Embarrasing Medical Condition...
Paging Dr. AMA
I have recently been diagnosed with a rare condition called Hobengurb's Disease. Its symptoms include foul smelling and off-colored nasal drippage, excessive drooling and involuntary vaginal flatulence. My doctor, Dr. Angela Hurdsley of the Open Neomedical Institution Of Nations (ONION), has prescribed me an effective nasal spray which doesn't stop the drippage, but does control the foul odor and the off-coloredness. I have also gotten pretty handy at using my vintage embroidered handkerchief to catch the drool before too many people notice, but the involuntary vaginal flatulence still plagues me. Dr. Hurdsley suggested I try padding my vaginal area with tissue to deafen the sound, but this has worked to no avail. I have also tried wearing very tight clothing around my midsection, but this has only resulted in changing the tone. I am at a loss as to what to do. As you can imagine this can be very embarrassing in professional situations not only because of the disturbing sounds, but because of the the confusion people show when they realize that the sound is coming from my front side, and not my back side. Hobengurb's Disease is so rare that it is difficult to explain this to people during regular interactions. I wish I could find a solution to my problem. Have any of you suffered from involuntary vaginal flatulence? Do you have any helpful tips for dealing with this problem?
Thank you in advanced for your responses. Any advice you can give me would be very appreciated.
Edit: Serious responses only please. I did not expect members of this community to be so snarky. This is a serious condition. It is ruining my life! This is not an ability as the tags have implied (who put those there?). This is something I will never be proud of. Please don't add to my pain. I wish I was someone else not suffering from this problem. Maybe Rene Russo. She would not suffer from something like this.
I have recently been diagnosed with a rare condition called Hobengurb's Disease. Its symptoms include foul smelling and off-colored nasal drippage, excessive drooling and involuntary vaginal flatulence. My doctor, Dr. Angela Hurdsley of the Open Neomedical Institution Of Nations (ONION), has prescribed me an effective nasal spray which doesn't stop the drippage, but does control the foul odor and the off-coloredness. I have also gotten pretty handy at using my vintage embroidered handkerchief to catch the drool before too many people notice, but the involuntary vaginal flatulence still plagues me. Dr. Hurdsley suggested I try padding my vaginal area with tissue to deafen the sound, but this has worked to no avail. I have also tried wearing very tight clothing around my midsection, but this has only resulted in changing the tone. I am at a loss as to what to do. As you can imagine this can be very embarrassing in professional situations not only because of the disturbing sounds, but because of the the confusion people show when they realize that the sound is coming from my front side, and not my back side. Hobengurb's Disease is so rare that it is difficult to explain this to people during regular interactions. I wish I could find a solution to my problem. Have any of you suffered from involuntary vaginal flatulence? Do you have any helpful tips for dealing with this problem?
Thank you in advanced for your responses. Any advice you can give me would be very appreciated.
Edit: Serious responses only please. I did not expect members of this community to be so snarky. This is a serious condition. It is ruining my life! This is not an ability as the tags have implied (who put those there?). This is something I will never be proud of. Please don't add to my pain. I wish I was someone else not suffering from this problem. Maybe Rene Russo. She would not suffer from something like this.