hey aspie girls...
I'm curious about something. For now, I'll abridge my own experience, because 1) it's kinda TL;DR and 2)I am not sure how much I want to share yet. But I was just wondering...how many of you identify slightly or completely outside of any or all aspects of the female ideals/gender identity? And how did this identity manifest itself as you were growing up? Has it solidified for you now or do you find that you're still fighting society's ideas of what a girl/woman is supposed to be?
I've fought the gender monster from day one and have yet to reach a happy place with it...certain events of the past have affected my perception of myself and my identity,pretty negatively. There is a lot of pain,awkwardness, and uncertainty surrounding me when it comes to my femininity (fun word! ininininin haha) or lack thereof. It is an insecurity that I sometimes think will never go away, and that makes me kinda sad. People, parents included, were very abusive to me about it when I was younger. I still get "sirred". The thing is, I tried to look more stereotypically girly last year...and felt even MORE awkward and out of place than I do naturally. I even hit a pretty serious FTM-questioning phase about a year and a half ago.
I like guys. I went through my gay phase and determined it was not for me. So, what the fuck? What's my deal, and do any other girls feel like they're always gonna be "the girl who looks/acts/walks/talks like a boy" no matter what, or no matter who theyre attracted to? It kinda bugs me sometimes. I have tried to fix myself and it doesn't work and I'm sure part of that is simply because *I* have no problem with my gender presentation...*other* people do! I say,"Screw them!" but somewhere inside, I still feel like, "Well, if I could just do what society wants and follow the godamn directions, maybe I wouldn't have this problem."
Sorry, that was long!
I've fought the gender monster from day one and have yet to reach a happy place with it...certain events of the past have affected my perception of myself and my identity,pretty negatively. There is a lot of pain,awkwardness, and uncertainty surrounding me when it comes to my femininity (fun word! ininininin haha) or lack thereof. It is an insecurity that I sometimes think will never go away, and that makes me kinda sad. People, parents included, were very abusive to me about it when I was younger. I still get "sirred". The thing is, I tried to look more stereotypically girly last year...and felt even MORE awkward and out of place than I do naturally. I even hit a pretty serious FTM-questioning phase about a year and a half ago.
I like guys. I went through my gay phase and determined it was not for me. So, what the fuck? What's my deal, and do any other girls feel like they're always gonna be "the girl who looks/acts/walks/talks like a boy" no matter what, or no matter who theyre attracted to? It kinda bugs me sometimes. I have tried to fix myself and it doesn't work and I'm sure part of that is simply because *I* have no problem with my gender presentation...*other* people do! I say,"Screw them!" but somewhere inside, I still feel like, "Well, if I could just do what society wants and follow the godamn directions, maybe I wouldn't have this problem."
Sorry, that was long!