Social Avoidance?
Hi there! I've been watching the community with interest for a while, but this will be my first post. For context, I am autistic, female, 30-something, and too vain to disclose my exact age.
I’m not always very good with identifying the source of my own emotions and reactions, so I post this unsure of whether or not this is an autism-related issue which others have experienced, or something else altogether. Or if that sentence even makes sense.
I would not consider myself to suffer from social phobia in any conventional sense. My social skills are pretty developed, I can carry on interesting conversations with others and enjoy doing so, I’m reasonably articulate, and unafraid of public speaking. That being said, ever since I can recall - as young as six years old - I have had a very strong aversion to large-scale social situations. I enjoy spending time with friends, and even meeting new people, but mainly in smaller groups in casual, comfortable settings.
My problem seems to be with larger groups of people I don’t know well (or at all) in formal settings. This condition has always manifested for me most frequently in classroom settings. As a child, much of my aversion could be attributed to being the class “freak” and the butt of many a practical joke, but as an adult and a college student, this is no longer an issue. It remains, however, very difficult for me to feel enthusiastic about attending class, and I often skip classes or go to great lengths to strike up a bargain with professors which allows me to attend class minimally.
This is not simply a dislike of going to class, but a VERY strong compulsion to avoid that environment at any cost. I realize that much has been said and written about many individuals on the spectrum requiring and preferring less social time that non-spectrum individuals, but I don’t know to what extent this is a stereotype and I worry that my extreme, EXTREME dislike of the classroom environment is a symptom of something else.
I’m not even sure what, specifically, it is that I hate about academic environments. I love academic subjects. I love learning and sharing ideas with others. I’m a good student when I can actually force myself to attend more classes than I skip. But most mornings I wake up feeling that I’d rather suffer a broken leg, dysentery, or flesh-eating virus than deliberately bring myself to campus. I have also experienced this aversion when working for large-ish companies with somewhat hectic and social environments. So I suppose, in retrospect, that my problem is not strictly limited to classrooms.
Is this something anyone else has/does experience? If so, how do you handle it?
I’m not always very good with identifying the source of my own emotions and reactions, so I post this unsure of whether or not this is an autism-related issue which others have experienced, or something else altogether. Or if that sentence even makes sense.
I would not consider myself to suffer from social phobia in any conventional sense. My social skills are pretty developed, I can carry on interesting conversations with others and enjoy doing so, I’m reasonably articulate, and unafraid of public speaking. That being said, ever since I can recall - as young as six years old - I have had a very strong aversion to large-scale social situations. I enjoy spending time with friends, and even meeting new people, but mainly in smaller groups in casual, comfortable settings.
My problem seems to be with larger groups of people I don’t know well (or at all) in formal settings. This condition has always manifested for me most frequently in classroom settings. As a child, much of my aversion could be attributed to being the class “freak” and the butt of many a practical joke, but as an adult and a college student, this is no longer an issue. It remains, however, very difficult for me to feel enthusiastic about attending class, and I often skip classes or go to great lengths to strike up a bargain with professors which allows me to attend class minimally.
This is not simply a dislike of going to class, but a VERY strong compulsion to avoid that environment at any cost. I realize that much has been said and written about many individuals on the spectrum requiring and preferring less social time that non-spectrum individuals, but I don’t know to what extent this is a stereotype and I worry that my extreme, EXTREME dislike of the classroom environment is a symptom of something else.
I’m not even sure what, specifically, it is that I hate about academic environments. I love academic subjects. I love learning and sharing ideas with others. I’m a good student when I can actually force myself to attend more classes than I skip. But most mornings I wake up feeling that I’d rather suffer a broken leg, dysentery, or flesh-eating virus than deliberately bring myself to campus. I have also experienced this aversion when working for large-ish companies with somewhat hectic and social environments. So I suppose, in retrospect, that my problem is not strictly limited to classrooms.
Is this something anyone else has/does experience? If so, how do you handle it?