(no subject)
i never imagined myself to be this touchy
and to be touchy about topics that are so.. aahhh
i dont know whats wrong with me
im so scared because i feel like if i make one wrong turn, ill lose the people who trully matter
i feel like its sucha possiblity
ive been pushing everyone away
almost everyone but one person, because i admit it. im weak. i always need someone there with me
and i've been crying a lot
but the things that make me cry are movies and tv shows and everything else fake
i feel like im living such a fake life. likeim lying to myself. i have this fairytale dream set up for me, and everytime i see it around me, i think "what an idiot. you have created smth impossible for yourself"
what is wrong
why cant i be happy with reality?
its like that short story im writing. i had no idea it related so much to me. im writing about a french painter who paints abstract paintings and spends his whole life in this dream world that he created only to wake up and realize what he has missed in the real world.
i never meant the story to be so much like my life
it seems liek i tell u guys everyhting about myself, like m very open and expressive about my feelings? but i keep so much in
and right now, i dont know whether its a good thing
i keep so many things, feelings, thoughts to myself because if i were to open up, theywould hurt someone. so i keep it in.
is that a good thing? am i lying to you guys?
and why am i doing what im doing?
why am i skipping all these classes, why am i failing for the wrong boys, why am i doing things i was so against just last year?
i enjoy this new life i've created for myself, but thats not a good thing
because this new life means losing some essential parts of me that were from the old life
and possibly losing some friends
but i dont know how to stop
how do i stop destroying myself when i dont know if im actually destroying myself?
and why the fuck cant i write pretty words and sentences that actually make sense
reading over that, its jsut one thought flowing into the next one, random and unlinked.
im so messed up its beyond me how i ever became like this
how did this angel, pride and joy of her parents, become someone who gets yelled at every day by her parents for being a sucky daughter, and someone who does so much bad stuff??
and to be touchy about topics that are so.. aahhh
i dont know whats wrong with me
im so scared because i feel like if i make one wrong turn, ill lose the people who trully matter
i feel like its sucha possiblity
ive been pushing everyone away
almost everyone but one person, because i admit it. im weak. i always need someone there with me
and i've been crying a lot
but the things that make me cry are movies and tv shows and everything else fake
i feel like im living such a fake life. likeim lying to myself. i have this fairytale dream set up for me, and everytime i see it around me, i think "what an idiot. you have created smth impossible for yourself"
what is wrong
why cant i be happy with reality?
its like that short story im writing. i had no idea it related so much to me. im writing about a french painter who paints abstract paintings and spends his whole life in this dream world that he created only to wake up and realize what he has missed in the real world.
i never meant the story to be so much like my life
it seems liek i tell u guys everyhting about myself, like m very open and expressive about my feelings? but i keep so much in
and right now, i dont know whether its a good thing
i keep so many things, feelings, thoughts to myself because if i were to open up, theywould hurt someone. so i keep it in.
is that a good thing? am i lying to you guys?
and why am i doing what im doing?
why am i skipping all these classes, why am i failing for the wrong boys, why am i doing things i was so against just last year?
i enjoy this new life i've created for myself, but thats not a good thing
because this new life means losing some essential parts of me that were from the old life
and possibly losing some friends
but i dont know how to stop
how do i stop destroying myself when i dont know if im actually destroying myself?
and why the fuck cant i write pretty words and sentences that actually make sense
reading over that, its jsut one thought flowing into the next one, random and unlinked.
im so messed up its beyond me how i ever became like this
how did this angel, pride and joy of her parents, become someone who gets yelled at every day by her parents for being a sucky daughter, and someone who does so much bad stuff??