(no subject)
Hello, nice to meet You all, friends, and to be there. I'm new here, ftm transgendered person from Poland, with a lot of aspie features. I can't identify the real reason of my social problems. Mabye it's because I'm trans or maybe it is something deeper in me. During childhood I had some obsessions, compulsions and obsessive interests like drawing genealogy trees of the greek gods and searching for new gods for my colleciton by reading dictionaries in the library. I was fascinated with drawing plans of islands, imaginary lands, apartments and gardens. I was interested in paranormal phenomena, science-fiction and mysteries of archeology. I have always been quite shy, in the adolescence my problems with the gender started when I realized that I wasn't like other girls. I had depressive states because of social problems and the incongruity for the role. I look at my body with sorrow, I would like to adapt it to my inner feelings but I will never do it, because of social reasons, the family and health effects. I would like to get to know You, through the long time I was alone with this problem. I have always wanted to face up to my ideals and a standard of the maleness was this ideal. I identified with male heroes of films and books. Being a woman makes me sad and dysphoric. This role doesn't permit me to express my inside and I could never find shared interests with other girls. Being a real, good man is my biggest desire, but I still feel not good enough. I am trying to fight my perfectionism and to accept myself and my imperfection. I never liked competition. I love animals and I'm interested in the world. I am quite naive and extremely truthful. I could try to change it, but it would be a fight against my nature. Greeting for all.
Karol
Karol