The Icing on my Cake of a Week
“I don’t think I can be what it is you deserve.”
This is what Trev said to me Friday evening over an impromtu dinner at the Chinese Restaurant down the street from both our homes. Well, it was his impromtu dinner. Since it was nearing 9 p.m., I’d already eaten hours prior.
Sorry if I didn’t respond to this statement. Sorry if my being escorted out of the office building I’d been employed at for nearly 3 years like a criminal earlier that day made this seem like small potatoes. Sorry if all I could come up with at the moment was, “Ok. I understand,” even though that’s what I meant.
I’m a professional amicable breaker-upper. I didn’t walk out on him. I didn’t cry. I didn’t use profanities or revisit any arguments or happy times we spent together to try and convince him he was making a mistake. I mean, if I wanted to I would have. But, for whatever reason, hearing this from Trev wasn’t a surprise. And, for whatever reason, I loved Trev as a friend long before I cared about him as a more-than-a-friend so I took comfort in this realization.
The rest of the dinner we spent discussing the terms of our break-up; laughing so loud we had to apologize to the tables around us.
I wasn’t really sure, and still am not, why Trev picked this day to tell me news of this nature. He was unaware of the day that I’d had, not that I would’ve wanted that to waiver any decision he made. But I didn’t do anything wrong. Actually I hadn’t even spoken to him that day until he called me.
After he finished his dinner we opened our fortune cookies from the waiter. His said, “You will be successful in both business and socially.”
“That’s funny,” I said, “Mine says ‘Trev Luk…is a dick.”
We hugged. We drove our separate ways.
Saturday, when I was on my way out the door to go to dinner with Casey, Trev called me to invite me to go to dinner with he and King. I have a very skewed perception of what ‘breaking-up’ actually means. Read this: “As I was walking out the door to go to dinner with my ex, my ex calls me and invites me to dinner.”
Casey took me out to tell me in person that he too would be leaving Lacy’s. He passed the interviewing process at FedEx and would be the youngest person employed by their flight department. When he turns 35 he’ll be making $250,000 a year and working MAYBE 12 days of the month. If my dating him before distracted him from this goal of his I now see that our parting ways was entirely worth it.
I could not be more proud of him.
Yesterday I went to a movie and to dinner with Trev. Both for which he paid for. Once again, I don’t know what breaking-up means. I always assumed it meant something entirely different from what I’ve learned.
I told Trev, then, about my day Friday. I made him feel guilty, and rightfully so. He said, “I’m sorry babe. I’m an asshole. I could’ve picked a better time to have done that.” I simply agreed then said, "I'm only joking." To which he said, "You know joking is, like, 10 percent true?" I said, "My joking is like 44 percent..."
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I cannot control people’s feelings they have, or do not have, for me. I tried to control them once and it made me miserable. As long as I don’t resist my own feelings, I’ve learned I can keep myself content. And that’s all I need, really; is to feel content.
“Life does not accomodate you, it shatters you. It is
meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed
destroys its container or else there would be no
fruition.”
I like the first part of this quote. If life were a presence, it’d be an evil one un-liked by many. It’s too un-reliable for my liking, at least.
This is what Trev said to me Friday evening over an impromtu dinner at the Chinese Restaurant down the street from both our homes. Well, it was his impromtu dinner. Since it was nearing 9 p.m., I’d already eaten hours prior.
Sorry if I didn’t respond to this statement. Sorry if my being escorted out of the office building I’d been employed at for nearly 3 years like a criminal earlier that day made this seem like small potatoes. Sorry if all I could come up with at the moment was, “Ok. I understand,” even though that’s what I meant.
I’m a professional amicable breaker-upper. I didn’t walk out on him. I didn’t cry. I didn’t use profanities or revisit any arguments or happy times we spent together to try and convince him he was making a mistake. I mean, if I wanted to I would have. But, for whatever reason, hearing this from Trev wasn’t a surprise. And, for whatever reason, I loved Trev as a friend long before I cared about him as a more-than-a-friend so I took comfort in this realization.
The rest of the dinner we spent discussing the terms of our break-up; laughing so loud we had to apologize to the tables around us.
I wasn’t really sure, and still am not, why Trev picked this day to tell me news of this nature. He was unaware of the day that I’d had, not that I would’ve wanted that to waiver any decision he made. But I didn’t do anything wrong. Actually I hadn’t even spoken to him that day until he called me.
After he finished his dinner we opened our fortune cookies from the waiter. His said, “You will be successful in both business and socially.”
“That’s funny,” I said, “Mine says ‘Trev Luk…is a dick.”
We hugged. We drove our separate ways.
Saturday, when I was on my way out the door to go to dinner with Casey, Trev called me to invite me to go to dinner with he and King. I have a very skewed perception of what ‘breaking-up’ actually means. Read this: “As I was walking out the door to go to dinner with my ex, my ex calls me and invites me to dinner.”
Casey took me out to tell me in person that he too would be leaving Lacy’s. He passed the interviewing process at FedEx and would be the youngest person employed by their flight department. When he turns 35 he’ll be making $250,000 a year and working MAYBE 12 days of the month. If my dating him before distracted him from this goal of his I now see that our parting ways was entirely worth it.
I could not be more proud of him.
Yesterday I went to a movie and to dinner with Trev. Both for which he paid for. Once again, I don’t know what breaking-up means. I always assumed it meant something entirely different from what I’ve learned.
I told Trev, then, about my day Friday. I made him feel guilty, and rightfully so. He said, “I’m sorry babe. I’m an asshole. I could’ve picked a better time to have done that.” I simply agreed then said, "I'm only joking." To which he said, "You know joking is, like, 10 percent true?" I said, "My joking is like 44 percent..."
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I cannot control people’s feelings they have, or do not have, for me. I tried to control them once and it made me miserable. As long as I don’t resist my own feelings, I’ve learned I can keep myself content. And that’s all I need, really; is to feel content.
“Life does not accomodate you, it shatters you. It is
meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed
destroys its container or else there would be no
fruition.”
I like the first part of this quote. If life were a presence, it’d be an evil one un-liked by many. It’s too un-reliable for my liking, at least.