SCA Drahmaaaa
There are a few people I'd like to punt to the moon. I just posted this on the Lions Gate list. Usually when I post there's dead silence. Either people are stunned or haven't a clue what I said. :) Maybe it'll sink home, but I doubt it.
We live in a modern age of computers and instant messages. Before those came
along there were phones and letters. Before that era, there were letters and
pigeons. Before that,and during, there were riders on horses. Communications
could always fall into the wrong hands, or not get through, or your courier be
killed...if it was really important and political.
Some of our view of courtesy comes from the Victorian era but even before that,
through much of the middle ages there were such things as courtly behaviour.
Nobles and the higher echelon, even the peasantry, showed respect. Sure,
rumours existed but they were and have always been perpetuated by people
talking about the subject behind the subject's back and never addressing the
issue directly. Should one noble to the other have something particularly
viscious to say, probably couched in witty ways, it was usually done face to
face, because the fewer witnesses the better to deny it ever happened.
To call one out, especially one of any noble lineage was tantamount to a duel
or a war, or maybe an assasination. Words had power, have always had power.
Words can slander, can give respect, can colour one's view. But even as much as
words reflect on the subject, they also reflect on the speaker.
No matter how wronged a person is, or how justified they may be in speaking of
the scurrilous things people have done to them, when even the injured get on
the soapbox it most often is not pretty. Be careful who you paint with that
brush for the paint can spatter on you. I have seen this over and over, and
used it as a good lesson. When the wronged one starts pointing a finger back
and getting to name calling, that person too loses credence. Sometimes turning
the other cheek is the best policy.
To air one's laundry, whether yours or the pilfered goods of the "other", it is
still airing your laundry in public. It is a tactic that holds the public
hostage to a viewing whether they want it or not. It is a tactic that one does
to shame the other. It is a tactic that shows the one who airs as callous,
mean, little and low class. It is a tactic meant to anger and to justify one's
own behaviour. And it is always lowly done and not of the noblest of intentions.
In essence, remembering that we are a medieval society, trying to uphold a
romanticized view or courtesy and respect, then we should try to use this
medium in the noblest way possible. Here are a few rules by which I judge if
there is courtesy and respect.
1. If you have nothing nice to say, shut up.
2. If you hate someone, tell them personally. We don't want to know.
3. If you want to be machiavellian and stir the pot, well then you really think
you're so witty that no one is catching on as you sit back and lick your paws.
You'll believe yourself superior, but it's not very noble either.
4. If you have to show off your intelligence and superior knowledge in a
pedantic manner, then you're not very secure and it shows.
5. If you have to whine about how much you did and that no one ever notices or
wants you, then no matter your title you're not doing this for noble means and
maybe there's another reason no one wants you.
6. If you make yourself a martyr and make sure everyone knows, then expect to
be used that way and not to get sainthood at the end.
7. If you're getting so out of hand in your vitriol that someone has to smack
your hand, well then maybe it's time to go to mommy until you grow up.
8. If you can't be constructive, shut up.
We live in a modern age of computers and instant messages. Before those came
along there were phones and letters. Before that era, there were letters and
pigeons. Before that,and during, there were riders on horses. Communications
could always fall into the wrong hands, or not get through, or your courier be
killed...if it was really important and political.
Some of our view of courtesy comes from the Victorian era but even before that,
through much of the middle ages there were such things as courtly behaviour.
Nobles and the higher echelon, even the peasantry, showed respect. Sure,
rumours existed but they were and have always been perpetuated by people
talking about the subject behind the subject's back and never addressing the
issue directly. Should one noble to the other have something particularly
viscious to say, probably couched in witty ways, it was usually done face to
face, because the fewer witnesses the better to deny it ever happened.
To call one out, especially one of any noble lineage was tantamount to a duel
or a war, or maybe an assasination. Words had power, have always had power.
Words can slander, can give respect, can colour one's view. But even as much as
words reflect on the subject, they also reflect on the speaker.
No matter how wronged a person is, or how justified they may be in speaking of
the scurrilous things people have done to them, when even the injured get on
the soapbox it most often is not pretty. Be careful who you paint with that
brush for the paint can spatter on you. I have seen this over and over, and
used it as a good lesson. When the wronged one starts pointing a finger back
and getting to name calling, that person too loses credence. Sometimes turning
the other cheek is the best policy.
To air one's laundry, whether yours or the pilfered goods of the "other", it is
still airing your laundry in public. It is a tactic that holds the public
hostage to a viewing whether they want it or not. It is a tactic that one does
to shame the other. It is a tactic that shows the one who airs as callous,
mean, little and low class. It is a tactic meant to anger and to justify one's
own behaviour. And it is always lowly done and not of the noblest of intentions.
In essence, remembering that we are a medieval society, trying to uphold a
romanticized view or courtesy and respect, then we should try to use this
medium in the noblest way possible. Here are a few rules by which I judge if
there is courtesy and respect.
1. If you have nothing nice to say, shut up.
2. If you hate someone, tell them personally. We don't want to know.
3. If you want to be machiavellian and stir the pot, well then you really think
you're so witty that no one is catching on as you sit back and lick your paws.
You'll believe yourself superior, but it's not very noble either.
4. If you have to show off your intelligence and superior knowledge in a
pedantic manner, then you're not very secure and it shows.
5. If you have to whine about how much you did and that no one ever notices or
wants you, then no matter your title you're not doing this for noble means and
maybe there's another reason no one wants you.
6. If you make yourself a martyr and make sure everyone knows, then expect to
be used that way and not to get sainthood at the end.
7. If you're getting so out of hand in your vitriol that someone has to smack
your hand, well then maybe it's time to go to mommy until you grow up.
8. If you can't be constructive, shut up.