FEET MAKE GENITALS HAPPY
Dear Mr. Genitals,
Lately I've been having a problem. When I'm shaving my feet, i get these little red bumps! They go away after a while, but when they do, I can see little rocketship shaped patterns on my feet. Recently I was looking at my grandfather's feet and I noticed he has little tatoos in the shape of rocketships!!!! could he have passed these down to me?
Sincerely,
Guy who goes Commando.
Dear Guy who goes Commando (I admire your integrity),
My first reaction was to swear at you in german. My assitant then pointed out that that might not have been the best solution to your problem.
I find that, while shaving my feet, a light salve applied first usually dioscourages irritation.
Take:
Blend on high for one business year. Reassure your neighbours that they were losing their hearing anyway, it's no biggie, and you don't really like them, and also they're quite fat. Maybe.
Leave to sit on top of the hightest point of the Andes desert, until quite congealed. Do not let it grow a skin on top. Proceed to rub this matter all over your greasy body.
I'm not sure if that will actually stop red spaceships from appearing, but not much will in this modern age, and you'll be so delighted with your newfound burning sensation you won't have time to think of shaving, grandfather or otherwise.
~Dr Genitals~
*Note: May contain peanuts.
Got A Problem With Genitals?
Lately I've been having a problem. When I'm shaving my feet, i get these little red bumps! They go away after a while, but when they do, I can see little rocketship shaped patterns on my feet. Recently I was looking at my grandfather's feet and I noticed he has little tatoos in the shape of rocketships!!!! could he have passed these down to me?
Sincerely,
Guy who goes Commando.
Dear Guy who goes Commando (I admire your integrity),
My first reaction was to swear at you in german. My assitant then pointed out that that might not have been the best solution to your problem.
I find that, while shaving my feet, a light salve applied first usually dioscourages irritation.
Take:
- 5 pieces of paper
- 1 lightly soiled trout
- your mother's face
- 5 gallons of olive oil
- 479.36 centipede legs
- 20 curtain rods
- a crusty coconut
- a lace bow
- memories of death*
- the love of 1000 mourning widows (this can be substitutied with a sprinkling of chopped parseley)
Blend on high for one business year. Reassure your neighbours that they were losing their hearing anyway, it's no biggie, and you don't really like them, and also they're quite fat. Maybe.
Leave to sit on top of the hightest point of the Andes desert, until quite congealed. Do not let it grow a skin on top. Proceed to rub this matter all over your greasy body.
I'm not sure if that will actually stop red spaceships from appearing, but not much will in this modern age, and you'll be so delighted with your newfound burning sensation you won't have time to think of shaving, grandfather or otherwise.
~Dr Genitals~
*Note: May contain peanuts.
Got A Problem With Genitals?