Exhausted
Unfortunately the last few days, weeks, months have become exhausting, emotionally exhausting for too many reasons. I am barely into a year of work and my job is already sucking me dry and it is freaking me out. I think I realized after working in outpatient therapy that it just isn't the field of social work I am destined for, but I feel obligated to me clients because now I am invested in their lives, their personal lives for that matter. I guess it just goes to show that growing up and building a career is not all it is cracked up to be, their is no reason to rush to grow up. I remember when I was little and would dream about being older and now that I am I want time to standstill. Because of this job I feel it is aging me even quicker than time is. I am continuing to feel like I need to act much older than I am, one because I want to gain respect from others in this field (co-workers) that I deserve to be where I am even though I am only 24 and two because I want me client's to look at me as a peer, not their kid. I want to still do want I love, which is social work while still maintaining my sanity and my age. I want to be 24, not 44. Sooo, of course a new job is somewhere in my future in another area of this field so that I can change lives, like I have wanted to from the beginning, but also allow me to maintain my own personal relationships and my youth! It is nice to vent, I never get to do this because so many others are venting to me.
In lighter news, I am continuing to try and work on getting to the gym and eating right. I have gained weight in the last couple years, which isn't a bad thing, however I want muscle not fat! I have been working on going in the mornings before work because I seem to be more motivated then after 8 hours at work. Plus it helps to have Jon going as well, which gives me another reason to show up.
<3 K