I LovE PeanUT Butter It's So PUnk RAWkin
Ok, so now after talking to bunches of people I am totally deciding that I should consider "Singing lessions" I'm sure all of you have heard this by now.
I mean, if I took singing lessions my voice would totally be so much more PUNk RAWk than it already is!!!!11!!!1!!!
So like, I can be a hard core rock n roll punk rockin chick and everyoNE in the World Will love me and buy my album because it's totally the BEST!
Oh my gaw! Also my Show starts Wednesday on MTV, RIGHT AFTER Nick and Jessicas show Newlyweds! BE sure to watch it! Well, of course everyone will because they will already be watching Newlyweds, and thats how we got everyone to watch my show in the first place! Lol I totally forgot, thats why we put my show RIGHT after their everyweek!!
Jess was kinda pissed at me for awhile cause she totally didn't want to do another season of Newlyweds cause they were sick of the cameras following them around, but daddy made them do it because the record label and daddy said I NEED to do another season because Im losing THOUSANDS of my fans ever since Saturday Night Live! and they totally think if I do another season, like i did the first, and they can see the "real me" ya'll know the ungreatful, whiny, bitchy, untalented REAL ME everyone would so totally be like OMG! LYKE SHES SO PUNK ROCKISH and the BESTEST SINGER in the WORLD!!!! and the world would lOVE ME AGAIN!!111!!!1!!
Oh, and im going on tour now, and my album sales are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night and I cant even sell out my own concerts!
NO ONE is buying them! I mean like, SOME people are buying them, but not enough! I mean, how many preteen or teenagers are there in the world that are completly tone deaf and can't tell that I sound like a cat howling and nails on a chalkboard when I sing?
NOT ENOUGH!!
Oh, and daddy came over yesterday and brought some new drink for me to try and he put some stuff in it that was clear and totally told me it was "punk rock" vitamins and it would make me look even more punk rawk cause people dont totally believe I am punk rawk yet so i need em!
then the room started to spin and daddy told me to go lay down in bed and take a nap and he tucked me in, and he must have helped me change into pjs when I was totally sleeping and dreaming of being punk rawk, but like OMG he forgot to put new underwear on me when he was changing me cause LIKE I HAD NONE ON WHEN I WOKE UP!
I was all like OH MY GAW!!!
So I was totally horney later that night and Ryan wasnt around to fuck so I was all like HMMMMMmmmmMMMMM I need some vibrators, but Daddy checks my house to make sure I don't have sex toys or vibrators because daddy says sex, and sex toys, and masterbating IS THE DEVIL! and ITS DIRTTY
and I was all like DAAAAAAADDY
I wanna get DIRRRRTY!
Cause Ryan totally makes me wanna lala,
on the kitchen or on the floor, or on daddy and mommys bed while daddy and mommy watch and daddy gives ryan pointers, cause daddy knows best!
anyhow, so I was eating some peanut butter while I was thinking and I decided to get my dog and put some peanut butter on my "naughty area" and have the doggy lick it all off and it worked and LIKE OMG I had an ORgaASm twice! it was THe BesT ever
but not better than Nick was the other nIghT!~
GottA GO Be Sure to Watch My show WedNEsday At 10:30pm On MTv Right aftEr NEwLYWeDS because Im Jessica SimpSons little sIster!
I mean, if I took singing lessions my voice would totally be so much more PUNk RAWk than it already is!!!!11!!!1!!!
So like, I can be a hard core rock n roll punk rockin chick and everyoNE in the World Will love me and buy my album because it's totally the BEST!
Oh my gaw! Also my Show starts Wednesday on MTV, RIGHT AFTER Nick and Jessicas show Newlyweds! BE sure to watch it! Well, of course everyone will because they will already be watching Newlyweds, and thats how we got everyone to watch my show in the first place! Lol I totally forgot, thats why we put my show RIGHT after their everyweek!!
Jess was kinda pissed at me for awhile cause she totally didn't want to do another season of Newlyweds cause they were sick of the cameras following them around, but daddy made them do it because the record label and daddy said I NEED to do another season because Im losing THOUSANDS of my fans ever since Saturday Night Live! and they totally think if I do another season, like i did the first, and they can see the "real me" ya'll know the ungreatful, whiny, bitchy, untalented REAL ME everyone would so totally be like OMG! LYKE SHES SO PUNK ROCKISH and the BESTEST SINGER in the WORLD!!!! and the world would lOVE ME AGAIN!!111!!!1!!
Oh, and im going on tour now, and my album sales are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night and I cant even sell out my own concerts!
NO ONE is buying them! I mean like, SOME people are buying them, but not enough! I mean, how many preteen or teenagers are there in the world that are completly tone deaf and can't tell that I sound like a cat howling and nails on a chalkboard when I sing?
NOT ENOUGH!!
Oh, and daddy came over yesterday and brought some new drink for me to try and he put some stuff in it that was clear and totally told me it was "punk rock" vitamins and it would make me look even more punk rawk cause people dont totally believe I am punk rawk yet so i need em!
then the room started to spin and daddy told me to go lay down in bed and take a nap and he tucked me in, and he must have helped me change into pjs when I was totally sleeping and dreaming of being punk rawk, but like OMG he forgot to put new underwear on me when he was changing me cause LIKE I HAD NONE ON WHEN I WOKE UP!
I was all like OH MY GAW!!!
So I was totally horney later that night and Ryan wasnt around to fuck so I was all like HMMMMMmmmmMMMMM I need some vibrators, but Daddy checks my house to make sure I don't have sex toys or vibrators because daddy says sex, and sex toys, and masterbating IS THE DEVIL! and ITS DIRTTY
and I was all like DAAAAAAADDY
I wanna get DIRRRRTY!
Cause Ryan totally makes me wanna lala,
on the kitchen or on the floor, or on daddy and mommys bed while daddy and mommy watch and daddy gives ryan pointers, cause daddy knows best!
anyhow, so I was eating some peanut butter while I was thinking and I decided to get my dog and put some peanut butter on my "naughty area" and have the doggy lick it all off and it worked and LIKE OMG I had an ORgaASm twice! it was THe BesT ever
but not better than Nick was the other nIghT!~
GottA GO Be Sure to Watch My show WedNEsday At 10:30pm On MTv Right aftEr NEwLYWeDS because Im Jessica SimpSons little sIster!