Continuation from Last Post
They've been dating for six months now...their 6 month anniversary was on my birthday and he kind of made my party less about my sweet 16 and more about their 6 month. That kind of hurt but I got over it. He doesn't have a job...he's a farmer but does chores when my friend is busy...therefore, making it easier for him to spend time with her. I did talk to her last night and she kind of felt the same way. She hates his clingyness(the only thing she hates about him) and when she confronted him about it, he got mad and they got in an argument. That was their first argument ever. Another problem we have is that I'm seeing his friend. Neither of us want to ruin our relationships with them because of how much we like them, but it's harder for her because her boyfriend is so clingy and well my guy is not. He's independent which helps. I'm his first girlfriend as is my friends boyfriends, but the major difference is that my guy actually trusts me...I hate to say it but I truly believe that my friends boyfriend is just afraid that she will leave him, he doesnt really trust her. Whereas, my guy knows how much I like him and knows I won't do stupid things like I did in the past. I've learned from those and I just love that he trusts me.
Thanks for the advice, it helped a lot and I'm sure I'll have more dilemmas for you in the near future...I'm going to send my friends to your LJ!
Well, even though your friend's bold step in the direction of wanting to discuss this matter with her boyfriend caused some upset between them, he is at least now aware of the tension that his clingyness is causing.
He may or may not change his ways from now on. If he does, great! But let's think of the worst case scenario, which would be either that no changes are made, or that his behaviour increases. As I said before, it's just as important for a couple to spend time away from each other, doing their own things and living their own lives, as it is for them to be together and nurture a healthy, loving relationship. And since your friend does already mind his clingyness, I can guarantee there will be more confrontations and more arguments, more misunderstandings and upset, if her boyfriend does not make an effort to change. I'm sure she doesn't want to have to put up with it for another six months, but at the same time I'm sure she's not ready to just break up over it.
I found what you said about him, how he seems to be afraid that he'll lose her, to be a very important point.
If he really cares about her and doesn't want to lose her, he should realise that his behaviour may be a serious threat to his relationship with her. Once he thinks of it that way, he'll probably be more cautious and give in a little...
Another thing that I think adds to the irrational tone of his behaviour is the fact that you and your friend are both girls, and he shouldn't be afraid of losing her to you! Maybe if you were a guy friend or something, that would definitely be something for him to worry about...
But all in all, he is being immature. Not just in his clingyness, but also in handling the situation (which he doesn't seem to be doing at all). If he is also 16 or 17 years old, immaturity is not at all uncommon among boys of that age. I don't know if you've heard this before, but it's said that generally, girls mature faster and earlier than boys, and even applies to adults... so if she and he are around the same age, she is probably the more mature one, I am guessing?
In my own opinion, I've come to think over the years that most guys really are not ready to be in relationships til they're about 18. Maybe that is this guy's case, but I don't wanna stick it to him too much; I feel we've had not much of anything good to say about him!
You're lucky to have found a boyfriend who trusts you and understands that you need your space sometimes. Maybe even he can teach a thing or two to his friend, right? I'm sure that once he understands that the way he's acting is only hurting his relationship, he'll get better and ultimately, everyone will all get along and avoid similar problems in the future.
As you can see, my journal hasn't gotten much exposure yet.. so telling your friends about it is a great idea! I just hope I don't get swamped, either!
Thanks for the advice, it helped a lot and I'm sure I'll have more dilemmas for you in the near future...I'm going to send my friends to your LJ!
Well, even though your friend's bold step in the direction of wanting to discuss this matter with her boyfriend caused some upset between them, he is at least now aware of the tension that his clingyness is causing.
He may or may not change his ways from now on. If he does, great! But let's think of the worst case scenario, which would be either that no changes are made, or that his behaviour increases. As I said before, it's just as important for a couple to spend time away from each other, doing their own things and living their own lives, as it is for them to be together and nurture a healthy, loving relationship. And since your friend does already mind his clingyness, I can guarantee there will be more confrontations and more arguments, more misunderstandings and upset, if her boyfriend does not make an effort to change. I'm sure she doesn't want to have to put up with it for another six months, but at the same time I'm sure she's not ready to just break up over it.
I found what you said about him, how he seems to be afraid that he'll lose her, to be a very important point.
If he really cares about her and doesn't want to lose her, he should realise that his behaviour may be a serious threat to his relationship with her. Once he thinks of it that way, he'll probably be more cautious and give in a little...
Another thing that I think adds to the irrational tone of his behaviour is the fact that you and your friend are both girls, and he shouldn't be afraid of losing her to you! Maybe if you were a guy friend or something, that would definitely be something for him to worry about...
But all in all, he is being immature. Not just in his clingyness, but also in handling the situation (which he doesn't seem to be doing at all). If he is also 16 or 17 years old, immaturity is not at all uncommon among boys of that age. I don't know if you've heard this before, but it's said that generally, girls mature faster and earlier than boys, and even applies to adults... so if she and he are around the same age, she is probably the more mature one, I am guessing?
In my own opinion, I've come to think over the years that most guys really are not ready to be in relationships til they're about 18. Maybe that is this guy's case, but I don't wanna stick it to him too much; I feel we've had not much of anything good to say about him!
You're lucky to have found a boyfriend who trusts you and understands that you need your space sometimes. Maybe even he can teach a thing or two to his friend, right? I'm sure that once he understands that the way he's acting is only hurting his relationship, he'll get better and ultimately, everyone will all get along and avoid similar problems in the future.
As you can see, my journal hasn't gotten much exposure yet.. so telling your friends about it is a great idea! I just hope I don't get swamped, either!