Long overdue update
I figure since I am sick today and for the most part stuck resting, I can get around to doing a small bit of a write up of things that have been going on with me for those who care.
With that said, I forget the last time I even posted anything here. So I'll start back several months ago and just try to cover the list of things so that I don't miss much.
Ski season ended last year with me getting a snowboard, bindings and boots. This year is about to start and I bought my snow suit. Of course I found pants and a coat that stood out in blue tiger strip fabric. So I'll be enjoying the snow and getting myself up to doing more black diamonds. Not sure who all I'll be going up with, but I've got several different options open as I have no season pass to tie me anywhere.
I've managed to get out and do some camping, a bit of that with the south bay crew and a bit with Scott and the HIV poz crew. The camping has been great, though in some places and times I dehydrate and end up feeling like shit. Though the last camping trip was to go whitewater rafting, and I forced myself to drink bottle after bottle of water and I made it out only slightly dehydrated. I need to find a good partner to go out on hikes with and camp and such. I used to have Rus to curl up with and spend those kinds of things with, but that ended in the summer. Though I've come across a few boys who are all up for filling those parts. It just now becomes am I up for having those parts filled and keeping up with them. With that in mind, I've also been trying to plan a hike on angel island. With weather being odd, I think it will wait until next year when I can pair up with some people really into the idea.
I also finished getting my lab at work released for GMP use. It only took me most of a year to get it done, but it's a big accomplishment. It's kind of like having a product go live, except it is internal and the use if more for my own use. I'll be the one working in it, but it is used for every lot of every product we send out. So while I am the end user it benefits the whole pipeline and allows for more development and better science. Plus I used my gay powers to make the lab into something more creative than just a work zone. :)
My work group has been in turmoil for the last year as well. There are two very strong willed people in the group who don't respect each other. However, everyone in the group is strong willed, so it is more about the lack of respect. This has been destroying our ability to function as a family unit and rely on each other when we should be as each person has a skill set outside of what everyone else has, and thus adding us together brings us as a whole to fulfilling all the needs our group has to meet for what we do. It has finally been worked out and our group has been shifted to be under different management. So people report to new and different people, but we all still work in the same lab situation.
I suppose the year long group issues should have weighed more heavily on me, they were also less important to me than my own issues with my relationship(s). To keep this part short, I'd simply say that I found a boy I fell in love with and after the year went by we left a loving relationship. For me at least I still feel we have a loving friendship because I was told that you know someone loves you when they see the darkest parts of you and even after that they are still there and love you knowing those things because they love you for all of you.
This whole event has kicked off a lot of self evaluation and many different aspects of just working myself out to be a better person. So I ended up reading a stack of books, some self help ones, and others just stories and fun reading. I also started to go out to the gym to be active and keep myself doing something, which led to just going out and spending time with friends. I managed to make it so that every night I saw a few friends and I never had any scheduled free time for myself. It made my life full of things to do, and eventually it burned me out a bit because I wasn't getting downtime. What I thought was healthy had started to be a way of coping and avoiding being alone. In time I've started to force myself to make time for me and just sit around dealing with being alone so I'm not so afraid of it. I've come to feel that I'm pretty happy being on my own and doing what I want to do and enjoy. So I'm at a good balance of getting out but also doing what I feel happy doing because it is what I want to be doing.
On that note, I've brought back my violin from Ohio and need to have it reworked a bit so I can begin to play again. But in doing other stuff, I've gotten into doing more board games, Magic the gathering, and D&D as well. I still like to just take walks in the city and wander aimlessly and enjoy the world for what it is. I've also been enjoying just driving, though I could use a better car to enjoy (as always). :) I still need to do more gocart racing. I've started to take point on planning events and doing functions. One thing coming up is the halloween part, but also I'm in charge of planning work events for our department too. I've forgotten how much fun I have making events happen. I remember how I enjoyed making witch-walk every year for school and the art club. I even started back in EverQuest 2 and have been getting into baking and cooking more again. Oddly enough, I've also adopted watching a bit more TV and movies.
Movies seems more because it is my friends who draw things like that out of me. My friends are am amazing part of my life. I've come to realize how amazing and precious they really are. I know that I don't full appreciate them even now, but I keep working to make it so I can do better. They deserve a better friend, and I plan to give it to them. :) I also plan to speak my mind and feelings more, because unless I directly communicate them how can I ever really expect anyone to know me or what people mean to me? Not only friends but even more so those who I want to date. I've been a bit sad to turn down some people who want to date me, and I want to be more secure in myself before I add that layer into a relationship. So a few boys have been put down, but even with that I'm still out there and oddly enough I ended up out on date anyway. So I've opened back up into dating, and am enjoying it even if it is a bit scary. I just have to remember I make way too many stupid rules and that I just need to enjoy life for what it is. Plus having a cute boy every now and then is enjoyable for what it is.
It has also been brought to my attention that I have many people who miss me, and more so than I know. I am sorry for making those people miss me.
As the summer moved to fall, I've found it time to rearrange my room and clear it of memories and small items and make it feel fresh and new. The downside is that I am searching for good wood furniture and a nice bed frame. I may opt to just give up on looking and start taking time to go build them. I just don't have a truck, so going to the workshop won't yield a great result.
As we got into fall I went to see my cousin for her wedding and had a great time there. I went back to Ohio and saw many friends and family and got to live through quite a learning experience. I found many truths I've not cared to see while there, but I've also gained a resolve to stop separating my life into parts. I love my family, but love alone is not enough for me to hold my tongue on what I think and feel. Also, my mother still cries when see sees me show up and when I leave. She's so highly emotional, I guess I know where I get that intensity from. I often wonder how my father manages to survive her, but then I realize I probably get my other aspects of logic from him. He's a good role model, as is my ex. It's endearing that I realized my ex is much like my father. :) Then my last half of the trip was with friends, and it simply was a good time to touch base with all of them. I feel sad that the deep connection I used to feel seems to have faded, but it is not gone. I'll always be there for them as much as I can manage.
At the end of the trip to Ohio I had a bit of a mental breakdown and nightmare. It was rather crushing to both my ego and my own perception of who I am. But it made me realize I can't keep bottling up and shutting away parts of myself and my life that I don't want to deal with.
I came back to the bay area and work has put in the paperwork for me to get a promotion. So within this month I hope to have it signed off and made official. Worked a bunch to catch up what time I missed only to then go to Asilomar for our department conference/retreat. It was a party and a blast of both endless science and nerds getting drunk and partying. I have to say I loved it and can't wait for the next one in two years. I even presented a poster and was teased about being the over-achiever of the department. Though most of that comes from my 'big sister' because she loves to tease her 'little brother' endlessly. Work has become much like family and I love a lot of them dearly. Asilomar helped me to appreciate how much they do mean to me.
Oh, and during the end of summer my car got hit while parked on the street. Someone backed out of the driveway and rubbed on my back bumper, cracking all the paint there. If I cared enough about the car I'd fix it, but the car simply is a beater car at this point.
I also went to Oktoberfest in the Santa Cruz mountains. I even drank beer and had a great time with many friends there. I even ran into my old ex, and we talked and hand a good time. He used to be a good friend, and his life seems back to normal now, so I am quite happy to have him be part of my life once more. so it was a good time with lots of fun memories.
I also got new workers in my cube. They are some cute boys, and one fits the bro type and the other is a cute gay boy. I greatly enjoy their company and often do lunch with them now. And as I sit here sick, the cute gay boy sent me a text message asking if I was ok and that he hopes I feel better soon. He's far too polite to me.
I also went on a nice coffee date with a guy I met online at a dating site, got to meet him after 2 months of both of us being too busy to meet up. We have a lot of nice things in common and he seems like a great guy to get to know better. I talked a bit about the date with my gay cube-mate and later found out he's also a friend of one my friends. Well, so much for trying to date non-friend people as to keep things simpler. At the very least, I'm happy to be friends with him and enjoy getting to have that friendship. :)
I've also started planning out how to get a house or new car in the near future. I have a small list of cars I'm interested in, and they seem so much easier to deal with than to kill myself to buy a house. The house idea sounds great until I put numbers behind it and then I just realize how much that is. I can buy a car or a house in Ohio much easier than any house out here. That makes me sad, but I'm determined.
I guess the last major thing going on has been my more than a year of GI track issues. I have been at the doctors a few times and all the tests so far came back negative. So we moved on to food allergy testing before going to the next step of scoping me. I just want to figure it out so I can take care of it and not have it concerning me. Along with the tests we check for STDs and I came back negative on everything. That was good news as I might have had contact with HIV through a situation that occurred recently. I felt bad though, that the person was afraid to tell me and thought that I would be angry or lash out at them. I was really sad that they had spent these months going through it alone and didn't let me be there for them. I just wanted to help support him and just see what the results were. Being upset wouldn't change the fact of the results, but understanding and just being there for him is what friends are for.
On a smaller note, the rental house here in South city sprung a leak and caused massive water damage to a quarter of the house. Lesson to learn is glad we don't own it, and two that kitchen on the 2nd floor is a bad idea. So none of our stuff is damaged, but the house has some issues now which just adds to the reasons not to own this place.
I think that is mostly everything.
With that said, I forget the last time I even posted anything here. So I'll start back several months ago and just try to cover the list of things so that I don't miss much.
Ski season ended last year with me getting a snowboard, bindings and boots. This year is about to start and I bought my snow suit. Of course I found pants and a coat that stood out in blue tiger strip fabric. So I'll be enjoying the snow and getting myself up to doing more black diamonds. Not sure who all I'll be going up with, but I've got several different options open as I have no season pass to tie me anywhere.
I've managed to get out and do some camping, a bit of that with the south bay crew and a bit with Scott and the HIV poz crew. The camping has been great, though in some places and times I dehydrate and end up feeling like shit. Though the last camping trip was to go whitewater rafting, and I forced myself to drink bottle after bottle of water and I made it out only slightly dehydrated. I need to find a good partner to go out on hikes with and camp and such. I used to have Rus to curl up with and spend those kinds of things with, but that ended in the summer. Though I've come across a few boys who are all up for filling those parts. It just now becomes am I up for having those parts filled and keeping up with them. With that in mind, I've also been trying to plan a hike on angel island. With weather being odd, I think it will wait until next year when I can pair up with some people really into the idea.
I also finished getting my lab at work released for GMP use. It only took me most of a year to get it done, but it's a big accomplishment. It's kind of like having a product go live, except it is internal and the use if more for my own use. I'll be the one working in it, but it is used for every lot of every product we send out. So while I am the end user it benefits the whole pipeline and allows for more development and better science. Plus I used my gay powers to make the lab into something more creative than just a work zone. :)
My work group has been in turmoil for the last year as well. There are two very strong willed people in the group who don't respect each other. However, everyone in the group is strong willed, so it is more about the lack of respect. This has been destroying our ability to function as a family unit and rely on each other when we should be as each person has a skill set outside of what everyone else has, and thus adding us together brings us as a whole to fulfilling all the needs our group has to meet for what we do. It has finally been worked out and our group has been shifted to be under different management. So people report to new and different people, but we all still work in the same lab situation.
I suppose the year long group issues should have weighed more heavily on me, they were also less important to me than my own issues with my relationship(s). To keep this part short, I'd simply say that I found a boy I fell in love with and after the year went by we left a loving relationship. For me at least I still feel we have a loving friendship because I was told that you know someone loves you when they see the darkest parts of you and even after that they are still there and love you knowing those things because they love you for all of you.
This whole event has kicked off a lot of self evaluation and many different aspects of just working myself out to be a better person. So I ended up reading a stack of books, some self help ones, and others just stories and fun reading. I also started to go out to the gym to be active and keep myself doing something, which led to just going out and spending time with friends. I managed to make it so that every night I saw a few friends and I never had any scheduled free time for myself. It made my life full of things to do, and eventually it burned me out a bit because I wasn't getting downtime. What I thought was healthy had started to be a way of coping and avoiding being alone. In time I've started to force myself to make time for me and just sit around dealing with being alone so I'm not so afraid of it. I've come to feel that I'm pretty happy being on my own and doing what I want to do and enjoy. So I'm at a good balance of getting out but also doing what I feel happy doing because it is what I want to be doing.
On that note, I've brought back my violin from Ohio and need to have it reworked a bit so I can begin to play again. But in doing other stuff, I've gotten into doing more board games, Magic the gathering, and D&D as well. I still like to just take walks in the city and wander aimlessly and enjoy the world for what it is. I've also been enjoying just driving, though I could use a better car to enjoy (as always). :) I still need to do more gocart racing. I've started to take point on planning events and doing functions. One thing coming up is the halloween part, but also I'm in charge of planning work events for our department too. I've forgotten how much fun I have making events happen. I remember how I enjoyed making witch-walk every year for school and the art club. I even started back in EverQuest 2 and have been getting into baking and cooking more again. Oddly enough, I've also adopted watching a bit more TV and movies.
Movies seems more because it is my friends who draw things like that out of me. My friends are am amazing part of my life. I've come to realize how amazing and precious they really are. I know that I don't full appreciate them even now, but I keep working to make it so I can do better. They deserve a better friend, and I plan to give it to them. :) I also plan to speak my mind and feelings more, because unless I directly communicate them how can I ever really expect anyone to know me or what people mean to me? Not only friends but even more so those who I want to date. I've been a bit sad to turn down some people who want to date me, and I want to be more secure in myself before I add that layer into a relationship. So a few boys have been put down, but even with that I'm still out there and oddly enough I ended up out on date anyway. So I've opened back up into dating, and am enjoying it even if it is a bit scary. I just have to remember I make way too many stupid rules and that I just need to enjoy life for what it is. Plus having a cute boy every now and then is enjoyable for what it is.
It has also been brought to my attention that I have many people who miss me, and more so than I know. I am sorry for making those people miss me.
As the summer moved to fall, I've found it time to rearrange my room and clear it of memories and small items and make it feel fresh and new. The downside is that I am searching for good wood furniture and a nice bed frame. I may opt to just give up on looking and start taking time to go build them. I just don't have a truck, so going to the workshop won't yield a great result.
As we got into fall I went to see my cousin for her wedding and had a great time there. I went back to Ohio and saw many friends and family and got to live through quite a learning experience. I found many truths I've not cared to see while there, but I've also gained a resolve to stop separating my life into parts. I love my family, but love alone is not enough for me to hold my tongue on what I think and feel. Also, my mother still cries when see sees me show up and when I leave. She's so highly emotional, I guess I know where I get that intensity from. I often wonder how my father manages to survive her, but then I realize I probably get my other aspects of logic from him. He's a good role model, as is my ex. It's endearing that I realized my ex is much like my father. :) Then my last half of the trip was with friends, and it simply was a good time to touch base with all of them. I feel sad that the deep connection I used to feel seems to have faded, but it is not gone. I'll always be there for them as much as I can manage.
At the end of the trip to Ohio I had a bit of a mental breakdown and nightmare. It was rather crushing to both my ego and my own perception of who I am. But it made me realize I can't keep bottling up and shutting away parts of myself and my life that I don't want to deal with.
I came back to the bay area and work has put in the paperwork for me to get a promotion. So within this month I hope to have it signed off and made official. Worked a bunch to catch up what time I missed only to then go to Asilomar for our department conference/retreat. It was a party and a blast of both endless science and nerds getting drunk and partying. I have to say I loved it and can't wait for the next one in two years. I even presented a poster and was teased about being the over-achiever of the department. Though most of that comes from my 'big sister' because she loves to tease her 'little brother' endlessly. Work has become much like family and I love a lot of them dearly. Asilomar helped me to appreciate how much they do mean to me.
Oh, and during the end of summer my car got hit while parked on the street. Someone backed out of the driveway and rubbed on my back bumper, cracking all the paint there. If I cared enough about the car I'd fix it, but the car simply is a beater car at this point.
I also went to Oktoberfest in the Santa Cruz mountains. I even drank beer and had a great time with many friends there. I even ran into my old ex, and we talked and hand a good time. He used to be a good friend, and his life seems back to normal now, so I am quite happy to have him be part of my life once more. so it was a good time with lots of fun memories.
I also got new workers in my cube. They are some cute boys, and one fits the bro type and the other is a cute gay boy. I greatly enjoy their company and often do lunch with them now. And as I sit here sick, the cute gay boy sent me a text message asking if I was ok and that he hopes I feel better soon. He's far too polite to me.
I also went on a nice coffee date with a guy I met online at a dating site, got to meet him after 2 months of both of us being too busy to meet up. We have a lot of nice things in common and he seems like a great guy to get to know better. I talked a bit about the date with my gay cube-mate and later found out he's also a friend of one my friends. Well, so much for trying to date non-friend people as to keep things simpler. At the very least, I'm happy to be friends with him and enjoy getting to have that friendship. :)
I've also started planning out how to get a house or new car in the near future. I have a small list of cars I'm interested in, and they seem so much easier to deal with than to kill myself to buy a house. The house idea sounds great until I put numbers behind it and then I just realize how much that is. I can buy a car or a house in Ohio much easier than any house out here. That makes me sad, but I'm determined.
I guess the last major thing going on has been my more than a year of GI track issues. I have been at the doctors a few times and all the tests so far came back negative. So we moved on to food allergy testing before going to the next step of scoping me. I just want to figure it out so I can take care of it and not have it concerning me. Along with the tests we check for STDs and I came back negative on everything. That was good news as I might have had contact with HIV through a situation that occurred recently. I felt bad though, that the person was afraid to tell me and thought that I would be angry or lash out at them. I was really sad that they had spent these months going through it alone and didn't let me be there for them. I just wanted to help support him and just see what the results were. Being upset wouldn't change the fact of the results, but understanding and just being there for him is what friends are for.
On a smaller note, the rental house here in South city sprung a leak and caused massive water damage to a quarter of the house. Lesson to learn is glad we don't own it, and two that kitchen on the 2nd floor is a bad idea. So none of our stuff is damaged, but the house has some issues now which just adds to the reasons not to own this place.
I think that is mostly everything.