Kathy wants to see my Kards

[ask_captainjack]

Dear Captain Jack: I respectfully request to see your business cards, as they must be made of awesome!

Hope you got to shoot something in the face today.

You are sexy-ly yours, Kathy

------------------------

Comments

[51stcenturyfox]

Oooh.

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.

[ask_captainjack]

Feels nice between your fingers huh!

The cards even smell like me. When I get a new box of 2500 I tuck it under my pillow for a few nights...to soak up the Harkness pheromones!

[51stcenturyfox]

So that's why Customs quarantined my present for four days.

They must have confiscated the cards for being a controlled sexy substance. Arg.

Diplomatic pouch next time?

[ask_captainjack]

SHIT. Pouch it is! QEII has a billion she lends me.

She says I'm her favourite. I think it's true because nobody else gets a pinch on the bum AND a cup of tea at Balmoral.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

for "Died" I put "Failed to live of natural causes" on the explanation paperwork.

In pink sparkly pen, I saw.

Stop posting the business card on craigslist, though. Do you have any idea how many times I've been almost-murdered by craigslist ad this month alone?

[ask_captainjack]

COME ON, Craigslist is awesome!

Almost Murdered is not at all like Murdered Murdered, you know.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

These punks are amateurs, it's true. One flash of the stun gun and they go down. It's just so time-consuming to have to haul them somewhere and leave a note for Heddlu explaining the Almost Murdered circumstances.

[ask_captainjack]

I suggested we send PC Andy for the initial meeting but you thought that was "cruel" and "unethical, Jack!"

[pure_morning_8]

You fucked DCI Swanson...?

[ask_captainjack]

OH YES! It was authoritative and hot and there were crushed linen slacks everywhere!!!!

Swanson likes to pretend she's over me, but I can see the lust behind her glare of disgust when I show up to solve one of her unsolveable crimes!

[pure_morning_8]

You can only pretend to be over Jack Harkness for so long. Then you just turn into Hart and write fanfictions about it.

[ask_captainjack]

LOL!!! Good one. Poor Hart.

[oh_doask]

Should have slipped me one from the newer stack before you tumbled into the hole!

JESUS JACK!

HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET YOU OUT WHEN I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR NUMBER?!

I hooked up with everyone in a military coat looking to find you! ALL THESE WOMEN WITH SMUG GRINS AND FAKE WRISTBANDS!

[ask_captainjack]

It was a "look", Hart. I set the trends, I don't judge them!

Girls look amazing in military coats, you can't blame me for that one!

[oh_doask]

They SNOG OTHER GIRLS IN SUITS!

I'm not complaining!

[ask_captainjack]

ME NEITHER.

How do we get Martha and Gwen into "period costume" huh?

You have some strange uncomfortable influence over Martha. USE IT WHY DON'T YOU?

[hab318princess]

May I respectfully remind you that Torchwood is supposed to be a secret organisation? Not that I don't like the cards but they seem to defeat the object. And giving cards to potential shags with the e-mail of your current lover is just distasteful and wrong! (and shagging Kathy even more)

[ask_captainjack]

HEY listen honey -- the cards don't say...

"TORCHWOOD: WE WIPE OUT ALIENS!"

That classified stuff I only put on my Livejournal.

I don't go around telling people in the street or in the bar!

And Ianto made my current cards so if you think they are distasteful, take it up with him.

[hab318princess]

It's not the cards that are distasteful - it's the fact that you give his e-mail address to your potential shags! That is just wrong!

[ask_captainjack]

Somebody has to qualify the shags!

Don't tell me you shag people without checking with your secretary first...!!! SERIOUSLY!?