friday, something he only feels even worse about when he realises where in the library he has to work the entire Saturday.
The children’s department of the library happens to be exactly everything Kyungsoo hates and more. One thing is being at work on a Saturday afternoon with a hangover, another thing is the screaming children and the constant giggles from Lu Han who apparently finds the situation extremely amusing. At least Minseok gives him a sympathetic look before making his way to a middle-aged woman who cannot find whatever she is looking for.
“I see you had fun yesterday,” Lu Han winks at Kyungsoo, “any hot girls?”
“It was just me and my dorm mate at a bar; also you know how gay I am so why do you keep asking?” Kyungsoo lowers his voice at the end of the sentence, feeling rather awkward discussing private matters in public settings; he however knows that Lu Han has absolutely no filter when it comes to differentiating between what to address in public and what to keep behind closed doors.
“Yeah okay I recall you saying that, any hot guys then?”
“It was really just me and my dorm mate,” Kyungsoo makes a face at the thought of making out with Baekhyun, “so, negative.”
Lu Han shrugs apologetically, as if it somehow is his fault, “your time will come.”
Conversations with Lu Han are always slightly livelier than conversations with the other part-time workers at the library. Mainly because Kyungsoo somewhat knows Lu Han from campus; they are both students at Yonsei University, and they are both studying liberal arts (Lu Han has never told him this, but Kyungsoo has seen him at the faculty a few times). However, exactly what Lu Han majors in he does not know. Kyungsoo studies English language and literature, yet another reason Baekhyun had suggested working at a library.
At times Lu Han is a great friend too because they both have family far away from Seoul; Lu Han’s in Beijing, Kyungsoo’s in Busan. Most of his friends are all from the capital, which makes feel a bit like an outsider at times.
When his watch finally tells him that it is 5 PM and there is only one hour left of his shift, Kyungsoo feels like crying out in happiness as he takes a seat on a couch beside Lu Han who is busy trying to wipe drool stains off a book, “I am never having kids.”
“I know right,” the library is almost empty by now, most families with children are home preparing dinner at this hour instead of reading books, Kyungsoo is thankful for that, “not like I could-“
Lu Han drops the book he is holding, cutting Kyungsoo off, “hey is that not that guy from Yonsei whose dad owns some worldwide company, what was his name again?”
Kyungsoo looks up and spots the person Lu Han talked about, “Oh Sehun?” Unlike his co-worker he makes sure to whisper, “yeah he studies at Yonsei too, no big deal.”
Lu Han frowns, “no big deal? Every girl wants to fuck him, he swims in money, and he has a great fashion sense, did I forget to mention that he is in a children’s library by himself on a Saturday afternoon? Who does that?”
To tell the truth many young adults in Seoul know Oh Sehun quite well, mainly (as Lu Han had mentioned) because he is the heir of a big company and has more money than a normal person would ever see in their lifetime. “Why do you care? It is none of your business,” Kyungsoo is only trying to brush it off in order to hide his own fascination. People do not lie when they say Sehun is attractive, he is definitely Kyungsoo’s type, but it is a crush you never get a chance to act upon because the other person is significantly out of your league (and lacks the right sexual orientation).
“He is majoring in dance is he not? No wonder he has a body like that, look at his butt,” Lu Han’s voice is a tad too loud and Kyungsoo slaps his arm, “what?! I am just pointing it out.”
Kyungsoo gets up from his seating position on the couch to excuse himself to the bathroom, praying to God that Lu Han does not do something out-of-this-world embarrassing while he is gone. He receives a message on Facebook as soon as he has left the children’s department.
Lu Han: u think he's hot don't you ;)
Do Kyungsoo: ?? He’s conventionally attractive but I wouldn’t bang him
Lu Han: slanderous lies
Lu Han: lol he’s reading children’s books by himself u gotta see this come back plz
He puts his phone back in his pocket and tries to look as indifferent as possible when he walks back to Lu Han who apparently is still wiping drool off books. It turns out the Chinese boy did not lie; Sehun is sitting by himself a few metres away from the couch Kyungsoo sat in earlier, reading by himself.
“Are you sure it is a book for children?”
“Hundred percent positive,” Lu Han looks up, “he grabbed one from the bookcase over there before sitting down, if I posted a picture on my Naver blog I would become a celebrity within seconds for having dirt like this on Oh Sehun of all people.”
“Why in the world…” Kyungsoo trails off before he gets his sentence finished, too preoccupied by observing the heir in front of him (and trying to do so without seeming like a creep). Sehun has all the physical traits that make Kyungsoo’s heart beat faster: the bleached hair, the tall and thin frame, his sharp facial features.
He nearly gets a heart attack when Sehun stands up to leave, the blond boy definitely has a very nice ass too, and Kyungsoo has been staring the entire time.
“You were totally staring at his butt when he left!” Lu Han puts his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder; he quickly shoves him off, “so you would bang him!”
Kyungsoo low-key wants to die, “do not shout about things like that! We could get fired if somebody heard you scream about having sex in a children’s library, this is why Minseok is angry with you twenty-four seven!”
Lu Han just rolls his eyes, “whatever, you have got the hots for Oh Sehun. Do not worry my friend, you can trust me, I will keep my mouth shut.”
“For a billion reasons I am having a hard time believing that.” As he walks by the table Sehun had sat by, he cannot not notice the very fragrant scent of cologne the business heir has left behind.
As much as Baekhyun can be an absolute torment at times, Kyungsoo estimates he would rather talk to his dorm mate about Sehun than exchange another word with Lu Han about the issue. Just as Kyungsoo had expected, Baekhyun simply laughs when he hears the story from the library, “you are thirsty for Oh Sehun? Good luck with that buddy, from what I know he only has eyes for himself.”
The annoying thing is that Kyungsoo knows he has no chance at all with Sehun, but he feels like it is something he does not have an exact control over, “listen I know, but this is about more than me finding him conventionally attractive-“
“You talked about his ass for three minutes. That does not sound like conventional attraction to me.”
“-it is about a university student spending his Saturday afternoon reading children’s books. From the vague information Lu Han gave me about him it sounds like every girl between age 18 and 30 want to fuck him, which is why I find it odd that he was at the library instead of making out with a chick somewhere.” Kyungsoo realises telling Baekhyun all this was a big mistake, mentally reminding himself that he should never tell anyone about anything ever again.
Baekhyun laughs once more, shaking his head in the process, “you know, just ask the kid the next time you see him, I know he is semi-famous for being rich and all that, but no matter the outcome of your conversation you remain the winner. You have dirt on him now, he is the one who read a children’s book in public. You could also message him on Facebook, you will probably make him pee his pants.”
“I cannot believe you just called him a kid, is he not the same age as us?”
“What the fuck, no? He is like two years younger.”
“Still looks older than you.”
“Fuck off, I hate you.”
It is embarrassing as Hell and he will never tell anyone about it ever, but Kyungsoo spends roughly thirty minutes that evening stalking Sehun on various social media. He has many Instagram followers, it is no surprise, he is pretty photogenic (are all hot people not?), though he has not posted a whole lot yet.
It is with a racing heart Kyungsoo finds him on Facebook, fearing accidently sending a friend request and ruining his chances of ever getting to know the guy. What is up with the children’s books then? Kyungsoo finds himself asking that question for the billionth time, sighing as he sets his alarm to 6:30 AM.
He gets a message a few seconds later.
Kim Minseok: Lu Han told me you guys saw Sehun at the library today, I told him not to think much of it, he’s been reading children’s books there every Saturday since the semester started. Good luck getting in his pants.
Kyungsoo groans, he is not ready for Lu Han teasing him about Sehun’s presence every Saturday. He needs to switch his shifts in order to avoid the children’s department on weekends, or at least to avoid sharing a shift with Lu Han ever again for the rest of his life.
Three more Saturdays pass, the first time Kyungsoo is lucky enough to share a shift with Minseok only, who has switched shifts with Lu Han last minute because the Chinese had to go back to Beijing for a family reunion or something. Whatever the reason is, Kyungsoo is thankful.
Working with Minseok is almost like working alone, he rarely talks to anyone but a million mothers needing advice on which books to bring home for their children constantly surround him.
Kyungsoo blames his colleague’s popularity on his charming face. Due to his bad eyesight, Kyungsoo has to squint his eyes a lot in order to focus and therefore tends to give off an intimidating first impression. It does not work well with children he figures.
“You look like a penguin!” A small girl with messy pigtails laughs as she points at Kyungsoo, “Mum, he is like Pororo!” Her mother quickly encourages the girl to stay quiet before sending Kyungsoo an apologetic look. He shrugs back at her; children are and will always be a nuisance.
Sehun shows up at 5 PM, exactly as he did last week. Kyungsoo catches himself flashing a grin at the sight, something he would not have noticed if Minseok was not nice enough to point it out.
“He is reading ‘Guess How Much I Love You’,” his co-worker winks at him before making his way to a bookcase a few metres behind Sehun’s spot, “he would be my ideal guy too if I swung that way.”
“Shut up,” Kyungsoo hisses back, awkwardly smiling at Sehun who looks up due to the sudden noise, they are the only ones in the children’s department yet again, all families being at home cooking dinner.
Minseok is busy putting books back in their alphabetical order as Kyungsoo approaches him; he is known to be an even bigger clean freak than Kyungsoo is, so he always does his work way faster than the rest of the part-time workers do, “are you just going to watch him from afar every time he comes here?” Minseok is, unlike Lu Han, smart and thoughtful enough to whisper.
“What do you want me to do? Tell him that I think his affection for children’s literature is weird and then leave? Sounds like a genius ice-breaker; you always know what to say.” Kyungsoo definitely sees the way Minseok simply rolls his eyes before putting his focus back on the books, but he acts as if he does not notice the gesture, “Are you not single anyway? What do you know about approaching people you like without fucking everything up?”
Minseok shrugs, not removing his gaze from the bookcase, “just because I am single at the moment it does not mean I have never been in a relationship. I know enough to tell you that you have to at least try in order for it to work out,” he hands a book to Kyungsoo, “take this to the adults’ department, it does not belong here.”
Kyungsoo looks down on the novel; the title is not even in Korean, “whatever.” He does not look back when Minseok scolds him for speaking rudely to his elders.
When he comes back to the children’s department Sehun is nowhere to be seen.
The next Saturday he is greeted at the entrance of the library by Lu Han’s dumb face, “good afternoon to you too,” The Chinese man does not try to hide how offended he is when Kyungsoo walks right past him without as much as a nod.
“Baekhyun’s girlfriend dumped him,” Kyungsoo explains as they enter the children’s department together, “he cried all night, I am not in the mood for your loud behaviour.”
Lu Han is incapable of taking a hint and pulls Kyungsoo into an awkward hug instead, “I heard from Minseok that you did not pull a move on Sehun last week so I will help you today. As a manly man who has had a lot of luck with the ladies I see myself as a professional in this field.”
“Please just leave me alone, do you not have books to wipe drool off-,” he is interrupted as he walks straight into someone who is a lot taller than he is, sending him stumbling into Lu Han. He looks up and is greeted by Oh Sehun, Kyungsoo feels his cheeks redden and he instantly hurries to the nearest bookshelf to begin his shift. He hears Lu Han swear at Sehun in Mandarin behind him, it makes him want to crawl into a hole and disappear.
The entire event apparently results in Lu Han being very pissed off at Sehun; Kyungsoo avoids them both for the rest of the day. Then Minseok arrives an hour later and immediately begins to argue with Lu Han about a book that is placed in the wrong section.
Kyungsoo spots Sehun leaving the library earlier than usual, probably scared away by the sudden argument.
The third Saturday ‘neither Sehun nor Minseok work at the children’s department, despite a little boy wailing loudly beside him Kyungsoo cannot help but feel relieved and thankful. This time he shares a shift with a girl named Bae Joohyun, he has only seen her a few times before and it does not matter much because she stays quiet for the entire shift, silently walking back and forth between bookcases, greeting a few children from time to time.
Sehun arrives earlier than usual, Kyungsoo watches him from afar as usual, he is unsure of whether Joohyun notices or not, she keeps her mouth shut if she does.
He cannot take it anymore. It has become too much for him to handle, Kyungsoo decides a week later when it is just him and Sehun in the children’s library. He has done nothing for too long, and it is impossible for him to just stare at Sehun today when there are no other people he can hide behind; so he walks up to the table Sehun sits at and waits for the heir to notice his presence.
When Sehun finally glances up from his book, Kyungsoo finds himself at a loss of words; he should probably have rehearsed this before carelessly throwing himself into a conversation with his crush. “I do not want this to come off as rude,” he stutters through the sentence, he blames it on Sehun’s way of raising his eyebrows; you can feel in your core how little he cares, “but why,” Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, “are you spending your Saturdays reading children’s books? I swear to God I am not trying to offend you, I am just asking.”
“That is none of your business,” Sehun returns his eyes to his book, Kyungsoo bites his tongue in order to not scream in frustration. He fucked up. He fucked up.
He remembers what Baekhyun had said weeks back about having dirt on Sehun and being the winner of this conversation no matter what answer he got, “I have dirt on you,” he is normally very good at threatening people, but now he feels like a nine year old trying to outdo his older brother. “I could easily tell anyone about your hobby and I am sure you would not like that very much. I promise not to judge you if you tell me.”
Sehun scoffs, “you promise not to judge me, but you are still ready to use this situation as a weapon against me for your own personal gain, does not sound genuine to me.”
I really fucked up. I really fucked up. I really fucked up big time. “You should not have read children’s books in public if you wanted it to stay a secret. I told you it was not my intent to offend you.” His confidence is so fake that it almost makes him feel like Baekhyun for a second.
Sehun stands up from his seat, frowning at Kyungsoo, “I read children’s books for personal reasons, it is really not your business, but I am glad to see that you get your confidence boosted by sticking your nose into other people’s personal affairs. Feel free to post it on social media; at least I am not the one having to wipe baby drool off books in my free time to pay for my tuition. Enjoy your day.” He then leaves the library; Kyungsoo drops the book he was holding.
He has to fix the mess he has made. If Sehun was out of reach before he has now managed to transcend into some inhuman level of out-of-reach-ness. Over the next seven days, Kyungsoo tries to gather enough courage to send him an apology over Facebook, but every time he is about to write the message, nervousness overcomes him and he logs out.
“You can only do one thing,” Baekhyun says as they sit in a bar Friday night, “say sorry to him, at least it will cure some of your guilt, I cannot assure you that he will change his mind about you though, you did not make a very good first impression.”
They are both a tad too drunk to have this conversation, but the alcohol also makes it impossible for Kyungsoo to estimate what is sensible and what is not, “what was I supposed to do? He just sat there, we were the only people present and he looked so good, I was curious!”
“You should have just asked him out instead of starting off with such a stupid subject,” Baekhyun scolds him and slaps his arm, Kyungsoo notices that his dorm mate smells an awfully lot like whiskey, “maybe you should ask him out tomorrow? Do not be sad when he turns your offer down, love is not real, it is a social construct created by evil capitalists in order to make all of us suffer.”
“I cannot believe you are still crying about Taeyeon.”
“She was the love of my life! I will never see happiness again!”
Kyungsoo regrets the drinking when he wakes up the next morning more hungover than ever, “hey Baek,” he mumbles, reaching over to kick the other boy with his foot, “what time it is?”
Baekhyun groans and takes out his phone, “it is only 3 PM, why are we up already? Today is my day off.”
“Every day is your day off- Wait 3 PM? I have a shift today; I am going to get fired for being hours late!” Kyungsoo jumps out of bed and throws on the first clothes he spots in his closet, not having enough time to check if the pants and shirt complement each other well or not, “why did my alarm not go off at 10 AM? I hate my life.”
“It did go off you asshat,” Baekhyun mutters from under his duvet, “I had to get up and turn it off by myself because you did not react; you make me suffer so much.”
It takes a lot of deep breathing for Kyungsoo to not scream at Baekhyun for not letting him know when the alarm rang earlier, “anyway I am going to work, I will see your sorry ass later, wish me good luck with Sehun.”
“Do not slam the door on your way out please, thank you and have a nice day!”
Minseok is drinking coffee in the employees’ room when Kyungsoo finally arrives, “before you freak out completely,” he says as Kyungsoo tries to open his mouth, “you are not fired, I called Lu Han to make him take your shift today and I told Mrs Shin that something urgent came up so you could not be here today.”
Taking Minseok (and himself) by surprise, Kyungsoo pulls his co-worker into a tight hug, trying to choke back relieved tears, “I love you so much! I owe you big after this one, do not let me forget.”
“Thanks a lot, but could you please watch out for a second? I am still holding my coffee, also you should thank Lu Han and not me; he did not sound happy when I told him to take your shift last minute. So be nice to him for today at least, if you see him that is.” Minseok gently pushes Kyungsoo away, trying not to spill coffee all over the place in the process.
Kyungsoo gives him a bow before rushing to the children’s department, not knowing if he should apologise to Lu Han or Sehun first. It turns out to be an easy decision, because he runs into Lu Han as soon as he enters the room. The Chinese boy looks at him with a stare that could kill, which is highly unusual, “I am going to call you when you least expect it and I am going to force you to work on a day you had originally planned on spending in bed.”
“I am so sorry,” Kyungsoo exclaims, taking Lu Han’s hands in his, “I’ll do whatever you want me to, I promise you, but I have something else I need to fix first, pardon.”
Lu Han squints his eyes together, “does this happen to involve Oh Sehun?” He does not sound angry anymore, and Kyungsoo is delighted to hear the change of tone in the other man’s voice.”
“Yeah, I made a shit impression last week and I will try to make up for it today. You are the first person to hear if I get roasted in public.” He knows this will make Lu Han happy; he has always been a slut for gossip.
True to his expectations, Lu Han gives him a thumb up before going back to work.
Then Kyungsoo sees Sehun sitting at his usual spot, reading by himself yet again. He looks up to the ceiling and slowly counts to ten before approaching the business heir, “listen.” His voice is shaky, but it is not like he expected it not to be.
Sehun sighs deeply as he removes his eyes from the book and directs them at Kyungsoo instead, “I would rather not.”
“Well,” Kyungsoo is unable to hold eye-contact with Sehun for longer than a second and looks at the book Sehun is reading instead, his eyesight is too bad for him to read what the title says, but the illustration is familiar enough for him to know which one it is; The Little Engine That Could. He read it a lot as a child, “I know I am in no position to demand anything from you, but I still want to say sorry for my blunt behaviour last week.”
“Okay.”
Kyungsoo clenches his fists to keep himself from punching something in frustration; you can do this he reminds himself, “I thought… Maybe we could go drink coffee together. Maybe you would rather like bubble tea, or something else. I will pay. I just really want to say sorry, it was never my intention to offend you and I feel so horrible for threatening to use your fondness of children’s books as a weapon against you.” He lets out a breath as he finishes the sentence; it is too late to turn back now.
“Hm,” Sehun thinks for a terribly long time, “fine, but let me pay; it is obvious that I am the richer one of us anyway.”
“Sure, wait what?” Kyungsoo had not expected Sehun to accept his offer this easily, “you are up for it? Super, uh, where should we go?”
“Let us go for a drink instead; I have not had alcohol for years.”
He wants to object instantly, the headache very much reminding him of what drinking too much too often does to you, but now that it is in Sehun’s company (and with Sehun paying for everything), he does not have the guts to say no.
They end up at a bar that looks a lot more high class than the one Baekhyun and Kyungsoo usually waste their Friday evenings in.
“Do you come here often?” He asks Sehun as they take a seat.
“No, but it is the only place in town I will ever willingly get drunk at, I know most of their bartenders.” Sehun smiles as the man behind the counter approaches them, Kyungsoo does not ask from where the younger has made such friendships.
“Long time no see Sehun, who is the big eyed one you dragged along?” the bartender says in accented Korean, it sounds a lot like Lu Han’s way of talking, hence Kyungsoo estimates Sehun’s friend to be Chinese too.
Sehun shrugs, “I was busy with school; you know how my father is with things like that. This is,” he frowns at Kyungsoo, “actually I do not know his name,” he frowns even harder when he apparently realises that they have not introduced themselves to each other at all, “do you know my name?”
“Sehun,” Kyungsoo states, “most people do. My name is Kyungsoo; I kind of forgot that we do not wear nametags at the library.”
Looking back at the bartender Sehun runs his fingers through his hair, “of course you did, anyway this is Zitao; he is an exchange student from China.” He shrugs when Zitao bursts into laughter, “Kyungsoo and I met at the library; he offended me and wanted to invite me out to make up for it. I am obviously still the one paying since I see no reason in wasting all his money on drinks.”
Zitao nods, “so should I get you the usual?”
“Yeah, we will both have that.”
Kyungsoo nudges Sehun’s shoulder, “what is the usual drink for you?”
“To be fair I have absolutely no idea,” Sehun confesses, “but it is good.”
Sehun is terrible at holding his alcohol; after four shots he is completely gone. “It is funny,” he says and places his hand on Kyungsoo’s hair, “you are actually kind of cute in lighting like this. No, not cute, you are what would be defined as good-looking right now.”
Kyungsoo, who has only had one drink, does not mention that there is close to no lighting in the bar, but he decides to just accept the compliment instead, “you look good all the time.” It does not matter what he says, Sehun is piss drunk and seemingly still not done pouring shots down his throat, he will not be able to remember anything tomorrow.
“That means a lot to me,” Sehun hiccups, “I mean it. Like, at the library today I read that book, what is it called…? The Little Engine That Could, mhm. It is about this train that has to believe in itself in order to drive to the top of a mountain. Just like how I have to believe in myself in order to look good." He asks Zitao to get him another drink, the Chinese bartender looks like he wants to tell his friend to stop, but does not.
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo mumbles, asking for a drink more as well, “children’s books, personal therapy I see.”
“You do not know the full story so shut up,” Sehun fires back as he finishes another shot in one take, “I could tell you everything but it would just make you sad,” tears appear in his eyes and Kyungsoo leans forward to wipe them away. “You know the rich kid cliché already; there is no need to elaborate. My father works a lot, always have, always will, so he was never home much when I grew up, who would have thought?” He starts to cry harder and Kyungsoo, who is shit at comforting other people, places his hand on the heir’s back as some way of reassuring him that everything will be all right. “So there were so many expectations,” Sehun chokes back a sob as he takes another sip from his drink, “and because I am a terrible son I could never live up to any of them. My parents only have one child you know; no matter what they did, I was the only one who could take over my dad’s company. I think he regrets not getting more children when he still could.” He drinks the remains of his shot, “smart as I am I decided to come out as bisexual to my parents two years ago, because what could go wrong, right? Everything, that is what could go wrong, and everything did go wrong. My father threatened to kick me out if I ever acted upon my queer sexual preferences, so I tried my best to keep it hidden from everyone, but it was as if our relationship was already too broken to be fixed, if you get what I am saying?”
Kyungsoo has subconsciously moved a lot closer to Sehun, his right hand placed on the younger man’s thigh as some kind of comfort, he has no idea if it works the way he intended, but Sehun has not shoved him away yet, and that must mean something. “I know how you feel, I came out as gay to my parents in 7th grade and my very Christian mother had a hard time accepting it.”
“Mother,” Sehun repeats the word to himself in a melancholic tone, “mine passed away in a car accident shortly after I came out, and my dad blamed it on my sexuality. That did not exactly strengthen our relationship either.”
Jesus Christ, Kyungsoo needs another drink, he had hoped this night would free him from guilt as Sehun would hopefully forgive him sooner or later, instead he only feels even worse for confronting Sehun about such a sensitive subject, “I am so sorry for what I said last week.”
“It is not like it was your intent to offend me, you said so yourself,” Sehun rests his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder; he feels his entire body freeze at the action, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he has never experienced it before. “you saw a 22 year old sit by himself in the library reading children’s books, who would not have confronted said person about that?”
“I am still sorry for being so blunt about if, had I known everything you have just told me…” Kyungsoo trails off before he gets to finish his sentence, Sehun still has not explained what exactly his tragic past has to do with the children’s books, but that part of the story is probably soon to come.
Sehun sighs deeply as he dries his eyes, “my father obviously never read to me when I was younger, my mum was too busy hanging out with her friends or shopping to care much for bedtime stories. We have had billions of house cleaners trying to take care of me but I rejected all of them. After I learned to read in school I started reading bedtime stories by myself instead, I had no one else to do it for me,” his voice cracks at the last word, the subject obviously triggering a lot of bad memories and emotions, which Kyungsoo does not feel like asking about right now. “So I still read children’s books by myself to calm down in stressful times, we do not have books like that at home anymore, so I need to go to the library in order to read them.”
“You still live with your father? I am not saying it is wrong or anything, if my parents lived nearby in a mansion I would live there too. I just thought, you know, since your relationship is not good.” Kyungsoo tries his best to not offend Sehun more than he already has; they are physically so close right now that it would be idiotic to ruin everything with a stupid comment.
Sehun shakes his head, his hair brushing against Kyungsoo’s neck, “our house is right outside Seoul, my father lives in France with his new wife these days, so I basically live alone, with the exceptions of the maids my dad still pays for. It is convenient for throwing parties. Also it is convenient because I cannot do anything by myself and I still read children’s books and I am the reason my mother died.”
They sit in silence for a while, Kyungsoo can definitely feel the alcohol slowly taking over his body as well, Sehun’s head still rests on his shoulder, it is so nice and he cannot help but feel sad at the thought of all this being forgotten tomorrow when they are both sober again. “Hey Sehun,” he mumbles, debating whether he should or should not ask for another drink, “you were totally right about The Little Engine That Could.”
“What?”
“Of course you can do anything by yourself! You just have to believe, like the engine in the book. How does it go again? In the book the train says ‘I think I can, I think I can’ to itself in order to reach the top of the mountain. If you believe in yourself you can do anything you want, like the engine.”
“I am drunker than I have been in years,” Sehun removes his head from Kyungsoo’s shoulder so he can look him in the eyes, “but I can still say that that is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard.”
“No,” Kyungsoo mumbles, grabbing Sehun’s shoulders for dramatic effect, “you have to think like the train the next time your father tries to be rude to you or when you think you cannot live up to his expectations. ‘I think I can, I think I can’, and then you can.”
Sehun looks back to his drink, “that’s so deep, are you majoring in philosophy?”
“English literature.”
“What the fuck?”
They decide to leave the bar after that, Kyungsoo follows Sehun home, partly because he is unsure of whether Sehun will make it home safely without him or not, and partly because he does not feel ready to say goodbye to drunk-Sehun-who-actually-likes-and-appreciates-Kyungsoo yet.
He knows he made the right decision when they reach Sehun’s doorstep and the young heir takes a step forward to kiss Kyungsoo on the lips before making his way inside.
Completely dumbfounded by the situation, Kyungsoo yells “remember to think like the little engine!” before Sehun shuts the door behind him. Kyungsoo is flying on a pink cloud on his way back to his dorm.
A week passes and they do not see each other once. Kyungsoo has yet to build up enough courage to send Sehun a friend request on Facebook (or send him a message for that matter), and Sehun takes no initiative to communicate either, so nothing happens. The pink cloud Kyungsoo flew home on has vanished completely.
Instead of avoiding Saturday shifts, Kyungsoo has started willingly taking every weekend afternoon shift he possibly can, even if it involves working with Lu Han. This is obviously only because he knows a certain person will be sitting with a children’s book in front of him by his usual table at 5 PM every Saturday.
The Saturday that comes a week after they got drunk at the bar is no exception. Sehun shows up as he usually does, but does not even bother to look at Kyungsoo in the process.
“Apply water to the burned area,” Lu Han whispers as his shift ends and he is free to leave the library, winking at Kyungsoo on his way out.
Kyungsoo does not know what to do, he had been well aware of the fact that Sehun was drunk when they talked and kissed last week, he knew that what happened between them would most likely be forgotten, but it still hurts when he tries to greet Sehun and does not receive any reply. There are no other part-time university students in sight, so he decides to text Baekhyun for advice instead.
Do Kyungsoo: Sehun’s reading stupid books again and I hate it. He ignores me.
Byun Baekhyun: I told you love wasn’t real :’(
Do Kyungsoo: Ok but friendship, is friendship real???
Byun Baekhyun: Nothing is real.
Byun Baekhyun: And give that loser another book, it’s not like reading nursery rhymes is better for u than 50 shades
Do Kyungsoo: Go get some fresh air.
He hates to admit it but Baekhyun kind of has a point. He looks back at Sehun who is still busy reading some stupid children’s book whilst ignoring the shit out of Kyungsoo.
He takes a deep breath before walking out of the children’s department and into the adults’ one instead. It does not take him more than a few minutes to get the book he needs before he goes back to face Sehun again.
“I usually could not care less about what forms of literature people take interest in,” he stares at the ground instead of the other boy, it is too embarrassing, “but since you, if you remember, told me the entire story behind your children’s book addiction I thought I would give you something else to read instead. It is your choice in the end.” He reaches out his hand for Sehun to take the book he is holding.
“Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami,” the heir reads the title and even though Kyungsoo cannot see his face (his own eyes still directed to the ground), he can feel Sehun staring at him with that unimpressed look he always gives people around him, “why would I read this?”
Kyungsoo shrugs, “as I said it is not my job to decide what you read. I just thought it would give you a bit confidence to seek comfort in books that fit your age group a bit more. Since we do not know each other well yet I had no idea what genre you enjoy, besides nursery rhymes of course, but I like this book so I thought you might like it too.”
Sehun frowns, Kyungsoo can finally see that because he lifts his head up slowly after speaking, “whatever, I will take it with me; I won’t promise you that I will read it though. If it is not schoolwork I do not read longer books.”
“Think of the little engine from the book?” Kyungsoo tries to give Sehun a smile but it turns out horribly awkward, “if you think you can then you can.” He wants to hit himself in the face in the shovel, “anyway! I could recommend you a book that might fit your preferred genre better, the problem is that we do not know each other that well yet and the last time we hung out we got very drunk so maybe we should hang out again,” he takes another deep breath, “without the alcohol.”
The silence that follows makes Kyungsoo more anxious than ever, it was stupid to get his hopes up in the first place, “sure,” he nearly jumps off the ground when Sehun answers, “let us go for bubble tea then, I love that shit.”
“You want to? That is great, I just need my shift to end first so if you can wait for like half an hour more? You can begin reading the book I gave you.”
“Sure, whatever.”
Do Kyungsoo: I did what you said and gave him another book, we’re going on a date. Love is real after all, thank you.
Byun Baekhyun: oh my god brb im going 2 cry that’s so cute I’ll write amazing fanfics about you two.
Do Kyungsoo: I am scarred for life :)
Apparently Sehun has tried every single bubble tea place in this part of Seoul because he is able to give Kyungsoo detailed reviews of every single one they pass on their way to the ‘best bubble tea café in the universe’ as the younger put it.
In the end they enter a small shop hidden on one of the district’s smaller roads, a pastel mint covers the walls, and Kyungsoo swears he hears Kyary Pamyu Pamyu playing in the background, “fits the entire children’s book atmosphere you seem to enjoy so much,” he mumbles and gets an angry glare from Sehun.
“I am friends with the girl who works here, that is all,” Sehun waves to a tall girl standing behind the counter, her nametag reads ‘Mijoo’ and she has a big smile plastered across her face, “hi Mijoo,” he greets her as they approach the menu cards, “I will have mango peach tea with strawberry bubbles.” He turns to Kyungsoo, “and you want?”
It is slightly embarrassing because he has only had bubble tea once or twice before so he has absolutely no idea about what tastes good and what does not, “uh the same as you, I trust your knowledge about this.”
Sehun nods at Mijoo who starts preparing their drinks.
After getting their bubble teas, they sit down in a booth as far away from the counter and as close to the windows as possible, Kyungsoo dislikes the thought of someone else listening to what they are going to talk about. “Okay,” he mumbles after taking a sip from his drink (it does taste quite good, he will thank Sehun later), “I do not know how much you remember from our drunk night out. I do however know that you were a lot more tipsy than me, so I doubt it is a lot, which is why I am telling you this: you told me your tragic backstory, we came out to each other, you kissed me in front of your house.”
Sehun nearly chokes on his drink, “do you not have any shame? Do not bring things like that up in public!”
“I can assure you I have a lot more shame than most of my friends, if you want to meet someone shameless you should meet Lu Han-. That is not what this is about, this is about you and me kissing and I want to know what that means to you because it means a lot more to me than I would like to admit.” He says the words so fast he feels breathless at the end of his sentence, his heart beating so loudly he fears that Sehun might be able to hear it too.
The frighteningly familiar silence from earlier reappears, Kyungsoo once again feels like he is about to die only to be positively surprised, “of course it means a lot to me too.” Sehun mutters and looks to the table, “I guess I just thought that since you heard everything about my past last week you would know why I like to keep a low profile in public.” Their eyes meet and Kyungsoo’s heart only beats faster, “what I am trying to say with all of this is that I really enjoyed last week. I was drunk but I remember most of it, I definitely remember the kiss and it has not left my mind for a second ever since.” Kyary Pamyu Pamyu still plays in the background and it is totally ruining the romantic mood. “You know my father’s view on my sexuality so you also know why I did not call you back the next morning or something like that, even though I wanted to.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes are locked on his bubble tea drink as he tries to hide his blushing cheeks, “but would you kiss me again if you got the chance.”
“I would,” Sehun does not say anything for a few seconds, “in private.”
In lack of anything better or more comforting to say, Kyungsoo finds himself making a reference that is getting excessively stupid by now, “okay but think of The Little Engine That Could, you can learn to be gay in public if you believe in yourself. Oh my God that was so stupid; Baekhyun and Lu Han would probably say something like that too, yikes.”
Fortunately Sehun is laughing, “You have talked about that train so much so I would say it sounds like something you definitely would say.”
This time Sehun is the one who walks Kyungsoo home, everything is different this time, probably because they are sober and Sehun does not need assistance to walk properly, but also because they are on better terms with each other now than they were a week ago.
“Thank you.”
Kyungsoo is about to unlock his door when he hears Sehun mumble from behind him, “what did you say?”
Sehun grimaces, “I said thank you, you have been nice even though I have acted like a douche.”
“You have been a douche? I think that name belongs to me.” Kyungsoo lets go of his keys and lets them hang in the keyhole as he takes a step closer to Sehun. “The ‘thank you’ is however gladly accepted, so thank you to you too.”
They are standing frighteningly close; Kyungsoo can almost feel Sehun’s breath on his forehead. I suppose I only have one chance, he thinks to himself as he leans forward (and upward) to place another kiss on Sehun’s lips. The other boy does not flinch away as Kyungsoo had feared. He kisses back instead, and everything feels as it had felt two weeks ago, only without the lingering taste of vodka shots.
“Wow, wow, wow! I told you to give him a new book not to make out with him in our entrance!” Baekhyun’s loud voice ruins the moment, Sehun takes a step back and stares at Kyungsoo’s roommate with wide eyes.
“Do not worry,” is what Kyungsoo says even though he realises it sounds kind of stupid when the words leave his mouth, “uh, Baekhyun is not going to tell anyone, are you?” He raises his eyebrows at his friend, hoping it sounds as much as a threat as he wants it to.
Baekhyun holds up his hands and shakes his head, “no way man. I just do not want to walk in on you ever again, so please finish your profane activities out here; I will go inside and watch TV.”
Sehun hides his face in his palms, “I know I said I would kiss you again but I was serious when I said it would preferably be in private.”
Kyungsoo nods, “I was also serious when I said Baekhyun would keep this a secret, he can be an ass at times but he is a good friend.”
“Good because I am not interested in the entire world knowing that I am gay and that I hooked up with you in front of your apartment.”
“As I think I said earlier, we will take small steps and then in the end you will be able to kiss me in public, just like how the little engine-,”
“Mention that stupid engine one more time and I will never even look at you again.”
title: The Little Engine That Could
prompt number: 146
rating: PG-13
length: ~8.3k
summary: Sehun comes to the library every Saturday to read children’s books, all Kyungsoo wants to know is why.
warnings: Off-screen domestic abuse (psychological trauma), homophobia, swearing, alcohol, sexual innuendos ;)
notes: Dear prompter, THANK YOU a million times for leaving this amazing prompt ahhh ;; I'm sorry if I didn't do it justice, but I really tried my best!! I know the max rating was NC-17 but I can't write smut to save my life, so yeah it'll have to stay at PG-13, I hope you're not too disappointed :’(
The Little Engine That Could
Kyungsoo has only worked part-time at the library for two weeks, his job mainly consists of putting turned in books back in place. It was never his ideal job, but his dorm mate Baekhyun had mentioned student loans and Kyungsoo had had to leave the room and count to ten before he could think clearly again. Then Baekhyun talked about how Kyungsoo was a big fan of placing things in order based on alphabetic listing or colours, and in the end Kyungsoo decided to try the job out; after all it could not be worse than begging his parents for money to pay off the loans.
Fortunately, it turned out that a few other university students worked part-time at the library too, the most remarkable ones being the ever arguing Lu Han and Minseok who for some reason stuck together despite never agreeing on anything.
Today is his first weekend shift, he has known about it coming up for over a week, but that obviously does not keep him from getting drunk with Baekhyun on Friday, something he only feels even worse about when he realises where in the library he has to work the entire Saturday.
The children’s department of the library happens to be exactly everything Kyungsoo hates and more. One thing is being at work on a Saturday afternoon with a hangover, another thing is the screaming children and the constant giggles from Lu Han who apparently finds the situation extremely amusing. At least Minseok gives him a sympathetic look before making his way to a middle-aged woman who cannot find whatever she is looking for.
“I see you had fun yesterday,” Lu Han winks at Kyungsoo, “any hot girls?”
“It was just me and my dorm mate at a bar; also you know how gay I am so why do you keep asking?” Kyungsoo lowers his voice at the end of the sentence, feeling rather awkward discussing private matters in public settings; he however knows that Lu Han has absolutely no filter when it comes to differentiating between what to address in public and what to keep behind closed doors.
“Yeah okay I recall you saying that, any hot guys then?”
“It was really just me and my dorm mate,” Kyungsoo makes a face at the thought of making out with Baekhyun, “so, negative.”
Lu Han shrugs apologetically, as if it somehow is his fault, “your time will come.”
Conversations with Lu Han are always slightly livelier than conversations with the other part-time workers at the library. Mainly because Kyungsoo somewhat knows Lu Han from campus; they are both students at Yonsei University, and they are both studying liberal arts (Lu Han has never told him this, but Kyungsoo has seen him at the faculty a few times). However, exactly what Lu Han majors in he does not know. Kyungsoo studies English language and literature, yet another reason Baekhyun had suggested working at a library.
At times Lu Han is a great friend too because they both have family far away from Seoul; Lu Han’s in Beijing, Kyungsoo’s in Busan. Most of his friends are all from the capital, which makes feel a bit like an outsider at times.
When his watch finally tells him that it is 5 PM and there is only one hour left of his shift, Kyungsoo feels like crying out in happiness as he takes a seat on a couch beside Lu Han who is busy trying to wipe drool stains off a book, “I am never having kids.”
“I know right,” the library is almost empty by now, most families with children are home preparing dinner at this hour instead of reading books, Kyungsoo is thankful for that, “not like I could-“
Lu Han drops the book he is holding, cutting Kyungsoo off, “hey is that not that guy from Yonsei whose dad owns some worldwide company, what was his name again?”
Kyungsoo looks up and spots the person Lu Han talked about, “Oh Sehun?” Unlike his co-worker he makes sure to whisper, “yeah he studies at Yonsei too, no big deal.”
Lu Han frowns, “no big deal? Every girl wants to fuck him, he swims in money, and he has a great fashion sense, did I forget to mention that he is in a children’s library by himself on a Saturday afternoon? Who does that?”
To tell the truth many young adults in Seoul know Oh Sehun quite well, mainly (as Lu Han had mentioned) because he is the heir of a big company and has more money than a normal person would ever see in their lifetime. “Why do you care? It is none of your business,” Kyungsoo is only trying to brush it off in order to hide his own fascination. People do not lie when they say Sehun is attractive, he is definitely Kyungsoo’s type, but it is a crush you never get a chance to act upon because the other person is significantly out of your league (and lacks the right sexual orientation).
“He is majoring in dance is he not? No wonder he has a body like that, look at his butt,” Lu Han’s voice is a tad too loud and Kyungsoo slaps his arm, “what?! I am just pointing it out.”
Kyungsoo gets up from his seating position on the couch to excuse himself to the bathroom, praying to God that Lu Han does not do something out-of-this-world embarrassing while he is gone. He receives a message on Facebook as soon as he has left the children’s department.
Lu Han: u think he's hot don't you ;)
Do Kyungsoo: ?? He’s conventionally attractive but I wouldn’t bang him
Lu Han: slanderous lies
Lu Han: lol he’s reading children’s books by himself u gotta see this come back plz
He puts his phone back in his pocket and tries to look as indifferent as possible when he walks back to Lu Han who apparently is still wiping drool off books. It turns out the Chinese boy did not lie; Sehun is sitting by himself a few metres away from the couch Kyungsoo sat in earlier, reading by himself.
“Are you sure it is a book for children?”
“Hundred percent positive,” Lu Han looks up, “he grabbed one from the bookcase over there before sitting down, if I posted a picture on my Naver blog I would become a celebrity within seconds for having dirt like this on Oh Sehun of all people.”
“Why in the world…” Kyungsoo trails off before he gets his sentence finished, too preoccupied by observing the heir in front of him (and trying to do so without seeming like a creep). Sehun has all the physical traits that make Kyungsoo’s heart beat faster: the bleached hair, the tall and thin frame, his sharp facial features.
He nearly gets a heart attack when Sehun stands up to leave, the blond boy definitely has a very nice ass too, and Kyungsoo has been staring the entire time.
“You were totally staring at his butt when he left!” Lu Han puts his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder; he quickly shoves him off, “so you would bang him!”
Kyungsoo low-key wants to die, “do not shout about things like that! We could get fired if somebody heard you scream about having sex in a children’s library, this is why Minseok is angry with you twenty-four seven!”
Lu Han just rolls his eyes, “whatever, you have got the hots for Oh Sehun. Do not worry my friend, you can trust me, I will keep my mouth shut.”
“For a billion reasons I am having a hard time believing that.” As he walks by the table Sehun had sat by, he cannot not notice the very fragrant scent of cologne the business heir has left behind.
As much as Baekhyun can be an absolute torment at times, Kyungsoo estimates he would rather talk to his dorm mate about Sehun than exchange another word with Lu Han about the issue. Just as Kyungsoo had expected, Baekhyun simply laughs when he hears the story from the library, “you are thirsty for Oh Sehun? Good luck with that buddy, from what I know he only has eyes for himself.”
The annoying thing is that Kyungsoo knows he has no chance at all with Sehun, but he feels like it is something he does not have an exact control over, “listen I know, but this is about more than me finding him conventionally attractive-“
“You talked about his ass for three minutes. That does not sound like conventional attraction to me.”
“-it is about a university student spending his Saturday afternoon reading children’s books. From the vague information Lu Han gave me about him it sounds like every girl between age 18 and 30 want to fuck him, which is why I find it odd that he was at the library instead of making out with a chick somewhere.” Kyungsoo realises telling Baekhyun all this was a big mistake, mentally reminding himself that he should never tell anyone about anything ever again.
Baekhyun laughs once more, shaking his head in the process, “you know, just ask the kid the next time you see him, I know he is semi-famous for being rich and all that, but no matter the outcome of your conversation you remain the winner. You have dirt on him now, he is the one who read a children’s book in public. You could also message him on Facebook, you will probably make him pee his pants.”
“I cannot believe you just called him a kid, is he not the same age as us?”
“What the fuck, no? He is like two years younger.”
“Still looks older than you.”
“Fuck off, I hate you.”
It is embarrassing as Hell and he will never tell anyone about it ever, but Kyungsoo spends roughly thirty minutes that evening stalking Sehun on various social media. He has many Instagram followers, it is no surprise, he is pretty photogenic (are all hot people not?), though he has not posted a whole lot yet.
It is with a racing heart Kyungsoo finds him on Facebook, fearing accidently sending a friend request and ruining his chances of ever getting to know the guy. What is up with the children’s books then? Kyungsoo finds himself asking that question for the billionth time, sighing as he sets his alarm to 6:30 AM.
He gets a message a few seconds later.
Kim Minseok: Lu Han told me you guys saw Sehun at the library today, I told him not to think much of it, he’s been reading children’s books there every Saturday since the semester started. Good luck getting in his pants.
Kyungsoo groans, he is not ready for Lu Han teasing him about Sehun’s presence every Saturday. He needs to switch his shifts in order to avoid the children’s department on weekends, or at least to avoid sharing a shift with Lu Han ever again for the rest of his life.
Three more Saturdays pass, the first time Kyungsoo is lucky enough to share a shift with Minseok only, who has switched shifts with Lu Han last minute because the Chinese had to go back to Beijing for a family reunion or something. Whatever the reason is, Kyungsoo is thankful.
Working with Minseok is almost like working alone, he rarely talks to anyone but a million mothers needing advice on which books to bring home for their children constantly surround him.
Kyungsoo blames his colleague’s popularity on his charming face. Due to his bad eyesight, Kyungsoo has to squint his eyes a lot in order to focus and therefore tends to give off an intimidating first impression. It does not work well with children he figures.
“You look like a penguin!” A small girl with messy pigtails laughs as she points at Kyungsoo, “Mum, he is like Pororo!” Her mother quickly encourages the girl to stay quiet before sending Kyungsoo an apologetic look. He shrugs back at her; children are and will always be a nuisance.
Sehun shows up at 5 PM, exactly as he did last week. Kyungsoo catches himself flashing a grin at the sight, something he would not have noticed if Minseok was not nice enough to point it out.
“He is reading ‘Guess How Much I Love You’,” his co-worker winks at him before making his way to a bookcase a few metres behind Sehun’s spot, “he would be my ideal guy too if I swung that way.”
“Shut up,” Kyungsoo hisses back, awkwardly smiling at Sehun who looks up due to the sudden noise, they are the only ones in the children’s department yet again, all families being at home cooking dinner.
Minseok is busy putting books back in their alphabetical order as Kyungsoo approaches him; he is known to be an even bigger clean freak than Kyungsoo is, so he always does his work way faster than the rest of the part-time workers do, “are you just going to watch him from afar every time he comes here?” Minseok is, unlike Lu Han, smart and thoughtful enough to whisper.
“What do you want me to do? Tell him that I think his affection for children’s literature is weird and then leave? Sounds like a genius ice-breaker; you always know what to say.” Kyungsoo definitely sees the way Minseok simply rolls his eyes before putting his focus back on the books, but he acts as if he does not notice the gesture, “Are you not single anyway? What do you know about approaching people you like without fucking everything up?”
Minseok shrugs, not removing his gaze from the bookcase, “just because I am single at the moment it does not mean I have never been in a relationship. I know enough to tell you that you have to at least try in order for it to work out,” he hands a book to Kyungsoo, “take this to the adults’ department, it does not belong here.”
Kyungsoo looks down on the novel; the title is not even in Korean, “whatever.” He does not look back when Minseok scolds him for speaking rudely to his elders.
When he comes back to the children’s department Sehun is nowhere to be seen.
The next Saturday he is greeted at the entrance of the library by Lu Han’s dumb face, “good afternoon to you too,” The Chinese man does not try to hide how offended he is when Kyungsoo walks right past him without as much as a nod.
“Baekhyun’s girlfriend dumped him,” Kyungsoo explains as they enter the children’s department together, “he cried all night, I am not in the mood for your loud behaviour.”
Lu Han is incapable of taking a hint and pulls Kyungsoo into an awkward hug instead, “I heard from Minseok that you did not pull a move on Sehun last week so I will help you today. As a manly man who has had a lot of luck with the ladies I see myself as a professional in this field.”
“Please just leave me alone, do you not have books to wipe drool off-,” he is interrupted as he walks straight into someone who is a lot taller than he is, sending him stumbling into Lu Han. He looks up and is greeted by Oh Sehun, Kyungsoo feels his cheeks redden and he instantly hurries to the nearest bookshelf to begin his shift. He hears Lu Han swear at Sehun in Mandarin behind him, it makes him want to crawl into a hole and disappear.
The entire event apparently results in Lu Han being very pissed off at Sehun; Kyungsoo avoids them both for the rest of the day. Then Minseok arrives an hour later and immediately begins to argue with Lu Han about a book that is placed in the wrong section.
Kyungsoo spots Sehun leaving the library earlier than usual, probably scared away by the sudden argument.
The third Saturday ‘neither Sehun nor Minseok work at the children’s department, despite a little boy wailing loudly beside him Kyungsoo cannot help but feel relieved and thankful. This time he shares a shift with a girl named Bae Joohyun, he has only seen her a few times before and it does not matter much because she stays quiet for the entire shift, silently walking back and forth between bookcases, greeting a few children from time to time.
Sehun arrives earlier than usual, Kyungsoo watches him from afar as usual, he is unsure of whether Joohyun notices or not, she keeps her mouth shut if she does.
He cannot take it anymore. It has become too much for him to handle, Kyungsoo decides a week later when it is just him and Sehun in the children’s library. He has done nothing for too long, and it is impossible for him to just stare at Sehun today when there are no other people he can hide behind; so he walks up to the table Sehun sits at and waits for the heir to notice his presence.
When Sehun finally glances up from his book, Kyungsoo finds himself at a loss of words; he should probably have rehearsed this before carelessly throwing himself into a conversation with his crush. “I do not want this to come off as rude,” he stutters through the sentence, he blames it on Sehun’s way of raising his eyebrows; you can feel in your core how little he cares, “but why,” Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, “are you spending your Saturdays reading children’s books? I swear to God I am not trying to offend you, I am just asking.”
“That is none of your business,” Sehun returns his eyes to his book, Kyungsoo bites his tongue in order to not scream in frustration. He fucked up. He fucked up.
He remembers what Baekhyun had said weeks back about having dirt on Sehun and being the winner of this conversation no matter what answer he got, “I have dirt on you,” he is normally very good at threatening people, but now he feels like a nine year old trying to outdo his older brother. “I could easily tell anyone about your hobby and I am sure you would not like that very much. I promise not to judge you if you tell me.”
Sehun scoffs, “you promise not to judge me, but you are still ready to use this situation as a weapon against me for your own personal gain, does not sound genuine to me.”
I really fucked up. I really fucked up. I really fucked up big time. “You should not have read children’s books in public if you wanted it to stay a secret. I told you it was not my intent to offend you.” His confidence is so fake that it almost makes him feel like Baekhyun for a second.
Sehun stands up from his seat, frowning at Kyungsoo, “I read children’s books for personal reasons, it is really not your business, but I am glad to see that you get your confidence boosted by sticking your nose into other people’s personal affairs. Feel free to post it on social media; at least I am not the one having to wipe baby drool off books in my free time to pay for my tuition. Enjoy your day.” He then leaves the library; Kyungsoo drops the book he was holding.
He has to fix the mess he has made. If Sehun was out of reach before he has now managed to transcend into some inhuman level of out-of-reach-ness. Over the next seven days, Kyungsoo tries to gather enough courage to send him an apology over Facebook, but every time he is about to write the message, nervousness overcomes him and he logs out.
“You can only do one thing,” Baekhyun says as they sit in a bar Friday night, “say sorry to him, at least it will cure some of your guilt, I cannot assure you that he will change his mind about you though, you did not make a very good first impression.”
They are both a tad too drunk to have this conversation, but the alcohol also makes it impossible for Kyungsoo to estimate what is sensible and what is not, “what was I supposed to do? He just sat there, we were the only people present and he looked so good, I was curious!”
“You should have just asked him out instead of starting off with such a stupid subject,” Baekhyun scolds him and slaps his arm, Kyungsoo notices that his dorm mate smells an awfully lot like whiskey, “maybe you should ask him out tomorrow? Do not be sad when he turns your offer down, love is not real, it is a social construct created by evil capitalists in order to make all of us suffer.”
“I cannot believe you are still crying about Taeyeon.”
“She was the love of my life! I will never see happiness again!”
Kyungsoo regrets the drinking when he wakes up the next morning more hungover than ever, “hey Baek,” he mumbles, reaching over to kick the other boy with his foot, “what time it is?”
Baekhyun groans and takes out his phone, “it is only 3 PM, why are we up already? Today is my day off.”
“Every day is your day off- Wait 3 PM? I have a shift today; I am going to get fired for being hours late!” Kyungsoo jumps out of bed and throws on the first clothes he spots in his closet, not having enough time to check if the pants and shirt complement each other well or not, “why did my alarm not go off at 10 AM? I hate my life.”
“It did go off you asshat,” Baekhyun mutters from under his duvet, “I had to get up and turn it off by myself because you did not react; you make me suffer so much.”
It takes a lot of deep breathing for Kyungsoo to not scream at Baekhyun for not letting him know when the alarm rang earlier, “anyway I am going to work, I will see your sorry ass later, wish me good luck with Sehun.”
“Do not slam the door on your way out please, thank you and have a nice day!”
Minseok is drinking coffee in the employees’ room when Kyungsoo finally arrives, “before you freak out completely,” he says as Kyungsoo tries to open his mouth, “you are not fired, I called Lu Han to make him take your shift today and I told Mrs Shin that something urgent came up so you could not be here today.”
Taking Minseok (and himself) by surprise, Kyungsoo pulls his co-worker into a tight hug, trying to choke back relieved tears, “I love you so much! I owe you big after this one, do not let me forget.”
“Thanks a lot, but could you please watch out for a second? I am still holding my coffee, also you should thank Lu Han and not me; he did not sound happy when I told him to take your shift last minute. So be nice to him for today at least, if you see him that is.” Minseok gently pushes Kyungsoo away, trying not to spill coffee all over the place in the process.
Kyungsoo gives him a bow before rushing to the children’s department, not knowing if he should apologise to Lu Han or Sehun first. It turns out to be an easy decision, because he runs into Lu Han as soon as he enters the room. The Chinese boy looks at him with a stare that could kill, which is highly unusual, “I am going to call you when you least expect it and I am going to force you to work on a day you had originally planned on spending in bed.”
“I am so sorry,” Kyungsoo exclaims, taking Lu Han’s hands in his, “I’ll do whatever you want me to, I promise you, but I have something else I need to fix first, pardon.”
Lu Han squints his eyes together, “does this happen to involve Oh Sehun?” He does not sound angry anymore, and Kyungsoo is delighted to hear the change of tone in the other man’s voice.”
“Yeah, I made a shit impression last week and I will try to make up for it today. You are the first person to hear if I get roasted in public.” He knows this will make Lu Han happy; he has always been a slut for gossip.
True to his expectations, Lu Han gives him a thumb up before going back to work.
Then Kyungsoo sees Sehun sitting at his usual spot, reading by himself yet again. He looks up to the ceiling and slowly counts to ten before approaching the business heir, “listen.” His voice is shaky, but it is not like he expected it not to be.
Sehun sighs deeply as he removes his eyes from the book and directs them at Kyungsoo instead, “I would rather not.”
“Well,” Kyungsoo is unable to hold eye-contact with Sehun for longer than a second and looks at the book Sehun is reading instead, his eyesight is too bad for him to read what the title says, but the illustration is familiar enough for him to know which one it is; The Little Engine That Could. He read it a lot as a child, “I know I am in no position to demand anything from you, but I still want to say sorry for my blunt behaviour last week.”
“Okay.”
Kyungsoo clenches his fists to keep himself from punching something in frustration; you can do this he reminds himself, “I thought… Maybe we could go drink coffee together. Maybe you would rather like bubble tea, or something else. I will pay. I just really want to say sorry, it was never my intention to offend you and I feel so horrible for threatening to use your fondness of children’s books as a weapon against you.” He lets out a breath as he finishes the sentence; it is too late to turn back now.
“Hm,” Sehun thinks for a terribly long time, “fine, but let me pay; it is obvious that I am the richer one of us anyway.”
“Sure, wait what?” Kyungsoo had not expected Sehun to accept his offer this easily, “you are up for it? Super, uh, where should we go?”
“Let us go for a drink instead; I have not had alcohol for years.”
He wants to object instantly, the headache very much reminding him of what drinking too much too often does to you, but now that it is in Sehun’s company (and with Sehun paying for everything), he does not have the guts to say no.
They end up at a bar that looks a lot more high class than the one Baekhyun and Kyungsoo usually waste their Friday evenings in.
“Do you come here often?” He asks Sehun as they take a seat.
“No, but it is the only place in town I will ever willingly get drunk at, I know most of their bartenders.” Sehun smiles as the man behind the counter approaches them, Kyungsoo does not ask from where the younger has made such friendships.
“Long time no see Sehun, who is the big eyed one you dragged along?” the bartender says in accented Korean, it sounds a lot like Lu Han’s way of talking, hence Kyungsoo estimates Sehun’s friend to be Chinese too.
Sehun shrugs, “I was busy with school; you know how my father is with things like that. This is,” he frowns at Kyungsoo, “actually I do not know his name,” he frowns even harder when he apparently realises that they have not introduced themselves to each other at all, “do you know my name?”
“Sehun,” Kyungsoo states, “most people do. My name is Kyungsoo; I kind of forgot that we do not wear nametags at the library.”
Looking back at the bartender Sehun runs his fingers through his hair, “of course you did, anyway this is Zitao; he is an exchange student from China.” He shrugs when Zitao bursts into laughter, “Kyungsoo and I met at the library; he offended me and wanted to invite me out to make up for it. I am obviously still the one paying since I see no reason in wasting all his money on drinks.”
Zitao nods, “so should I get you the usual?”
“Yeah, we will both have that.”
Kyungsoo nudges Sehun’s shoulder, “what is the usual drink for you?”
“To be fair I have absolutely no idea,” Sehun confesses, “but it is good.”
Sehun is terrible at holding his alcohol; after four shots he is completely gone. “It is funny,” he says and places his hand on Kyungsoo’s hair, “you are actually kind of cute in lighting like this. No, not cute, you are what would be defined as good-looking right now.”
Kyungsoo, who has only had one drink, does not mention that there is close to no lighting in the bar, but he decides to just accept the compliment instead, “you look good all the time.” It does not matter what he says, Sehun is piss drunk and seemingly still not done pouring shots down his throat, he will not be able to remember anything tomorrow.
“That means a lot to me,” Sehun hiccups, “I mean it. Like, at the library today I read that book, what is it called…? The Little Engine That Could, mhm. It is about this train that has to believe in itself in order to drive to the top of a mountain. Just like how I have to believe in myself in order to look good." He asks Zitao to get him another drink, the Chinese bartender looks like he wants to tell his friend to stop, but does not.
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo mumbles, asking for a drink more as well, “children’s books, personal therapy I see.”
“You do not know the full story so shut up,” Sehun fires back as he finishes another shot in one take, “I could tell you everything but it would just make you sad,” tears appear in his eyes and Kyungsoo leans forward to wipe them away. “You know the rich kid cliché already; there is no need to elaborate. My father works a lot, always have, always will, so he was never home much when I grew up, who would have thought?” He starts to cry harder and Kyungsoo, who is shit at comforting other people, places his hand on the heir’s back as some way of reassuring him that everything will be all right. “So there were so many expectations,” Sehun chokes back a sob as he takes another sip from his drink, “and because I am a terrible son I could never live up to any of them. My parents only have one child you know; no matter what they did, I was the only one who could take over my dad’s company. I think he regrets not getting more children when he still could.” He drinks the remains of his shot, “smart as I am I decided to come out as bisexual to my parents two years ago, because what could go wrong, right? Everything, that is what could go wrong, and everything did go wrong. My father threatened to kick me out if I ever acted upon my queer sexual preferences, so I tried my best to keep it hidden from everyone, but it was as if our relationship was already too broken to be fixed, if you get what I am saying?”
Kyungsoo has subconsciously moved a lot closer to Sehun, his right hand placed on the younger man’s thigh as some kind of comfort, he has no idea if it works the way he intended, but Sehun has not shoved him away yet, and that must mean something. “I know how you feel, I came out as gay to my parents in 7th grade and my very Christian mother had a hard time accepting it.”
“Mother,” Sehun repeats the word to himself in a melancholic tone, “mine passed away in a car accident shortly after I came out, and my dad blamed it on my sexuality. That did not exactly strengthen our relationship either.”
Jesus Christ, Kyungsoo needs another drink, he had hoped this night would free him from guilt as Sehun would hopefully forgive him sooner or later, instead he only feels even worse for confronting Sehun about such a sensitive subject, “I am so sorry for what I said last week.”
“It is not like it was your intent to offend me, you said so yourself,” Sehun rests his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder; he feels his entire body freeze at the action, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he has never experienced it before. “you saw a 22 year old sit by himself in the library reading children’s books, who would not have confronted said person about that?”
“I am still sorry for being so blunt about if, had I known everything you have just told me…” Kyungsoo trails off before he gets to finish his sentence, Sehun still has not explained what exactly his tragic past has to do with the children’s books, but that part of the story is probably soon to come.
Sehun sighs deeply as he dries his eyes, “my father obviously never read to me when I was younger, my mum was too busy hanging out with her friends or shopping to care much for bedtime stories. We have had billions of house cleaners trying to take care of me but I rejected all of them. After I learned to read in school I started reading bedtime stories by myself instead, I had no one else to do it for me,” his voice cracks at the last word, the subject obviously triggering a lot of bad memories and emotions, which Kyungsoo does not feel like asking about right now. “So I still read children’s books by myself to calm down in stressful times, we do not have books like that at home anymore, so I need to go to the library in order to read them.”
“You still live with your father? I am not saying it is wrong or anything, if my parents lived nearby in a mansion I would live there too. I just thought, you know, since your relationship is not good.” Kyungsoo tries his best to not offend Sehun more than he already has; they are physically so close right now that it would be idiotic to ruin everything with a stupid comment.
Sehun shakes his head, his hair brushing against Kyungsoo’s neck, “our house is right outside Seoul, my father lives in France with his new wife these days, so I basically live alone, with the exceptions of the maids my dad still pays for. It is convenient for throwing parties. Also it is convenient because I cannot do anything by myself and I still read children’s books and I am the reason my mother died.”
They sit in silence for a while, Kyungsoo can definitely feel the alcohol slowly taking over his body as well, Sehun’s head still rests on his shoulder, it is so nice and he cannot help but feel sad at the thought of all this being forgotten tomorrow when they are both sober again. “Hey Sehun,” he mumbles, debating whether he should or should not ask for another drink, “you were totally right about The Little Engine That Could.”
“What?”
“Of course you can do anything by yourself! You just have to believe, like the engine in the book. How does it go again? In the book the train says ‘I think I can, I think I can’ to itself in order to reach the top of the mountain. If you believe in yourself you can do anything you want, like the engine.”
“I am drunker than I have been in years,” Sehun removes his head from Kyungsoo’s shoulder so he can look him in the eyes, “but I can still say that that is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard.”
“No,” Kyungsoo mumbles, grabbing Sehun’s shoulders for dramatic effect, “you have to think like the train the next time your father tries to be rude to you or when you think you cannot live up to his expectations. ‘I think I can, I think I can’, and then you can.”
Sehun looks back to his drink, “that’s so deep, are you majoring in philosophy?”
“English literature.”
“What the fuck?”
They decide to leave the bar after that, Kyungsoo follows Sehun home, partly because he is unsure of whether Sehun will make it home safely without him or not, and partly because he does not feel ready to say goodbye to drunk-Sehun-who-actually-likes-and-appreciates-Kyungsoo yet.
He knows he made the right decision when they reach Sehun’s doorstep and the young heir takes a step forward to kiss Kyungsoo on the lips before making his way inside.
Completely dumbfounded by the situation, Kyungsoo yells “remember to think like the little engine!” before Sehun shuts the door behind him. Kyungsoo is flying on a pink cloud on his way back to his dorm.
A week passes and they do not see each other once. Kyungsoo has yet to build up enough courage to send Sehun a friend request on Facebook (or send him a message for that matter), and Sehun takes no initiative to communicate either, so nothing happens. The pink cloud Kyungsoo flew home on has vanished completely.
Instead of avoiding Saturday shifts, Kyungsoo has started willingly taking every weekend afternoon shift he possibly can, even if it involves working with Lu Han. This is obviously only because he knows a certain person will be sitting with a children’s book in front of him by his usual table at 5 PM every Saturday.
The Saturday that comes a week after they got drunk at the bar is no exception. Sehun shows up as he usually does, but does not even bother to look at Kyungsoo in the process.
“Apply water to the burned area,” Lu Han whispers as his shift ends and he is free to leave the library, winking at Kyungsoo on his way out.
Kyungsoo does not know what to do, he had been well aware of the fact that Sehun was drunk when they talked and kissed last week, he knew that what happened between them would most likely be forgotten, but it still hurts when he tries to greet Sehun and does not receive any reply. There are no other part-time university students in sight, so he decides to text Baekhyun for advice instead.
Do Kyungsoo: Sehun’s reading stupid books again and I hate it. He ignores me.
Byun Baekhyun: I told you love wasn’t real :’(
Do Kyungsoo: Ok but friendship, is friendship real???
Byun Baekhyun: Nothing is real.
Byun Baekhyun: And give that loser another book, it’s not like reading nursery rhymes is better for u than 50 shades
Do Kyungsoo: Go get some fresh air.
He hates to admit it but Baekhyun kind of has a point. He looks back at Sehun who is still busy reading some stupid children’s book whilst ignoring the shit out of Kyungsoo.
He takes a deep breath before walking out of the children’s department and into the adults’ one instead. It does not take him more than a few minutes to get the book he needs before he goes back to face Sehun again.
“I usually could not care less about what forms of literature people take interest in,” he stares at the ground instead of the other boy, it is too embarrassing, “but since you, if you remember, told me the entire story behind your children’s book addiction I thought I would give you something else to read instead. It is your choice in the end.” He reaches out his hand for Sehun to take the book he is holding.
“Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami,” the heir reads the title and even though Kyungsoo cannot see his face (his own eyes still directed to the ground), he can feel Sehun staring at him with that unimpressed look he always gives people around him, “why would I read this?”
Kyungsoo shrugs, “as I said it is not my job to decide what you read. I just thought it would give you a bit confidence to seek comfort in books that fit your age group a bit more. Since we do not know each other well yet I had no idea what genre you enjoy, besides nursery rhymes of course, but I like this book so I thought you might like it too.”
Sehun frowns, Kyungsoo can finally see that because he lifts his head up slowly after speaking, “whatever, I will take it with me; I won’t promise you that I will read it though. If it is not schoolwork I do not read longer books.”
“Think of the little engine from the book?” Kyungsoo tries to give Sehun a smile but it turns out horribly awkward, “if you think you can then you can.” He wants to hit himself in the face in the shovel, “anyway! I could recommend you a book that might fit your preferred genre better, the problem is that we do not know each other that well yet and the last time we hung out we got very drunk so maybe we should hang out again,” he takes another deep breath, “without the alcohol.”
The silence that follows makes Kyungsoo more anxious than ever, it was stupid to get his hopes up in the first place, “sure,” he nearly jumps off the ground when Sehun answers, “let us go for bubble tea then, I love that shit.”
“You want to? That is great, I just need my shift to end first so if you can wait for like half an hour more? You can begin reading the book I gave you.”
“Sure, whatever.”
Do Kyungsoo: I did what you said and gave him another book, we’re going on a date. Love is real after all, thank you.
Byun Baekhyun: oh my god brb im going 2 cry that’s so cute I’ll write amazing fanfics about you two.
Do Kyungsoo: I am scarred for life :)
Apparently Sehun has tried every single bubble tea place in this part of Seoul because he is able to give Kyungsoo detailed reviews of every single one they pass on their way to the ‘best bubble tea café in the universe’ as the younger put it.
In the end they enter a small shop hidden on one of the district’s smaller roads, a pastel mint covers the walls, and Kyungsoo swears he hears Kyary Pamyu Pamyu playing in the background, “fits the entire children’s book atmosphere you seem to enjoy so much,” he mumbles and gets an angry glare from Sehun.
“I am friends with the girl who works here, that is all,” Sehun waves to a tall girl standing behind the counter, her nametag reads ‘Mijoo’ and she has a big smile plastered across her face, “hi Mijoo,” he greets her as they approach the menu cards, “I will have mango peach tea with strawberry bubbles.” He turns to Kyungsoo, “and you want?”
It is slightly embarrassing because he has only had bubble tea once or twice before so he has absolutely no idea about what tastes good and what does not, “uh the same as you, I trust your knowledge about this.”
Sehun nods at Mijoo who starts preparing their drinks.
After getting their bubble teas, they sit down in a booth as far away from the counter and as close to the windows as possible, Kyungsoo dislikes the thought of someone else listening to what they are going to talk about. “Okay,” he mumbles after taking a sip from his drink (it does taste quite good, he will thank Sehun later), “I do not know how much you remember from our drunk night out. I do however know that you were a lot more tipsy than me, so I doubt it is a lot, which is why I am telling you this: you told me your tragic backstory, we came out to each other, you kissed me in front of your house.”
Sehun nearly chokes on his drink, “do you not have any shame? Do not bring things like that up in public!”
“I can assure you I have a lot more shame than most of my friends, if you want to meet someone shameless you should meet Lu Han-. That is not what this is about, this is about you and me kissing and I want to know what that means to you because it means a lot more to me than I would like to admit.” He says the words so fast he feels breathless at the end of his sentence, his heart beating so loudly he fears that Sehun might be able to hear it too.
The frighteningly familiar silence from earlier reappears, Kyungsoo once again feels like he is about to die only to be positively surprised, “of course it means a lot to me too.” Sehun mutters and looks to the table, “I guess I just thought that since you heard everything about my past last week you would know why I like to keep a low profile in public.” Their eyes meet and Kyungsoo’s heart only beats faster, “what I am trying to say with all of this is that I really enjoyed last week. I was drunk but I remember most of it, I definitely remember the kiss and it has not left my mind for a second ever since.” Kyary Pamyu Pamyu still plays in the background and it is totally ruining the romantic mood. “You know my father’s view on my sexuality so you also know why I did not call you back the next morning or something like that, even though I wanted to.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes are locked on his bubble tea drink as he tries to hide his blushing cheeks, “but would you kiss me again if you got the chance.”
“I would,” Sehun does not say anything for a few seconds, “in private.”
In lack of anything better or more comforting to say, Kyungsoo finds himself making a reference that is getting excessively stupid by now, “okay but think of The Little Engine That Could, you can learn to be gay in public if you believe in yourself. Oh my God that was so stupid; Baekhyun and Lu Han would probably say something like that too, yikes.”
Fortunately Sehun is laughing, “You have talked about that train so much so I would say it sounds like something you definitely would say.”
This time Sehun is the one who walks Kyungsoo home, everything is different this time, probably because they are sober and Sehun does not need assistance to walk properly, but also because they are on better terms with each other now than they were a week ago.
“Thank you.”
Kyungsoo is about to unlock his door when he hears Sehun mumble from behind him, “what did you say?”
Sehun grimaces, “I said thank you, you have been nice even though I have acted like a douche.”
“You have been a douche? I think that name belongs to me.” Kyungsoo lets go of his keys and lets them hang in the keyhole as he takes a step closer to Sehun. “The ‘thank you’ is however gladly accepted, so thank you to you too.”
They are standing frighteningly close; Kyungsoo can almost feel Sehun’s breath on his forehead. I suppose I only have one chance, he thinks to himself as he leans forward (and upward) to place another kiss on Sehun’s lips. The other boy does not flinch away as Kyungsoo had feared. He kisses back instead, and everything feels as it had felt two weeks ago, only without the lingering taste of vodka shots.
“Wow, wow, wow! I told you to give him a new book not to make out with him in our entrance!” Baekhyun’s loud voice ruins the moment, Sehun takes a step back and stares at Kyungsoo’s roommate with wide eyes.
“Do not worry,” is what Kyungsoo says even though he realises it sounds kind of stupid when the words leave his mouth, “uh, Baekhyun is not going to tell anyone, are you?” He raises his eyebrows at his friend, hoping it sounds as much as a threat as he wants it to.
Baekhyun holds up his hands and shakes his head, “no way man. I just do not want to walk in on you ever again, so please finish your profane activities out here; I will go inside and watch TV.”
Sehun hides his face in his palms, “I know I said I would kiss you again but I was serious when I said it would preferably be in private.”
Kyungsoo nods, “I was also serious when I said Baekhyun would keep this a secret, he can be an ass at times but he is a good friend.”
“Good because I am not interested in the entire world knowing that I am gay and that I hooked up with you in front of your apartment.”
“As I think I said earlier, we will take small steps and then in the end you will be able to kiss me in public, just like how the little engine-,”
“Mention that stupid engine one more time and I will never even look at you again.”