Distant Best Friends and Their Clingy Boyfriends
I have a question...my friend and I used to be very close, then she got a boyfriend. He is very clingy and gets mad when he can't see her because she's hanging out with me. I'm always stuck being a third wheel because he always has to come with us wherever we go. How do I confront her about how I'm feeling with out her hating me? She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her.
You are definitely in the right position to be upset about this new situation. How long have they been dating? If it hasn't been that long yet, maybe the boyfriend's clingy-ness is just a temporary phase (you know how new couples can be for the first month or so) that will eventually pass once they've seen a bit too much of each other!
But if this is something that's been ongoing for a long time, and you're really about to start pulling your hair out, it would be wise to bring this up to your friend. And if she really is a true, good friend, she won't "hate" you for telling her how you feel about this. She will be glad you're concerned about your friendship together. She might even mention something to her boyfriend about it, and maybe, if you're really lucky, he'll understand and won't be so, well, selfish in the future. A good guy would never get mad because his girlfriend has other friends in her life. He should not expect your friend to just "dump" you for him. Cos you're not gonna let that happen!
Does he have a job? Maybe you two can make plans on getting together when he's at work, or busy doing anything else.
Either way though, I think the best thing, and the most mature thing to do would be to talk to your friend about it and let her know how slighted you feel as her best friend who's been pushed aside for this new guy. And as long as you don't sound whiney or like you're complaining about it or anything like that, I don't see how she could possibly get mad at you. But she should know that you feel hurt and that you're worried of losing her.
Also, does she seem to be OK with spending all her time with him and not you? Or do you think it bothers her too that you two don't hang out much anymore, but that she's too shy to bring it up to her boyfriend?
I'm sure that during the course of this relationship, she will still need you and want you to be around... that's when us girls need our girl-friends the most, right? She'll need someone to talk to and confide in, so I doubt she will let things just slip away.
Aaaand...
If he keeps up this behaviour, your friend is going to get pretty sick and tired of it, I can bet. No-one wants to feel like they're in a trap when they're in a relationship. Couples need time apart just as much as they need to be together, and if he insists on being with her 24/7, things will probably start to fall apart sooner or later.
Just remember..
Boyfriends are more or less temporary. They come and go and most of them are nothing more than passing phases until you meet "the one."
But best friends aren't something you that you try on like different pairs of shoes at the shoe store. If you and her have a strong foundation as best friends, chances are, you're not going to let some guy get in the way of that, and neither is she... and neither is he!
You are definitely in the right position to be upset about this new situation. How long have they been dating? If it hasn't been that long yet, maybe the boyfriend's clingy-ness is just a temporary phase (you know how new couples can be for the first month or so) that will eventually pass once they've seen a bit too much of each other!
But if this is something that's been ongoing for a long time, and you're really about to start pulling your hair out, it would be wise to bring this up to your friend. And if she really is a true, good friend, she won't "hate" you for telling her how you feel about this. She will be glad you're concerned about your friendship together. She might even mention something to her boyfriend about it, and maybe, if you're really lucky, he'll understand and won't be so, well, selfish in the future. A good guy would never get mad because his girlfriend has other friends in her life. He should not expect your friend to just "dump" you for him. Cos you're not gonna let that happen!
Does he have a job? Maybe you two can make plans on getting together when he's at work, or busy doing anything else.
Either way though, I think the best thing, and the most mature thing to do would be to talk to your friend about it and let her know how slighted you feel as her best friend who's been pushed aside for this new guy. And as long as you don't sound whiney or like you're complaining about it or anything like that, I don't see how she could possibly get mad at you. But she should know that you feel hurt and that you're worried of losing her.
Also, does she seem to be OK with spending all her time with him and not you? Or do you think it bothers her too that you two don't hang out much anymore, but that she's too shy to bring it up to her boyfriend?
I'm sure that during the course of this relationship, she will still need you and want you to be around... that's when us girls need our girl-friends the most, right? She'll need someone to talk to and confide in, so I doubt she will let things just slip away.
Aaaand...
If he keeps up this behaviour, your friend is going to get pretty sick and tired of it, I can bet. No-one wants to feel like they're in a trap when they're in a relationship. Couples need time apart just as much as they need to be together, and if he insists on being with her 24/7, things will probably start to fall apart sooner or later.
Just remember..
Boyfriends are more or less temporary. They come and go and most of them are nothing more than passing phases until you meet "the one."
But best friends aren't something you that you try on like different pairs of shoes at the shoe store. If you and her have a strong foundation as best friends, chances are, you're not going to let some guy get in the way of that, and neither is she... and neither is he!