talking is a good thing.
finally got online tonight for more than just a few minutes... seems like my life has just been too busy and everything is so time consuming. i dont have any time to myself lately and i think it's wearing on me. and yet... here i sit and i feel horribly guilty, like i'm wasting his time... or not doing what he wants to do... or should be sleeping because i havent been getting enough between him work and lindsay. i have to get up at 6 and it's already 2am. i'm so confused about it all... but at least i can get online and talk to people who let me know i still have feelings. real feelings. good and bad. because lately it's been such a nonstop blur, and i feel blind and confused and upset despite trying every day to be happy and laugh and joke. and apparently it's been so long that i've written a journal that i don't know the extent of my run on sentences until after i'm done typing them and am too tired to go back and fix them :P
anyway... been listening to lifehouse for a while and i think it's time to get to bed. talking to nick tonight felt so good, we havent spoken in forever, and there are so many things to talk about and not enough time. it's hard to realize other people's lives are happening so fast while i mill around and try to figure my own out. everyone is graduating and putting on their final shows and being successful...and here i am, a 25yr old living in her parents basement with a kid and shitty paying ft job...and other things...that just arent making me happy. i want to draw, hell i want to paint. i want to be creative but everything is sucking whatever creativity out of me like a vacumm and there's nothing i can do but sit and watch tiredly.
speaking of tired, it's time i stopped rambling. i work tomorrow. charrette is almost always good for lifting my spirits, believe it or not. hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
anyway... been listening to lifehouse for a while and i think it's time to get to bed. talking to nick tonight felt so good, we havent spoken in forever, and there are so many things to talk about and not enough time. it's hard to realize other people's lives are happening so fast while i mill around and try to figure my own out. everyone is graduating and putting on their final shows and being successful...and here i am, a 25yr old living in her parents basement with a kid and shitty paying ft job...and other things...that just arent making me happy. i want to draw, hell i want to paint. i want to be creative but everything is sucking whatever creativity out of me like a vacumm and there's nothing i can do but sit and watch tiredly.
speaking of tired, it's time i stopped rambling. i work tomorrow. charrette is almost always good for lifting my spirits, believe it or not. hopefully tomorrow is a better day.